This story is an old version. I uploaded version 2 as the story 'Why Can't I remember?'. V 2 is much better planned. If You're worried about the length of the first chapter just start from the middle and come back to it later. The next chapters will be shorter and more interesting.

I will delete this version on the 28th of June. I will also be available on PM and will have time to read your comments now that the crazy busy time is over.

Chapter 1 - Making a change (Old)

After losing her parents to the Illuminati and getting them back, they became dear to her heart. The opposite wasn't true. Her father realized that after the traumatic event, Pacifica might need some support, so he said that she can ask for anything she wants. It's important to note that asking for something doesn't necessarily mean she will get it. He is willing to give her more money than usual and because he knows that she can't value costs, he won't get upset no matter what Pacifica asks for.

That was it. Nothing else changed. They didn't intend to spend more time with her or to try and understand her better, or give her attention of any kind. She knows she's not the only one, but she's from those sort of kids who were never told they are loved, and never said it to anyone. After watching the cheesiest movie scene, this fact suddenly hit Pacifica.

As soon as she got home that day she did something very embarrassing and very brave. Pacifica interrupted her Mother while she was on the phone, ask her to hang up and then told her Mom that she loves her. It didn't change Priscilla's expression a bit "I know" she said, still angry with Pacifica for interrupting, Pacifica could read between the lines as if Priscilla spelled it out for her. Priscilla tried to say 'What's your point?' in other words 'What's your motive? Just tell me so I can buy it and then leave me be'.

Priscilla didn't want to give Pacifica the 'If you love me buy me the _' card. She used a pretty powerful one already. Priscilla was worried it was something they couldn't afford. Pacifica had a fine eye for expensive stuff, and she never started a bargain that was this persuasive before.

Judging from Priscilla's tone Pacifica knew that her mother did not believe Pacifica could mean that. It hurt. It really, really hurt. Her mother knew Pacifica could ask anything in the world, but she will be more likely to get it, than getting more time with her parents. She was alone. Her parents bought the people around her. Her friends…

Pacifica was in a clothing shop when a stranger gave her an angry glance. Well, there it was. Another reminder of how much the townspeople hated Pacifica's family. Sometimes she wondered what crimes she did to deserve that approach. Right before she remembered the egoism and lack of conscience she inherited from a long line of black suite thieves and manipulative women. And she was a part of it. She had no one else to look up to. Especially now that she had learned that everyone was beneath her.

At weirdmageddon, she learned modesty. She learned that, all in all, when they look each other in the eye, they're all the same. In that circle around the fire behind the Mystery Shack, she realized that in that situation, Mabel was wealthier than her. She had lots of something Pacifica never had. It was mutual affection with other intelligent creatures (she can't say people because Mabel was connecting with the Mantaur). Everyone loved Mabel from the moment she first got to Gravity Falls. Pacifica knew that popularity is power, this is why she challenged Mabel to a public singing competition the moment they met. To demonstrate her power and unquestionable position in the spotlight. Mabel didn't seem to get the hint. That was well behind Pacifica.

At the mini-golf match she had with Mabel, she realized that she's not the only one who takes shortcuts and bribes to be number one. Somehow it made her feel a bit better with herself, knowing that even the most innocent person she knows can pull up a scandal when she has to. Then again, it was not all positive feelings Pacifica got from getting tied up by smurfs. For maybe the first time in her life, Pacifica was the one who played fair, and was cheated. She wasn't angry with Mabel, if fronts were opposite she would have done the same. Only later she realized, the only reason she wasn't angry was because Mabel apologized. That's why people stayed angry about things she did long ago, she owed apologies to at least half the people in town. Long overdue apologies. She sighed hard when this passed her mind.

"Lift your head up, Pacifica. Elbows off the table". Said her mom.

"Remember last year's feast?" Said Pacifica. "With the ghost? Remember what I said then?"

Then her mother remembered, and she didn't like Pacifica bringing it up. She didn't want to discuss that. "Finish your dish, Pacifica, or I will tell the cook you won't be getting a dessert," said Pricilla in a quiet, peaceful tone without looking at her.

Pacifica wasn't expecting this answer, but it didn't surprise her.

"I said our family name is broken, and that I'm going to fix it".

Her father sounded angry "Pacifica, our family name doesn't concern you, you are too young to manage our fortune, just as you are too young to affect our family name".

"Oh, yeah? Like how I'm too young to 'portray our family well', and 'do only what a proud Northwest would do'?"

She quoted him on things he told her recently.

"That is a very different discussion!" her father stood up to tower over her and she saw a grounding coming up. "Listen, father. I don't propose that we confess everything we did or return any money or property that shouldn't be ours… " Pacifica wanted to give a few examples she learned from that secret room she found, but her father already looked furious at these general mansions she had made.

"... I just think it could be a nice thing to hold the feast again next summer."

Preston seemed to be at ease now.

"Pacifica, that's a wonderful idea, but without the Northwest Manor… What will we be celebrating?"

Pacifica was surprised he was actually listening to her. "Change! We will invite the townspeople, tourists and anyone who would want to co-"

"-Are you out of your mind? Don't you understand what an act like that-"

"I just think that since you enjoy that much pretending we're perfect we might as well try to do one minor act to meet that-"

"- Go to your room!"

Pacifica hit the table hard before leaving silently. She knows that consequences will get worse if she speaks after she was sent to her room. She had nothing else to say anyway.

