Zoë Washburn stood in her quarters, silence surrounding her. There was no joy here, no love just a cold spaceship with no direction. Six months had past since the battle with the reavers, since that cold day that she lost the one man she loved. Burying Wash had been the most painful thing she had ever done, the realization that she would never kiss him again, hear his voice whisper her name, or tell someone she loved them and be loved in return was far more painful than any wound. She held true to her word and stood by the captain, did the job, but now that job wasn't enough to tie her to the ship.
She had gone over every angle in her mind, every plan, and the end result was always the same. The longer she stayed on that ship the more danger she put the lives she was responsible for in.
Mal Reynolds sat at the helm of his ship, his gaze fixed on the view of Kranus. Lush vegetation and life surrounded his ship. He didn't envy those who called this planet home but he wished he could bring a bit of that joy back to his ship. Inara and he had begun their game again, neither admitting the truth to each other. Kaylee and Simon well in the bliss of new passion were also finding complications. River seemed to be well, she was lucid, cured and a happy enough teenager. Jayne was Jayne rain or shine, and Zoë was, well she wasn't the Zoë that Wash brought out. After the death of Wash he saw the old Zoë return, the Zoë who fought in the war, the Zoë who scared him. There was no doubt that he trusted her completely but he had grown used to that bright smile that lit her face.
There was no smile now, not since the last moment she was with Wash. She did the job as she promised, but that was where she cut it. She did not join the crew for meals or any other activity, Zoë Washburn was gone. Who was there was the Zoë who had done war, did the job set before her, and disappeared. As captain he could reprimand her, but for what? Not being joyous or communal with the rest of the crew. He didn't want to drive her away she meant far too much to him. He asked River to try to read Zoë but she refused, not wanting to intrude on another's sorrow.
River walked the corridors enjoying the peace of the crew being off ship. She sensed that the captain was onboard but no others, Zoë came around the corner just then and surprised River for she had not sensed her. River was puzzled at this, she could sense anyone who was within yards of her and yet here was Zoë a mere two feet from her and she couldn't sense her. 'Don't try reading me little one. You should never go where you aren't wanted.' River read from Zoë. Shock must have registered on River's face for Zoë simply looked at her, not a twinkle of joy in her eyes.
Zoë walked past River towards the bridge, she knew that River had gotten the message given the look on River's face. The captain sat in Wash's seat, the seat where he had died. It took a great effort to be in there and even more to resist hitting the captain for sitting in Wash's seat. "Captain I must speak with you."
"What is it Zoë?"
"I'm planning to go off ship."
"How long? We will be going for atmo in a days time."
"I don't plan on coming back Captain."
Mal almost choked on his air as Zoë told him she was leaving and apparently for good. "What?" was all he could get out.
"I have spent the last decade of my life under your command. I have followed loyally even blindly into the danger. Never once have I asked for something for myself. But then I'm not asking. It's time for me to turn in my coat, the war is over, has been, yet we always find one. I can't do this anymore, I wish to collect my share of the job and leave this life behind Mal."
Maybe it was the fact that Zoë stood stone faced or because she used his name, which had never happened in ten years but he knew she was serious.
"Zoë come on you are my right hand. I overly depend on you to keep me straight, and this crew safe. You said you were good for the job."
"I did the job, many in fact, and yet here I am telling you that the time has come for me to go. You can leave me on Persephone or here if you wish, but I will not accompany this crew for another job. You have River, she has that abilities to do what I do, hell she may even do it better then me, I don't belong on this ship anymore." Zoë said with finality.
"No Zoë I forbid you to abandon this crew."
"I'm not a child, you can not command my actions. I came here and told you to your face what I was gonna do, I could've done otherwise. You will please respect my wishes and not inform the crew of my departure until you are long away from me." Zoë informed him, no hint of an opening to challenge her.
"This ship was our freedom Zoë, we put her back together, and together we held her against all odds." Mal pleaded, he couldn't wrap his mind around Zoë leaving. She was the closest thing he had to family anymore, she and she alone knew him, when he told her not to abandon the crew, his only real concern was her abandoning him .
"Yes, this was our freedom, but I'm not free anymore. Everyday I'm here I'm trapped by the memories and the pain and I will not spend my life being chased by my demons. I will just be taking the necessities you are more then welcome to dispense the remaining items among the crew. I would say I'm sorry but it is time. Tell the crew I love them all, tell Jayne the job is his." Zoë said walking away before Mal could come up with another reason that she needed to stay. Her heart was already broken but she still felt a tear at it as she silently said goodbye to her home.
"If you must leave then I want you to take shuttle two."
"I can't do that Mal. You will need that shuttle."
"No, you take it. A piece of your home will always be with you and if you ever decide to come back we can find you." Mal said, so many emotions coursing through him. Zoë walked up to him and hugged him, Mal well shocked returned the embrace hoping to put everything into that one hug.
"But why would Zoë just leave without telling us?" Kaylee cried in disbelief. The crew had departed Persephone only to find Zoë gone. Mal had honored Zoë's wish, not mentioning she was leaving, River discovered it first as they entered atmo and she didn't sense six lives on the ship.
"She has changed since the battle, since Wash died. A broken heart is not easy to cure." Inara said. She had known Zoë to always be forthright and strong beyond all measure. "Something's you just can't put a band aid on."
