A/N: Wassup, reader? This is just a silly thing I threw together. I wrote it without glancing over it. I tried to keep all the characters pretty IC and I'm not sure if I'll make another one, but there are tons of weird things about this and different from what I usually write. One: It's in present tense. Two: All the characters are pretty IC so it's low on the BL moments. Three: Plotless, boderline crackfic. This is one fic where even if you pointed out mistakes to me, I wouldn't care xD It's fun. I would like if people wrote their own versions of Haru Haru BL Investigations (maybe with a bit more OOCness?) just because I think it's a fun idea. Read and review please~ :)

"Hello, everyone!" Haru says while dressed up in her usual Haru Haru Interview outfit. She flashes a peace sign and beams. "Welcome to Haru Haru Dangerous~ BL Investigations! A segment where we delve into the mysteries of Katekyouishi Hitman Reborn pairings: Boy Love Edition!" She hears footsteps offset. "Oh, here comes our first guest now!"

Tsuna slowly and confusedly walks onto the stage next to Haru. "Uh, what's going on?" He asks.

Haru only smiles. "Tsuna-san! Welcome! So, Haru's first question is what do you think about Kaekyo Hitman Reborn BL shipping?"

Tsuna's face scrunches up and he raises an eyebrow. "BL… shipping…?"

"Like… yaoi."

"Yaoi? Isn't that stuff girls like when guys—" Tsuna blushes, unable to finish his sentence.

"Yep!" Haru says happily. "Girls pair you with tons of guys (though everyone knows you belong to Haru!)"

Tsuna is taken aback. "Wh-what?" He gasps.

"Yeah! You're paired most often with Hibari-san, Mukuro-san, Gokudera-kun, and tons of other guys. In fact, you've probably been paired with every character in the series, but that's normal for main characters."

"Huh?" Tsuna retorts. "There's nothing normal about any of this!" He frowned deeply.

"So," Haru begins, completely ignoring Tsuna's disgust. "which male character is your favorite partner?"

"Favorite… partner…?" He narrows his eyebrows. "None! I'd much rather be with a girl! (Well, not just any girl… a specific one…)"

Haru's face burns red and she waves at Tsuna. "Oh, Tsuna-san! We all know Haru's your number one—"

Tsuna gawks at her. 'I was never talking about you…' He thinks.

"—But Haru means if you had to choose a male partner!" Haru shouts.

Tsuna scratches his cheek. "It's still a weird question." He insists, but Haru puts her hands on her hips and stares him down.

"You know," She starts. "Not to accuse you of anything, Tsuna-san, but most men confident in their heterosexuality can easily answer this question!"

Tsuna gulps. "F-Fine! Uh… I guess… well, Hibari-san is violent, so no. Mukuro is scary and Gokudera-kun would probably be overprotective and clingy so not him, right? I guess… Yamamoto?"

"You would date Yamamoto-san?" Haru asks excitedly.

"Wait," Tsuna says. "Hm, maybe not. If we went out, all he'd talk about would be baseball, wouldn't it?"

Haru groans. "Then who would you choose, Tsuna-san?"

"Let's see…" He says. "I wouldn't want any of my enemies, so that lowers it down to my allies only. Dino-san is too old and too much like a brother for that type of thing and Ryohei-nii-san is too loud and annoying…"

*1 hour later*

Haru is snoring with drool hanging out her mouth. Tsuna's eye light up and his fist pounds into his other hand's palm. "Oh!" He calls out. "I've decided!"

Haru jolts awake, eyes wide with anxiousness. "Hahi? Who?"

Tsuna grins and innocently says, "If I had to date a guy, I'd probably go out and find someone we don't know since everyone is kind of…"

"Tsuna-san…" Haru says with a frown. "I think you missed the point of the question entirely."

Suddenly (!) Tsuna is kicked to the ground making Haru cry out and the crew to become startled. The dust from the powerful attack clears to reveal Reborn standing on top of Tsuna's defeated body. "Ciaossu."

"Ah!" Haru says. "It's Reborn-san who is most often paired with Lambo-chan I believe."

"Who?" Reborn asks, but before Haru can respond Tsuna shouts, "What the hell, Reborn?"

Reborn grab s him by the nose causing Tsuna to whine and cry.

"Dame-Tsuna," Reborn says. "What guy in this series would want to date a loser like you anyway?"

"Oh, Reborn-san." Haru says. "What do you think of BL shipping?"

"Nothing." Reborn answers honestly while letting go of Tsuna's nose.

"O-oh… Well, if you had to be paired with a male who would you choose?" Haru asks, slightly surprised by Reborn's answer to her first question.

Reborn smirks and goes into a spotlight. "Myself!" He bellows coolly.

'H-How conceited!' Both Haru and Tsuna think.

Reborn hits Tsuna with Leon who has transformed into a hammer. "Just now you thought 'How conceited,' didn't you?"

