AN: Okay, this is my first, I think, angsty Crack Fic. At least, I think this would be a crack fic? Pre Slash. One itty bitty swear word in the whole thing.

I just don't know what possessed me, lol. I just sat down and started writing this. I'm a bit out of practice, so maybe this was just a sort of creativity exercise? Definitely not my best work, but I'm working on another, larger, real (lol) multi chapter for the Merlin Fandom. I miss this show so much :(

Disclaimer: Merlin and affiliated characters, sets, or scenes are not mine.

MERLIN

"Merlin! That's the third rabbit you've scared off today!" Arthur growled lightly. He didn't care, not really. Today wasn't about actually hunting. But it wouldn't do to be totally obvious about it.

Something had been, off, with his friend for a while now. At first the Prince hadn't taken much notice, figuring the boy was simply tired after all they'd been through lately. But then the normally easy, cheerful grins offered from Merlin had become forced. Soon, they'd disappeared altogether. The easy banter between the two had become strained, and finally Merlin had fallen mostly silent.

The final blow, however, had been when his servant had started to avoid him. The servant who was rarely on time had suddenly developed the knack for being in and out of Arthur's room before he even properly woke up. His chores had been done impeccably well and always quickly. On outings, whether hunting prey or hunting villains, Merlin would spend most of his time with the knights when not directly serving Arthur.

This "hunting" trip, with just the two of them despite Merlin's objections – and hadn't that stung a little!- was about getting to the bottom of the increasing paleness of his friend. White lines of pain had become a permanent fixture on the once youthful face.

"I'm sorry, Sire."

Sire. Arthur had never hated a word more in his life! He was sick of hearing it from the boy who had, before recently, never once uttered it with a shred of respect. Merlin using it, especially lately, always meant the servant was either patronizing him, or placating him, distracting him.

Arthur threw his crossbow angrily to the ground, startling the younger man. He was done with subtle. "That's it! What is wrong, Merlin?"

"I'm fine."

Perhaps there was one word Arthur hated more.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Arthur asked. He felt a small thrill of success when he got Merlin's patented, 'you did not just say that!' look. But it quickly disappeared into the false grin.

"I'm fine."

Arthur gathered up all his self control to not throttle the servant in front of him. He decided perhaps a different tactic would be required.

"I can see you're hurting," he said softly, but with a challenging tone. "I'm not blind."

Merlin stiffened. He could tell Arthur was trying to be kind. He knew he'd been less and less successful at hiding his affliction. The truth was, however, that he didn't know what was wrong with him. For the past few months any time he'd gotten closer to Arthur- emotionally or physically- he'd been almost buried in a wave of sorrow which had gradually turned to physical pain.

He'd explored his magic almost every night, looking for any sign of a curse or dark magic. There was nothing. It only happened when he was close to Arthur. It was as if a part of him would reach for the Prince. He'd asked Kilgarrah about it, but only received a cryptic reminder that he was only half the coin.

He didn't dare ask Gaius. Didn't dare tell him something might be wrong with his magic. There had been too many attacks lately, as if the entire evil magical world could sense the imbalance between the two men. Gaius would have stopped him from helping. Or tried to. Which would have hurt them both when Merlin was forced to disobey.

His job was to protect Arthur- at any cost.

"I- I don't know."

Arthur frowned. Another aversion? Or the truth. From the look in his friend's eyes, he believed it might be partially the truth. "Have you asked Gaius?"

Merlin shook his head, desperate to end the conversation. But he knew his master. Once Arthur got a wiggle on a hook, he refused to let it go. Arthur was waiting patiently for him to sort himself out, to find a way to answer. The look in his eyes screamed 'trust me'. In his own way, Arthur was reaching out to him.

He winced as once again something inside of him- which he could only name as their 'bond', the part of him that always let him know when Arthur was in trouble, or needed him- pulled viciously hard, trying to get to the man standing suddenly too close to him. The snap back when something blocked its way left him winded.

It was getting worse.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted for the third time, concerned and worried when he'd seen his friend start to hunch in on himself. He was confused when Merlin suddenly shoved him away.

"Please, Arthur!" Merlin begged, moving away from him, putting as much space between them as he could without looking ridiculously suspicious. He wanted to tell his friend, desperately. But what would Arthur do if he found out? Something had changed between them recently. A few months ago Arthur had suddenly started to pay attention, to be kind, to work to be as much of a friend to Merlin as Merlin had always been to him.

Somehow, until this started happening, the lines had blurred between them. Truth be told, Merlin had blurred those lines long ago with his confession that he'd happily serve until the day he died. From then on he'd worked hard to turn that forbidden love into a passion for doing everything he could to keep Arthur safe.

At first he'd thought himself successful. But then suddenly something had changed. Arthur had disappeared for an entire day, and come back- different. It had become easier to slip away to deal with magical emergencies. Arthur stopped questioning his lateness, his absences. His eyes had looked haunted every time Merlin showed up with bruises or injuries from his latest encounter, but he never asked.

Merlin's chores suddenly seemed to get lighter, and Arthur wanted to talk more. He confessed his own thoughts and feelings more easily, as though trying to prove to Merlin that he actually had them. That he wasn't a stone cut out of his father.

Arthur had started to try.

Merlin had begun to think that the friendship he so desperately craved was within his reach.

Which was when whatever this was, whatever was happening to him, had started.

"Merlin, you need to go see Gaius," Arthur urged.

"There's nothing he can do."

"How do you know?"

"Because- because I do!" Merlin finally shouted back. Now that he'd put some space between them, the pull eased off. Stopped trying. He was not eager for it to start again.

He expected an argument from his master. But as had happened so often lately, Arthur sighed, nodded, and turned to get the horses, dropping the subject.