Hey y'all!
I don't own the Lord of the Rings, any form of comedy.
I just own Sam and Ryan and any random fangirls that may appear in this
story which was written by me and Howe the Brown Cow and inspired by our
hellish experiences in Biology.
Please R&R! This is my first fic and Howe's 4th if I'm not mistaken. So
be nice or I'll track you down!
Chapter 1 Swim Meet
"Some one shoot me." "Kill me now."
Two girls slumped farther into their seats
"Sam?"
"What?"
"I'm hungry" They both giggled.
"Ryan, Sam" They both snapped to attention. Mr. Brand, their bio teacher, towered before them. "Since you've both been paying attention, perhaps you can tell the class what the function of the Endoplasmic Reticulum is within the cell."
Sam gulped. "Ryan?." she whispered. "What is it? I don't know, I'm a slacker, you know that!"
"Uh.it transports things throughout the cell?" Ryan's eyes flickered from her notes to Mr. Brand's face. "That is correct!"
"Well, duh."
Mr. Brand's attention let the two girls and returned to the class, talking about God knows what. He seemed very excited and Sam guessed it was probably the science fair. He always got worked up about the science fair. He was an okay guy, but old and very strange. Like he called a pencil a "writing stick" and a hand "a paw." It would've been cute if she hadn't received her progress report yesterday. Dang.
"Sam! Come on! We're gonna be late again and it'll be your fault and we'll encourage the wrath of Meyers, so get your butt moving!"
"What?.Oh! We have a swim meet today, huh?" "Well, I wasn't talking about going to Dairy Queen!" Ryan shouted.
*Later.at the swim meet
The girls sat in the bleachers waiting for their coach to scream out their names. Ryan and Sam were sitting on the bottom bench looking dejectedly at the water as if it was going to rip the skin off their bodies if they touched it (which was their inevitable fate).
"Oh, God, Sam it looks so cold."
"It is November, Ryan. If the a pool outside in November isn't cold, I wouldn't swim in it."
"Great. It's like 'don't eat yellow snow', isn't it"
"See, you understand me. That's why I made you join the swim team."
"Oh yeah. I forgot to thank you for calling my parents with a fake Meyers' voice and telling them I am actually athletic, disregarding popular belief" Ryan exclaimed sarcastically.
"No problem. Do you think it'll rain?"
"Sam, this is Washington in November."
"You have a point there. Hey I was just thin.What the hell?!"
Between events, the pool was empty. As soon as the last girl was out of the water, a bolt of lightning hit the water. An eerie silence followed. Everything was fading in and out of black. Well, at least for the four elves floating in the pool, practically drowning from the weight of their clothes and weapons.
"Oh.my.God!!!!" a random girl from the opposing team exclaimed. "They're here! I always knew they'd come for me!!"
"Sam, what in Meyers boxer shorts is going on?"
"I'm not sure, but that guy looks very similar to Elrohir and that one kinda almost looks like Haldir and that maybe looks like Arwen, but that one is definitely.LEGOLAS!"
The girls jumped into the pool and Sam caught Haldir's head before he smashed into the side of the pool. Half the people in near the pool were just standing in shock, but some very brave (or crazy) people were in the pool. Ryan grabbed a chick that was holding Arwen underwater and pushed her away. Elrohir was floundering in the shallow end, and Ryan pulled his head up while Sam grabbed Legolas and Haldir and dragged them to the locker room, with Ryan, Arwen, and a spluttering Elrohir followed.
"Ok, ok, ok, ok.."
"Sam, you're mumbling again."
"I think I have the right to mumble at a time like this, Ryan!"
"Okay, take it easy. Now are you guys really Haldir, Legolas, Elrohir and Arwen, like Sam said?" Just then, a naked fangirl walked out of the shower, right past the six of them, stopped, turned around, saw the pointy eared elves who had just materialized in the pool, screamed hysterically for about thirty seconds, ran in circles right out the door, and wouldn't you know it, locked the door behind her. The basketball team was quite ready to help her. Thank God for that dang door. (If you go to Timberline High School in Lacey, Washington and have been privileged to be locked out of the girls locker room, you know what I'm talking about).
Legolas almost choked on his tongue. "What in Elbereth was that?"
Ryan gazed at him blankly. "You don't want to know. Trust me"
Suddenly a piercing shriek came through the locked door. "Please, Leggy, I just want to lick you a little, just a little, oh god!!!"
"Ignore it."
"Ryan, we have to get them out of here or soon there'll be 30 girls in here trying lick them and I just had a visual image of that in my head and I think I'm gonna throw up, so get them out!"
"Okay, okay. But first you have to answer my question."
Haldir looked perfectly confused. "Excuse me, but I believe we've all forgotten what it was."
Ryan sighed. "Are you Haldir, Elrohir, Legolas and Arwen. And don't think you can screw with my head because I'll hunt you down and tie you to a tree (believe me there are plenty of them here) and pour honey all over you so the bears will have an easier time finding you!"
Elrohir swallowed. "I am Elrohir, son of Lord Elrond of Rivendell."
"And I am Arwen, daughter of Lord Elrond of Rivendell."
"And I am Haldir, marchwarden to the Lady Galadriel of Lothlorien."
"And I am Legolas, son of King Thranduil of Mirkwood."
"O crap. I really hoped they were kidding. Now how the heck did you get here?"
"Um, Ryan, I really think we should just skip the questions and get them out of here, cause the meet is winding down and I hear stampeding footsteps, so hurry up!"
