L had seen it coming, had known it would be rough when, after they had barely been on the freeway for five minutes, Beyond's hand snakes around L's and draws it to his crotch. L doesn't mind. In fact, he is soothed by this, by Beyond's testosterone and his madness-fuelled jaunts, his speeding car, his leather jacket and the jars of the jam in the backseat that he eats with his fingers. With Beyond, L is almost ordinary. Their music plays on the stereo and Beyond's window is down partway. They don't talk much.
He wonders what Light is doing. Safe, shiny boring things, like sharing a slice of chocolate cake with Misa at a nice restaurant, having overpriced cocktails with friends at the trendiest bar, seeing the latest movie at a multiplex, with salted popcorn instead of sweet, studying, or at least planning his studying for the following week, perhaps washing his silky hair with scented, matching shampoo and conditioner. Even when Light invites him to things, L feels he is and always will be on the outside looking in. It is easier when it is just the two of them playing tennis or in a café, but L doesn't kid himself. He is not normal or happy or even attractive, and he is forgotten how to try. Light shines, and he cannot even flicker.
He turns his attention out of the window to distract himself.
"A make out point?" he says, in disbelief, as they draw off the motorway and pass the first sign for miles that he recognises. A three hour, albeit pleasant, drive in the middle of the night, and they come to a make out point? Was there something else here that he was missing?
B looks moody. "Why are you always so unimpressed, Lawliet?"
L keeps quiet as B parks in a deserted lot. When they get out of the car, there is a quiet kind of peace in the warm night air. Crickets chirp rhythmically, what looks like bats dart and dance in the sky.
"Come on," B says, grabbing his hand, and leads him to the edge.
"Why have you brought me on a three hour drive to a make out point?" L asks their shoes, trying not to stumble in the dark.
B pulls him on with no obvious difficulty. His death eyes are made for the dark. "To make out with you, of course," he says, like it's obvious. He pushes L forward and a harsh metal railing digs into his stomach. "Look."
He looks. He hadn't realised they'd come so high. Landscapes of hills and eroded rocks stretch for miles, with the city lights in the distance, the stars above them.
B puts his arms around his waist. "I brought you here because sometimes you need reminding of the world you're constantly saving," he says into his ear. He nips at it playfully. "All those headquarters, all that candy and loneliness. You need shaking up once in a while."
L thinks he needs a flushed body pressed against his own somewhere safe, on a regular basis, but he doesn't tell Beyond this. He looks straight down to see how high they are, and instead of the rock face and tree tops and nothingness, he sees wide, ripping fishnets sway in the breeze.
"Suicide nets," B breathes in his ear.
How sad. L turns his focus back on the lights, but it is harder to enjoy them now he knows what's below.
They stay that way for a while, B gently hugging him from behind with his head on L's shoulder, until he shifts slightly, letting L feel his erection. L's own is beginning to pain him, so he turns in Beyond's arms and glances pointedly at the car. "Shall we- ?"
"No."
He pulls L away from the railing and follows the path, tapping the bars at intervals as he goes. They walk for longer than L expects, and he yearns to stop, or go back to the car. He always enjoys the drive more than anything else. Finally, the end of the railing comes into a corner with the rock face wall, and B stops like he's found something. The railing looks a little rustier here, and the moonlight is slightly obscured.
B shoves him back without warning, and the railing creaks and jars with their weight, although it is maybe just his imagination. L's back hits the iron railings with a metal shudder and a satisfying kind of pain, and Beyond's hands are everywhere; in his hair, around his waist, under his shirt, contorting him at such an angle that his knees are bent and the railing digs up into his spine. He imagines the drop below as Beyond kisses him, and wonders if B has brought him to kill him.
"Don't be scared," Beyond says, although L hasn't so much as whimpered. "Tilt your head back. Open your eyes and look at the stars."
He lets his head tip back obediently, and his fuzzy eyes focus on something in the trees. "B," he murmurs. "There are cameras here."
B snickers into his throat. "They'll probably think we're twins, running away up here to enact our incestuous love," he presses L meaningfully into the railings. "Forever."
L wants to tell him he is disgusting, but something distracts him him, some masochistic desire to twist his head and look down. He sees that the nets have broken away here, their tails blowing uselessly in the wind.
"B," he murmurs, as if vocal agitation will add to their weight. "Are you going to kill me?"
B grins at him, and his teeth have sharp glint in the dark. "No," he says. "Don't worry. I've got you."
"It doesn't matter if you've got me. If this railing goes, we both go."
"And if it doesn't," B counters. "You'll come like a fucking freight train."
L is silent. B shrugs at him.
"And perhaps even if it does."
Beyond is rustling around in his jeans now for lotion. He always carries something, he is like a walking sex shop. Both of their hips are free now, and L feels better for it. Like always, he can only hold on to Beyond and let it happen.
"Want to turn over?" Beyond asks, and L is pleased to hear some strain finally creep into his voice. "Enjoy the view?"
L thinks of his head hanging down over this filthy, worn railing at such an astronomical height and feels sick. "No."
It takes them little more than a few minutes of fumbling in the dark.
"Just don't look down," Beyond murmurs as he enters him. "Or up, for that matter. Just look at me."
L looks at him, and it is like looking at a python, or death. Beyond's eyes are glazed yet sharp as his teeth. L clings to him, winding his arms around his neck and his legs around his hips, and does as he says.
"Hold tight," B tells him. "Drag me with you if you fall."
He has to close his eyes only when Beyond's thrusts become more urgent, as his own orgasm approaches, and he feels their angle, along with their support, start to give. He is coming so hard, he barely notices B's hands pulling him back and against the safety of the rock face, riding it out with the violence of an electric shock.
He keeps his eyes closed. He is still shaking and he doesn't know if it is from the orgasm or near death. He feels they are closer to the edge than they really are, like the ground could tip them over at any moment.
Beyond is clinging to him just as hard, murmuring what could have been, "I've got you," or "I love you," over and over again. Then he gives a shaky laugh. "Told you so," he says. When L doesn't reply, he begins singing his name and gently prodding at his eyelids. "Open your eyes, lovely. You're safe. I told you I've got you."
L keeps his eyes closed, and wonders what Light is doing.
"I'll take you to a restaurant next time," B promises, when they are back in the car.
L sighs.
"Or a dessert place," he persists. "A really pretty one with candles and nice people. Or a concert. I'd take you to one tomorrow if I could."
"Yes," L says, when it's clear a response is expected of him. He isn't really listening.
"Yes to which?"
"Both. Either." He is suddenly very tired. He is not sure if all this, whatever this is, is worth it any more. He'd rather his high security accommodation and his sweets. He looks out at the view one last time rather sadly, knowing he can never come here again. He doesn't even want to remember its name.
"I brought you here," B says now, like there has been no break in the conversation from before. "Because I wanted you to cling to me as hard as I cling to you. I wanted you to trust me and to look at me."
"You're the one who likes to do it from behind," L mutters, knowing he shouldn't say anything and saying it anyway.
"If we fell," Beyond continues, like he hasn't heard him. "We would have fallen together like that."
L sighs again. He is not conventional, he is not normal, but he is not Beyond, and he cannot derive pleasure from this even if he can understand it. He has emails to send, a flight to book and a sore neck. He has no time for romance and lunatics.
B squeezes his hand in the dark. "I love you, Lawli."
L squeezes back.
B shifts the car into first, and the darkness swallows the view as they pull away.