Memories
By: Colleen Kiely
I sat in my chair, gazing outside at the starry night sky, and thinking. It was to calm of a night. It did not match the atmosphere that had developed around the wizarding world. The war had begun, innocent people were going to die and only one boy could stop it. So many events replayed over in my head but I could not show any worry or dismay. I had more important things on my mind even if the murder of my former boss and the only man who was willing to give me a second chance by my own hand, hung heavily in the back of my mind making me feel guilty and regretful.
From down the hall I heard the creaking of floorboard and the closing of a door. I got up and grabbed my wand. I slowly made my way down the hall, wand raised. To my right I saw a cracked open door with a light on on the other side. I made my way over and slowley pushed over the door with my hand. I pointed my wand inside the room. "Ahh!" I heard a woman scream. "Severus what are you doing?" I lowered my wand. "Sorry Colleen" I said lowering my wand and opening the door more. A tall slender woman stood in front of me, clutching a towel around her body. "You're lucky I didn't have my wand on me or I could have blasted you away by accident" she said.
The woman standing in front of me was a lot of things. Former college, writer, dancer, artist, great witch but most of all she was the love of my life, my reason for living. "I thought you were asleep" I said putting my wand back inside my robes. "I couldn't sleep" she said turning on the water. "I thought a soak in the warm water would help me fall asleep" she looked up at me. "Why did you feel the need to break out your wand and almost give me a heart attack" she said. "You can never be to careful" I said. She frowned. "Sev what do you think is going to happen, someone's going to break into the house and kill us in our sleep?" "I cant help but worry, especially about you" I said looking into her eyes. "Oh Sev" she reached up and gently ran the tips of her fingers down my cheek. The feel of her soft skin against my face made me relax and I loved it, even for only a split second. I kissed her fingers. "Sev from what you told me you-know-who is only killing muggle-borns, Im a halfblood and people already think you murdered me, I mean our performance after you killed Dumbledore was pretty believeable" she said. "Still Colleen if someone happens to see you through the window and if it's a snatcher and it gets back to the Dark Lord that I didn't kill you there could be some very bad consequences". "What kind of witch do you take me for Sev, I know to keep the drapes closed and hide and disquise myself and fight when needed, hell I've been teaching myself memory charms since I was sixteen years old" she said with a slight pout. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close. If I wasn't so tired I'd kiss those sexy, pouty lips till they were bruised. "I know all to well how much of a powerful witch you are Colleen, but I cant help but worry during these times, I love you and want to protect you." She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Sev I promise i'll be ok" she said brushing her lips against mine as if to kiss me but changing her mind.
"I already lost one love of my life Colleen I can't lose you, the only person who brought happiness back into my life". This time she kissed me, full on the lips. When she pulled away she pressed her forehead against mine and we closed our eyes for a second. "I know almost everything about you Sev, your sad childhood, your love of the dark arts, your role as a double spy, your love for Lily Evans…" "I still do care about her" I said. "This is why I'm still trying to protect Potter because I want to keep my promise to Dumbledore and make sure that Lily's death was not in vain". "I know sweetie and I understand, your love for her is strong and that kind of love will never go away entirely but the fact that your able to move on enough to love me too is good enough for me" she kissed my cheek. She always knew how to calm my strained nerves.
I've already made the promise, to you and to Dumbledore, to help you protect Harry so his mother's death would not be in vain and I plan on keeping that promise Sev, no matter what the cost". This is one of the reasons why I loved this woman so much, she accepted me for who I was even though, in the beginning I wasn't very nice to her because of my own confuced feelings for her. "Do you remember the first day we met?" she asked pulling away from me to turn off the water. "Of course I do" I said. "As if it was just yesterday".
Flashback
"I was on my way to see Dumbledore in his office upon his request, claiming he had something he wanted to show me. As I made my way up to the entrence to the spiral staircase to his office I saw him standing in front of it, ready to greet me.. "Ah Severus I'm glad you came" she said with his usual smile."What is this about headmaster; its almost a month till the school year starts and I'm trying to finnish my lesson plans"I said. He just smiled and turned to the entrence. "Lemon Drop" he said. The entrence opened and he put his hand on my shoulder and led me up to his office."Severus there is someone I want you to meet". A tall, slender woman walked over to us. "This is Miss Colleen London, our new creativity teacher" he said. I had to admit, she was a beautiful woman. Long blonde hair that swept past her shoulder, very blue, almost peircing eyes, fair skin that shined as the sunlight from the windows hit it, she couldn't be no older than twenty-five. She had a pretty face that was not covered by any make-up and she had a small, dare I say cute, mole on the corner of her upper lip. She looked vaguely familiar, like I had seen her before but I couldn't put my finger on it. "Its nice to meet you proffesor" she said brightly, sticking out her hand.I shook it. "Pleasure" I said. "Miss London is an author, artist, a dancer, singer and was top of her class when she was here at school" he said. She laughed "with the exception of potions" she said. I rolled my eyes. In my opineon, I didn't think the school needed a creativity class because most of these Griffindor's were about as creative as a pile of dung. "I believe that having a creative outlek in school helps you consentrait in other classes, like charms and potions" she said with a smile. "I highly dout that" I said quietly to myself.
