"Yes Jack, I'm sure my father won't cleave your head from your shoulders with his axe." Hiccup called from the bathroom connected to Jack's room, emerging a moment later with a towel wrapped around his waist and an annoyed look on his face, "And before you ask, neither will my mother."
"But how do you know, Hic?" Jack asked with what he probably thought was reasonable caution and a rather annoying whining tone, and Hiccup crossed his arms as the white-haired boy continued, "They could take on look at me, think 'Nope', and just reach over and..."
He trailed off, hands curled around an invisible neck and an expression of fury written upon his face. Hiccup snorted derisively and strode over to his bag, pulling out some clean clothes to change into.
"I know because one, my dad doesn't wanna have to get his record expunged again, and two, my mother would murder him if we were forced to move again." Hiccup said matter-of-factly, letting his towel drop and enjoying the look on his boyfriend's face as the sentence caught up with him.
"They've killed before?!" he screeched with tangible fright, going weak in the knees as he imagined just how easily the two people Hiccup called 'Mom' and 'Dad' could snap him like a twig. His fear turned to annoyance, though, when Hiccup let out a short bark of laughter as he pulled on some briefs.
"No they haven't killed before, and I'm surprised at how gullible you still are." Hiccup told him with a smirk on his face, his hands grasping at the fabric of his jeans as he tried to turn them inside-in instead of inside-out. Jack's eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms with a pout.
"Yeah, well, it's perfectly plausible. They're huge!" Jack exploded once more, hands flailing as he attempted to convey the intensity of his emotions, "They look like they could wrestle a bear into submission while simultaneously punching out a whale!"
"My dad actually did wrestle a bear into submission once." Hiccup told him casually, smiling at the memory, "It was awesome."
"That only proves my point!" Jack screeched again, but Hiccup looked at him confusedly.
"No it doesn't. It proves how gentle he was with it. The first time he tried to wrestle a bear, its heart exploded from the effort and Dad squeezed its head from its shoulders when he freaked out about it." Hiccup told him, and Jack nearly fainted on the spot. As it was, he staggered into a nearby chair and put a hand to his forehead with a groan.
Hiccup gave another smile, softer this time, and abandoned his pants in favor of going to sit on Jack's lap.
"Seriously though. They're going to love you." Hiccup told him comfortingly, giving him a smile and wrapping his arms around his neck. Jack looked up at his boyfriend and gave a small smile, arms instinctively snaking down to wrap around Hiccup's waist, and without even a thought they both leaned forward into a kiss.
Needless to say, Hiccup forgot about turning his pants the right way very soon after.
As they strode up the walk leading to Hiccup's front door, the only thing Jack could think about was his imminent doom and the fact that death would mean no more Hiccup to laugh and cry with. He glanced over to his calm-seeming boyfriend, an illogical sadness welling up inside of him, but before it could progress any further than that Hiccup turned to him, gave him a quick peck on the lips for comfort, and threw the front door open.
"Sibling?! ATTACK!" Hiccup cried dramatically, and with a cry of joy Jack suddenly found himself weighed down by a blob of cuteness.
"Jack's here!" said sibling yelled gleefully from his place hanging from Jack's neck. His name was actually Torrence, but he preferred his nickname of Torch for the bright-red hair adorning his head. Jack gave an amused chuckle and picked Torch up properly, assuming a deadpan expression and staring into the boy's eyes.
Torch did the same, as was their game, and stared back with the same emotionless expression Jack had. He lost it, though, when Jack cocked an eyebrow, dissolving into helpless giggles and making Jack laugh victoriously.
"And the Snowflake wins again!" he crowed, spinning around with Torch still in his arms before turning the boy upside down and slowly lowering him to the floor. The seven-year-old, still giggling, put his hands out to stop his head from hitting the floor and crawled forward, scrambling to his feet when Jack released him and glaring playfully at the boy.
"'Lo again Jack. I assume you're taking adequate care of little brother?" Hiccup's older brother, Thomas, asked with his usual smooth drawl as he came in from the living room. Jack gave a friendly smile as Torch launched himself back at Jack with a loud battle cry.
