Anime Celebrity Jeopardy
Author's note: When I first read the story I borrowed the idea for this from, I laughed my ass off. Then I got to thinking, "Maybe I could do that too." Domon Kasshu (his pen name) had himself a funny series there. So I got an idea to see if I could be just as funny. So, to Domon Kasshu, this is my attempt to emulate you. Please don't get to mad.
ZELLOS: Hello! And welcome to Anime Celebrity Jeopardy! I'm your host for tonight, and we have quite an interesting group of contestants here tonight! First, let me introduce our returning contestant, from our very own Gundam universe, Heero Yuy!
HEERO: Where's Xellos?
ZELLOS: He called in sick this morning.
HEERO: So who are you?
ZELLOS: I'm his brother, Zellos.
HEERO: Riiight... (scratches his chin, watching Zellos suspiciously)
ZELLOS: Anyway, our next contestant comes to us from the Tenchi Series, please welcome, Tenchi!
TENCHI: Hello, Zellos. It's a pleasure to be here.
VOICE FROM OFF SCREEN: Yay Tenchi!!
TENCHI: Oh no!
(Camera switches to the viewers seats and focuses on Tenchi's cheering section. Ayeka, Ryoko, Washu, and Mihoshi are there, with Ryoko hanging over the rail, waving at him.)
RYOKO: You'd better win, Tenchi! We need money so we can get married!
AYEKA: (stands and glowers at Ryoko, fists and jaw clenched) Why you little... Tenchi will NOT be marrying you! He will be marrying ME! We're destined to be together!
RYOKO: (is now face to face with Ayeka, her fists and jaw also clenched) What makes you think he wants to marry a little brat like you?? He deserves better!
WASHU: Would you two be quiet?
(Camera cuts back to tenchi, who looks extreemly embarrased, sweatdrop on his forhead Camera back to Zellos)
ZELLOS: Xellos warned me about this... And our last contestant is none other than... Pretz from Final Fantasy?
PRETZ: Hi there!
ZELLOS: Waitaminute! Final Fantasy was a video game, not an anime.
PRETZ: It was so an anime! It came in between Final Fantasy V and VI.
ZELLOS: Guess I missed it... And cheering for you will be..(reads from his card) Lenaly, Rouge, and Valkus... swell.
ROUGE: Hey, Pretz! Kick some butt alright?
LENALY: Do your best, Pritz!
VALKUS: Hehehe! You'll do fine, son!
ZELLOS: Well, at least they seem normal... Now then! On to the categories! And they are... Things That Start With Fan, Gundams, Would It Hurt If.., Places You Would Go For A Drink, and Quotes From Your Series. Mr, Yuy, since you finished the Rubix Cube in less than two weeks, you choose first.
HEERO: Well, at least I don't have anyone cheering for me..
MALE VOICE OFF SCREEN: You can do it, Heero!
HEERO: Kill me now, please.
(Camera focuses on Heero's cheering section. There sits Quatra, Wufei, and Trowa)
QUATRA: I believe in you, Sandrock.. I mean Heero!
WUFEI: The weak don't get to be contestants! You can answer questions, now can't ya??
TROWA: What are we doing here, anyway? Where am I? Who are you?
HEERO: God, this'll either be pure torture or very interesting.
ZELLOS: Um... Heero, you have the board.
HEERO: No I don't. It's not mine. It belongs to the game show.
ZELLOS: Just pick a category.
PRETZ: You can pick you're friends and you can pick your categorys, but you can't pick your category's friend's nose... or.. uh...
ZELLOS: Heero, please pick?
HEERO: Alright. I'll take Quotes From Your Series for $50
ZELLOS: And the answer is... This character said, "I totally Screwed up!" after destroying an OZ shuttle carrying pacsifists.
(Silence)
ZELLOS: Mr. Yuy?
(Silence)
ZELLOS: Don't you know, Heero?
HEERO: Should I?
BZZZT!!
ZELLOS: Mr. Pretz?
PRETZ: Wasn't that one of Rouge's air pirates?
ROUGE: They don't screw up!! I trained them too well!