end of flashback
"You were not the nicest guy around when I first met you" she said leaning against the inside of the tub. I snapped out of my flashback, a little upset I did not notice when she dropped her towel to get in the water so I could see her heavenly body. " And I thought you were going to be a complete troll to me because I was a Gryffindor". "I could be civil around the people I was working with" I said sitting in the small wooden chair in the corner of the room. "Yes but you still weren't the happiest man around Sev, but I never judged you on it, although sometimes I would get angry with you". "I've never really understood your kindness Colleen" I said. "From what you told me you've suffered as much heartbreak as I have, yet you are still one of the kindest people I have ever known and have had the honnor of working with". "Because Sev I didn't want to let the guilt of my sisters death ruin me" she said, a few tears started to well up in her eyes at the mention of her decesaed sister. I removed myself from the chair and kneeled down beside the tub, taking her hands. She shook her head and looked up at me with those peircing blue eyes. She smiled a bit. "I remember the first time you kissed me and told me you loved me" she said. Ah I remembered that night well, it was also the night I claimed her as my own. Marking her as my own.
Flashback
"I hate nighttime patrol" I said to myself. I patrolled the corridors, making sure there were no student was out of bed. I was tired and hust wanted to go to bed. After about an hour of patrolling I decided to retire to my bed chambers for the night. As I made my way down the staircase I heard a rusteling comeing from the classroom on the second floor. "Lumos" I said quietly and pointed my wand into the classroom. As I looked inisde I saw a tall female with long dark red hair, bent of over the desk looking through the drawers. "What do you think you're doing up?" I said in a low growl. She turned around and looked at me. I stared and put my wand down. "Professor London what are you doing up?" I asked."I was just about to ask you the same question Professor Snape" she said crossing her arms. "I am on nighttime patrol if you must know" I said glareing at her. "Well if you must know I left something in my desk drawer and I came to retreive it" she said. I watched her for a second and let my eyes wander a bit. She was wearing a long white, lace nightgown that went down to her anckles. The matirial looked sheer but soft at the same time. I had a strange urge to touch it and see how soft it was but I restrained myself. "My apologies Miss London, I didn't recognize you with your new hairstyle" said. Her hair was no longer blonde and wavy but was now red and straight, like a rich brownish red color. She gently touched her hair. " I was getting sick of my blonde hair" she said "I needed a change". "Well if you have found what you were looking for I might as well escort you back to your chambers" I said as I lit my wand back up. She made a disgusted face. "I am perfectly capeable of walking back to my own chambers by myself, why do you always do that?" "Do what?" I asked. "Be little me!" she yelled. "Every time something goes wrong and you're around you always tell me to let you handle it!" she said stamping her foot. I huffed starting to get irritated. "Well exscuse me for trying to do something kind!" I snarled. "Yes Snape but you do it all the time!" she was very angry now. "I'm sorry I don't teach something like charms or potions or defence against the dark arts but just because I teach kids how to be creative dosnt mean I'm not a good witch!" she yelled putting her hands on her hips. I was so angry now, how dare she yell at me like this when all I was doing was trying to do something nice for her. "I know you're a good witch Colleen! I'm not trying to be little you I just don't ever want you to get hurt because I…I…I care about you!" I grabbed her by her shoulders and pulls her close, planting a kiss on her lips. She stared at me in shock, not responding and to be honest I was kind of shocked by my own actions and how much I let my emotions get the better of me. When I pulled away I stared deep into her eyes. They looked like beautiful gems filled with kindness and sympathy and now that I thought about it they always seemed to sparkle whenever I walked into the room. The only beautiful eyes who had any effect on me were Lily's but now…. "I don't know when it happened but I've learned to deeply care for you, even if its just students being troublemakers, I have this strage urge to protect you that I just cant explain because… I love you" I exspected her to jinx me or even slap me across the face. Love? Did I really just say I loved her? And the strange this was… I ment it. To my surprise and shock she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I pulled her close holding her. We were snogging for almost a minute before she pulled away for air. "I love you too Severus" she said breathlessly. "I always have, for a long time". My heart started beating loudly. She loves me? She actually loves me? She loved me even before I knew I loved her? After all these years of feeling unloved I have a woman in my arms telling me she loves me. I began to kiss her again but when I went to grab the straps of her nightgown to pull them down she stopped me. "L..Lets go somewere more private" she said. So I did bring her back to bed but she spent the who night…with me.