Two weeks had passed since Zoë had left, they entered what previously had been Zoë and Wash's bunk. Most of the belongings were still occupying the room, from what they could tell anything personal had been taken. Kaylee sat on the bed that Zoë and Wash used to share picking up Zoë's brown vest, which she was sure had been left on purpose. Silent tears slid down her face, Zoë had been like a mother for her, a mother who could kill as soon as look at you, since she'd come on the ship. "Why did you let her leave Captain?" Kaylee asked the accusation in her voice.
"Zoë is a grown woman, and one who does not let another control her, if you recall." Mal said slightly annoyed by the accusation that he didn't do all he could to keep Zoë there. "Can we just do what we came here for? Zoë said that there were rations in here as well that anything she left behind y'all were welcome to."
Simon hunched near the bed finding empty protein wrappers, hastily stuffing them in his pocket before the others noticed. "Here are some protein bars and foodstuffs. I'll go put these up." He excused himself not stopping to comfort Kaylee. Inara pet Kaylee's head in comfort. "Zoe loves us all but sometimes love can't hold you together when you are broken the way she is."
'Yeah, you are right Wash was her heart, the reason her face lit up everyday. I'm just going to miss her so much."
"Zoe had a secret. That's why she left." River spoke up. "I couldn't read or sense her anymore. She didn't want anyone inside her heart anymore."
"How do you know this?"
"I was never able to completely read her but I could sense joy off of her, once Wash died though there was nothing to sense anymore. She wasn't trying to block me, her mind was just strong, it did it unwittingly. When she left I could sense something in her again."
"What was it?" Mal asked.
"Hope." River said simply leaving the bunk to the trio.
"Hope, that's new."
"We will be in atmo in under an hour, when we land on Persephone no wild ideas about trying to find Zoe. Whatever she needs, she needs to find without us." Mal ordered, knowing full well that Kaylee and Inara would try to find Zoë.
Simon stood in the kitchen, he had destroyed the wrappers from Zoë's room, and he hated what he was doing. He didn't like having secrets from Kaylee, but he had sworn that he would keep silence, keeping it from River was even worse. They would be landside soon; he would have to steal off the ship before anyone noticed him missing.
Mal guided the ship into dock as smoothly as he could, knowing that Wash had made it look easy. He missed him like crazy even though they had their issues he was good and loyal to a fault, he had died getting them to Mr. Universe, died trying to help Mal fulfill his mission. Part of him wanted to do exactly what he had forbade Kaylee and Inara from doing, to just find Zoe and drag her back kicking and screaming if he had to. It was like having his right arm missing, he had spent most of his adult life with that woman. No matter how he felt about Inara there would always be a part of his heart that only belonged to Zoe. "Folks we have landed, we have two days in dock, so let's find work and get off this rock."
"Captain I think you need to come down here, there is a package waiting here." Kaylee called over the com. Mal strolled out the dock to be greeted by a large crate much like the one they had received Tracey in. The entire crew stood in a circle around it, afraid what they might find inside. "You don't think its Zoe do you?" Kaylee asked fearfully.
"No there is no way this is Zoe."
"Are you sure Mal, because all our other friends are already dead?" Jayne commented.
Mal grabbed a crow bar and began prying off the lid. A coffin greeted his eyes; a stab of fear hit his heart, what if it was Zoe? He couldn't handle that, he braced himself as he and Jayne lifted off the lid. What greeted his eyes he had not expected in a million years.
"WASH!" Kaylee cried out in disbelief as Wash's still form lay in the coffin.
"Wash?" Mal cried equally shocked. Didn't they leave him buried on Haven with the others? Yet there was Wash lying quite still in the coffin, just as he did the day they buried him only now his clothes had been changed. Mal fearful of some kind of trick knelt down next to Wash and opened his shirt, expecting to see a gaping hole where the Reavers had speared his heart. There was no hole, just a smooth white scar down his chest. "Doc I think you need to see this." Mal spotted Simon.
"I have an appointment in a few can it wait."
"Afraid you need to see this doc." Simon sighed resolutely and walked towards the crate. He stopped dead as he saw the body that lay within.
"How is this possible? We left him very much dead on Haven."
"I realize that doctor, but how can you explain the scar where his heart was destroyed."
Simon was puzzled, he knew Wash had been dead, he had cleaned the wound himself, Zoe had requested he look his best. He drew a finger along the scar, it was a damn near perfect heal, but there was no way for a dead body to heal damage period. Simon's finger brushed against a folded paper tucked in Wash's shirt. "Captain there is a letter in here for you." Mal took the letter from Simon.
Captain Reynolds,
You faced me like a man and defeated me. I told you there was nothing left to see, that you would never see me again. It appears that I lied. This innocent man was taken from you by the sins of the Alliance, I've returned him to you. This does not abolish what has been done, but it seemed the right step.
There was no signature but Mal knew who it was from. The Operative had sworn the crew would never set eyes on him again yet now here was Wash's body. It had to be some kind of trick, "Doc can you do some test, to see if this is really Wash?"
Simon snapped back, his mind trying to work up a plausible scenario for what he was seeing. After everything he had witnessed with River, could he really believe that the Alliance had no way to reanimate those who had died. "Come on let's get him inside before anyone sees." Simon ordered. Mal and Jayne each grabbed an end and carried it to the infirmary.