Written for Lady Phoenix Fire Rose's Fudge's Humiliation Competition of the HPFC.
Cornelius Fudge, soon to be the Junior Minister in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, stared down at the two newest Auror trainees. The two men sat with their shoulders slumped, looking at the ground. The man sitting on the left had uncommonly untidy black hair and glasses and shaking shoulders that could only suggest that he had been absolutely overcome with remorse…or silent laughter.
James Potter almost felt like he was back at Hogwarts although Fudge's glares had nothing on McGonagall. It was more the effort not to laugh outright. Even though James was looking everywhere but at Fudge, he still was having a hard time minimizing the snickering. Just imagining Fudge died completely pink was one thing, knowing he and Sirius had accomplished the vibrant shade was another.
The shade was something even Umbridge wouldn't be able to top. She might just die of shame. The Marauders (or if James was honest with himself, only Sirius and himself) were trying to come up with the ultimate revenge for that biased toad. Umbridge was horrible, ugly too, and she was telling her hatred of "half-breeds" to anyone who would listen. Umbridge would definitely be part of their next prank. But first they had to talk their way out of this one.
James elbowed Sirius. Sirius always was able to lie better under pressure.
"I'm sorry, Mister Fudge but we have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," Sirius said finally making eye contact with the very pink and agitated victim.
James almost wanted to applaud Sirius. There was nothing Fudge loved more than being in control of the situation. Playing the "innocent card" would give them a few guarded days of suspicion but most likely nothing more.
"Gentlemen," Fudge's eyes narrowed slightly, "I'm quite sure you've noticed my rather unforgettable appearance."
Then again, no one ever seemed to view the Marauders as innocent. James tried to provide some sort of excuse. "I'm so sorry sir. I had just assumed you had encountered a mishap on the job. Although it is unfortunate that an accident would happen the day of your first press conference officially accepting your new position. The miscreants who-"
"Enough! You may think I have not heard of your troublesome ways at Hogwarts. You however are mistaken. Mischief was caused everywhere you went. I will not have you reeking havoc on my Ministry." Fudge's voice rose with every word.
Sirius paused as if waiting for more accusations. "We have not reeking havoc on your oh-so-precious Ministry. James and I arrived the same time we do everyday, to continue practicing in the Aurors' shooting range."
James continued the story effortlessly. He knew exactly what Sirius was thinking. "Our standard procedure, end of training evaluations are steadily approaching. We want to be prepared to join and continue to do the noble work of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement." James rolled his eyes. This seemed utterly pointless but Fudge would cave over backwards anytime something within the Ministry was popular, like he himself had put it there. A little flattery never hurt. "The battle with You-Know-Who will require anyone able and willing. We have to be prepared."
Fudge was beginning to look flustered. "Is there anyone that can prove this claim?"
Sirius and James shrugged. "There's no one who can say otherwise."
"Since we are relying solely on opinions I'm sure you wouldn't mind staying in my office while I attend my press conference, as a precautionary measure only."
James and Sirius nodded stiffly. Fudge strode across the office floor. He locked the door on his way out, pausing only several seconds. Fudge shook his head as if to clear it. He couldn't possibly be hearing laughter inside the room.
"I can't believe he actually fell for that."
"We always knew he was a bumbling git. Flattery always works."
"You say that like we've done this before."
"Well, we're definitely doing it again."
"Agreed. This'll be hard to top."
"Do you think Moony will help next time?"
"Not unless we have an actual reason next time. He was annoying me doesn't count."
"Fudge annoys everyone, Prongs, on a daily basis. He got what was coming."
"How long do you think it will take him to realize there's more to the potion?"
"Hopefully not until he's in front of everyone. That way there's no time to stop it."
At the prospect of the remainder of the prank, the two Marauders burst into laughter once again.
After several minutes, James offered, "We can watch. I have the clock." He reached into his bag and pulled out the silvery cloth that had saved them on so many other occasions.
The two men, closer than brothers, shared identical grins.
Fudge hoped his glamour charms would hold long enough to get through the meeting. He had to make a proper first impression. Pink dye was most definitely not a good first impression. All was going well though. The reporters had asked him questions well within his ability to answer and no one had suspected any strange happenings.
"Now that you are going to be officially confirmed as the new Junior Minister in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, how do you plan on keeping the Muggles unaware?"
"There has always been berry blue babbling bunches of baboons." Fudge said smiling kindly at the reporter.
"I'm sorry I must have misunderstood you Mister Fudge."
"After undiscovering disco diving drivers driving under Disillusionment charms-"
"Fudge, you're talking absolute nonsense."
"Purple pineapples can tap dance."
The reporters shared nervous glances. A younger woman with curly blonde hair avidly took notes on a Quick Quotes quill and nearly screeched with delight when the glamour charms began to fail.
Cornelius Oswald Fudge had never been more displeased to read the Daily Prophet after spying the front page. "Babbling Baboon of a Man Taking Position of Junior Minister in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes" was displayed over a picture of a very pink Fudge.
Author's Note: The goal of the competition was to humiliate Fudge greatly and completely. I hope I captured that.
I also just wanted to apologize to my FVGR readers. I've been slightly preoccupied with real life, finals, writer's block and my original writing. Hopefully when school lets out I'll have some updates.