She was staring out the window. She felt suffocated, imprisoned. She opened it, and a solid (although distant) wolf cry greeted her, carried on a strong wind current. Pacifica didn't like the strong wind hitting her face so she closed it again. Thoughts of guilt kept bugging her. She went where she goes when she doesn't want to be found. The historic paintings didn't cure the guilt she felt. It made her feel as if she was solely responsible for her family's past and present errors. It was then and there that she realized, she was the only one with both the power and the motivation to redeem this family. She started a diary, but it didn't feel right, so she started writing letters of apology. For her own eyes only. A letter for nearly every person in town will take days to make, but she had days. She had as long as she needed. She wrote long and she wrote honest. Words she could never say out loud.

She was just writing an apology letter for Tad Strange, and it occurred to her how strange her life would seem to a normal guy like him. In later letters, she started to add personal things. Her relationship with her servants, her 'friends', her parents.

She didn't write the same things in each letter, she considered what she would and wouldn't want to say to each person if they stood in front of her. And focused on the things she wouldn't want to say. She confessed all of her greedy motives, practically begged for forgiveness of them. She didn't think of sending the letters. If she tried, her parents would find out, they would find a way to stop her. Stop her from disgracing the family name by stopping to pretend that she was perfect and loved. She wasn't loved, the only person who had shown any real, non-motivated kindness to her was… Mabel.

She wanted the sort of popularity that Mabel had when she gave away sweatshirts by the fire, during WeirdMaggedon. Pacifica wanted that, and she felt like she would do anything to get it.

How did she do it?

How can I figure out how she did it?

I don't think she even meant to, it felt natural like she was just being herself.

Wow.

I guess I could try that.

But it's different for me. The townsfolk won't just forget what I'm like overnight.

What the hell would Mabel do if she was in this mess?.

Then that voice in her mind got a friend.

'you said you would do anything to get to this situation.'

So?

'were you serious?'

I dunno, why?

'The question you keep asking. What would she do? You could find out, you could ask her.'

Ho, no, nono. That's way too low for me.

'But you admitted out loud that nothing is too low for you'

I was trying to sound _...

'Mabel wasn't. She was trying to sound like herself. If you want people to like you-you gotta learn how to do that, and for that, you have to make a phone call.'

I don't even have her number.

'But you know someone who does.'

But I can't go downtown. Not for that. It would be too suspicious.

Days later, a party was held downtown. Pacifica still wanted her parents to hold the Northwest Feast and, to convince them, she went to a normal, zero budget party. Where each person brings some cold drink or a snack to share.

Her mother told her to make people jealous, so she did the opposite and dressed in what she'd call simple cloths. Also her Ugg boots she likes to wear for the Pioneer Day, and her purple jacket. Pacifica had her butler drive her there (and, 'asked him to drive her' would be incorrect here).

Obviously, she didn't bring her 'friends' along. She's not even there to have fun. She's there mainly to make a point to her parents. Also to do whatever she has to do to change her social status. To be adored, or even just genuinely liked by someone. She needs Mabel's help. She can have a word with Wendy at the party. Hopefully, no one will notice.

She found Wendy's gang. "Where's Wendy?".

They were shocked that she talked to them, obviously.

The purple haired girl said "Mmm, don't know. Haven't seen her".

"Damn it!" Pacifica walked away.

After a few steps, a dude with a skull shirt and a tattoo on his arm stopped her by the shoulder.

"I saw her climb over the wall that way a minute ago. Also, I'm pretty sure you weren't supposed to know that". He held his hand out and Pacifica gave him two hundred. "Help me get over the wall".

She was covered in the wall's shadow. The party music seemed very far now. She didn't spot Wendy and wasn't sure where to go. She crossed the street and went behind the house across. She thought she saw a movement on her right, three houses away. Pacifica ran that way. It was probably Wendy, but Pacifica was worried she might be wrong. She followed the noise. That person was clumsy, running into anything in (her?) Way. And puffing in short breath. It wasn't like Wendy to do these, was it? Pacifica didn't know much on Wendy, but she assumed Wendy was in shape.

After the edge of the town, there was a grassy plain. The treeline of the forest wasn't too far. With absolutely nothing in her way, Pacifica could finally see who she was chasing, she was happy it wasn't some criminal. "Wendy! Wendy wait!"

She stopped and turned around. "Pacifica?" she seemed scared. Scared for Pacifica. "Go back! Pacifica go!".

"Why? Just listen to me, this isn't some trick. I promise".

Wendy looked at her as if she saw a ghost. "You shouldn't be here"

"I don't have any other time".

"No. You don't have much time left. You can't run fast enough. I can't run fast enough". She bent down to Pacifica's height (which was a bit offensive) and held her arms, terrified. "Whatever's about to happen, I'm sorry". There was deep pain in her eyes. It reflected an emotion, a sickening sorrow. Pacifica knew it all too well. Guilt.

The pain rushed down from her face to a deep shudder through her body. Her knees gave out, she leaned forward, held her head and screamed. A bone-chilling scream of fear and physical pain.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls.

I did not read other fanfics of this series, so any plotline similar to mine is coincidental. I recommend that you set the text size to larger and the space lines between paragraphs too. It's easier to read that way. Let me know what you think. If you like it, comment. If you didn't like it, comment, I'm open to feedback.

Now happened to be a stressful time for me. So I won't get the chance to write for a while.