"As well as can be expected. How on Earth did you manage to keep the curious little guy out of trouble when he was a baby?" Jack asked, playfully ruffling Hiccup's hair and laughing at his put-out expression before flipping Torch over again and holding him there.
"Lots of naps and judicious use of duct-tape." Thomas deadpanned, smirking as Hiccup went red with angry annoyance and Jack snorted.
"At least I managed to be less clumsy than you, Toothless." Hiccup said mockingly, referencing the time Thomas had knocked out both his front teeth with a tube of toothpaste and a monkey wrench. They had both grown back, as the knocked-out teeth were baby teeth, but he was still a bit sensetive about it.
"Sure about that, Mr. 'Falls-Up-the Stairs'?" Thomas asked innocently, and Hiccup flushed redder. They were distracted from their verbal duel, however, when Jack gave a loud cry.
Torch had bitten him.
"Alright, begone little one! Jack needs to meet Mom and Dad." Hiccup bade in amusement, so with a tongue stuck out at his brother and a cheerful wave to Jack, Torch thundered back up the stairs from whence he came. Jack inspected his injured hand with an amused expression, muttering about tetanus shots and prdigy vampires.
"Should I be insulted my children know my middle child's boyfriend better than I do?" an amused voice said from down the hall, and Jack looked over to see Valka, Hiccup's mother, standing there with a fond smile on her face and a bit of flour on her cheek. He knew that he was afraid of exactly this moment, but her easy smile and warm eyes were putting him at ease.
"Incredibly so. Hiccup, how dare you?" Thomas said mildly, turning to stare disapprovingly at Hiccup, but the boy only snorted and started towards the kitchen.
"Mom, this is Jack. Jack, this is my mother Valka." Hiccup introduced, gesturing from one to the other and back again before continuing, "She's twenty-nine years old, is employed as an animal shelter worker and veterinarian, and ejoys helping animals, baking, and rending the flesh of her enemies. He's seventeen, has a paid internship at the Marine Biology Lab with a pending transfer to the Arctic Research Division, and enjoys lazy days accompanied by cocoa, inciting rebellion in toddlers, and all things winter."
"You're only twenty-nine?" Jack asked her curiously, tilting his head to the side, but then Valka gave him an unexpected glare.
"I am if you wish to leave here alive." she said lowly, and Jack blanched whiter than his hair.
"Well then congratulations on giving birth to Hiccup at a tender twelve years of age." he told her in a terrified tone, and she managed to hold her dark look a moment more before bursting out into great heaving laughs.
"W-well, that c-clears that up. Come help me make some cookies for Torch's bake sale tomorrow." she managed to choke out between laughing gasps for air, and the three teenagers happily followed her to the kitchen.
"So you enjoy baking?" Jack questioned as he set to work mixing a bowl of batter, and a now-calm Valka smiled at him as she set up the oven.
"Oh yes. It's just so relaxing." she said, garnering a smile from the three, but then she finished, "And it provides a clever and unassuming way of getting rid of my enemies." and Jack's expression went slack.
"Oh officer..." Valka continued in a deceivingly-innocent falsetto, pretending to be near tears, "I swear, I thought it was pan greaser! I told him not to get the no-name furniture polish, but he didn't listen, and the cans just look so similar, and..."
She broke off into sobby, hiccuping gasps that quickly morphed into diabolical laughter, and as Jack stared at her in horror, Thomas slipped behind his brother's boyfriend unnoticed.
"How about a cookie?" the taller boy breathed into Jack's ear, and the white-haired teen gave a terrified shriek as he jumped about a foot in the air. Mother and sons collapsed into laughter as Jack tried to catch his breath, and it was this scene that Stoick, Hiccup's father, walked into.
"Valka, did you spike the tea again?" he questioned with the air of somehow who's had to deal with just that situation too many times, a note of disapproval coloring his thick accent, and his wife immediately stopped laughing to assume a haughty air.
"I am offended!" she said in an exaggerratedly affronted tone, "Just because something odd happens doesn't mean it's my fault.".
"And really, I would like to think I'd catch such an ameteurish move." Thomas said casually, inspecting his fingernails. Stoick, though, merely raised an eyebrow.
