"I Gain Nothing"

Media: Tokyo Mew Mew

Genre: Suspense/Adventure

Summary: Truth. Sanctuary. The reason for existence. One November day is the beginning of a long journey to find these things...

Rating: K+

Descriptors: Mention/depiction of hurting someone's head to intentionally give them amnesia (this is a main plot point); some violence (no worse than anything actually in the manga).

Time: A November afternoon; sometime before A La Mode, when Ichigo is still in Japan (although, in the continuity of my TMM stories, A La Mode did not happen; let's just pretend that 'I Gain Nothing' and 'Stolen Dreams' occur instead of A La Mode, shall we?). Also, remember that this begins about two months before Rin's first appearance in Stolen Dreams.

I do not own Tokyo Mew Mew or any related characters/places. I also do not own Ayumu Kasuga. I do own the girl for whom Pudding performs, Iruka 'Ruka' Mizuiwa, Oukan Kasuga, and the various AIUS agents.

---

Chapter 1: The Fall

"Will you dare cast off your honour, and throw away her time?

Guilt, disgrace, and memories can eat away the mind.

Until there comes the day when you hear the angels call,

You will never quite forget the fear, the shame, the fall."

---

The human ability to rationalise is both incredible and pitiful.

No matter how serious the crime, the instinct is always to avoid blame and punishment- through any means necessary. Because they fear being shamed in the eyes of their peers, humans will lie about anything. Nothing is sacred to them. As long as they can appear moral, they think that all is right with their world.

There is still the issue of their own feelings of guilt, however.

To appease their own consciences, most humans must take an additional step- they also lie to themselves. They will mentally rewrite history until they are 'innocent'. They will compose excuses- hundreds and hundreds of feeble excuses. The most common one of these is 'there was no choice'.

This, of course, is a blatant lie. No matter how hopeless things may seem, there is always a choice to make. It may be a very unpleasant choice, but it is a choice regardless. To say otherwise is to deny the existence of free will.

Perhaps someday, I will meet a person who is honest to themselves. A person who lacks the ability to whitewash their own shortcomings. A person who will never say 'there was no choice'.

But it might be a long time until I meet that person.

And so, I wait.

As I wait, there are many things to ponder.

---

"Table 3..." Pudding yelled happily, rushing towards the eating area at full speed and spinning the plate as she went.

"P-Pudding, be careful, please!" Lettuce whimpered, narrowly dodging the monkey-girl.

"Your order..." Pudding continued, ignoring Lettuce and performing a backflip. Miraculously, the cake stayed on the tray and didn't plummet to the floor. Pudding flamboyantly slid the tray onto the red-haired customer's table.

"...Is served," Pudding finished, looking smug.

"That was amazing!" the women said, with a slight Osakan accent. She actually started clapping. "Please continue!"

"You can pay me after the show!" Pudding chirped, as she started to roll around on a beach ball. She bumped into Lettuce during part of the routine, but her spectator apparently didn't care. On the contrary, the girl seemed completely enthralled by the performance. She was on the edge of her seat, never taking her eyes off the young acrobat.

She would have paid quite well if Pudding had finished the routine.

Ichigo suddenly dashed into the room, accompanied by a wailing Masha. "Pudding, Lettuce, could you...uh...come into the kitchen for a second?" she asked, gesturing subtly at Masha. Lettuce nodded and hurried after Ichigo, but Pudding glanced back at her customer; she wondered if the interruption in the show would result in the loss of her fee, but she had no other choice. As always, Mew Mew duties came before money.

---

Incidentally, everything unpleasant that happened after that would have been avoided if Pudding's customer had done something very, very simple- using the bathroom before she came to the café. For if she had done this, she would not have suddenly had to go a few minutes after Pudding's exit.

But it wasn't entirely her fault. If Keiichirou had labelled the restrooms a bit more clearly, everything still might have been all right. But this was not the case; the sign reading 'bathrooms' was terribly small. Thus, the hapless customer decided to ask one of the waitresses for directions to the bathroom.

