A/N: THIS IS A SPOILER HEAVY, POST CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD FIC. DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD. SPOILERS AHEAD

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If you read "Alone in Paris" you know my theory for Queenie's snap. If you don't it is this: MACUSA found out about Jacob and Queenie and was about to send someone to obliviate him. At this time she is pregnant (though unsure). The mix of stressful emotions from fighting with Tina about her relationship, fighting with Jacob about their relationship, and the fear of losing him again on top of her body now changing made her react rashly. Obviously, it still wasn't okay. And Queenie knows this, and regrets it.

So this story is my take of some of the time following her joining Grindelwald. Leading to the birth of their child. A little Jaqueenie angst really.

Also, I will fully admit to being lazy. That is why I didn't write Vinda's accent.

She hadn't been certain before. But she was now. And now...things were a mess. Tina was gone. Jacob was gone. She was alone. Well, not as alone as she might have thought. She knew Abernathy. And she couldn't tell why, but she wasn't even remotely surprised by his being on Grindelwald's side. And now...her hand floated gently to her stomach as she looked out one of the open windows.

She should have told Jacob, that she'd even begun to think it a possibility. She should have told him. He'd have likely gone with her without needing to enchant him. But she'd been so scared. And he'd called her crazy, like those children when she was younger. She needed to talk to step away, before she said anything else she regretted. How her heart had ached as she left him there.

She should have just told him then.

Or even before walking into the flames. Though, then she hadn't felt...quite right. Not herself.

She still didn't. Though she was beginning to question who she was now anyway.

"Queenie?"

She turned, hand falling to her side at the sound of Abernathy's voice. "Oh, hello Mr. Abernathy," she greeted, pulling that voice that she'd used for so long back to her. She was tired though. She didn't want to.

"You okay? You been awful quiet the last few days."

She smiled, and nodded. Though the smile didn't quite meet her eyes. "Oh yeah. It's just...been a real long couple weeks," she told him.

He tilt his head at her, not really believing her. Not that he'd say it. Though he didn't know she'd know it anyway. "Can I get ya anything?"

Queenie took a breath and walked towards him, fixing his tie as she'd done a million times before, still smiling. "Oh, no, thank you, Mr. Abernathy. I'll be just fine."

No, she wouldn't be. But she could pretend. And she would.

She started to walk away, towards her own room.

Jacob was still in a bit of shellshock. All he could see was that look on Queenie's face as she begged him to walk with her. What would have happened if he had?

She'd seemed so off kilter over the last couple of weeks, even before she'd enchanted him. And then….something seemed to have snapped. Maybe it'd been the fight with Tina. Man, he wished he knew.

But for now, his dreams were haunted by the heartbreak on her face. She had truly thought that there was no other way for them to be together.

Even as he stayed with Newt, hoping maybe there'd be something he could do to help this war and save her, he was a bit of a ghost. He focused on occasionally helping Newt and Bunty with the creatures, and cooking for everyone. But even baking had lost its appeal.

The world was a little darker without her. She'd been such a ray of light. Perhaps, she'd been right. Maybe he had been a coward. She'd been willing to leave everything behind for him. And he'd been too afraid to make that jump.

If it wasn't too late, if she could still be saved, he'd not make that mistake again. They'd talk. About everything that had gone wrong, so they wouldn't make the same mistakes again. And then they'd fix things. And he'd marry her.

Queenie spent most of her time in her room, hiding. She claimed she was ill, and it wasn't...a lie. Not really, as she managed to wipe vomit from her mouth. She'd left, only when Grindelwald needed her. Which was usually to read Credence...Aurelius? She'd spoken to him a few times, and that was it. Grindelwald occasionally had her read the prisoners, mostly the aurors, though there was often little to glean from them, most skilled in occlumency. Though she'd recognized Leta Lestrange the moment she saw her.

Grindelwald had wanted to tell the others of her gift. Praise her for it. But she didn't want that. She didn't know how to have so many people know. She'd managed to say, that if no one knew, she could keep an eye on everyone. In case there were any who began to doubt the cause, and he'd nodded in approval. So she got her wish that it would remain a secret. Though she was sure Vinda knew it already. She'd been there.

