A/N: Exams are finally over! (Not that anyone would be able to tell I had any, because I seem to have been on here more than ever in the last week. Clearly I'm just a superb studier, eh?) Yeah, well, for obvious reasons I probably failed all of them. But they're over nonetheless, so I'm celebrating with this.
Wow, I never thought I'd be putting humor in as one of the genres. I guess that's because I never considered humor as one of my strong points. And that was kind of confirmed while reading this over. It was supposed to be humor with some seriousness on the side, but I really don't think it's all too humorous at all. More of just a cute, humorless dharma era story. But I don't know, maybe some of you will find my attempted humor somewhat comical. Let me know what you think, please :)
I'm throwing this one out for makealist due to my battleship reference and because I just love her writing =D
Hope you all enjoy!
-Sarah
Never Have I Ever...
This is ridiculous. He's known Juliet for two months now, and he can list everything he knows about her on one hand.
1. She was an Other.
2. She didn't want to be an Other.
3. Sometimes, on the rarest of occasions, she let her guard down for just a second, and he could see that she wasn't as tough as she made herself out to be.
4. She was hot as hell.
5. There was something about her that made him feel...okay. He knew from the moment he saw her on that dock saying she was going to leave (no, it was before then, wasn't it? He hadn't even realized he cared about her, but there he was, running back into the shower of fire to save her) that she was the only thing keeping him sane. And that if she left, he might not be able to make it here.
And what does she know about him? A whole nice, three ringed binder worth of information. His entire life, beginning to present.
He laughs to himself. Present? It's 1974! Considering this his present...it's going to take some getting used to.
But regardless of what year they're in, he deserves to know more about her.
And he hast the perfect way to find it all out.
"Alright." He says as he walks into the living room with two bottles of the best liquor dharma's got to offer. "We're gonna play a little game."
She looks up from her book, clearly not amused. Her eyes find the bottles. "Where'd you get that?"
He smirks as he sits them down on the coffee table. "Don't tell Horace."
She rolls her eyes and picks up her book.
"Uh uh, not tonight" he says, snatching the book and throwing it across the room.
"James!"
"I told ya, we're playing a game!"
"Please give me my book back," she deadpans.
"You can have it after."
"I want to finish my book, James."
"George kills Lennie. Now come on."
Juliet puts her head in her hand and sighs as Sawyer opens up the bottles and slides one to her.
"Oh lighten up Blondie. It's just one game."
She runs her hands through her hair. "Fine," She says exasperatedly. She eyes the liquor. Maybe this isn't such a bad idea. It's not as if she hasn't read nonstop since she got here. A little fun might do her some good. Besides, she thinks, I can really use a drink. "What are we playing?"
"I never."
She can't help the smile that lights up her face. "Never have I ever?"
"Ah, so you've been to collage. There's something new already." He likes her smile. He sees it so rarely.
"I tried to get out of it, but they made me play."
"Yeah well, get used to it. You're not escaping this one either."
She thinks about what this night will have in store for her. Never have I ever with James? Her smile fades. Maybe this isn't such a great idea...
"How about we play something else?" she suggests a little frantically. "We could get a game from the rec room. We can play Clue or Twister or Battleship. Battleship's fun, right?"
"Not a chance, Barbie. We're playin' I Never whether you like it or not."
Shit. There really is no escaping this, is there?
"I'll go first," James offers.
"Gee, thanks," Juliet mutters under her breath. Sawyer laughs.
"Don't worry; I'll start with something easy."
Yeah, start, she thinks. She glares at him and he sends the dimples her way. "Ugh, just go," she says.
"Alright, let's see...I've never been to camp."
She rolls her eyes but takes a drink nevertheless. A long, long swig.
"That's the spirit," Sawyer cheers. "Your turn."
She puts the bottle down. "Never have I ever skipped school."
He smiles as he put the bottle to his lips. "I never been a rollercoaster."
She stayed put.
"Yes you have!"
"They terrify me!" she giggles. "The closest I got was getting seated on Thunder Mountain. I thought I was going to throw up. When they came to check the buckles I just started crying and they had to let me off. My sister made fun of me for years about it, but I just couldn't get back on one."
Nice, Sawyer thinks, two in one. She's afraid of roller coasters and she has a sister. This is going better than expected. "What's your sister's name?"
"My turn," she smirks. Damn, she was getting into this. Definitely better than expected. "Never have I ever been to Australia."
"Aw, that's lame," he complains. "Seriously, that's the best you got?"
"Drink up."
