I loved them kissing in public, if only it was real and we were getting the stendan relationship we all want.
Playing me
"Did you mean what you said about changing?"
"Every word"
"Okay then"
"No not like before right"
"Of course"
"Brendan, if we do this, it's got to be different this time okay; I've got to be equal. That control goes or I am."
"Okay steven"
"None of this silent partner stuff either, that deli's got to be mine right, it's the only way"
"And Douglas?"
He kissed me but did I believe him? Did I really think that it was going to be that easy to get him to be with me? Yeah okay first of all I thought it would but deep down I knew that nothing with us would be that simple. I should have felt happy that he kissed me but I wasn't and when I tried to kiss him again after he spoke to Amy he pulled away. All he wanted was for me to sign the deli away to him. I knew then that something wasn't right but I went along with it. This was Steven and he's just not capable of double crossing me, or so I thought. So I had to think quickly, I called in a favour from an old solicitor friend I had. I explained the situation to him briefly, he knew what I needed. I had to make Steven believe that the papers we were about to sign were genuine. Does he really think I'm that stupid, does he really think I'm going to give young loves dream eighty thousand pound just like that, with nothing for me in return? I really hope I'm wrong, I hope he does want to be with me, but something just doesn't feel right.
"You sign, I sign"
"You're not going to hurt me again are ya?"
"I'm done using my fists. You sign, I sign"
"That's not what I meant"
"I'll look after ye. I promise"
"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to buy me"
"I'm setting him free. Come on sign"
Once the solicitor leaves I'm on him straight away, I want him, he is so beautiful, but again he breaks the kiss. I know that he is using me now; he could never resist me before.
"Right Brendan, I own a business now. I need to get back before Amy kills me"
"We've got all the time in the world Steven"
He smiled at me but I could see it was a half-hearted smile. When did he learn to be so sly and devious? I almost believed him. I had to laugh otherwise I might just cry. He must feel so proud of himself thinking that he's got one over on me. Still we'll see who will have the last laugh. After he left the club I went back to the flat I saw a letter that was pushed under the door, it was his writing.
Dear Brendan
This is a love letter. Im writing it because im happier than I've ever been, your actions in the last few days have had a life changing effect on me; they made me feel stronger than I ever have before. You decided that you wanted me and you claimed me as your own. You beat every last bit of self respect out of me until I didn't know who I was anymore. Do you know how long it takes to get over that? I started to wonder if that day would ever come, but it turns out…its today. Like I said this is a love letter but it's not to you. Your money's gone; you'll never get it back. And that goes double for me.
Ste
I knew it, how could he do this when I'd come so far. I'd shown him how much I loved him; I'd kissed him in public. I'd been everything he'd ever wanted me to be. I was just too late, I'd missed my chance. I had never felt so hurt in my whole entire life, no one got to me the way he did, and after this no one ever will. I don't know why I even bothered to open up in the first place. At least I didn't give him the deli, maybe I should have he's made it clear that he is over me, what is the point in holding on to him when all he wants to do is be free of me for good. I know that I'd brought this on myself but I never imagined him falling for someone else.
So is this the end for us?
I just don't know anymore, I will do whatever it takes to get him back, lying, cheating I'd even kill again if I had to. I told him once that he would always be in my head that still hasn't changed. I loved him back then and I love him still. I'm so use to being in control; he was right when he said he was a puppet to me. It's always been me playing him, how things have changed, this time he's playing me.
so gutted about tonight's episode, please review :) xxxxxxxxx