If she had not needed directions to the restroom at that particular time, everything else would have been avoided. Although, if she had used the bathroom before she had left, or if Keiichirou had put up a nice big friendly sign saying 'Restrooms', it wouldn't be quite as interesting a story. Ho hum.

The customer quickly figured out that none of the waitresses were around, and assumed, quite logically, that at least one employee would be in the kitchen at any given time. And so, she poked her head into the kitchen.

"Hi, um, where's the-"

She immediately went silent as she noticed very unusual things: 1. Mew Ichigo, Mew Mint, Mew Lettuce, and Mew Zakuro were all running outside through a secret back door, and 2. the acrobatic waitress from earlier was shouting 'Mew Pudding Metamorphosis' and going through a lengthy stock-footage transformation sequence.

Incidentally, there was also a door marked "EMPLOYEE WATER CLOSET" next to the secret back door, and if the customer had used that (even though that bathroom was technically for employees only, it was doubtful that anyone would stop her), everything might have still been all right. But there was something far more interesting going on, so she temporarily forgot about her search for a toilet. Instead, the customer rushed out the secret back door, right behind Pudding/Mew Pudding.

Ah, destiny is a harsh mistress. And a very eccentric one, at that.

---

To sum up the situation, a leftover Chimera Anima had popped up somewhere in a nearby park, and Tokyo Mew Mew had been called to remove it. However, a random Osakan girl in search of a restroom had accidentally witnessed Pudding's transformation, and was now secretly following the Mew Mews in order to watch the fight.

One can only assume that this never happened to Superman.

"Ah...I think I see why the aliens didn't use this idea," Mint remarked. This particular Chimera Anima appeared to have been made from a slug, and was only capable of slowly crawling around without causing much damage. To its credit, the creature did leave a rather nasty slime trail everywhere it went, but it was far from actually being dangerous.

"Do we even need to do anything?" Ichigo asked.

"We probably ought to," Lettuce commented.

"Okay...Strawberry Bell, Ribbon Strawberry Check," Ichigo said half-heartedly. There was a flash of pink light, and the slug shrank down to normal size. The alien popped out momentarily, and was promptly recovered by Masha.

"Well, that was a complete waste of our time," Ichigo complained, stretching. "They definitely didn't need to call all of us out here."

"Um, Ichigo?" Mint said suddenly. She pointed at a small cloud of dust that was approaching them. Ichigo squinted at it; it appeared to be a group of about twenty or thirty slug Chimera Anima.

"Oh, that's great," she sighed, readying her weapon again. "One slug doesn't work, so they send in an army. Let's try and finish this up quickly, okay? Ryou doesn't pay us for the time we spend fighting." The other Mew Mews nodded, and they rushed the pathetic enemies. Cue the cut-and-dried montage battle sequence. To the Mew Mews, it seemed to be a perfectly ordinary fight.

The fight was actually relatively normal. It was what happened after it that was different.

---

"Now we can get back to being paid," Ichigo remarked brightly, as she adjusted her apron. Pudding, who hadn't un-transformed yet, tentatively opened the door to the dining room and scanned the tables carefully. Her face fell.

"What's the matter, Pudding?" Lettuce enquired. "You look sad."

"Well, before we left, there was a customer who wanted to watch my show," Pudding explained. "But she's not in there any more..."

"Maybe she went to the bathroom?" Mint suggested.

"No, Keiichirou doesn't label the bathrooms very clearly. I don't think anyone would be able to find them without help. Where could she be?"

"Uh...I'm over here," an unfamiliar voice commented. All the Mew Mews turned around to observe the customer in question. Indeed, she was standing in front of the secret back door. "That was a great fight, by the way."

"Wait...what?" Ichigo said blankly. Then it dawned on her. "You saw our transformations!"

"Y-yes, I did. I promise not to tell anyone!"

"What should we do?" Lettuce whispered. "This isn't a good situation at all..."

