Title: Take Me Under
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Pairing: Seifer/Zell
Rating: R
Warnings: Shounen-ai, non-con, lime, violence, language
Summary: Seifer and Zell have a nasty spat before Zell's first mission to Timber.
Copyright: Characters and places belong to Squaresoft. Song lyrics belong to Three Days Grace.
Now it seems I'm fading
All my dreams are not worth saving
I've done my share of waiting
And I've still got nowhere else to go
So I wait for you to
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
His lips were soft against mine, his body warm. I curled against him, silent, his arms wrapping around me like a security blanket I remember having as a child. One hand draws invisible lines on my chest while the other circles my naval, his face buried in my hair. He likes my hair. He says it reminds him of a baby chocobo. I don't know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult.
He reaches down, taking the slightly damp blanket and pulls it over us. He softly kisses my temple. Even in my wildest dreams would I never guess he could be this gentle, loving.
"Congratulations."
I blink, turning in his grasp to face him. "What?"
"Congratulations," he repeated, smiling softly.
I smile back. "Thanks. You shoulda passed too, ya know."
"No. I...I didn't follow orders. That could get me and a partner killed in battle."
"A partner and I."
"What the fuck ever. Same difference."
I smiled at him, leaning up to kiss him softly. He gently kisses back, our lips moving together, his hands stroking my back. Hyne, I love him.
"So, feel any different? Older? Wiser? Special?" He smiles at me, and I laugh, shaking my head. "Oh. Too bad, people make it seem so glamorous."
"Hmm...maybe you'll pass next year...and then you can tell me how glamorous you feel," I mumble against his chest, gently licking his nipple.
"You know how many fuckin' times I've taken that damned test?"
"Three. Remember? After all the SeeD parties that you went and pouted at, we fucked."
"Oh yeah." He grinned and kissed my forehead.
I wrapped my legs around his, and cuddled closer to him.
"I don't think I'm ever going to pass it."
I raised my head, looking at him, and sat up. He was staring at the ceiling, silent. His emerald eyes full of...non-Seiferish things.
"Of course you are! You're Seifer Almasy! Balamb Garden's official asshole!" I grinned at him and he laughed, shaking the bed. He pulled me on top of him, so I was straddling his chest. He gently traced the lines of my muscles, and I closed my eyes, liking the feel. His fingers were long, thin, sensual. Especially without those damned leather gloves on.
"Maybe I should just give up."
I opened my eyes, looking down at him. Gods. I had never seen him so...angry. But not angry in the sense that he could get with me. Or Squall. He was angry at himself. For being him. For being quick, irrational. I bit my lip and bent down, nuzzling his jaw. "Seif...baby..." What was I supposed to say? 'Oh yeah, baby, give up, you're never going to pass?' 'Don't give up, keep humiliating yourself!'
None of the responses sounded too pleasant, and Seifer's reactions would be even more unpleasant.
But I didn't need to have a response as he leaned up, kissing me. Hungrily, needily, his tongue moving against mine, stirring it to life. He crushed me against him, our bodies fitting together perfectly.
He flipped us over, and soon I was moving against him. He whispered things to me while stroking my face, placing fluttering kisses down my jaw and neck. I panted and gasped his name, feeling foolish. But it's not like I could think anyway.
I came, arching into him, screaming his name, clinging like a lost child. He came as soon as my orgasm ended, like a chain reaction, growling into my neck.
He collapsed next to me, both of us a tangle of arms and legs, panting and sweating. I sighed against his chest, slowly drifting off to sleep.
Seems you're wanting me to stay
But my dreams would surely waste away
And I still have nowhere else to go
So I wait for you to
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
He fell asleep promptly, like he did every time. But like every time, I couldn't sleep. I just lay there, stroking his hair and holding him as he breathed softly into my armpit.
Zell made feelings come to the surface I never knew existed in me. Maybe that's why I felt safe in his arms, secure. As if I belonged there, never to leave. I wish I could just sew him to me, so that I would never be alone again. Never.
That's three times now. Three times I've failed. It's not like I ever really wanted to be SeeD, but I didn't really have anywhere else to go. All the other schools out there are for good little boys and girls, boy and girls wanting to grow up to be doctors and lawyers and fishermen. All I had going for me was my strength, and that wasn't even that great. Not compared to Leonhart.
Not compared to Zell.
He made me feel warm inside. Loved. But at the same time, insignificant. Weak. We had trained together, once. It hadn't really been out of our free will, but had been paired up in a fighting class. He had whooped me. Badly.
He was quick, decisive. Like Leonhart, his punches and kicks knew just where to hit to bring the most pain. I hadn't even gotten one hit in. Afterwards we had had sex, and he had let me do anything I wanted to him. Like an apology. But I still felt the pain of defeat, even now. And that was a year ago.