And it was Vinda who knocked on the door before letting herself in.

Queenie looked up, eyes a little wide in surprise. "Oh. Hello."

Vinda offered her a smile. "I heard you getting sick. I thought I'd bring you some tea."

Queenie struggled to understand Vinda sometimes, but she smiled as the woman handed her the mug. "Oh thank you…"

Queenie was hesitant to drink the tea. Last time she had, she'd left feeling a little...hazy. Though she'd been grateful as she didn't hear a single voice as she walked through the streets.

"Are you okay?"

Queenie looked up at her, and wished desperately that Tina was there instead. Instead, she brought the mug to her lips and drank. Vinda had, at the very least shown her many kindnesses. And she seemed to genuinely want to be kind to Queenie. And Queenie desperately needed a friend.

"I don't know," she said truthfully. Then the words began to pour out of her. "IdidthisforamanI love. Andhedidn'tcomewith. AndmysisterandIlastfought. Ihaven'tseenhersinceonlyapostcardbetweenus. And I'm with child."

A sob burst from her, the tea in her mug starting to slosh.

The woman just knelt down and put a hand on Queenie's shoulder, rubbing softly. Queenie was too distraught to catch the subtle fall of Vinda's sympathetic smile. The woman was far too in love with a man. And carried his child? She'd certainly have a slim, if any, chance with this beautiful woman. But she liked a challenge. It was clear though, the girl needed a friend first. Lover could come later.

Days had turned into weeks, had turned into two months and there was still no sign on Queenie. Jacob couldn't decide if that was good or bad. What was she doing? Was she even still alive? Of course, he'd had to return to New York, take care of his bakery, but as much as he loved it, as much as it was his dream, he struggled to keep going. He wasn't much help to the others in their fight. It wasn't his world. He wanted it to be.

After a while though, going through the motions didn't work. And he sold the bakery. He wanted to be closer to the action, to his friends, and hopefully to Queenie when...if she ever returned. Though he supposed even if she did, she'd be locked away.

There was no hiding it now. She'd only been a couple months along at the start, but now there was a small bump. The littlest piece of her and Jacob's love. Perhaps the only thing that there would be of them.

But it meant she didn't have to join the fighting. She wasn't much of a fighter anyway. And while some of his acolytes questioned her presence, Grindelwald promised that she provide invaluable information. And they'd use it, getting them to back off.

She had spoken to Credence more. Often trying to make friendly conversation. She wanted to be his friend. Show him that it wasn't only darkness in the world.

Vinda had become a friend. Though Queenie found herself questioning a lot of it. Vinda seemed flirtatious with her. Complimenting her hair, her outfit, her eyes. And while queenie was also improving her french with Vinda, there were times she didn't understand the woman.

Still, Vinda brought her tea, when she was feeling sick, and made sure that she ate, often joining her. And she'd been the one to convince Grindelwald that the child would not be a hindrance to the cause or to Queenie's purpose among them.

She wondered what Jacob was doing. If he'd returned to his bakery or stayed with Newt. And she wondered if she'd ever get to tell him about their child.

"What is the beautiful mother thinking about?"

Queenie turned her gaze to the woman and her lips tugged up into a smile for a fleeting moment. "Oh. Just...the usual," she answered softly.

"You look far too sad," Vinda mused as she walked over, placing a gentle arm on the girl's shoulder. "Tell me what you wish. What will make you smile as radiant as the sun?"

The smile flickered again. Before Queenie looked back out the window to the mountains. "You can't give me that," she said. "I just want to see my sister and my love again. I don't want to fight them. I want to be with them."

"Do not let him hear you say such things."

Queenie shook her head. "It's….more complicated than that." She wanted the secrecy between worlds destroyed. She knew that sacrifices would be made for it. But she knew the way he was going about it was wrong as well. And she knew they wouldn't forgive so easily. "I want to go back before any of this happened. When we were all happy and naive."

She'd give anything to have that back.

"Ignorance is not bliss," Vinda said. "Only to those who are ignorant. But to everyone around them, it is infuriating."

