Catalysis
They have always been close to each other, somehow, in a way that not everybody is able to comprehend.
At least that's what he thinks.
To be honest, sometimes he does not understand it himself, this complex and mazy relationship they have begun to develop since their first encounter.
He remembers the younger ego of his former teacher very well, those flushed cheeks and the sheepish grin in the midst of the white cold of snow and ice – during the Chuunin Exams taking place in Konohagakure, when he was five years old, he acknowledged his existence for the first time.
The image of the blond teenager has burned itself deeply into his memory.
It makes him smile, just a little bit.
Outside, it's quiet and dark.
The village seems to be slumbering while the moon is shining serenely, creating pale greyish shadows and obscure patterns dancing over the slightly crumbled blanket and sheets.
Kakashi does not know what time it is, however, he couldn't care less about something trivial like that.
Silently he watches the silhouette on the bed in front of him while sitting on the wooden floorboards wearing nothing but an old, washed-out shirt, wondering whether it is the sixth or the seventh time being in the situation of forcefully acquainting himself with the ground.
Fallen, unspectacularly, due to a fierce punch in the gut.
The Yondaime Hokage is fast asleep, but nevertheless he keeps mumbling about ramen and shifting his position, rolling from one side to the other, lashing about.
He's become a fitful sleeper, and Kakashi an insomniac.
Until now, he has not mentioned it and he is not going to.
It's not his fault.
Everything is so messed up. Even right now.
Things have begun to fall apart when Obito died, as if the world abruptly stopped rotating. Just in that moment, everything changed.
The young jounin knows that the Yondaime is blaming himself, that he has a bad conscience because he left them alone, out there on the battlefield.
Children should not paticipate in wars.
It's simply wrong.
Carefully he touches his uncovered face, running his fingers over the closed lid of his left eye – every now and then the Sharingan feels odd and foreign in its socket, out of place.
The scar hurts, then.
Obito's memento...
There is nothing else left.
Rin followed him in the next world, soon after that, thus Kakashi did not have the chance to fulfill the promise he had given.
A medic-nin who got carried off by virtue of an unknown mental illness – it consumed her mind and will, her personality faded and finally she withered like a neglected flower in a creeping, slow process.
Is that what you call fate's irony?
Bitterly he is reminded of his teammates when they were alive and still, he can neither forget about their faces nor voices.
The memory makes his heart ache inside his chest.
If all that misery had not happened, would he be here all the same?
No, he's sure about that.
These harsh strokes of fate were the catalyst, in the end, the pain and suffering they caused brought them together.
What an utterly strange side-effect – and he is wary of refering to it as positive.
Does he deserve it...?
Two individuals had to die for his sake, and this has no affirmative connotation.
He shakes his head vigorously, and tries to shoo these depressing thoughts. Often they return at night, when he dreams.
Nightmares and the ghosts of the past haunt him.
On occassion Sakumo is among them.
Simultaneously his gaze moves around.
There's a thick layer of dust collecting on the cupboards and the shelves, books and ancient scrolls accumulate here and there, and the teenager reasons that the Yellow Flash's apartment really is in need of a proper cleaning.
Two tea cups remain standing on the low table in the living room; they never finished the black tea he had made earlier that day.
Doubtlessly, it has grown cold by now.
His expression varies, and he cannot cushion his glower.
"Plush piggy..."
Yeah, exactly. A round, pinkish something with fluffy fur and black beady eyes. It's horrible.
The Yondaime brought it along yesterday, when he came back from an oversea mission, as a present.
"It goes with the dog, doesn't it?"
Perching on the edge of the countertop in the conterminal kitchen, next to the hokages white and red coat, it stares at him with its putative innocent look of doom.
Perhaps that's a figment of his tired mind.
No, it is most likely.
Kakashi sighs.
Soon, the blond will start snoring, laying sprawled out on his back.
Nonetheless, he figures it as kind of cute.
Resting his chin on his angled knees, he closes his eyes and listens to his own breath, that immediately intertwines with the silence engulfing him.
For a while he is dozing peacefully, unaware of his surroundings.
"Oi."
Caught off guard, he winces and nearly keels over.
A pair of bright blue irides is examining his stature.
"Are you watching me?"
His blond hair is a mess, fallind wildly in his moonlit face.
Kakashi blushes and turns his head away, conscious of the dark circles around his eyes.
"Possibly..."
Tentatively, the man's chuckle results in a warm smile.
He pads the mattress.
"Come here."
For a split second, the younger one hesitates.
But then he nods tardily and accepts the offer.
It's warm and cozy beneath the covers and he instantly feels at ease, sensing the Yondaime's body heat and breathing that is grazing lightly the nape of his neck.
Those strong arms embrace him and he's softly pressed against the man's chest.
"Want to go to sleep?"
His calloused hands are blazing a way downwards, over a firm stomach to the boy's sensitive thighs.
Kakashi bites back an obvious gasp.
"Not yet..."
He is not able to resist him, he's just hopeless in terms of his erstwhile teacher. The reason behind that is far beyond his understanding, plus, he has never been any good with deep feelings. Especially with his own.
Moreover, he knows about the Yellow Flash's engagement with the woman from the Whirlpool Country.
He retains visiting her all too often, in his opinion, and he is definitely jealous of her – actually he does not make a secret of being selfish in the case of his lover.
They quarrel a lot about that, mostly through gestures and side glances. None of them wants to vocalize the topic.
It's awkward.
Fortunately, Kakashi has no knowledge of Kushina's pregnancy.
"Kakashi..."
Said teen's composure is receding.
In spite of that he does not give in, and refuses stubbornly to call the blonde by his name.
The latter has told him frequently that he wants him to do so very much.
Not to comply is the boy's way of sulking about being left alone for serveral times and not getting his questions about the Yondaime's girlfriend answered.
Also, he cannot.
His lips may form the syllables, but he cannot pronounce them.
It is not affecting their relationship, though – both Kushina and Kakashi's dourness.
Precisely because the Yondaime Hokage is so indulgent.
Potentially, by reason that he knows of something of grave importance, something that will influence the future of them all...
Author's note:
A giftfic for blue.bimbomushi, hope you like it.
Slightly edited now; still inspired by bimbomushi's magnificent stories, the rubber piggies in Invader Zim and of course the manga Naruto.
And again sorry for the mistakes, I am trying to improve my English!