Title: I is for INVISIBLE.
Author: too_beauty
Feedback: yes, please any kind of them will help me to improve my writing or leave it forever.
Pairing: Alexander & Hephaestion.
Rating: PG
Category: Historical AU.
Disclaimer: I don't know the people involved; A&H belonged to themselves and to History, if not Phai would be among us, living under my "protection".
No beta, so all mistakes are mine.
Hephaestion's life went around Alexander's as the planets travelled around the sun; the golden man's dreams were his dreams, his pain was his pain, his victories were his as well as his joy was his too.
But Alexander's love was not his alone anymore, he was sharing his heart with others and Hephaestion had seen the tiny hints that this would happen.
Long ago were the days at Mieza, the classes with Aristotle and the rides with Auburn and Bucephalus.
Long ago were the nights spent together under the covers, telling each other their dreams while children or sharing their bodies as teens and adults.
Hephaestion saw the end coming, and even though Alexander denied it and laughed at him because he was very dramatic, the brunette General prepared himself for the outcome.
Hephaestion was always by the King's side, not only during meals and banquets but also during the war meetings; he was always in silence, resting his majestic frame on a wall, his arms crossed onto his chest and looking around the room where his Companions were gathered; from that position, he used to assess their reactions, their loyalty or the lack of it; he was so accustomed to this position that, with the coming of the years, he started to lose his own glow and became a shadow of the king and … of himself.
Hephaestion knew he had to regain his own being but it was difficult, his life was so melt with the king's that he had no more his own aim in life. However, this had allowed him to do things for his king without being noticed.
The biggest problem he had to face was when people stopped criticizing, speaking behind his back or hating him; that was the moment when he became invisible and if you were not seen, you were forgotten, and if you were forgotten, you ceased to exist.
Hephaestion became the invisible man, even though he was always present, but his voice had become a murmur, a mere whisper, so weak that it wasn't heard anymore; his body which was always slender and proudly standing in its full height, had become hunched and so it lost that thing that made everybody looked at him whenever he walked by; hence no longer noticed.
Hephaestion's only relief was that Alexander knew he was still there, by his side, keeping his loyalty and love alive.
But the last and strongest blow to his life came from the King himself. Alexander took Hephaestion for granted and so he became careless because he assumed his General would understand what he was doing but Hephaestion felt belittled and sad.
When Craterus insulted him and Hephaestion answered back trying to reinforce his manliness, the King spat those seven fateful words: "For without my favours, you are nothing". Those words made Hephaestion's world come to ruins and since that moment, his invisibility became permanent, and slowly, little by little, he faded away.
Aphrodite saw with sorrow how her beloved follower became darker, insignificant and worthless.
"Hephaestion, what has happened to you, my dear?"
"I have just disappeared" the former Philoalexandros replied.
"Why?"
"I have become useless …."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, my goddess, but it is fine, I saw this coming."
"What will you be now?"
"A brown leaf in fall, a snowflake in winter, a bird in spring and warm light in summer"
"Don't you want to be human again?"
"NO, it is too painful …."
"Well, so that will be …"
Alexander was giving an end to the meeting and asked:
"Any other thing you think it's important to know, Hephaestion?" and turned round to his left when he heard no answer.
"Where is Hephaestion?" the king asked.
"Wasn't he in his corner?" Craterus said.
"No, there was that tiny bird you made leave but now that you mention, I don't remember seeing him during the meeting?" Ptolemy said.
"But he knew about it, didn't he, Alexander?" Perdicas asked.
"Eh … yes, but was he at breakfast?" the King asked. " Go and ask Stephanos about his Master" Alexander said to the page who was standing at the door and frightening away the little bird again.
Stephanos arrived some minutes later, his eyes were red rimmed and he couldn't look at his king into the eyes.
"Where is General Amyntor?" Alexander asked.
"He is not in his chamber, he disappeared some days ago Sire, before the spring came."
"Disappeared? What are you saying? He wouldn't leave without a word for me" Alexander said nervously.
"You left him, Sire" Stephanos said blushing.
