Captains log, stardate 45128.5. The Enterprise is in orbit of the star T Tauri in the Hyades star cluster. A star, very similar to what Earth's sun may have been like, just after emerging from its stellar nursery five billion years ago. A pleasant break from diplomatic missions and patrolling the Neutral Zone. Finally, a chance to do some real science.
It had been a long time since Commander Geordi La forge had seen the engine room running this well.
"Lefler," He said, addressing the Lieutenant standing across from him at the engineering kyosk, "take over for me. I'm gonna take an early lunch. I'll be in Holo-four."
"Aye sir." She said. She watched as Geordi went to a food replicator, a moment later walked away carrying what looked like an old fashion lunch box. The type factory workers carried centuries ago.
A moment later Geordie arrived at the door to holo-deck four. He examined the computers menu, made his selection and entered the holo-deck.
Immediately he had to dodge a dart that was coming straight at his forehead.
"Sorry 'bout that, Geordi." Carl said. "I told Lenny we shouldn't hang the target on the door, but he wouldn't listen."
"That's okay." Geordi replied. "I'm just the plant safety officer, don't mind me."
Geordi walked over to the main control console and took a seat beside Homer Simpson. Homer sat with his back to the console, a large box of donuts in his lap.
"Hay, Homer."
"Wazz up, Geordi?" Homer asked as he took a bite from a large powdered donut.
"Just thought I'd have lunch with you boys and see what's going on."
"Just refereeing Lenny and Carl's dart match. Loser has to buy Krusty Burger."
"I see. How's Lisa?""
"Who?"
"Your daughter."
"Oh, that Lisa. She's in school or something."
Geordi noticed an alarm on Homer's console. "Homer, the reactor core is melting down."
"Ugh, I'll get to it in a minute." Homer got up and walked over to referee an argument that had just broke out between Lenny and Carl.
Two weeks earlier when Geordi had stumbled across the Simpsons program, he was disgusted. How could anyone, even the backwards people of the twentieth century be entertained by such buffoonish incompetent characters. But he was now hooked, intrigued to find some redeeming quality
On the bridge, Worf called out from his station behind Captain Picard. "Captain, sensors are picking up a massive solar flare, emanating from the stars surface. Time to impact, twenty two seconds."
"Shields?" The Captain asked.
"Shields are at maximum." Worf replied.
Picard stood up from his command chair, stepped between the OPS and navigation consoles.
"This should be fascinating. So seldom do we get to witness such a natural phenomenon up close and personal."
The bridge crew watched the forward view screen. The flare struck the Enterprise, there was a gentle rocking as the flare washed harmlessly over the shield's.
Just as the last of the flare passed the ship, all hell broke loose.
In holo-deck four, Geordi felt the gentle rocking and noticed a slight flicker in the holographic images. A moment later his comm badge beeped.
"Lefler to Commander LaForge."
"LaForge here."
"Geordi, we need you in engineering right now."
Geordi recognized the controlled panic in Lefler's otherwise professional voice.
"On my way." He leaped up from his seat and yelled, "Arch." Without bothering to shut down the program, he darted out the door and sprinted down the corridor toward engineering.
Engineering was dimly lit by emergency lights, control panes flickered on and off, alarms blared.
"Report." Geordie said, as he took his position across from Lefler.
She looked up and screamed. "What's that?"
Geordie glanced back. Homer had followed him from the holo-deck. He stood there looking rather dumbfounded holding his box of donuts.
"Gee, Geordi, I've never seen this part of the plant. Burnsy makes you keep it really clean."
Geordi looked back at Lefler, "Holo-deck malfunction, ignore it. Now what happened?"
"The ship was struck by a large solar flare. The shield's held, but there was a minor fluctuation between the port dorsal and aft shield. Some plasma leaked through. There's cascading failures all across the ship. Every time we stop one , another will start somewhere else. The malfunctions coming faster and faster."
For a moment Geordi studied the read outs on his panel. His heart sank. He touched his comm badge.
"LaForge to bridge. Captain we're moments away from a warp core breach and there's nothing I can do to stop it."
On the bridge, Captain Picard was standing at the engineering station. He replied, "Lieutenant Barclay just came to the same conclusion.". He turned and issued the only order he could. "Commander Data, initiate emergency saucer separation."
More alarms blared and Data's voice echoed through the ship. "All personnel evacuate the engineering section and prepare for emergency saucer separation. I repeat..."
Engineers began running past the kiosk where Geordi was. Lefler ran a couple of steps stopped and looked back.
"Commander are you coming?"
"Lefler, nothing can stop this breach. I can slow it down and buy you some time. Now go. Save yourself. That's an order.". He shouted.
Lefler reached up and touched his shoulder, turned and was the last one out.
"Gee, Geordi." Homer said. "This breachy thing must be pretty serious?"
"It is, Homer, it is."
"Worse than the time I let the nuclear reactor melt down and Burns had that big cow all about it?
"Much worse.". I can't believe this, Geordi thought, I'm about to die and my last words are going to be with a twentieth century cartoon character.
Homer sat his box of donuts down and asked, "Well Geordi, you know what I do when something like this happens?"
"You panic and run around screaming."
"Don't mInd If I do." He lifted his arms above his head and started to run around the engineering section. He was sceaming incomprehensibility, spinning around, punching control panels and pressing random switches.
"Homer, stop it!" Geordi yelled.
Homer stood at one panel and read the display.
"Resonance frequency two ninety seven point six. Why not an even three hundred?" He made the adjustment and continued his panic. He stopped and read another display.
"Matter anti-matter mix fifty-fifty. Hmm. I think fifty one-forty nine would be OK."
"Homer, noooo!" Geordi shreeked. When I joined Startled, I knew I might die in uniform. But I never imagined my last moments would be spent trying to control Homer Simpson, the quintessential example of twentieth century nitwittery.
Homer stopped, bent over and picked up a tool that had been dropped by one of the fleeing crew. Having no clue what it was, he tossed it over his shoulder. It struck the warp core and made a loud clanging noise as it bounced down the cores shaft.
The lights came back on, the control panels ceased their flickering, the alarms fell silent. Only the soothing strum of the warp core could be heard.
Geordi stared in stunned silence. All the readouts on his panel showed nominal.
"Warp core breach: Averted." The computer announced. Homer picked up his box of donuts.
"See Geordi, that's all you have to do."
"Picard to Commander LaForge." The Captain's voice came over Geordi's comm badge. "You did it. You saved the ship."
"Captain, I did nothing. Homer Simpson saved the ship.".
"Homer...who?"
"Captain, meet me in holo-deck four and I'll explain."
Lefler had returned to her station but was keeping a wary eye on Homer.
"Lefler," Geordi said, "take over for me. Homer I need to get you back to where you belong."
"Mmm. OK." Homer said as he took a donut from his box and bit into it. "Jelly, arrrr."
Captain Picard was standing just inside the archway in holo-deck four taking in the catoon world of Moe's Bar. Geordi was sitting at the bar speaking with a large catoon man wearing a white shirt and blue pants.
Geordi spotted the Captain as he approached. Geordi stood up.
"Homer, this is Captain Jean Luc Picard. Captain this is Homer Simpson.
"So you're the Captain of a spaceship?" Homer said in awe.
The Captain replied, "Why yes, yes I am."
"Whoe," Homer said, as he reached up and rubbed Picard's bald head. "I've got more hair than you."