ZELLOS: Loosly translated, that answer is incorrect. Mr Yuy?
(Silence)
ZELLOS: Mr. Yuy, you MUST know.
HEERO: You're assuming I know.
BZZZT!!
ZELLOS: Yes, Tenchi?
TENCHI: Who is Ms. Washu?
ZELLOS: Also incorrect.
TENCHI: Aww...
WASHU: I'd say something better than that!
ZELLOS: Heero?
HEERO: What?
ZELLOS: Just say it's you.
HEERO: It's you.
ZELLOS Not me! You!
HEERO: You.
ZELLOS: No no no! Just say, It's me.
HEERO: It's you.
ZELLOS: (collapses onto his pedistal) Let's just move on. Tenchi, please select a category.
TENCHI: I'll take Gundams for $50.
ZELLOS: .... ok.. And the answer is, A VISUAL AIDE! (a screen lowers next to Zellos and a picture of Gundam Sandrock Custom appears) This Gundam is Piloted by Quatra Rebabba Winer.
QUATRA: That's WINNER!!
(silence)
ZELLOS: Heero?
HEERO: What?
ZELLOS: Come on, you know this one.
HEERO: I know, but I like making you sweat.
BZZZT!!
PRETZ: That's a Deathguyos!
ZELLOS: ...a what?
PRETZ: (folds his arms in defiance) Well, you should know! You're the host.
ZELLOS: Saddly. That answer is incorrect. Heero?
HEERO: Why do you always think I know.
ZELLOS: Because you should know. It's from your series.
HEERO: If you say so.
BZZZT!!
TENCHI: It's something Mihoshi drives in the Galactic Police Force.
MIHOSHI: Oh, I don't drive. I crash! It's much more fun, but Kyone doesn't think so. What do you think, is it more fun to crash or...(Prattles on and on)
ZELLOS: ... I will kill whoever let these people in.
HEERO: I'm available, if you want to hire me.
ZELLOS: I may do that.
QUATRA: HEERO! It's mine! It's Sandrock!
VALKUS: HEY! No cheating! Pretz should win by default right now!
RYOKO: Oh yeah?? And what about Tenchi??
VALKUS: He get's a consolation prize.
RYOKO: Consolation THIS! (fires an energy ball at Valkus, blowing him thru the roof)
PRETZ: Thank you!!
ZELLOS: Let's just move on again. Pretz, I guess it's your turn (god help us).
PRETZ: I'll take Things That Start With Fan.
ZELLOS: Natch. And the answer is.... This word ends with "tasy."
BZZZT!!
TENCHI: What is... umm....
ZELLOS: No.
TENCHI: Aww..
AYEKA: You didn't let him finish! He was thinking!
ZELLOS: I thought I saw smoke comming from his ears.
HEERO: Good one, Zellos.
(Ayeka starts to glow with power as Mihoshi shakes her finger at Zellos)
MIHOSHI: That wasn't very nice, Mr. Host-man. You should appologise. And you should buy him a teddy bear, because they're cute and cuddly and adorable and...
(Mihoshi is blasted thru the wall by an energy ball from Ayeka)
ZELLOS: Thank you!
AYEKA: I missed you.
RYOKO: Like it's any surprise.
AYEKA: WHAT WAS THAT????
RYOKO: Oh, nothing.
BZZZT!!
PRETZ: I know this one!! I do!
ZELLOS: Well?
PRETZ: It's EXSTASY!
ZELLOS: True, but not the word we're looking for.
HEERO: Surprising.. he should have known that, since it's part of his series' title.
ZELLOS: Oh shut up. Let's move on to Final Jeopardy. The category is... Housewear. That should be easy enough. And the Answer is... It washes dirty dishes. Thirty seconds.. go.
(Music plays as the contestants write their answer.)
LENALY: Oooh this is so exciting!
TROWA: What is? What's happening?
ROUGE: This is boring! They're all to stupid to get an answer right.
WUFEI: The weak shouldn't answer!
ROUGE: Well, that describes their mental strength.
QUATRA: GUYS! Work together! You'll get the answer!