"Okay Sam. We can.um.oh I know! We can take them to my house. Remember, my parents left for the week to look at colleges with good swim programs!"
"See, I told you joining was a good thing."
"Yeah. Whatever. Let's move it!"
Chapter 1 Swim Meet
"Some one shoot me." "Kill me now."
Two girls slumped farther into their seats
"Sam?"
"What?"
"I'm hungry" They both giggled.
"Ryan, Sam" They both snapped to attention. Mr. Brand, their bio teacher, towered before them. "Since you've both been paying attention, perhaps you can tell the class what the function of the Endoplasmic Reticulum is within the cell."
Sam gulped. "Ryan?." she whispered. "What is it? I don't know, I'm a slacker, you know that!"
"Uh.it transports things throughout the cell?" Ryan's eyes flickered from her notes to Mr. Brand's face. "That is correct!"
"Well, duh."
Mr. Brand's attention let the two girls and returned to the class, talking about God knows what. He seemed very excited and Sam guessed it was probably the science fair. He always got worked up about the science fair. He was an okay guy, but old and very strange. Like he called a pencil a "writing stick" and a hand "a paw." It would've been cute if she hadn't received her progress report yesterday. Dang.
"Sam! Come on! We're gonna be late again and it'll be your fault and we'll encourage the wrath of Meyers, so get your butt moving!"
"What?.Oh! We have a swim meet today, huh?" "Well, I wasn't talking about going to Dairy Queen!" Ryan shouted.
*Later.at the swim meet
The girls sat in the bleachers waiting for their coach to scream out their names. Ryan and Sam were sitting on the bottom bench looking dejectedly at the water as if it was going to rip the skin off their bodies if they touched it (which was their inevitable fate).
"Oh, God, Sam it looks so cold."
"It is November, Ryan. If the a pool outside in November isn't cold, I wouldn't swim in it."
"Great. It's like 'don't eat yellow snow', isn't it"
"See, you understand me. That's why I made you join the swim team."
"Oh yeah. I forgot to thank you for calling my parents with a fake Meyers' voice and telling them I am actually athletic, disregarding popular belief" Ryan exclaimed sarcastically.
"No problem. Do you think it'll rain?"
"Sam, this is Washington in November."
"You have a point there. Hey I was just thin.What the hell?!"
Between events, the pool was empty. As soon as the last girl was out of the water, a bolt of lightning hit the water. An eerie silence followed. Everything was fading in and out of black. Well, at least for the four elves floating in the pool, practically drowning from the weight of their clothes and weapons.
"Oh.my.God!!!!" a random girl from the opposing team exclaimed. "They're here! I always knew they'd come for me!!"
"Sam, what in Meyers boxer shorts is going on?"
"I'm not sure, but that guy looks very similar to Elrohir and that one kinda almost looks like Haldir and that maybe looks like Arwen, but that one is definitely.LEGOLAS!"
The girls jumped into the pool and Sam caught Haldir's head before he smashed into the side of the pool. Half the people in near the pool were just standing in shock, but some very brave (or crazy) people were in the pool. Ryan grabbed a chick that was holding Arwen underwater and pushed her away. Elrohir was floundering in the shallow end, and Ryan pulled his head up while Sam grabbed Legolas and Haldir and dragged them to the locker room, with Ryan, Arwen, and a spluttering Elrohir followed.
"Ok, ok, ok, ok.."
"Sam, you're mumbling again."
"I think I have the right to mumble at a time like this, Ryan!"
"Okay, take it easy. Now are you guys really Haldir, Legolas, Elrohir and Arwen, like Sam said?" Just then, a naked fangirl walked out of the shower, right past the six of them, stopped, turned around, saw the pointy eared elves who had just materialized in the pool, screamed hysterically for about thirty seconds, ran in circles right out the door, and wouldn't you know it, locked the door behind her. The basketball team was quite ready to help her. Thank God for that dang door. (If you go to Timberline High School in Lacey, Washington and have been privileged to be locked out of the girls locker room, you know what I'm talking about).
Legolas almost choked on his tongue. "What in Elbereth was that?"
Ryan gazed at him blankly. "You don't want to know. Trust me"
Suddenly a piercing shriek came through the locked door. "Please, Leggy, I just want to lick you a little, just a little, oh god!!!"
"Ignore it."
"Ryan, we have to get them out of here or soon there'll be 30 girls in here trying lick them and I just had a visual image of that in my head and I think I'm gonna throw up, so get them out!"
"Okay, okay. But first you have to answer my question."
Haldir looked perfectly confused. "Excuse me, but I believe we've all forgotten what it was."
Ryan sighed. "Are you Haldir, Elrohir, Legolas and Arwen. And don't think you can screw with my head because I'll hunt you down and tie you to a tree (believe me there are plenty of them here) and pour honey all over you so the bears will have an easier time finding you!"
Elrohir swallowed. "I am Elrohir, son of Lord Elrond of Rivendell."
"And I am Arwen, daughter of Lord Elrond of Rivendell."
"And I am Haldir, marchwarden to the Lady Galadriel of Lothlorien."
"And I am Legolas, son of King Thranduil of Mirkwood."
"O crap. I really hoped they were kidding. Now how the heck did you get here?"
"Um, Ryan, I really think we should just skip the questions and get them out of here, cause the meet is winding down and I hear stampeding footsteps, so hurry up!"
"Okay Sam. We can.um.oh I know! We can take them to my house. Remember, my parents left for the week to look at colleges with good swim programs!"
"See, I told you joining was a good thing."
"Yeah. Whatever. Let's move it!"