On the battlefield, he was a completely different person. Ruthless, cunning. Outside the fighting atmosphere, he glided through life. Without a care in the world, except if the cafeteria women had saved him some hot dogs. He had a grin on his face all the time, no matter the situation.
He whispered something against my chest and shifted against me, letting out a sigh.
I know I love him.
Push me under
Pull me farther
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Push me under
Pull me farther
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
I wake up, cold, alone. Sitting up I rub at my eyes, scrubbing at the sleep in them. I hear the rustle of cloth and look up to find Seifer pulling on his pants, doing the buckle on his belt. "Where ya goin'?"
"Class." I glance at the clock and flinch. Damn. The green digital numbers read 7:23.
"Will you come by after?"
"Maybe."
He pulled on his shirt and trench, not looking at me. I frown. "Are you mad at me?"
"No, should I be?"
"No." I sat, watching him pull on his boot and start to lace it. I swallowed, and started wringing my hands. Now's as good a time as ever. "Um...Seif? Can I talk to you about something?"
"Shoot."
"Well...I was thinking...we've been 'together' for almost three years now...right?" He nodded, pulling on his second boot. I swallowed again. "And well...we haven't told anyone about...us...and I was thinking...we could tell Ma."
He stopped, looking up at me, his eyes unreadable. I sat there, chewing on my lip, watching him. Then slowly, he blinked. "...What?"
I sighed, and ran my fingers through my hair. Damn, why was this so hard? I had this big speech planned out, and at the end we'd have hot and heavy sex and afterwards drive off and pronounce our...'relationship' to Ma and she'd be so happy and gush and cry and plan our wedding..."I was thinking we could tell my Ma about us, because she's been pestering me to find a girlfriend...and well...I want to show her I've found someone...nice."
Hyne, this was starting to sound like a sappy romance novel or something. Next thing I know I'll be admitting my undying love for him and we'd make love and get married and have ten kids together and die in our sleep side by side in each other's arms. Not that that doesn't sound too bad.
At least the making love part.
I looked up at him, chewing on my lip. He was frowning. He stood, grabbing his gloves and yanked them on. "Seif?"
"I thought we weren't getting attached."
I blinked at him, and frowned. "Yeah, but I never thought we'd be together for three fucking years. I just wanted to tell my Ma, but fine. We don't have to."
"No, no. Fine. We can tell her. And while we're at it, why don't we tell all of fucking Garden?"
Why was he being like this? Had I said something wrong? "I was just asking! You could've just said no and that would've been it!" I yelled standing and grabbing my boxers. I grabbed my shorts, feeling the sting behind my eyes. But I wouldn't cry. Not for him.
"What, and then have you pouting the rest of the month? No fucking thank you."
I yanked my shorts up, zipping them and yanking my shirt from behind him. Bastard. I had thought that maybe-just MAYBE-he had changed. But I was wrong.
But then, wasn't I always? I should've learned my lesson.
"Bastard. You know what? I was wrong. Forget the whole fucking thing. Go to hell." I grabbed my sneakers and gloves, starting towards the door, not caring how I looked. My hair wilting in my face, my cheeks flushed my eyes watery, my pants wrinkled, shoeless and gloveless. Wasn't I beautiful.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" A hand yanked at my arm, slamming me against the wall. Fuck. My head bounced off of the wall, and I cursed.
His lips crushed against mine, harsh and cold. His hands ran over my body, yanking down my pants and pulling my shirt up. "Get off me!" I screamed, kicking at him. My heart was pounding, but not in anger. I was scared shitless now. Tears ran freely down my cheeks as he bit into my nipples, hard, drawing blood that leaked down my chest in rivulets. "Get off! Seifer!"
"I thought you liked it rough," he snarled, unzipping his pants.
I screamed as he thrust into me, hard, uncaring, cold.
Now it seems you're leaving
But we've only just begun
And you've still got nowhere else to go
So I wait for you to
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
His screams were horrible, pained. I was moving on my own, as if my hands, my legs, my body had a mind of its own. His hands clawed at my back weakly as he arched against the wall, trying to lessen the pain. Blood was running down his chest and thighs in thick trails, tears falling down his face like a river.
I picked him up, carrying him to the bed, throwing him onto it and zipped up my pants. Gods. He curled into the fetal position, not bothering to fix his clothes or wipe away the blood or tears. All he had asked was if we could tell his mother about us.
Us. There was no us. Only a me, and a him. I didn't want an us.
I was afraid.
I could admit that. I was scared. Out of my fucking mind. Scared he would leave me, abandon me. Our relationship had been established, all we had was casual sex. And he wanted to take it to the next level. Commit. He wanted commitment. I couldn't take commitment. Rinoa had left me. My parents had left me.
