One, Sweet Moment
Brittany walked away from you with three simple words:
"Nothing lasts forever."
It was the summer between your junior and senior year, and it felt like your relationship had finally begun to blossom with only the two of you in it. It was like a dream, too sweet and too wonderful to be your waking moments, with her convincing you day after day that everything was in fact reality. Some moments, you would let fear grip you, sneaking in along the edges until your heart was racing and tears were pricking in your eyes. She was far too good to be true, the thought playing like a broken record in your mind, but you promised her that you wouldn't run again and she kissed away your apprehensions.
But then, one day, it was all gone. She walked away from you like you meant no more to her than all those guys she slept with, like you were a plaything she'd grown tired of. She didn't even bother to think that kissing Mike right in front of you might hurt. You knew that she had never loved you the way that you loved her, she was just good at pretending. It hurt more than anything else to know that you were never her dearest, to learn that she fell out of love as easily as she fell in it. It wasn't that easy for you, the pain making life feel dull around the edges, but you pushed on. You pushed on because you promised her that you'd never run away again. As twisted as it was, you still loved her, so you made certain to keep it. Even when your reasoning began to fade from 'I love her' to 'I loved her, once,' you made sure you kept your promise.
After all, Brittany was the one who taught you that your gut feelings were usually right. You owed her.
Rachel saved you from yourself, if only for a few months. She was sweet and nice, albeit self-centered and sometimes annoying, and once again you found yourself relishing every minute you spent with her. It was for different reasons than with Brittany, though, because you had no hopes of a future with both of you in it. You didn't dream of moving in with Rachel, or proposing, or raising children with her. Your relationship had an expiration date from the day it began.
Your dread hung over you like a dark cloud every day, although it was easy to get lost in Rachel and forget that it was there. It was not until graduation day when you saw Rachel, bright and beaming, with her fathers taking pictures that the full weight of the situation dropped on your shoulders. Tears burned in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall, not in front of everyone. You bit down hard on your cheek until you tasted blood, reminding yourself that you always knew she would have to leave. It just never struck you that she would have to leave and you would have to stay behind, stuck in Lima.
Her hands traced hot patterns across your bare stomach, lips like coals against your neck, teeth already having left their final marks. She was naked, pressed fully against you, like she was trying to get as close as she could for as long as she could before her plane took off the next morning. You were pretty sure that you started crying first, tears turning in to full body sobs that even Rachel's tightest embrace couldn't ease away. Her tears slicked the skin of your shoulder as they dripped from her cheeks, warm and then cool, making you cry harder.
"We knew that I'd have to leave…"
"I know."
Rachel hadn't expected you to respond, the room silent except for the gentle sniffling coming from you and soft tears from her. You knew, as she wept softly into the nape of your neck, that you loved her. You loved her from the first time you kissed, your body and mind affirming what your heart had been insisting.
"Nothing lasts forever, right?" She mumbled against your skin, making your heart skip a beat just to be trapped under the weight of your dread. You knew that she said it more for her sake than your own, drilling the thought deep into both of your chests.
You spent the rest of the night curled tightly against each other, wishing that you had more time, wishing that the sun would never rise and that she would never have to leave, wishing for so much more that you knew you could never have. The sun rose, as it did every morning, and you watched her walk through security with her carry-on, tears shining bright in her eyes as they were in yours.
You didn't regret your time with her, not like you did with Brittany, but you did regret every moment you spent scared of the day that she would have to walk away from you. Every time she called you or emailed you for years after, she'd end the conversation with a simple 'I love you,' and you didn't have it in you to point out how inappropriate it was.
After all, Rachel taught you to give up your bitterness and just be thankful for everything you had. You owed her.
Quinn was unexpected.
You'd taken Addison for the day, letting Quinn have some time to relax and do all the things she couldn't do with a five year old running around the house. You always enjoyed spending time with the little girl, even though Quinn teased you mercilessly about it. You'd changed a lot since high school, but you both agreed that it was for the better, albeit somewhat reluctantly on your part. You were softer, smoother around the edges. You stopped running and started facing your problems. You grew up.
So did Quinn, but she had a whole two years on you. The birth of her daughter changed her, much in the same way that being out of high school changed you. You used to mock her for it, but now it was nothing less than endearing. Every so often, you were caught off guard by startlingly intense waves of adoration for her, but they were easy to push to the side. She had her daughter to care for, you had community college and work to worry about. Neither of you had the time or the energy to get tangled up in one another, you convinced yourself. It was easier just to stay friends, to not risk the only valuable support system you both had for something that probably wouldn't work out.
By the time you brought her daughter home, she could barely keep her eyes open. Quinn put her to bed right away, leaving you both alone in the kitchen. You were leaning against the counter as she busied herself with making tea, the countertop cool against the warmth of your back.
"I'm glad she likes you, S, I don't know what I'd do if she didn't." Quinn spoke without looking back at you, despite the fact that your eyes were fixated on her. "I mean, most people don't really like you…"
"I think it's more that I don't like most people." You replied, arms crossed over your chest as she carried over a cup of tea, setting it down on the counter beside you when you didn't reach out to take it from her. "I like my family, Addison, and you, and that's about it."
It was only when you'd finished speaking that you realized just how close she was standing to you, and how her eyes were focused on your lips far too intently for it to be an accident. You uncrossed your arms as her gaze caught yours, intense in a way that you hadn't seen for years.
"Quinn-" You barely managed to speak her name before being muffled by a soft pressure that you quickly realized was her lips pressed against yours. Any coherent thought in your head slipped away as you began to kiss her back, a hint of warm vanilla on your tongue as she gently took your bottom lip between her teeth. Your arms slipped around her waist as Quinn's took their place on both sides of you, bracing her weight on the countertop.
It was ages before she tore her lips from yours, panting as heavily as you were, her cheeks flushed an adorable pink. Your fingers were still clutching her lower back like your life depended on it, keeping her body pinned flush against yours. You still remember the way Quinn's eyes looked when she caught your gaze. Dark, heavy, full of lust and need and something that you figured out later was love.
"Do you want to stay the night?" She asked, breath hot against your swollen lips. You simply grinned in return.
Quinn asked you much later about why you never told her what you were feeling, after you'd moved in with her and let her inside your defenses. You answered without hesitation.
"I didn't want to risk our friendship, especially not with my track record when it comes to relationships." It's a light-hearted comment, despite the painful memories it came with. Quinn felt it, too, the momentary anger and sadness, you knew she did. It was gone as quick as it came in both of you.
"Our friendship would've changed eventually, you know. Nothing lasts forever…" Quinn whispered, breath tickling your ear. You'd never told her how much weight those words carried in your heart and in your mind, how you associated them with the major moments your life fell apart. You knew she felt you tense up beneath her, though, because she propped herself up and gave you a chaste kiss on the lips before returning her head to its previous spot on your shoulder. "I think it's what gets us to where we need to be."
You didn't realize until you were much older how significant that conversation would be. It gave those three words a different meaning, made them a signal of beginning rather than of ending. They became a reminder of the necessity of change. After all, those three words were ultimately what shaped your life. They were the reason you were in bed with Quinn, feeling truly happy and content for the first time in your life. You grinned at her through the darkness as you rolled onto your side, kissing her soundly on the lips, basking in the way she pressed her body against yours and moaned softly into your mouth.
You made a mental note to call and thank Rachel and Brittany because, god, you really owed them.