"How dare you accuse me of leaving him? Explain yourself" the king demanded.
"He had been feeling unwell for such a long time and I couldn't help him, he also prohibited me telling you about his problems and so I was the only witness of him fading away. Only some strange and eternal snowflakes remained now in his chamber window" Stephanos added.
"Leave me alone, go out from here!" the king shouted, falling onto his knees.
When the king was alone, in his chamber, he started to think and he couldn't remember when had been the last time he talked to his lover. A pang of remorse stabbed his heart because his last memory about Hephaestion was long time ago, around the time of his fight with Craterus. And the king cried, cried desolately because he had lost their memories together.
Aphrodite came in his dream that night, dream that was induced by heavy drinking.
"Alexander, my king, why are you unhappy?"
"My soul mate is missing"
"Who is he, my dear? I see your slim Bagoas sleeping next to you"
" Bagoas? My goddess, he is Hephaestion!! My sweet Aphrodite, he is my better half" the king affirmed.
"Ah! And where did you leave him, my golden boy?"
"I don't know" and he cried louder "I really need him back."
"He's gone Alexander and he is not coming back, he was too broken and loveless."
"But he can't leave me, I love him." Alexander assured.
"No, Alexander, you don't love him the way he needs and that is why he left, he gave you many hints but you didn't pay attention and so … he became invisible."
"How do I get him back?"
"Search your heart, my dear, and you'll find the answer there, if there is any." the goddess suggested and disappeared.
And the young king looked inside his heart but he saw nothing because it was dark and full of false feelings.
And he became desperate and desperation brought illness and illness brought a death wish.
Alexander was lying on his death bed, his eyes clouded by the fever and pain but his ears were still able to listen to his generals, who were bullying each other and discussing who was going to be Alexander's successor, and so in that moment, Alexander realized what Hephaestion had felt, being ignored by his companions and his lover, and suffered himself that invisibility, and when he was alone, tired of battling against it and about to lose that fight, he felt a warm light coming from the corner of the room and a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Alexander lifted his gaze and he met the most wonderful blue eyes of all, those he had been missing so much.
- "My Phai" Alexander whispered "where were you my love?"
- "Beside you, as always, but you couldn't see me." the brunette man answered.
-"Why not? Why did you hide from me?"
- "I didn't hide from you; you forgot my existence so I didn't have a reason to exist."
- "But I needed you as I need you now and always. I am so sorry. Could you please come back
to me?" the king whispered with a broken voice.
"Will you remember me? Will you create new memories with me?" Hephaestion asked.
"I will, I promise you that, I've seen and suffer myself and I won't let this happen again, love"
"So that will be" Hephaestion replied, smiling at his beloved Alexander.
"What are you discussing, Generals? Can't you see that your King is just ill and not dying? Haven't you realized that he is just exhausted of your bickering?"
"Hephaestion? Where were you? We haven't seen you" Craterus said.
"I was here, as always, in my corner, watching how you were trying to get a hold of something that is not yours. Now, leave me alone with my King, we have some serious matters to discuss"
"And who are you to tell us what to do?" Craterus asked.
"I am General Hephaestion, son of Amyntor, proud Macedonian Companion and Philoalexandros, do I need to add something else?" the brunette man said with a new strength in his calm voice.
Craterus went out of the room, murmuring against the gorgeous general, his good looks and his milky tights.
Ptolemy, on the other hand, approached Hephaestion, who was whipping his king's forehead with a wet towel, and giving a squeeze on his shoulder, said:
"Welcome back Hephaestion and really happy to hear your voice again."
"Thanks Ptolemy, it's good to be back" Hephaestion replied smiling.
"Don't leave him ever again, he is nothing without you" he added.
Alexander looked at Ptolemy first and then to Hephaestion and murmured:
"That's true! I am nothing without you and you won't be invisible again." the king murmured.
"Don't worry, Alexander, we are both sides of the same coin, we can't be complete without the other." And saying that, the brunette man got his full glow back; his invisibility retracted to the furthest spot in his heart and a new era began.