After that, Reborn's repetitive hits let off bangs and booms. This attracts the attention of Yamamoto and Gokudera who come running over together.

"Tenth!" Gokudera hollers. "Are you alright?"

"We heard some noise and rushed over." Yamamoto explains, looking around at all the lights and cameras.

"Ooh!" Haru hums. "Entering the scene side-by-side as always! You two are together a lot, aren't you?"

"More than I'd like to be!" Gokudera shamelessly admits. "But I'm always running into this guy!"

Yamamoto laughs. "If you say it like that, Gokudera, it almost sounds like you dislike me!"

Gokudera's hand balls into a fist. "Maybe that's because I do, dumbass!"

Yamamoto snickers then says, "Right, right!"

Gokudera's cheeks tint pink. "Don't make your agreement sound like you think I'm lying, baseball idiot!"

"You know," Haru starts to say as Tsuna recovers from his massive punishment and Reborn is nowhere to be found. "Probably more than you two," she motions to Gokudera and Yamamoto. "are paired with Tsuna, you're shipped with each other."

Yamamoto blushes a little and rubs the back of his neck. "… paired with Gokudera, eh? … heh heh, how weird."

Gokudera blushes a little and fidgets with his fingers. "…paired with the tenth, huh?"

Yamamoto's grinning face falls. "Hey, you're not thinking the right thing!"

Gokudera suddenly becomes passionate. "To stand by the tenth that way…!" His whole body flares red and he covers his crimson face. "No! It's too much of an honor! I'm not sure I deserve it, but… then again... I'm the only one who does, aren't I? Then… I'll do my best to please you as a lover, Tenth!"

Tsuna swallows and stares at Gokudera blankly. "G-Gokudera-kun…" He stutters. "You're saying weird things again."

"He's such an interesting guy, ha ha." Yamamoto says to Tsuna while Gokudera glares at him.

Tsuna goes to Haru and whispers, "I can't imagine the two of them as a happy couple!" as he observes the pair from afar.

"You're so annoying, baseball idiot!" Gokudera shouts, pulling dynamite from disclosed places on his body.

"Hey now," Yamamoto says. "Calm down. I know, let's go together to get something free to eat at my dad's place, 'kay?"

Gokudera put his bombs away and his eyes cast downward. "O-Okay… but only 'cause it's free!"

Yamamoto pats Gokudera's back. "Heh heh, of course, of course!"

Gokudera only blushes and lets out a barely audible, "Che."

Tsuna's eyes widen a bit. "Oh," he says. "I guess if it's those two, everything will turn out fine for them."

Haru sighs with hearts pumping in her irises. "Aw! How sweet to see a seme calm down his uke by bribing him with free food!"

Tsuna looks at her bewilderedly. "Eh? Seme? Uke?"

Haru tilts her head. "You see, seme and uke are terms regarding the male's position in the relationship. Seme comes from semeru which means to attack. This term is a synonym to tachi. The seme or tachi is usually the dominant one who does the, uh…" She blushes severely. "…delivering in, um, bedroom situations. And the uke, which comes from the phrase ukeru meaning to receive, is most often the more submissive one who, well, takes the delivery. The synonym for uke is neko."

"G-gah…" was all Tsuna could mutter.

"Oi, Tenth," Gokudera called out. "We're going to get free sushi, you coming?"

Because of what Haru had told him, images of what Gokudera and Yamamoto's love would look like, swam through his mind…

"N-No, Yamamoto, we can't!" Gokudera moans while pinned up against a wall by Yamamoto.

Yamamoto puts his hand to Gokudera's chin and forces the smaller boy to look him in the eyes. "Why not, Gokudera? Of should I say, Hayato?"

"A-ah!" Gokudera whines as Yamamoto kisses his cheek. "I'm so embarrassed."

"You're so cute, Hayato."

"Takeshi…"

"G-geh…" Tsuna says as he leans against a wall, face turned white. "N-nah, y-you guys go on ahead…"

Gokudera looks to Yamamoto who shrugs. "Alright. See you later, Tenth!" And then the two are off.

Tsuna hopes that with their exit that this stupid "segment" would have to end, but then another unexpected guest appears.

"Hm? Is that Tsuna?" Dino asks with a bright smile, striding onto the stage.

"Ah, hello, Dino-san." Tsuna says, begging that nothing weird could happen with Dino around.

"Eh~" Haru says breathily. "Dino-san is so handsome!"

Dino grins. "Aw, thanks!"

Haru claps her hands together and swoons. "His bright, shining, cheerful attitude for some reason—" Her atmosphere takes a 180. "is often paired with the scary and gloomy Hibari-san! That's why Haru prefers when Dino-san is shipped with happier characters like Tsuna-san!" She goes on ranting while Dino and Tsuna laugh nervously.

"What is she talking about?" Dino asks.

Tsuna shakes his head. "I don't know anymore! Just ignore her!"

