Romantics v.s. Enlightened
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
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AN: Most of the dialogue of this chapter was written by Wolvenstrom
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Stop me if you've heard this before.
My name is Dipper Pines.
... DON'T actually stop me there. Trust me it's not the same old.
The girl next to me who looks ready to throw up is my twin sister Mabel.
"CHOCOLATE FUDGE SYRUP…
"With *Hurp* sprinkles." Mabel mumbled
"...WITH SPRINKLES BLAST!"
The other girl next to me blasting said horror with pressurized confectioneries is Star Butterfly. She's a magical princess from another dimension.
The last part needs context and is probably more interesting than the rest of what I'm about to tell you, so I'll leave that to the end so you don't tune out everything else.
It all started on the first day of summer. Our parents got it into their heads that we spent too much time in the house and needed some fresh air. So they decided to send us to live in the middle of the woods in the middle of nowhere, in a little known town named 'Gravity Falls'
What we didn't know was that the day before, our long lost uncle had already made arrangements with another couple who were having the same thoughts as our parents.
"Ok. You mind running that by me again?"
The couple standing in front self professed Man of mystery rolled their eyes.
"We are King River and Queen Moon Butterfly."
"Queen Moon and King River Butterfly dear."
"Right right. Queen River and King Moon Butterfly of the magical land. Here to bestow upon you the guardianship and responsibility over our daughter."
"The future queen Star Butterfly."
"The poor dear has recently came into a rather important heirloom, which unfortunately due to her…...eagerness has resulted in a rather tenuous situation back home."
"So we decided that she might benefit from some time away from home. For the sake of self betterment."
"Uh huh." Stan look bored. Like he was watching one of those cheesy old sci-fi movies he'd seen fifty times yet Soos insisted they watch. "So basically you gave a kid whose probably one candy bar away from diabetes a box of matches, get surprised when something catches fire, then decide to ship her off to as far away as possible before the locals lynch her"
The opulently dressed couple glance at each other.
"In so many words."
"River!"
Stan stares at the two, moving his line of sight over to the girl in the fro-fro gown who was staring at the 'gen-u-ine' mermaid skeleton he had on the mantelpiece with starry eyed wonder.
"Any reason you two decide on most isolated house in quite possibly the most isolated town in the country?"
"And I mean beyond 'If she burns it down, it's only one house with one old man'."
"This has the highest concentration of extra normal activity in your country. While placing Star in what passes for a 'normal' population center on this planet might draw un-needed attention. Here anything Star is likely to do can simply be passed off as one of the town's many mysteries."
"You being the notorious 'man of mystery' of this town. We had assumed that you would be uniquely suited to handling Stars needs."
Stan leaned back in his chair. Twirling a pen between his fingers like a pro while he Rubbed his chin, which he only ever did when he wanted to look like he was in deep thought.
"See. Here's the thing. I'd certainly 'like' to help you folks out. But you see this " He gestures to the entire room in all it's peeling wallpapered, foul smelling rugged, cobwebs in every corner glory "Is hardly suitable accommodations for a 'princess'. And while I'm sure your 'little darling' would love to live in my museum of wonder for a period of time you have yet to disclose. I'm afraid I simply can't afford it."
The shorter man snapped his fingers.
The door opened and a large, old timey chest was lifted in.
Stan was out of the chair and hugging the container like a life line before anyone even had to open it. Practically smelling the precious metal inside.
"Does five times your weight in gold sound about right?"
"Well I 'suppose' it will do. This should just barely cover the bill I suppose. Welcome to the mystery shack kid. You will not regret this"
"YAY! I get to spend two months in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere!" If anyone else n the history of forever had said that then it would have been a sarcastic statement. Star however was physically incapable of sarcasm.
The moment the royals were out of site. Stan yelled back into the house.
"Soos. Get the Raccoon's out of the guest bedroom."
"But you said anthony and his family could stay until your great niece and nephew arrive. Little guy got kicked out of his burrow."
"Wait, what?"
"OH SHIIIIIIIIII"
Star smiled up at him
"...IIIIIIIIEEEERBERT! My love of enormous piles of money made me forget about the kids!"
Dipper and Mabel were rather grateful that their great uncle had the foresight to send someone to help them with their luggage, seeing as Mabel had cam e to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to get anymore arts and craft supplies while here so had taken it upon herself to stuff enough wool, glitter and colored paper to last all summer into the case.
Dipper had been enjoying, and not enjoying a seemingly unending series of surprises over the past few days.
Finding out he was going to be spending summer living/ working at his great uncles barley standing shack in the middle of po-dunk nowhere was certainly a bad one. While the cute cashier in the gift shop was a pleasant one.
Finding a mysterious book of mystery started out as a hugely pleasant one, but as he went over every page a chill slowly crept further and further up his spine. Zombies, Poltergeists, wood giants, gnomes, witches...and more. They all lived within spitting distance of the town deep within the woods, and the house itself was practically 'in' it. It thrilled the mystery hunter inside him, and positively terrified the little boy outside of him. His inner self had one put, but he knew he'd be careful and not jump at every shadow, because that's attracts shadow jumpers.
However even with all the varying levels of surprise he'd been bombarded with, Star Butterfly took the cake.
I mean, why would anyone 'pay' to have their daughter live at the Mystery Shack?
Dipper stared at the rainbow the 'magic princess from another dimension' had made with a wave of her hands. At least until Soos sprayed it with a fire extinguisher.
Star wasn't pleased "Heeeey. It didn't go up this time!"
The radical handyman shrugged "It was probably gonna."
Star huffed "Was not!"
Wendy looked at her over her magazine.
Star dropped her head "Ok yeah, it probably was."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Everyone grabbed their ears in pain.
A nearby window cracked.
The statue of shardapus, the totally real monster squid made up of broken glass that hunts those that break bottles instead of recycles them turned into powder.
Mabels brain caught up with her body, and the girl that had been holding her cheeks in an expression of pure childlike wonder for the past 30 seconds let out an ear piercing squeal.
"-EEEEEEEE! ICANTBELIEVEITYOURAREALMAGICPRINCESSOHTHISISTHEBESTDAYEVERTAKE METOYOURFAIRYKINGDOMSOWECANALLRIDEUNICORNSANDEATMARSHMALLOWSINCHOCOLATEWATERFALLSANDWHEREBIGPOOFYDRESSESANDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACK! HACK COUGH COUGH"
Everyone watched the be-sweatered girl double over and start coughing up a lung. Holding her mid section while her brother rubbed her back.
"See, this is why you couldn't go to that Oh Boyz concert back home."
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Glossaryck slapped his face and turned to Omnitraxus Prime... "For the love of pudding- ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS MAKE SURE THAT STAR ENDED UP IN ECHO-CREEK!" He shouted angrily as he gestured to the now tangled mess of a timeline...
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TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.
But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?
Love me, flame me, review me