Title: The Ghosts in the Room
Author: DizzyDrea
Summary: There were days when Callen could feel the weight of the ghosts in the room. This was one of them. Sequel to A Sea of Trouble.
Rating: T
Spoilers: Familia; Blye K.; The Dragon and the Fairy
Author's Notes: There were a lot of shippy moments in The Dragon and the Fairy, so it was hard to pick just one. In my mind, this episode is connected to the Kensi two-parter. There were a couple of brief moments in both episodes when we're reminded that Callen still doesn't have all the answers about his family, so I decided to pick up that through-line in this story.
Disclaimer: NCIS and NCIS: Los Angeles and all its particulars are the property of CBS, Paramount, Donald P. Bellisario, Belisarius Productions, Shane Brennan, Shane Brennan Productions, and a lot of other people who aren't me. I am doing this for fun and for practice. Mostly for fun.
~o~
"Hey, you okay?"
Callen turned as Kensi stepped up beside him, then returned his attention to the reunion going on in front of them.
It had been a strange case, full of twists and turns, but the biggest surprise had come at the end. Hetty Lange, who had contacts seemingly everywhere, had managed to dig up a birth certificate for Mai Nguyen that proved that James Cleary—the social worker they'd been using as a translator—was really her father.
Callen still didn't know how she'd known to look for that, but he wasn't going to spend a lot of energy trying to figure it out. Hetty had an understanding of the universe that defied explanation.
Still, watching Cleary reunite with his daughter and grandson had tugged at something deep inside him, something he'd tried to deny for a long time. He knew more about his family today that he'd known even six months ago—he even knew that his name, G Callen, was in honor of his grandfather—but it wasn't enough. It was never enough. It was never going to be enough until he knew it all. But there was no guarantee that he'd ever know any more than he did right now.
Kensi took a subtle step closer and slipped her hand into his, squeezing it lightly. He sighed.
"Yeah," he said. "Not really."
"Wanna talk about it?" she asked quietly.
He shook his head. "No. Not really going to help."
She leaned into him as much as she dared, with all the people still in the boat shed. He leaned in, too, trying to soak up some of her warmth.
"It's just, I know I'm never going to get that happy ending that Mai and Tuan got today," he said sadly. "My mom's gone. My sister's gone. My father probably is, too. There's no one left."
He glanced at her and saw the sadness in her eyes. The last thing he needed was pity, hers or anyone's, but when he opened his mouth to say so, she gave a minute shake of the head.
"It's not pity," she said as though she could read his mind. "I know how hard that is. My dad's gone and I'm never getting him back."
"But at least you have your mom," he said.
He was happy for her, that she'd been able to reconnect with her mom. Life was too short, and family too precious, to hang on to old hurts. And he'd never begrudge her that closeness with her mother. Kensi Blye was a strong woman, but even strong women needed someone to lean on every now and then. And everyone needed their mother.
"My mother's a stranger," she said flatly. "It's going to take a long time before she's anyone other than Julia Feldman to me."
Callen contemplated that. He supposed it was a two-edged sword, the truth. Sometimes it was good, sometimes not so good. But at least it was out now, and she never had to wonder.
He sighed again. Kensi ran her hand over his arm, resting it on his bicep and squeezing lightly, a show of comfort and unity in a sea of uncertainty.
"You have family, G," she said quietly as they watched Cleary talking to his family. "I know it's not the same, but maybe it's better. We're here by choice. None of us had to go to Romania, but we did. We stood by you. Hell, Hetty even took a bullet for you."
He looked at her, seeing the conviction in her eyes. "She also kept some pretty big secrets."
It was Kensi's turn to sigh. "Yeah. But that's what families do. We make stupid mistakes because we think we're protecting the people we love."
"Yeah," he said. He darted his eyes back to the little family reunion. "And sometimes it really does turn out okay."
"And sometimes it doesn't," she said, drawing his eyes back to hers. "But even if it all goes bad, we're not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere, okay? You're not alone. You never were."
Her words were sweet, and probably not enough to banish all the ghosts, but he knew she was right on some level. The friends he'd made—the people he worked with—might be the only family he had left, and he'd have to learn to be content with that.
She leaned in closer, resting her hand on his cheek. Their lips met in a soft kiss, just a brushing of the lips, given where they were. When they pulled back, Callen's eyes scanned the room, but if anyone had noticed, they were doing a good job of pretending they hadn't.
"Thanks, Kens," he whispered.
"Of course," she said, smiling softly. "It's my job."
"No, it's not, but I'm glad you're doing it anyway."
She broke out in one of those thousand watt smiles that always made his knees go a little wobbly. He squeezed her hand once more, trying to convey his gratitude with more than words. He didn't know how he'd gotten lucky enough to have her love him, but he tried not to question it.
"Dinner later?" she asked.
He smiled, then cut his glance over to Sam and Deeks, standing near the windows. He looked back at Kensi. "How about we make it a family meal?"
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," he said. "And then afterward, maybe you can come over to my place and help me break in that new mattress some more."
Kensi raised an eyebrow. "Really. Sounds interesting."
"Could be," he said, lifting one shoulder in a half shrug. "You game?"
She smiled softly. "I'm game if you are."
"Always," he said, looking deep into her eyes.
There were days when the crush of uncertainty about his past weighed on him like he was Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. And then there were days like this, when he was reminded of all that he'd lost and never had in the first place, and yet still felt light as air for all that he'd gained.
It wasn't much to hang his hat on, but it was enough to banish the ghosts, for one more day at least.
~Finis