"PUDDING RING INFERNO!"

"Eh?" The last thing the woman saw was a flash of golden light.

---

Yellow.

Yellow like sunlight. Burning like sunlight...

Pain. Intense pain.

Blood.

Falling. Falling through nothing.

Impact. More blood, more pain.

Then blackness.

Blackness and silence.

...Silence...

---

Pudding's attack blasted the woman out the door. The rings carried their victim out the door, into the dense forest, and out of sight. There was a crash like a sound of thunder.

Pudding ended her transformation. The other Mew Mews turned towards her, stunned.

"Pudding...what did you..." Ichigo began. Tears welled up in Pudding's eyes. She threw off her apron, then rushed out the kitchen door into the dining room, bawling.

"PUDDING!" Mint shouted, to no avail. They found her tear-stained uniform on the changing room floor later.

Pudding was gone.

---

As the sunset faded, Pudding dimly wandered the streets, clutching her purse tightly. Her thoughts were a mess.

I went too far.

They won't ever forgive me.

What if I killed that person?

Where can I go now?

I'm so stupid.

I'm scared.

She sat down by a streetlamp and began crying again.

I'm scared...

"Are you lost, little girl?" The voice was that of a woman, soft and kind.

"Kind of..." Pudding whimpered. Her words began running together. "I did something really bad and my friends are mad at me and I don't know what to do. I think I hurt someone and they'll never forgive me, and I'm scared. I'm scared..."

"Shh, it's okay. Don't cry." The woman patted Pudding's head, and the tears diminished. "It'll all work out."

Pudding slowly stood up, trying to see through the tears. Her comforter was quite young, but her hair was as grey as the sea. In fact, she even smelled faintly of the ocean, fresh and pure and salty. She wore a long white garment that resembled a robe.

"Are you feeling any better?" asked the sea-woman.

"Yes. Thank you." Pudding wiped her eyes. "What's your name?"

"I'm...Ruka." The woman bowed slightly. "And you?"

"Pudding."

"Pudding? That's...a very tasty-sounding name."

"I used to get teased about it a lot..."

"I can imagine such."

"Ah..." Pudding's eyes finally focused properly. "That thing you're wearing, is it a lab coat?"

"Good eye! This is, indeed, a lab coat." Ruka struck a pose. "I may not look like it, but I'm actually a scientist!"

"Are you sure? You seem kind of young."

Ruka looked crestfallen. "Well, okay, I'm not really a scientist yet," she sighed. "I'm actually just entering college this coming spring, so I'm still in training. But doesn't this lab coat make me look cool?"

"...Ahem. Well, what kind of things are you going to study when you're a real scientist?"

"I'm interested in Chimera Animas."

"What?" Pudding cried. "I mean, what...are they?"

"Well, have you heard any of those news reports recently that talk about weird giant animals? That's what we call a 'Chimera Anima'. The common theory is that they're ordinary Earth animals that have somehow become hosts to parasitic aliens. Of course, information about them is limited, since there hasn't been a single successful capture of an intact Chimera Anima to date. By the time research crews get on the scene, the monsters have always mysteriously vanished. And that's the mystery I'm trying to solve- what happens to them. I heard there was a Chimera Anima sighting around here in the hour, so I'm investigating to see if I can find a trail."

She seems really serious about this. Well, since she was so nice to me, it would be really nice if...

"I think I might be able to help you," Pudding said suddenly.

"What? Really?"

"Well, I...uh..." Pudding faltered. She had gone to such lengths to protect her identity before; why had she been about to disclose it to a stranger like this?

Because there was no other path she could take.

"...Big Sister Ruka, can you keep a secret? A really, really big secret? Will you promise to never, ever tell anyone else?"

"Ah, it's nice to hear someone calling me 'big sister'. My own little sis never does that anymore, thinks she's too old to-"

"Do you promise?"

"Sure, sure. It's no prob."

"To tell you the truth, I'm...Mew Pudding."

