Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic
The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy.
Chapter 1: The Meeting
In which Forrest does the deed, Ryu calls a meeting, and a Megaman X boss tries to share some wisdom
"Hey, Ken, you made it!" Ryu greeted his best friend with a bro hug and their secret handshake. Eliza simply entered the house around him and hugged her friend Chun Li. "How d'ya do-ken?"
"Just fine," said Ken. "Eliza and I are having a happy marriage."
"And sometimes I wonder if it'll remain that way," said Eliza.
"Happy or a marriage?" asked Chun Li.
"Who cares?" asked Ken. "All right, let's go!"
The two men ran to Ryu's lounge. Their wives soon followed, standing in the doorway while their husbands prepared to play Tekken 5.
"You're playing that instead of Street Fighter?" asked Eliza.
"We don't need to play Street Fighter," said Ken. "We're in it. Hell, Ryu and I are Street Fighter!"
"And we played Mortal Kombat last time," said Ryu, "So that means it's time for Tekken. I call King."
"And I call Eddy," said Ken. "Ready?"
"Are you ready?" Ryu asked. The two of them held out their fists. Two out of three rock-paper-scissors determined who got dibs on Yoshimitsu. They did this same thing for Soul Calibur and Mortal Kombat, but with the latter, it was to determine who got Scorpion. Ken won, so he got Yoshimitsu.
"Have I ever told either of you that not only are you weird and crazy, you're also both impossible?" asked Chun Li.
"If I'm impossible, lower the difficulty level," said Ryu. "Go to Options, and…"
"Very funny," said Chun Li. "Are you two going to do this all visit?"
"Well, if you two want to play," said Ken, "We can always take out Rock Band or Guitar Hero. Or Brawl."
"We didn't bring the Wii, dumbass," said Eliza. "And I say that because you're the one who packed up the car with…what did you put in the trunk?"
"Stuff," said Ken.
"What kind of stuff, dear?"
"Do I have to tell you?"
"Ken, tell me what you put in the car or I won't let you in me tonight."
"I packed us a car full of love, sweetie pumpkin."
Chun Li scrunched up her face. Eliza simply put duct tape over her crotch. The two wives of the fighting superstars watched their husbands play Tekken until an alarm went off.
"What's that?" Chun Li asked.
"It's time for the Titan Nerd Network's filming of the pre-release of Tekken 6," said Ryu. "And I'm watching because Tekken's my second favorite fighting game. Be quiet, wife, it's on."
"Why am I still with you?" Chun Li asked.
"Because I can hadoken." Ryu turned off his PS2 and turned on his cable box. "I can hadoken really well, and you know it."
"It's because he's bigger than Raphael," said Eliza. "I still can't believe you dated the gayest Soul Calibur character for three months."
"If you think Raphael is the gayest Soul Calibur character," said Ken, "You've never met Astaroth. Now be quiet, it's on."
"I'm here with a known Tekken man," said Charles. "Mr. Forrest Law. So tell me, Mr. Law, how do you feel with the release of this game?"
"Cha-ching!" said Forrest. "That's all there is to say. What money doesn't go to Namco goes to me. My bro Marshall doesn't see a single penny!"
"Then, what about Nina and Bryan and Jack and everyone else?"
"I don't know," said Forrest. He looked into the camera. "Here's what I do know. Tekken is the shit. And I can say that with conviction, because you're seeing me for the pompous, arrogant, overrated bastard I really am. It's better than Soul Calibur, which is basically our game with weapons. Good thing Namco owns you as well, Siegfried, because your ass would get sued back to the days of Atari 500s. We're not at all like Mortal Kombat, but Cage, you're a douchebag. Sorry to state the obvious. It's really hard to say what sucks more, your acting, your actual movies, or your fighting style. I'm glad they left you out of vs. DCU, because that game was pretty decent. And Street Fighter. Yeah, so you started us off. And while we have to catch up to Mortal Kombat, which, might I add, is younger than you, we still have more games. And not a single spinoff. So suck on this one, Ryu!" Forrest dropped his pants and started waving at the camera. Needless to say, he was not waving his hands. "Shuck it long, and shuck it haard!" he said in a deep voice.
"Okay," said Charles. "That was one of the most interesting interviews I've had in a while. And what can we expect in this upcoming game?"
"It's better than Street Fighter 5 will ever be!" Forrest shouted, his pants still down.
Ryu turned off the TV. His mouth was open. He could not believe the words he had just heard. He could stand being insulted, but being told to suck another man's penis was enough.
"I've decided to teach that son of a bitch a lesson," Ryu said. "It's between games, so I'll have time enough to do it. It's gonna be SF vs. Tekken. Get ready. Only on Xbox 360. Rated T for Teen."
"Give it a rest, Ryu," said Chun Li. "Nobody would play it, and nobody is going to go with you."