I didn't want him to leave me. And now I had just pushed him away, done horrible things to him. I was making him leave.
But I didn't know how to voice my apology. I touched him, and he flinched away, whimpering softly, not wanting me to hear. Tears ran down my cheeks, unchecked. Unwanted. But they were there. "Zell..."
He turned away from me, his red back visible to me. Blood was staining the sheets, his thighs, his jeans. Shit.
"Zell...baby..."
"Don't touch me."
I flinched at the hardness in his voice, the cold. The malice.
"Zell...I...I didn't mean..."
"Get out." It was almost a whisper; I had to lean down slightly to hear him. But I did. I swallowed the horrible lump in my throat and grabbed my bag, swinging it over my shoulder.
"I'll...I'll come after classes...and...we can talk...okay?"
No answer. He was shivering, horribly. He curled his toes and scrunched his legs tighter to his body.
I closed my eyes, turning, and left. I cried the whole way to first hour before I vomited into the nearest trashcan.
Push me under
Pull me farther
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Push me under
Pull me farther
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Why. Why did he do this? Had I done something wrong? Said something wrong? All I had asked...
I needed to get cleaned up. Selphie had a habit of bursting in the door without so much as a warning or a knock, and I didn't need her screaming and shit. I stood, flinching at the pain in my thighs and buttocks. I swallowed, stripping off the dirty clothes. I pawed through my closet, finding a pair of baggy cloth shorts and a large t-shirt. It was one of his shirts, so it was gigantic on me. I managed to get the clothes on without too much pain, and stripped the bed, bunching the sheets and clothes in the hamper. I'd need to remember to run to the laundry mat in Balamb.
I was attempting to fix my hair when the door whizzed open, and Selphie came bouncing in. She was wearing a yellow mini-dress and a pair of clunky brown combat boots. I couldn't help but smile at her.
"Hi, Zelly! Guess what we haave!" she squealed, bouncing.
I raised an eyebrow, running my gelled fingers through my hair. "Um...some hot dogs?"
"Noo! A mission!" she whooped, pumping her arm into the air. I frowned.
"A mission? The day after we graduated?"
"Yep! Squall's in it too, I betcha they're like 'oooh, they're awesome SeeD's!'" she giggled, covering her mouth. I smiled softly. "So, meet us down at the main gate in an hour, 'kay?"
I nodded, and she skipped off to find Squall, humming. Good, this is what I needed. A mission. A nice, long mission. I sighed, giving up on my hair for the moment and walked into the main bedroom. I frowned and thought for a moment, when I spotted the dirty laundry. Oh yeah.
I grabbed the phone, pressing the speed dial for Ma. It rang three times before she answered. "Dincht residence, this is Elly."
"Hey, Ma."
"There's my SeeD boy! How are you doing, sweetie?"
"Well, you do me a favor?"
"Of course, Zelly. What do you need?"
"Well, I have a mission, and I have lots of laundry to do..."
"Alright, I'll run up tonight. I have the key code, right?"
"Right."
"Okay, well I have to go; the fish's going to burn. Love you, sweetie."
"Love you too, Ma."
I smiled softly, hanging up the phone. I stood there, staring out the window, silent. What now? Go train? No. Seifer might be there. Swim? No. Eat? I had lost my appetite. I'd just sleep. Sleep sounded nice.
I crawled onto the empty bed, pulling the naked pillow to me and slowly drifted off, dreaming of nice things.
Of Seifer.
And I've been waiting so long
And I've been waiting so long
And I've been waiting so long
So I wait for you to
Take me all the way
I frowned, glaring at the clock. Damnit. Still two minutes left. My leg started to jiggle underneath the desk, my finger tapping restlessly on the keyboard. DAMNIT!
The girl in front of me, a blonde, turned and glared at me. I frowned at her, cocking an eyebrow. "Stop that," she hissed, pointing to my finger with her pencil. I did it louder. She bristled and turned, snapping her book shut and moving to a desk closer to the front. I rolled my eyes and looked to the clock. One minute and thirty seconds.
I hadn't stopped thinking about him all day. What if something had...happened? He had bled to death, crying, ashamed, alone? What if he had done...something? My leg started to jiggle faster, the couple cents of change in my pocket clanging together loudly in the stillness of the room.
Instructor Shoup looked up from her papers, her lips pursing.
Three.
Two.
"Mr. Almasy? May I speak with you?"
Ding. Fuck.
I growled, standing and grabbing my books. Fuck fuck and fuck. Raijin sent me a grin and a thumb up as I walked to the Instructor's desk, each second glancing at the clock. Every minute, every SECOND, was precious. I didn't have time to screw around with Instructors, sexual or otherwise.
She held up a packet of papers in front of me, a large red 'F' on the top. Oh. The weapons exam we had two days ago. I had flunked it? "Can you explain this to me, Mr. Almasy?"