Queenie tilted her head at the woman. "Sorry?"

"Before, you did not know. You did not know what could be. And now you do. But you'd rather go back to being ignorant. I do not think that would improve your happiness. You told me you were sad before because you could not be with the man you loved and didn't even have the support of your sister. Why would you want to return to that? Why would you remain ignorant and unhappy?"

Queenie blinked, and looked away again. "I suppose not," she admitted softly.

"Perhaps, one day, when you meet them again, you can convince them to join us. Waken them to our cause, and see if you are happy then."

Queenie looked at her. "I can't wait for that…" it might never come.

"Exactly."

Queenie was quiet for awhile, considering.

Vinda walked over and grabbed the blonde's hand, linking their fingers together and surprising her. She tugged gently. "Let's go get something to eat."

Jacob had started working with Nicholas Flamel. The man was so old and frail and slow, that he struggled to do anything. So Jacob had come to help him. It was the one way he could help the cause. He couldn't do much of anything else.

He still knew little about Queenie. He had asked about the crystal ball. If it could see Queenie like it had the one time. But Flamel refused.

Jacob had overheard a conversation, that they were doing it to protect him. There were murmurings though, of things that were happening. And he didn't know what they were.

All he cared about was getting some answers and helping his friends.

Queenie was showing. No longer subtle, something that could almost be hidden with the right dress. She could feel the baby move, and while she shared those moments with Vinda, the woman she considered a friend now, she couldn't help but feel that Jacob should be by her side.

But no one had seen Jacob. Perhaps that was good. And Tina and Newt were safe, she knew that much because of how annoyed they were.

She continued her duty though. She'd go into the room, with the prisoners. She'd read them. Their guard almost always down in surprise. At her beauty. At her stomach. At her friendly, nonchalant conversation. So many didn't even notice her probing their minds.

Those that did would be removed. For torture. And then they were returned. The process would repeat. Until she could break past their barriers...or the prisoners were killed.

It made her sick sometimes.

It had made her question everything.

But she couldn't stop. She couldn't leave. Everything she did now was simply to protect the life she carried inside her. Even if her heart was broken, and she questioned if she still had a soul. She wouldn't let anything happen to Jacob's child.

She didn't deserve to have this little child. She had done too many things. And one day, though she wasn't sure how, she'd find Jacob. And tell him the truth. Even if it meant leaving them both behind her.

It had been nearly eight months, and still, there was no Queenie. No one saw her. No one heard from her. Jacob had been so sure that at some point they'd have heard from her. Was she really able to so easily not even reach out? Not to Tina even?

It hurt him to think about.

But he was glad she wasn't fighting. Not like the others.

He didn't want her to have to face her sister. He didn't want that to come down on Tina either. She was a good friend. And he saw how much she blamed herself. For the little things even. For fighting with her before leaving.

He'd tried to comfort her where he could. And saw Newt trying too. At least they had each other. And as jealous as Jacob was watching Newt and Tina grow closer, he was happy for them.

It made him understand Queenie's desperation. Perhaps a little. He could feel how much it had been hurting her. For them to be together, but knowing it would never be more than stolen kisses and evenings in bed. Because he'd have never risked losing her. And by that, he had lost her.

Queenie's screams were not quiet. Caused entirely by pain, though only part of it was the physical pain. But she called out Jacob's name. She cried for him. And almost all of Nurmengard could hear her. She didn't know. Or care. She just screamed.

Even as Vinda held her hand.

Even as Vinda held her close and comforted her.

She cried and cried.

For hours. And hours.

And Vinda carefully coaxed her. Soothed her. Was able to bring her back, if only so she could have her child. Convinced her the pain would end soon. She'd not be alone anymore.

And Queenie did what she had to do. Until a new cry pierced the air. Young, and needy.

And the baby was placed in her arms.

She was deaf to the sounds around her, staring in disbelief. This little being in her arms was here. She could see so much of Jacob already, and tears of joy and sadness mingled as they fell down her face. This wholly innocent child was hers, hers to protect. And she would. With her life.