Then, mid-speech, Haru stops when she feels a chill run through the studio. All eyes fall on Hibari as he marches onto the stage. "What is this commotion?" He hisses. "I heard my name mentioned. If someone doesn't explain, I'll bite you all to death!"

"Hahi?" Haru exclaims. "The gloomy boy has appeared!"

Dino and Tsuna are shocked by her seemingly fearless blatant statement.

"What did you say?" Hibari growls, charging towards her. "I'll—"

"Hey now, Kyoya." Dino says, grabbing onto Hibari's tonfa and ceasing the boy's attack. "Calm down. I know, let's go spar together somewhere away from here, 'kay? I'm sure you'll get more of a kick out of that than if you beat up this poor girl."

Hibari scoffs. "…Whatever."

Harun swoons once again. "Haru is lucky to be able to see a seme suavely bribe his uke twice in one day! Haru now sees the loveliness in the contrasting warm manliness of Dino with the cold beauty of Hibari-san! She is now a super fan of this pairing! It may even be her OTP!"

"I don't think I want to ask what that means…" Tsuna drawls as he remembers what happened last time he questioned what something meant.

"Oh, Tsuna-san," Haru giggles. "it's nothing bad! It means One—True—Pairing~!"

"Oh, I thought you said OPP."

"Hahi? What's that?"

"Nevermind, let's not get into it. Enough weird stuff is already happening."

"Kufufu!" A voice sounded.

Tsuna trembled. "Dammit." He groaned. "Why'd this guy have to come along?"

Haru crossed her arms. "Of course Mukuro-san would appear at a place where the two guys he's paired with most are—6918 and 6927 are really popular pairings."

Tsuna slants his head and raises an eyebrow. "Eh? Numbers?"

"I want more speaking lines!" Mukuro announced. "So I'll explain this to you, Tsunayoshi. KHR, or Katekyo Hitman Reborn, shorthands take hiragana and katakana from a characters' names and relate them to numbers. Such as Gokudera is represented by 59 because you take the 'Go' which means five and 'ku' which is a way to pronounce 9 and get 59. It's similar to your 27, Tsunayoshi."

"You mean how it comes from the 'Tsu' sounding like the English 'two' and the 7 coming along because of 'na' which is the next character in my given name and the characters that make 'nana' which is Japanese for 7." Tsuna says while looking upward and moving his hands as though it better helps him explain and understand.

"Precisely." Mukuro says. "Mostly everyone has a number. Mine is 69, Haru's is 86, and Hibari Kyoya's is 18."

"What about Dino-san?" Tsuna asked.

"…not all names are so convenient. His shorthand is a 'D.'"

Tsuna frowns. "…That's kind of lame."

"I know, right? Poor guy, having to be a letter amongst numbers."

"Having a nice chat?" Dino grunts, while pushing back a snarling Hibari. "It's getting hard for me and my subordinates to hold Kyoya back!"

"Hm~?" Mukuro sings. "Oh, it's fine. You can let him go."

"Are you sure?" Dino asks.

"Of course—" Mukuro chuckles.

Dino and his subordinates let go of Hibari, the boy surging towards Mukuro. He lifts his tonfa to attack, expecting a rebuttal, but his weapon and his body fall right through his opponent.

"—Because I'm an illusion, that is! Kufufu!"

Hibari trembles with pure rage.

"Hahi?" Haru squeaks. "Why are Mukuro-san and Hibari-san paired together? When they're anywhere near each other the tension could be cut with a knife… and then one of them would probably use the knife to stab the other!"

Mukuro puts a hand to his mouth as he laughs elegantly. "You should see the look on your face, Kyoya. It's utterly amusing!"

Hibari continues to shiver with anger, head hanging low, and veins clear as day.

Tsuna sweats as he watches the scene. "I guess it could be seen as a guy bullying the one he likes…?" He puts his fear the side and wears a look of slight irritation. "But the better question is why would Mukuro and I be paired together?"

"Honestly, Tsuna-san," Haru says with a dark, stern face. "It's an unwritten BL fangirl rule that in a shonen series filled with beautiful boys that if two attractive characters engage in battle, then those two become a pair!"

"What?" Tsuna retorts. "That doesn't make any sense!"

"No, it does!" Haru swears. "For fighting is something men have been doing for ages! It's male bonding! And when to pretty boys duke it out, they are simply bonding! Clashing their hearts and resolutions in the only way they know how for they have yet to learn how to express their feelings in delicate words! How sweet! Yosh! Now Haru is all fired up to write a fanfiction!"

Tsuna's face went blank. "Haru you have both scared and confused me."

"Well, that's it for now, everyone! We made it out alive this time (how unexpected)! Maybe next time we'll talk about BL with some more people, investigating many pairings! Maybe we'll even have a talk with Varia or Millefiore! Who knows? Keep your fingers crossed!"

"Who are you talking to?"

"The readers!"

"Readers?"