end of flashback
After a few minutes I got up and let Colleen have her bath in peace. I changed into my night shirt and laid down on my bed. I lit a candle with my wand and pulled out a book from the drawer of my nightstand. After our first night together I told Colleen everything about me, not wanting to drive her away by not telling her something or lying about my past or what was going on at the moment, with the exception of a few things Dumbledore did not want me to reveal to anyone and, to my surprise, she accepted all of it. She even said she knew that I must have had a bad childhood and that I treated the Gryffendor's with less respect because I was bullied by one or more. She also understood my love for Lily Evans and my greif and guilt over her death because she also felt greif and guilt over the death of a loved one. She told me when she was younger she dared her little sister to go into an abandoned house. When she didn't come out after an hour she ran to get her parents. Her dad went inside and found his daughter dead, her throat had been cut. Colleen blamed herself for her sisters death, claiming if only she hadnt of dared her sister to go into that house she would still be here today.
We kept our relationship a secret at first, not because we were ashamed about each other but because it was no ones buisness about our love life and I personally did not feel like listening to the rumors and the criticisim. The only ones who knew were Dumbledore, Lupin and Colleen's parents and later on Tonks and Molly Weasley. I felt pressure on the other side of the bed. I looked over and Colleen, dressed in a short, red, lace nightgown, had made her way under the covers. The sweet smell of lilac scented soap entered my nostrils. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, burrying my face into her hair. She rolled over wrapping her arms around me and kissed me. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" she said. I smiled a soft smile and wispered softly in her ear. "You saw me as a man instead of a monster" I said. We started kissing and I just wished this war would end so I could just hold her like this forever.
After we said our goodnghts I rolled over and attepted to go to sleep. Just as I was about to fall asleep I felt Colleen shake me. "Sev are you awake?" she asked. I made a groaning noise and rolled over. "What is it my love?" I asked. She looked at me with a stern look on her face. "Sev when are you going to ask me to marry you?" she asked. I blinked and stared at her with a bit of shock on my face. This question had been running through my mind for a while now. I loved Colleen more than anything and I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life but I was nervouse. "Soon my love" I said. The answer didn't please her. "Why Sev, why do you want to wait, I love you, you love me, whats the problem?" she asked getting annoyed. I sighed and kissed her forehead. "I understand your annoyence Colleen but I just…I just" I was unable to say it. She took my face in her hands and looked at me. "What Severus?" she said softly. I couldn't deny that face. "I'm just nervouse that if I ask you to marry me and I get my hopes up…you could be taken away from me" I said. "And that would destroy me inside".
Colleen was quiet for a minute then she gently wrapped her arms around my neck. "Sev, you are the single most wonderful man on this planet, and I love you more than anything in this world but Sev, I promise you that nothing will happen to me, I'll see the end of this war with you and hopefully come out of this as your wife" she said. I tried not to cry. "I don't deserve this wonderful woman" I said to myself. I held her even closer, burrying my face into her neck. "Don't ever leave me" I mumbled. "I won't Sev; I'll always be by your side".
"Sev I want you to promise me something" Colleen said. I looked at her. "Anything Colleen" I said. "Promise me, with all the effort you're putting in to protect me, I want you to put in as much effort into protecting yourself as well". I never really thought too much about my own well being. I mean, I wanted to live and start my life with Colleen but at the same time I would risk my life if it ment keeping her alive. "But Colleen I…" she quickly pulled my face close to hers. "Severus Snape" she started in a stern voice. "Promise me, right now, you'll fight to live as hard as you're fighting to keep me alive" she said. I stared up at her, again trying not to cry. "I…I promise" I said and she kissed me.
"Severus, there's one more thing I want to tell you" she said tapping her fingers gently against my chest. "What is it?" I asked, my arms wrapped around her. She slid her body up so her face was right above mine. "You remember how I was feeling nauseous this past week and I was getting sick almost every morning?" she asked kissing me. "Mmm…yes I do" I said returning the kiss. "Well I found out why" she said, resting her head back down on my chest. "What is it?" I asked. She was quiet for a second then… "Sev I'm…I'm…I'm pregnant".