"What? Really?"

"Yes, it's really true."

"That's great. But I have no idea who Mew Pudding is."

Pudding was dumbfounded. "You've never heard of me? Ever? But they're always speculating about it in magazines and stuff!"

"I don't do a lot of reading..."

Is it really okay for a scientist to be like this? "Um, well, have you heard of 'Tokyo Mew Mew'?"

"Sure."

"Mew Pudding is a member of Tokyo Mew Mew. See? Does that make sense?"

"Oh, I get it. But...that's not a very good secret identity name, is it? It's nothing but your real name with the word 'Mew' tacked to the front. You could at least try, like, switching around the syllables or something. I mean, at least 'Mew Punri' is a little bit less...obvious."

"Do you even have to breathe? You keep rambling on and on."

"I just have big lungs. Anyway, what does Mew Punri have to do with Chimera Animas?"

"...Please don't call me 'Punri'."

"It's already catching on! You can't stop it!"

Pudding sighed. She seemed like a kind person at first, but... "Anyway, I fight Chimera Animas almost every day. I can probably help you find one if you give me a minute or two."

"All right! You've been a big help to us. Of course, you'll have to come visit our HQ first. It's awesome!"

"Your 'HQ'? Headquarters?"

"Yeah! It's got, like...beanbag chairs, and...what are some things kids your age like? Popsicles. Yup, we've got lots of popsicles."

"..."

---

I wait for that person. That person who is honest. But I've been waiting for a very long time, and I'm no longer sure that person even exists.

I wonder...

Why do I continue to wait, when I'm beginning to believe that I will never see that person?

---

Next Chapter...

At that moment, both of them stepped out of the darkness and into the light. But the rain still fell. "The Light of Day"

---

A/N: At last, it's here! Yup, I have finally stopped being lazy and released the prequel to Stolen Dreams. Well, I haven't completely stopped being lazy, but I at least was willing to work on this. That's worth something, right?

First off: I'm sorry! I was supposed to release this in the summer. But a lot of things came up, and then when I looked over the writing, I decided that most of it sucked. And so I delayed it for six months, typing away manically into the night. I know it's not perfect, but it's not as bad as it was, so I'm glad I didn't release it too soon.

I know I would really be ashamed if I submitted a story without making sure that it was the best it could be. If I did that, I'd be left with a profile full of garbage, no improvement to my writing skills, a poor reputation amongst my peers, and- worst of all- after a while, not even I would be able to bear reading my own work. That would just be pathetic.

Looking back on some of the early chapters of Stolen Dreams, I get a sinking feeling that they weren't very good. I haven't gotten much better at writing since then, but I've gotten a little better. Writing these Tokyo Mew Mew fanfics is, and continues to be, a very interesting learning experience.

I know it's hard to be patient, and so to try to make up for it, I have included a number of little extras with this story. Finally: please continue to regard me kindly, everyone, and please don't give up on me. I'll try my best to live up to all your expectations.

Now, don't leave just yet! The fun's only just beginning...

---

Please stand by.

As a special present for the good little girls and boys, a new segment will be making its debut in Tokyo Mew Mew: I Gain Nothing!
Is everybody ready?

3...2...1...

KABOOM!

HOORAY!

Tally Solleni presents:
Tokyo Mew Mew Little Extra Theatre 'Welcome to Café Mew Mew'!

Today's Episode: "The How and Why of 'I Gain Nothing'"

"Good day, everybody!" Pudding began, waving. She was seated in an orange plush armchair in a tastelessly-decorated room, the sort one always sees on talk shows. Ruka and Ryou sat next to her in chairs that were grey and blue, respectively. "We're implementing a few new features for 'Tokyo Mew Mew: I Gain Nothing', which is why all of you have been kept waiting for so long."

"Of course, that's a lie," Ruka piped up. "It took a long time because Tally is a lazy bum and she's been trying to work on a fantasy novel and a manga script at the same time that she's working on this."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. Anyway, onto the new features! First and foremost, the style of chapter names in 'I Gain Nothing' is completely different from the one used in 'Stolen Dreams'."

