Endless Blue
It was beautiful.
The most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
Except for her.
And he let the tears roll down his cheeks as he watched the endless blue waves blend into the horizon, falling one over the other as the light from the setting sun glistened over the surface.
And it was so damn beautiful.
And yet, the emptiness in his heart could never be filled. No amount of freedom or exploration, flaming water or frozen earth, could ever fill the space that she had left behind.
And no matter how much he wanted it, how much he loved her, he could never bring her back.
He loved her.
More than anything. He wanted her next to him, to share this moment with her, more than anything.
And yet, it wasn't enough.
If anything, that vast, empty stretch of blue only reflected his own loneliness.
This moment should be everything he ever wanted. And yet, without her, it was so meaningless. So empty. So lonely.
And he reached up and pulled the worn, tattered red scarf over his nose. And he swore that he could still smell her.
And the memory of that day clouded his mind.
XX
This could not be happening.
It couldn't be. Not to him, not to her.
"Mikasa," he choked.
"Eren," the whisper of his name on her blood-stained lips…it couldn't be real. He refused to accept that this was real. "I'm so sorry."
The tears streamed down his face, and he felt the anger and despair surging through him.
"God damn it, Mikasa!" He screamed. "God damn it! You can't die! You can't leave me!"
"Don't be sad, Eren," she smiled gently, calmly, her eyes shining with pure happiness and love as she reached up and touched his face. "Please don't cry…Eren," her voice, fading, barely above a whisper.
"You can't," his beautiful green eyes glistened with despair as he spoke, "you can't."
"Eren, listen…please," his eyes met hers, and the calmness of her gentle, beautiful voice comforted him.
"I've had such a wonderful life…despite this cruel, merciless world…this hopeless, empty place, I found happiness…because I found you," she beamed at him, and despite the fact that she was worn, weakened, bloodied, and broken, she had never looked so beautiful to him. "When I had given up on everything," she continued, "when I had absolutely nothing left, and I was empty and scared…life gave me you, Eren."
"Mikasa…" he buried his face into her neck as he held her.
"And I just want you to know," she whispered, "I need to you know, Eren…that you made me so so happy, and I love you so much."
"Mikasa," he choked, unable to think. Unable to do anything. The pain of losing her had made his mind so incredibly numb, and all he could feel was the pain, the sadness, the anger, surging through his veins like poison.
"It isn't fair," he managed to say, holding her tighter, pressing his lips to her forehead. "We can finally…we can finally be together…we can finally leave this hell…together…" he sobbed. "God damn it, Mikasa! You can't leave me here alone in this world! It's so empty! It's so…cold," his voice faded.
And then, with all of the strength she had left, she reached up and uncoiled the scarf from her neck, and slowly, arms weak and shaking, she reached out and wrapped it around his neck.
"You can have this, Eren," she smiled as the tears fell from her eyes, and he stared at her with an expression she couldn't quite understand. Disbelief, sadness, anger, and…love?
"It's warm, isn't it?" She spoke in a voice so quite that he could barely hear her, and she squeezed his hand as she closed her eyes.
"It's…so warm," he managed to smile at her beautiful eyes fluttered shut.
"I love you, Mikasa," he whispered desperately, as if it could save her, but all he could feel was her limp hand in his and the pain in his heart.
"I love you,"
XX
"She would want me to have this moment," he whispered to himself, the cool sea breeze carrying his words away. "She would want me to find happiness."
And yet, part of him doubted that he could ever be happy again.
But somehow, that old red scarf gave him comfort, and he smiled sadly to himself as he finally realized why it had meant so much to her.
And he was so angry that it took losing her to realize how much she had meant to him.
Maybe in another life, they could have been together.
But this world was so cruel.
But because he had met her, because their friendship had existed, their love had existed, it was also so damn beautiful.
And as his eyes gazed out across the surface of the shimmery blue water, he thought to himself that maybe this world wasn't so cruel after all.
XX
Hello, yes I am Satan.
I'm so sorry, but this idea would not leave my head. I have this terrible suspicion that Mikasa isn't ever going to see the ocean (if you know what I mean). Let us all hope that I am very wrong.
Thanks for the read, and I apologize if you thought this was going to be a fun, happy, story. I will gladly write one if someone wishes.
Ebba.