"Wife, name one time when it didn't all boil down to you or something you did. Son, be reminded of the brownie incident." he requested, a smile beginning to tug at his lips, and Thomas flushed a brilliant scarlet as Valka blinked in thought. After a moment or two, she smiled triumphantly
"Remember when Hiccup programed all the electronics in the house to burst out into song at three fifty-seven exactly? Every single day?" she questioned smugly, and Jack turned to Hiccup with a flummoxed expression.
"Did you?" he asked incredulously, and Hiccup scoffed.
"Only because Mom changed the Wi-Fi password and didn't tell anybody what it was." he said dismissively, raising an eyebrow at his mother, and her confident smirk instantly transformed into an amused expression.
"Oh yes, I'd forgotten." she admitted with a small snicker, and Stoick finally gave in and smiled.
"Well, now that we've established that everything odd is Valka's fault, I believe that I haven't met the young man standing beside my son. Hiccup?" he questioned with a pointed look, and Hiccup smiled brilliantly.
"Dad, this is Jack, the one I told you about." Hiccup said happily, shoving the white-haired teen towrds his father, and Jack barely had time to regain his balance before he foud two hands on his shoulders.
Stoick, his face scrunched in thought and mildly-suppressed suspicion, turned Jack around several times to inspect his from all angles, ruffling his hair and patting his clothes before finally releasing the boy to stare intensely into his eyes. Jack gulped.
"If you ever hurt my son, I will personally cleave your head from your shoulders and mount it on the wall next to my hunting trophies." he rumbled menacingly, and Jack nearly wet himself as he nodded quickly.
"Yes sir. Understood sir." he said in a petrified voice, and Stoick glared at him a few moments longer before suddenly going back to his easy smile from before.
"Good lad. Now, why do I smell cookies?" he asked, perking up in interest.
It was several hours later, and the family was gathering around the table for dinner. A beautiful roast sat as the centerpiece, complimented by the many fixings Valka, Stoick, Hiccup, and Jack had prepared, and the family could barely restrain themselves from digging in as they beheld the veritable feast that awaited them. Valka said Grace, perhaps a bit quicker than she normally would have, and they all rushed to dig in.
"Oh dear, I forgot the cranberry sauce in the kitchen. Hiccup, would you be a dear?" she asked, and Hiccup made an exasperated face but complied nontheless. He rushed to the kitchen and back with said bowl, eager to get back to his food, but of course the universe just had to be cruel.
"Hiccup? Why are you limping?" Stoick questioned worriedly, and Hiccup looked confused for all of two seconds before his eyes widened into a stricken look. Glancing over at Jack, who was pointedly not looking in his direction, Hiccup gave a weak smile as he tried not to freak out.
'Must've hit my leg on something." he covered quickly, taking his seat and placing the bowl down on the table, "You know me, always the clumsy one."
"Are you sure? It looked pretty prominent. How hard did you hit it?" Thomas questioned with mock-worry, and Hiccup glared at him venemously as his parents grew more concerned.
"It was pretty hard. I banged into it when Jack and I were wrestling." Hiccup said through clenched teeth, and Jack choked on his food in the process of shaking his head extremely vigorously.
"Oh really?" Thomas drawled, disapproval evident in his voice, before turning to Jack and chastising, "Jack, how rude. You really shouldn't be so rough in your activities."
"Yes Jack, that's not how you treat your partner. You intentionally hold back to avoid hurting them." Stoick instructed, and Jack's cheeks turned a bright red. Luckily, though, Stoick was distracted by Valks'a laugh.
"Oh please, I won that fight and you know it." Valka said teasingly, poking his upper arm, and Stoick smiled in amusement.
"Yes dear." he said generically, and Valka slapped his arm with an amused laugh. Then she turned back to her middle son with a concerned expression.
"So you're sure you're okay son?" she asked, and Hiccup nodded perhaps a bit too quickly.
"Yep. Completely fine. No need to ask any more. Wow, this roast is good." he redirected, shoving a forkful of roast in his mouth. Stoick and Valka glanced at each other in worry, Thomas was sitting quietly with the smuggest smirk on his face, Jack was trying hard not to die from all this awkward, and Torch was just confused.