A/N I wrote this story within a couple of hours, it is a way of releasing my feelings. I hope you like it.
I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know if to cry, scream or if to fade into complete silence. A bomb had just been dropped on my family unit. People around me had been stunned into silence. Things like this don't happen to us. The tears streamed down my face, men don't cry. We are meant to be the strong one in the family but right now I was broken. I had been walking the streets of New York for hours. I didn't have a destination or even a plan. Twenty minutes ago it begun to rain, I was soaked to the skin. The rain hid my tears, my wet hair was matted to my head and my clothes have become a second skin. There were several questions running through my head, they were haunting my mind. Why him? It was the main one that seemed to play like a broken record. Why now? I sat down on the nearest bench clutched my head in my hands and just sobbed. Why was life so unfair?
Twenty minutes later, I found myself in front of a familiar looking building. The Brown brick work and white windows stood out from the grey dismal sky that framed it. I wondered how I had ended up here, it was as though my brain had switched to autopilot and sought out a place of comfort. For a minute I was unsure if I should go in. The storm has started to pick up, flashes of blue lighting now light up the night sky. The crack and bang of the thunder follows every flash. I don't want to buzz in so I am glad when a lady from the building opens the door and invites me in. I thank her before heading towards the elevator. As the doors close and the number on the dial increases, I wonder what happens from this moment on. The elevator comes to a stop on the 4th floor and the doors reopen. For a moment I am tempted to push the ground floor button and go back down as it is midnight. It is like a magnetic force is pulling me as I step out and head towards apartment 49. I rap my knuckles lightly on the wooden door in front of me. Five minutes pass and I decide that this was a bad idea. As I turn to head away I hear the unlocking of a dead bolt and the door creaks open. All I see is the flash of black as a Glock 45 comes out, the person holding it is not far behind. As the door finally fully opens I hear a gasp and the gun lowers and the safety is clicked back on.
"Castle I could of shot you!"
Right now I couldn't care if she did maybe it would numb the pain. I turn around and I am faced with a very concerned looking Kate Beckett. She is standing in her doorway in a black vest top and a pair of tiny navy blue gym shorts, her legs seem to go on forever. Her hair is tussled like she has been in bed, normally I would make a comment about her appearance but right now I just can't. I look up to her face and find her eyes roaming up and down my stature.
"Castle your soaked what have you been doing, are you okay?"
I can't answer that question I'm not okay, my life is crumbling around me and I am currently dripping water on my partner's door mat. Her hand reaches out and takes a hold of my forearm, her touch is light and delicate. She pulls me towards her and leads me into the apartment. I am still mute, I am unsure of how to start the conversation or if I even can bear to voice the issue out loud. She stands in front of me in her living room, her hand is still clasped gently around my arm. Her eyes search my face for a clue of why I am here. She seems to come up blank, she goes to speak her mouth opens but soon shuts again. I don't blame her what is she suppose to say, when she doesn't even know what is happening. She releases my arm and heads towards her bedroom. I am left just standing there in the middle of the room, I am sure my clothes are soaking the carpet beneath me.
She returns a few minutes later with a pile of clothes and a towel. She hands them out to me and I gladly accept them. Her hand comes up and brushes my cheek.
"I think you should get out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold. I'm sorry the only clothes that will fit you are some of my dad's old clothes that he was going to give to charity. They should fit okay and at least they are dry."
I nod at her, I am happy for the dry clothes I couldn't care less whose they are, although I am glad that they are not Josh's. Even though they have now broken up. Her hand is still resting on my cheek, the warmth that she is giving off feels wonderful on my cold skin. She looks into my eyes before speaking again.
"Now go get changed in the bathroom. I'll make you a famous Beckett hot chocolate while you do that and then when you come back out we will talk about what ever you want to okay Castle?"
"Okay."