ZELLOS: Ok, that's it. Security, escort him out of here.
QUATRA: (being dragged away) I knew I couldn't help..... I knew it...
ZELLOS: That being past, let's see your answers. Tenchi, we'll start with you because you're the least outlandish.
TENCHI: Aww...
ZELLOS: You wrote.. "A Hairdryer." That is incorrect. Let's see what you wagered.. Ayeka and Ryoko... I'm sorry, but we don't take people for wagers.
TENCHI: PLEASE?????
ZELLOS: Pretz, what was your answer?
PRETZ: (chuckles to himself) I got the answer right.
ZELLOS: I doubt it. You put... the Iron Wing? What the hell is... nvm. And you wagered... I don't think we can take that.
PRETZ: What? You can't take the crystal out of Lenaly's butt either?
(Out of nowhere, Meed appears in front of Pretz)
MEED: You do know I live there, right?
PRETZ: Couldn't afford a nice warm dumpster?
ROUGE: Come on! Just let him be right already!
WASHU: But he's not right.
HEERO: Anyone else notice that Washu and Rouge have the same voice?
ZELLOS: You do point out the obvious in everything, don't you? Well, let's see your answer.
HEERO: I decided to let you have a moment's peace and answered correctly.
ZELLOS: You are an evil little man. And your answer is... Stop my heart... your answer is Dish Washer. That is correct. And you wagered... Zellos and Xellos share the same bed... I knew it wouldn't last.
HEERO: I only said a moment.
ZELLOS: Well, at least we can be glad that the show's over now. So, untill next thime....
(The stage shakes as Wing Zero walks into the scene)
QUATRA: (Laughing meniacaly inside Zero) Must destroy you all!
HEERO: I think it's time for me to leave.
(Heero runs off stage, followed by Tenchi and Zellos. The cheerleader seats also clear except for Trowa)
TROWA: What am I doing here? Where did everyone go? What is that thing?
(Zero points it's Twin Buster Rifles at the stands and pulls the trigger. The camera blurs into snow, then the Technical Difficulties Screen appears)
END
Author's note: When I first read the story I borrowed the idea for this from, I laughed my ass off. Then I got to thinking, "Maybe I could do that too." Domon Kasshu (his pen name) had himself a funny series there. So I got an idea to see if I could be just as funny. So, to Domon Kasshu, this is my attempt to emulate you. Please don't get to mad.
ZELLOS: Hello! And welcome to Anime Celebrity Jeopardy! I'm your host for tonight, and we have quite an interesting group of contestants here tonight! First, let me introduce our returning contestant, from our very own Gundam universe, Heero Yuy!
HEERO: Where's Xellos?
ZELLOS: He called in sick this morning.
HEERO: So who are you?
ZELLOS: I'm his brother, Zellos.
HEERO: Riiight... (scratches his chin, watching Zellos suspiciously)
ZELLOS: Anyway, our next contestant comes to us from the Tenchi Series, please welcome, Tenchi!
TENCHI: Hello, Zellos. It's a pleasure to be here.
VOICE FROM OFF SCREEN: Yay Tenchi!!
TENCHI: Oh no!
(Camera switches to the viewers seats and focuses on Tenchi's cheering section. Ayeka, Ryoko, Washu, and Mihoshi are there, with Ryoko hanging over the rail, waving at him.)
RYOKO: You'd better win, Tenchi! We need money so we can get married!
AYEKA: (stands and glowers at Ryoko, fists and jaw clenched) Why you little... Tenchi will NOT be marrying you! He will be marrying ME! We're destined to be together!
RYOKO: (is now face to face with Ayeka, her fists and jaw also clenched) What makes you think he wants to marry a little brat like you?? He deserves better!
WASHU: Would you two be quiet?
(Camera cuts back to tenchi, who looks extreemly embarrased, sweatdrop on his forhead Camera back to Zellos)
ZELLOS: Xellos warned me about this... And our last contestant is none other than... Pretz from Final Fantasy?
PRETZ: Hi there!
ZELLOS: Waitaminute! Final Fantasy was a video game, not an anime.