Ryou pointed to a chart that suddenly appeared on the projector screen behind them. The room went dark, and the screen displayed the chapter titles of Stolen Dreams. "Let's compare them. The chapter titles for Stolen Dreams were things like 'The First Members- The Three with Vanished Dreams' or 'Casualties of Wishes- The Three Tears'."

"They were intended to sound like the episode titles for the actual Tokyo Mew Mew anime," Pudding explained. "But the chapter titles for I Gain Nothing have a different style, don't they?"

"Yes." Ryou pressed a button on a remote control. The screen changed to a list of 'I Gain Nothing' chapter titles. "As you can see, the chapter titles are-"

"NO!" Pudding shouted, running in front of the text. "You can't show those just yet!"

"Why not?"

"It might give away the story! Besides, those chapters haven't been released yet, so they're top secret!"

"Oh, I guess you're right." Ryou pressed another button; the text vanished, and the lights came on again. Pudding sat back down again.

"Anyway, the chapter titles for IGN are intended to be in a more sombre style," Pudding continued. "Tally was thinking of the style used by serious anime like 'Gad Guard', 'Noir', and 'Fullmetal Alchemist' when she chose them."

"Another new feature," Ruka broke in, "would be the little poems at the start of each chapter!"

"Yup! Except for the one in the final chapter, which will be a Bible verse, Tally wrote those herself," Pudding said. "They're intended to have a special meaning that's connected to the chapter, so keep your eyes out for them!"

"And let's not forget the end-of-chapter previews!"

"Yes! Those were also done in the style of more serious anime, like Noir and FMA. Tally actually wanted to add end-of-chapter previews to Stolen Dreams, but she ran out of time."

"Finally, the most important new feature in 'I Gain Nothing' is this very segment!" Ruka yelled. A brightly-painted backdrop, bearing the text 'Tokyo Mew Mew Little Extra Theatre- Welcome to Café Mew Mew', slid in behind the chairs.

"Of course! Tally was worried that due to its general theme and idea, 'I Gain Nothing' would be too depressing. And if it's too depressing, the readers would jump off buildings and our ratings would go down the tubes and our pay would get cut! We can't let that happen, so we're doing a humorous segment at the end of each chapter to lift everyone's spirits. During 'Welcome to Café Mew Mew', we'll have parodies of the serious parts and other random fun!"

"This is sounding a little familiar," Ryou remarked. "An extra segment entitled 'Welcome to' something, that makes fun of the serious show...wasn't there something like this in that old anime 'Record of something-or-another'?"

"There was," Ruka agreed.

"But let's forget about 'Record of Lodoss War' for now. Like I was saying, 'Welcome to Café Mew Mew' will have parodies and random fun!"

"Wait a minute!" Ruka cried. "I just realised that we've already spent the whole segment talking about the new features! Now there's no time for any jokes!"

"Oh, no! You're right! What are we going to do now? Everyone will get depressed without any jokes, and then we'll get less money!"

"I guess I'll have to tell a quick joke." Ryou stood up. "Why did Mint cross the road?"

"I don't know," Ruka responded.

"To get to the tea on the other side!"

The Osakan amnesiac girl suddenly ran into the room and slapped Ryou upside the head. "Nande ya nen!"

"And that's our show for today," Pudding concluded. "See you next week, everybody!"

IGNofficial abbreviation of I Gain Nothing. Not a reference to the unreliable videogame magazine.

Nande ya nen literally means something to the effect of 'why?' or 'why in the heck?' This is a trademark punchline in Osakan comedy routines; hence, why I decided to use it instead of an equivalent English phrase (and why the Osakan is the person who delivers it). I generally try to avoid using 'leet Japanese werdz!' in my stories, but in this particular instance, I felt that 'nande ya nen' had a particular feel and meaning that would be difficult to translate.