She takes her hand off my cheek and points towards the bathroom door. I go in and get changed as quickly as I can. The coldness of my wet clothes is now making me start to shiver. I dry myself off with the towel and slip the plain black t-shirt over my head. It is a little on the tight side but at least it is dry. The grey sweat pants on the other hand fit quite well. I run the towel over my head trying to dry my hair, I look in the mirror and see that my hair is sticking out at weird angles but I don't care. I look at my face. My eyes are red and bloodshot, it is obvious even to the least observant that I have been crying for some time. My eyes are still brimmed with tears that I have not shed yet, my nose is slightly runny from the cold and from the crying. I swipe my arm across my nose and take a deep breath. How was I going to explain to Beckett the reason I was here, the reason I was crying. I didn't fully understand what has happened myself. I grip the white porcelain sink with my hands and will myself to calm down, will myself to stop crying. I pull out my phone and send a text to Alexis to let her know that I am safe and with Beckett so she doesn't worry. I kind of left the loft in a hurried and distressed state. I put my phone away and take one more deep breath before releasing my grip on the sink. I head back out to the living room and find Beckett sitting on her couch nursing one cup of hot chocolate in hands, meanwhile the other one is on the table in front of her. She turns her head to look at me and gives me a small smile.
I take a seat at the other end of the couch and pick up the cup off the table. The heat automatically radiates through my body and I take a sip. Even though she is looking at me, I know that she will give me all the time I need to explain what bought me here. Her brown eyes pierce my blue ones. She needs answers but she won't push for them unlike when she interviews suspects.
" I found out who my Dad is today."
She looks shocked but I haven't finished yet, now this is the hard bit. I can feel my eyes already tearing up, how manly of me. She doesn't say anything so I continue.
" He is dying, He has end stage cancer."
I feel the tears begin there jagged journey down my face, I drop my head into my hands and a small sob escapes. I feel movement on the couch but I don't look up, I can't bear for her to see me like this. Suddenly I feel her in close proximity to me, her thigh is slightly touching mine. She clasps my head with both her hand and raises it to look at her.
"I'm so sorry Castle."
I can see that her eyes are welling up, great I have made her cry. Why did I burden her with this information, I know exactly why it's because I love her. I hope that she secretly loves me too.
" I have just found him and now I'm going to lose him again. It's just so unfair, he left just before I was born. It's taken him 39 years to finally get up the courage to talk to me and now he is dying."
"How did you meet him?"
A simple question but so meaningful at the same time.
"He just showed up at the loft tonight, he said he had looked me up on the internet and found out my address."
I chuckled slightly.
"If you think I am a state, you should see mother she looked like she had seen a ghost. Well I suppose he is really she hasn't seen him for 39 years either. He was the love of her life, her one and done."
This made Kate give me a slight smile, her hands now encased mine on my lap.
" He decided that he wanted to see me before he died, he wanted to see in his words; see how his boy had turned out."
" I'm not sure if I wanted to meet him or if would have been better that at this stage of his life he had never found me. How am I suppose to get to know the man who gave me half his genes in the hour that he spent talking to Mother, Alexis and myself. Oh God how is Alexis suppose to deal with the fact that the grandfather that she has only just met, has only weeks to live?"
I had just come to that realisation about my poor daughter she may be eighteen but she is still a kid, how was she going to deal with this. The tears now streamed more freely down my cheeks. I dropped my head to the side and found it resting on Kate's shoulder. She placed her arm behind me and rested her hand on my shoulder as I turned my head and sobbed into the space between her shoulder and her neck. Her right hand gripped mine tighter and she drew soothing circles on my shoulder with her left thumb.
" Don't worry Castle, we will figure this all out together. I am going to be there for you every step of the way. I won't let you, Alexis or your mother face this alone. I have dealt with the grief of losing a parent, even if you haven't know him that long it's still going to be hard on you. I am going to support you because I'll always be there for you. You'll never get rid of me I am a one writer girl anyway."
She placed a small kiss on the top of head and I felt some of my fears and grief fade away. I loved this woman she always knows what to do and say. I feel the day's events catch up with me and my eyes start to feel heavy. I fight to keep them open when she says…
"Rick try and get some sleep I'll be here when you wake up."
She rests her head lightly on mine and I feel her place a blanket over both of us. I start to drift off to slept.
" I love you Kate Beckett. Thank you."
The end of the sentence trails off as I feel sleep pull me under into it's warm embrace….
A/N I am planning to write another chapter in the point of view of Beckett. How will she respond to that last sentence and what did she think when Castle turned up on her door step in that state.
This story is kind off personal to me. My Uncle is currently battling Cancer he is awaiting results to see if it has spread from his bladder. I hope to God that it hasn't, I hope that it is good news next week and that he goes into remission. Cancer devastates families but it also brings them closer together.