PRETZ: It was so an anime! It came in between Final Fantasy V and VI.
ZELLOS: Guess I missed it... And cheering for you will be..(reads from his card) Lenaly, Rouge, and Valkus... swell.
ROUGE: Hey, Pretz! Kick some butt alright?
LENALY: Do your best, Pritz!
VALKUS: Hehehe! You'll do fine, son!
ZELLOS: Well, at least they seem normal... Now then! On to the categories! And they are... Things That Start With Fan, Gundams, Would It Hurt If.., Places You Would Go For A Drink, and Quotes From Your Series. Mr, Yuy, since you finished the Rubix Cube in less than two weeks, you choose first.
HEERO: Well, at least I don't have anyone cheering for me..
MALE VOICE OFF SCREEN: You can do it, Heero!
HEERO: Kill me now, please.
(Camera focuses on Heero's cheering section. There sits Quatra, Wufei, and Trowa)
QUATRA: I believe in you, Sandrock.. I mean Heero!
WUFEI: The weak don't get to be contestants! You can answer questions, now can't ya??
TROWA: What are we doing here, anyway? Where am I? Who are you?
HEERO: God, this'll either be pure torture or very interesting.
ZELLOS: Um... Heero, you have the board.
HEERO: No I don't. It's not mine. It belongs to the game show.
ZELLOS: Just pick a category.
PRETZ: You can pick you're friends and you can pick your categorys, but you can't pick your category's friend's nose... or.. uh...
ZELLOS: Heero, please pick?
HEERO: Alright. I'll take Quotes From Your Series for $50
ZELLOS: And the answer is... This character said, "I totally Screwed up!" after destroying an OZ shuttle carrying pacsifists.
(Silence)
ZELLOS: Mr. Yuy?
(Silence)
ZELLOS: Don't you know, Heero?
HEERO: Should I?
BZZZT!!
ZELLOS: Mr. Pretz?
PRETZ: Wasn't that one of Rouge's air pirates?
ROUGE: They don't screw up!! I trained them too well!
ZELLOS: Loosly translated, that answer is incorrect. Mr Yuy?
(Silence)
ZELLOS: Mr. Yuy, you MUST know.
HEERO: You're assuming I know.
BZZZT!!
ZELLOS: Yes, Tenchi?
TENCHI: Who is Ms. Washu?
ZELLOS: Also incorrect.
TENCHI: Aww...
WASHU: I'd say something better than that!
ZELLOS: Heero?
HEERO: What?
ZELLOS: Just say it's you.
HEERO: It's you.
ZELLOS Not me! You!
HEERO: You.
ZELLOS: No no no! Just say, It's me.
HEERO: It's you.
ZELLOS: (collapses onto his pedistal) Let's just move on. Tenchi, please select a category.
TENCHI: I'll take Gundams for $50.
ZELLOS: .... ok.. And the answer is, A VISUAL AIDE! (a screen lowers next to Zellos and a picture of Gundam Sandrock Custom appears) This Gundam is Piloted by Quatra Rebabba Winer.
QUATRA: That's WINNER!!
(silence)
ZELLOS: Heero?
HEERO: What?
ZELLOS: Come on, you know this one.
HEERO: I know, but I like making you sweat.
BZZZT!!
PRETZ: That's a Deathguyos!
ZELLOS: ...a what?
PRETZ: (folds his arms in defiance) Well, you should know! You're the host.
ZELLOS: Saddly. That answer is incorrect. Heero?
HEERO: Why do you always think I know.
ZELLOS: Because you should know. It's from your series.
HEERO: If you say so.
BZZZT!!
TENCHI: It's something Mihoshi drives in the Galactic Police Force.
MIHOSHI: Oh, I don't drive. I crash! It's much more fun, but Kyone doesn't think so. What do you think, is it more fun to crash or...(Prattles on and on)
ZELLOS: ... I will kill whoever let these people in.
HEERO: I'm available, if you want to hire me.
ZELLOS: I may do that.
QUATRA: HEERO! It's mine! It's Sandrock!
VALKUS: HEY! No cheating! Pretz should win by default right now!