"I knew the material."
"You may know it, but do you even pay attention in class? Every time I looked up you were staring at the clock. Seifer, I know you're smart; you just have to apply yourself. I knew a student like you once. He's working in Deling City right now, as a bus driver. I know you don't want to end up like that, just apply yourself a little, and you'll be passing this class with flying colors. You may even pass your SeeD exam."
I nodded, glancing at the clock again. "Yes, ma'am."
"I'll allow you to make up the points you missed. Correct the wrong answers on a separate piece of paper, and write a paper on the material. Turn it in to me Tuesday morning."
"Thank you, ma'am." I snatched the test and was flying down the hallway before she could say anything else.
Students yelled as I raced past them, my heart pounding. I dove onto the elevator just as the glass doors slid shut, the boy inside blinking at me. "Are you alright?" he asked, but my only answer was diving out the doors again. Within minutes I was outside his door, punching in the key code.
"Zell, I just wanted to talk about...this...morning..."
His mother. She was gathering up dirty clothes and bed clothes, humming. She jumped as I leaned against the wall, letting out a sigh. "Hello, Ms. Dincht."
"Oh hello Seifer dear. Are you looking for Zell?"
"Yes ma'am."
"He called me this morning, he has a mission. He wasn't sure how long it was."
"Did...did he tell you anything?"
"About the mission? No dear, he left right after the briefing."
"Nothing else? About...what's going...on?"
"No, not really. He was busy packing for his mission, and I was busy cleaning the house. Spring cleaning time, you know!"
"Oh. Thank you."
"You're welcome dear."
And she was gone. A mission? On his first day as a SeeD? That didn't make any sense. I glanced around his room, and sure enough, most of his things were gone. I sighed. Well, at least he hadn't died.
I hoped.
But I knew one thing.
He had left for good. Had left me.
Push me under
Pull me farther
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Push me under
Pull me farther
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Six months. Six months since the Sorceresses defeat. Six months since I had last seen him. And I had to admit...
...I missed him.
I sighed, staring out at the ocean, the sun setting. It cast a warm glow about everything, a golden sheen to it all that made everything seem ethereal. I loved this time of day. I bent, pulling at the chain that started the mower. It whirred to life and I pushed it across the half-cut grass, sweat pouring down my face and neck in a waterfall, my tank top sticking to my chest like a second skin. But I liked the smell of freshly cut grass, so had offered to do it for Ma. She was too old to be out here doing it anyway.
"Zell!" I looked up as Ma stepped onto the tiny porch, wiping her hands on her apron. "You have a guest."
Before I could reply, she was gone. I frowned and turned off the mower. "Hello?"
A shadow flickered across the doorway, and a large figure appeared in the doorway. It was tall, lean. A tattered coat hung on his shoulders, down to the floor, holes and rips all over it. I raised an eyebrow, leaning on the mower's handle. "Can I help you?" I shaded my eyes with my hand and swallowed.
And then the figure stepped onto the porch, into the light. And I froze, as did he.
He looked the same, other then signs of obvious age and wear. His hair had grown, going down to his ears and hanging in his face. His clothes were ripped and tattered, worn and old. Bruises and cuts scattered what skin I could see, and he had a new scar over his eyebrow, curving around his face in a crescent, ending at his chin.
He stood, silent, and then before I could stop myself, I was clinging to him, sobbing in his shoulder, my arms wrapped around his neck and my legs around his waist. And he was hugging me back, tightly, his face buried in my hair.
He had always liked my hair, it reminded him of baby chocobos.
"Seifer...what happened to you?" I traced his new scar, touched his bruises and cuts, fingered a hole in his coat.
"I have some people who don't quite like me," he said softly, his voice deep and full of wear.
"They hurt you?"
"Not too bad."
"You came back here."
"To you."
I blinked away tears and he smiled softly, wiping them away and kissing my cheek. "I missed you," I whispered, burying my head in his shoulder.
"I missed you too, Chickie."
I smiled and leaned back. "Tell me...about what happened."
"After sex though, right?"
I laughed, and nodded. "Of course."
"Your mother won't mind?"
"No, I told her about us..." I trailed off, remembering the last time I had brought up 'us.' A bite of pain went through me in remembrance.
"Good," he whispered, brushing away loose strands of hair. "C'mon, then."
He carried me up the stairs to my room, our lips conjoined, our tongues gently rubbing together in a seductive dance.
The next morning, he stayed with me.
And I've been waiting so long
And I've been waiting so long
And I've been waiting so long
So I wait for you to
Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Author's Comments: This is actually...really old ;; Ah well, still love it. I realize that Zell wouldn't bleed that much, but I wanted to make it more dramatic.
Or the author is just an idiot =P Choose whichever sounds more appealing.
Anyway, please R&R!