Monday 26th March 2012
Dear Diary,
'You are so annoying. You're a nuisance. A pest' He spat, deep baritone dripping with venom.
'W-what?' My voice broke at the sound of his cold words.
'What? Hard of hearing all of a sudden? You heard. You haven't changed once from when we were genin. Such a waste of space.' He spoke with such revulsion as he turned to walk away.
There is was. Sasuke finally admitted how he felt about me. A waste of space. I always knew I was nothing special. Nothing worthy of him; but for months he made me feel like I was worth that bit of effort. That maybe someone like him could love someone like me.
I knew he'd get sick of me eventually. I should have expected that...but I never thought it would be so hard to stomach. That very conversation running through my mind, reminding me of yet another one of my failures. I know I'm a waste of space; my reflection lets me know that every morning... I just didn't need to hear it from him. I never thought he would say that to me. Evidently I don't know a lot about anything.
Ah these tears. Why am I crying? I hate crying; now I just feel that much more pathetic. Sat here on my bed all alone, thinking about someone who resents my existence. My chest hurts... I can't breathe. I didn't take my medicine today either. Then again, I never take my medication anymore. What's the point?
That's right, today was the day I was going to tell him that I'm ill...that Tsunade doesn't know how long I have left. Well now I don't need to. He won't care. I don't even care anymore. When was the last time I left my house? That was around a month ago. Maybe they're all on missions. Like it matters, they won't care. Not Naruto, not Kakashi, not Sai or Yamato-Taichou and definitely not Sasuke. I look ill now. Before I could hide it, when hiding it was my priority. Now though, I look emaciated, and too fragile for my liking. I look like I'm dying now. Who would have thought this is what impending death looked like? Not me, that's for sure.
I've been contemplating this for a while now, as you know, since I write to you every night, that maybe I should just quicken the process. I could just end it now, save the next few weeks or so before my body fails me. If anything, having control over my own death may be the only thing that works in my favour. No-one will care. I'll even save everyone the favour of collecting my body. Being a medic, I have body bags at my disposal in my medical kit.
Yes. That definitely sounds like a plan. I'll be doing him a favour too. Getting rid of a waste of space. Well then, it's settled, I'm going to do it as soon as I finish writing tonight's entry. Ok, so I'll set up my body bag, lay myself in it and aim a kunai at my heart. Simple enough. Shouldn't be too hard for an annoying waste of space like me to pull of...
I guess this is goodbye then.
Sakura