"I'm going with him," said Ken, "Because we're bros, and we stick together. Like the Mario Bros. But without mushrooms and hatred of turtles."
"Why the hell did I marry you?" Eliza asked.
"Because I've got a big penis," said Ken.
"Ironically, the man with such a big penis has no penis," said Eliza. "And what are you doing, Ryu?"
"Ryu, if you are calling everyone here, you're crazy," said Chun Li.
"Get in the basement," said Ryu. He took out an air horn and put it in the window. Ryu hit a button and it started blaring the theme from SFII. He then went to the basement where people were already coming in. Ryu got up onto the stage and started walking around.
"This had better be very fucking important," said Vega. He had a towel around his waist. "I was masturbating in the shower when I heard the horn."
"Wait, this isn't the kall to Kombat?" Johnny Cage asked. He looked around. "Whoops. I messed up more than New Line Cinema when they made the second MK movie. See you guys in the arcades." He left.
"I suppose you're wondering why I called you all here," said Ryu.
"Yes," said Balrog. "I'd like to know because you interrupted my nap."
"I'm not Dyna Blade, you're not Kirby, and these aren't the days of the SNES anymore," said Ryu. "I don't know how many of you were watching, but if you were, then I'm sure you saw Forrest Law of Tekken call us out."
"It's not the first time we've been ridiculed," said Honda. "And for the record, I actually have told Capcom to stop making so many spinoffs. Of course, they never listened."
"Well, who would take advice from a fatass like you?" asked Hawk.
"At least people still know who I am," said Honda. "What's so special about you?"
"THE POINT OF THIS MEETING!" Ryu shouted, "Is that I'm going to go all the way from the world of Capcom to the world of Namco to teach Forrest Law a lesson. You guys can all go home if you want. But I am going to kick that son of a bitch Forrest Law's ass so hard, the next…god, that left a bad taste in my mouth. What was I saying?"
"You're going to kick Forrest Law's ass," said Guile. "And I know what you mean, soldier." He stood up. "Guile. US Army, fictional character. That sack of shit Paul Phoenix had the nerve to insult my haircut. And on TV on a talk show shortly after SFIV. Well, I never had the chance to show him because I was busy at home."
"You were trying to record songs for your debut album," said Cammy. "I love you, but you still suck."
"Anyway," said Guile, "I'm not going home. And that left a really bad taste in my mouth, but I'm not going home."
"You guys are crazy," said Fei Long. "You're driving through Capcom, Nintendo, Midway because it's midway through your journey, and then all the way past who knows what else to Namco just because you don't like what Law said. That's nuts."
"Whoa, just got a boner," said Dan. "Anyone wanna help me with it?"
"Go fuck yourself," said Sagat.
"It got bigger," said Dan. "Might as well finish it. Oh, that did it. Where's the bathroom?"
"Up the stairs, down the hall, on the right," said Ryu. "And leave the toilet seat down or Chun Li will shoot you."
"I'm just glad he can't suck himself off," said Cammy. "He'd never leave his house if he could."
"He would," said Dhalsim, "Because it gets to be an overrated experience after three times. I would know." Everyone looked at him. "Stop judging me!"
"All right, we're going to leave now!" said Ryu. "In my car! Ken. Guile. With me! To my car! We're going to give Law a beatdown!"
"Wait," said Sakura. "I know I can't talk you three out of this. So I brought in a good friend of mine who's also an employee of Capcom. Now, he was only in one game, but I thought he'd be good to explain this. The floor is yours, Toxic Seahorse."
"Thank you," said Toxic Seahorse. "Now, I'm sure you know me as a boss from Megaman X3. I'm here to explain that…"
"Sonic Boom!" Guile shouted, blasting Toxic Seahorse into the wall. "That's for kickin' my ass all the damn time! I never got past your level."
"Try finding my weakness and using it," Toxic Seahorse said as he got up. "As I was saying…"
"Flash Kick!"
"What the fuck was that?"
"That was because I could never beat Boomer Kuwanger either."
"He was before me!"
"Well, tell him I said Flash Kick."
"I'm outta here." Toxic Seahorse walked out of Ryu's house. "And for the record, Marvel vs. Capcom 2 sucked Spark Mandrill nuts!"
"That means nothing because I didn't like it either," said Ryu. He shut the door on his car. "Ken?"
"Right here, Ryu, old buddy, old pal."
"Guile?"
"Reporting for duty!"
"Go, Joes!"
Ryu floored his gas pedal. He floored it again. He turned the key in the ignition and floored the gas again, driving right into a statue of Jake Gyllenhaal.
"Who bought this statue of Tobey Maguire?" Ryu asked.
"Have you been paying any attention to what I'm saying when we have sex?" Chun Li asked.
"Nope," said Ryu. "Goodbye, fellow Street Fighters! I shall see you upon return!"
Where will it go from here? Probably down the usual road.