RYOKO: Oh yeah?? And what about Tenchi??
VALKUS: He get's a consolation prize.
RYOKO: Consolation THIS! (fires an energy ball at Valkus, blowing him thru the roof)
PRETZ: Thank you!!
ZELLOS: Let's just move on again. Pretz, I guess it's your turn (god help us).
PRETZ: I'll take Things That Start With Fan.
ZELLOS: Natch. And the answer is.... This word ends with "tasy."
BZZZT!!
TENCHI: What is... umm....
ZELLOS: No.
TENCHI: Aww..
AYEKA: You didn't let him finish! He was thinking!
ZELLOS: I thought I saw smoke comming from his ears.
HEERO: Good one, Zellos.
(Ayeka starts to glow with power as Mihoshi shakes her finger at Zellos)
MIHOSHI: That wasn't very nice, Mr. Host-man. You should appologise. And you should buy him a teddy bear, because they're cute and cuddly and adorable and...
(Mihoshi is blasted thru the wall by an energy ball from Ayeka)
ZELLOS: Thank you!
AYEKA: I missed you.
RYOKO: Like it's any surprise.
AYEKA: WHAT WAS THAT????
RYOKO: Oh, nothing.
BZZZT!!
PRETZ: I know this one!! I do!
ZELLOS: Well?
PRETZ: It's EXSTASY!
ZELLOS: True, but not the word we're looking for.
HEERO: Surprising.. he should have known that, since it's part of his series' title.
ZELLOS: Oh shut up. Let's move on to Final Jeopardy. The category is... Housewear. That should be easy enough. And the Answer is... It washes dirty dishes. Thirty seconds.. go.
(Music plays as the contestants write their answer.)
LENALY: Oooh this is so exciting!
TROWA: What is? What's happening?
ROUGE: This is boring! They're all to stupid to get an answer right.
WUFEI: The weak shouldn't answer!
ROUGE: Well, that describes their mental strength.
QUATRA: GUYS! Work together! You'll get the answer!
ZELLOS: Ok, that's it. Security, escort him out of here.
QUATRA: (being dragged away) I knew I couldn't help..... I knew it...
ZELLOS: That being past, let's see your answers. Tenchi, we'll start with you because you're the least outlandish.
TENCHI: Aww...
ZELLOS: You wrote.. "A Hairdryer." That is incorrect. Let's see what you wagered.. Ayeka and Ryoko... I'm sorry, but we don't take people for wagers.
TENCHI: PLEASE?????
ZELLOS: Pretz, what was your answer?
PRETZ: (chuckles to himself) I got the answer right.
ZELLOS: I doubt it. You put... the Iron Wing? What the hell is... nvm. And you wagered... I don't think we can take that.
PRETZ: What? You can't take the crystal out of Lenaly's butt either?
(Out of nowhere, Meed appears in front of Pretz)
MEED: You do know I live there, right?
PRETZ: Couldn't afford a nice warm dumpster?
ROUGE: Come on! Just let him be right already!
WASHU: But he's not right.
HEERO: Anyone else notice that Washu and Rouge have the same voice?
ZELLOS: You do point out the obvious in everything, don't you? Well, let's see your answer.
HEERO: I decided to let you have a moment's peace and answered correctly.
ZELLOS: You are an evil little man. And your answer is... Stop my heart... your answer is Dish Washer. That is correct. And you wagered... Zellos and Xellos share the same bed... I knew it wouldn't last.
HEERO: I only said a moment.
ZELLOS: Well, at least we can be glad that the show's over now. So, untill next thime....
(The stage shakes as Wing Zero walks into the scene)
QUATRA: (Laughing meniacaly inside Zero) Must destroy you all!
HEERO: I think it's time for me to leave.
(Heero runs off stage, followed by Tenchi and Zellos. The cheerleader seats also clear except for Trowa)
TROWA: What am I doing here? Where did everyone go? What is that thing?
(Zero points it's Twin Buster Rifles at the stands and pulls the trigger. The camera blurs into snow, then the Technical Difficulties Screen appears)
END