A/N: Please excuse any OOC-ness. These are journal entries for a SlightlyDepressed! and Insightful!Alfred. I figured he was the best character since I am from America and these are based on real journal entries. This is an AU, basically a High School AU. Enjoy.
Summary: Follow Alfred as he goes through a hard time in his life. SlightlyDepressed! and Insightful!Alfred! Please read, it is better than it sounds, based off of real journal entries. No pairings. T.
Journal of an Insightful-7/29/2012
I'm not sure what to write, I just felt like writing… It's one in the morning and I'm totally restless. I'm starting to wonder if I'm truly depressed but I honestly wouldn't know. It's just that lately, I've felt so down and I can't sleep, ya know? Everything seems like it just goes wrong. Everyday seems like a brand new day for failure and disappointment. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother getting out of bed. I can't even begin to count the days I just stayed in my PJs all day, just lounging around in bed. I thought it was just summer laziness, honestly. Now that I think about it, I just didn't want to deal with the day. I didn't want to face everything I knew was going to disappointment me. I mean, of course, there are days where I force myself to get up and get dressed and just enjoy the day. Usually, it was because I had something to do that day, but some days I just felt like getting dressed. I would turn on my I-pod and find an upbeat song to motivate myself for the day ahead. Why? I'm not even sure. I think you just get tired of that hurt feeling all the time. I'm sure, no positive, it never goes away, but I think that for that one day, or even that one week, you use your inner strength and make yourself stand up against those feelings. You make yourself shine inside and out. You'll put on that smile that makes even the grumpiest old man smile. This is probably why you end up so exhausted and achey. Ha, that's why depression hurts!
...
Anyway, you used up all your energy and strength for your day (or week) at feigned happiness, that you just exhausted yourself. Yet, when you try and sleep off your exhaustion, you can't. The thoughts of happiness you created and how they weren't really real, the despair and desperation turns into jealousy of someone else and it plagues your mind. Now, I am not saying it's like this for everyone, but this is how I feel. I feel as if no one listens. Like this keyboard and screen are my only friends. But… sometimes, like tonight, or this morning, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that because I know they will never judge me. They will never lie to me and tell me they won't judge me and then turn around and do it anyway. I don't care at times, I really don't, I admit that, but it's only for that moment. Everything someone has done or has said to me, good or bad, has had some type of effect on me. Whether that's a good effect or a bad one, it's now there and I have to live with it. Yes, I have let things go, but that doesn't mean they don't come back. They are still in the back of my mind, lying dormant and ready to strike. All I'm trying to say is that it is tough. Memories, expectations, pressure. These things can really do a number on someone. Even though I have yet to figure it out, you have to figure out how to cope with it. Struggling. That's just what it means to be human.
-Alfred out.
A/N: What did you think?