He rolls his eyes and takes a drink. "I never had a sister named Agnes."
Juliet laughs. Good God, is that her laugh? He loves it even more then he loves her smile. "Agnes? Really?"
"Well it was worth a shot!"
"Rachel. Her name is Rachel."
"Rachel..." he tries. "Juliet and Rachel..."
"Yes." She's suddenly anxious to get off that topic. "Never have I ever stood a girl up."
He drinks. "Never have I ever hated my job."
He doesn't really know what he's expecting, but she drinks without hesitation. He waits a minute before taking a drink himself. She seems to be evaluating this before her next question.
"Never have I ever hated myself."
He doesn't drink right away, and for a moment that feels like forever they just stare into each other's eyes. The bottle doesn't even reach his lips before she lifts her own. They continue to stare and they seem to agree to take it light for the next couple of rounds.
"Never have I ever lived in a house."
She takes a small drink. She knows he meant it as an easy doesn't-mean-a-thing question, but it made her kind of sad that he didn't drink as well.
"Never have I ever failed a test."
James grins before he drinks, and he makes a big show of how long a drink he has to take. When he finally stops, she sheepishly takes a sip herself.
He looks at her incredulously. "What?" she asks, blushing slightly. "I wasn't a perfect student." She pauses before adding, "I got a 52 on my ninth grade geometry midterm."
"No you didn't."
"Yes!" she laughs. "Rachel had a guy over the night before. I couldn't concentrate. Besides, geometry was never my thing."
"Well, I would say that even I've never done that bad, but I guess dropping out before I had the chance don't make me any better, huh?"
"No, I wouldn't say it does."
They smile at each other for a while. She was actually enjoying herself. James is fun to be with. She knew that before, but she'd never experienced his company like this. She never opened herself up before now. She kind of wishes she had.
"Your turn," she urges.
He thinks about this one for a long time. She hums the jeopardy theme. He throws a pillow at her and she laughs as she catches it.
"Never have I ever been married."
She doesn't want to drink, and she thinks about letting it pass, but it doesn't feel right to lie to him. So she just lets a drop touch her tongue before setting it on the table as if it were poison.
"Really?" he asks gently, not missing her reaction. "Never would have guessed."
"I try not to think about it."
"That bad, huh?"
"Worse."
He wants to ask, but he refrains himself.
She could see how badly he wants to know more, and she isn't quite ready to go down that road. "Never have I ever worn a condom."
He bursts out laughing and she raises her eyebrows when he's still laughing too hard to drink.
"What? It bothers you if I haven't?"
"Just drink, James."
He obeys. "Never have I ever taken birth control."
"Touché," she smiles as she takes her drink.
"Never have I ever done drugs."
"You wouldn't," he says with mocking accusation as he drinks. "Never have I ever had sex on the beach."
He waits, but she doesn't drink.
"No. I'm not buying it. Drink."
She shakes her head. "I haven't."
"What do you mean you haven't? We live on an island, for God's sake!"
"Well, I've don other stuff on the beach! Just not sex."
"Well I have. Multiple times. And we're only talking about this beach."
"That must have been exciting."
"It was. And hey I've got you to thank for one of them."
She looks at him questioningly.
"Apparently you were getting a little too cozy with the Doc for Kate's liking."
She can't help but laugh. "That girl was desperate."
"So you and the Doc never..."
"God no! You think I wasn't in the same position as you? Jack was just using me to get over Kate."
That kind of hurt. He knew she was just thinking about her and Jack, but he had never really thought Kate was using him. But she was, wasn't she? A part of him was a little pissed at Juliet for pointing this out as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. But another part of him was grateful. Being able to admit it, it kind of freed him in a weird sort of way.
Juliet wasn't aware of James's mini revelation and made her next statement.
"Never have I ever been shot with a taser."
They continue on like this for a while, switching off between seriousness and joking. He learns that she hates chicken noodle soup, had a dog named Snickers that her parents told her 'moved to a farm' when he died, has divorced parents, has a nephew, has been the other woman before, has never had sex in another country, was a virgin until college, never had sex in a car, worked in a hospital, never had sex in a public bathroom, was cheated on by her husband, never had sex in a kitchen, has had sex on an office desk and a dining room table (where all of these sex questions are coming from, he has no idea. Maybe the alcohol is getting to his head.)
"Never have I ever had sex on the first date," Juliet says.
He gladly takes a sip. His bottle's nearly empty. "You seriously haven't?"
She shakes her head.
"You should try it sometime," he whispers. He leans in so close that she can feel his breath on her lips. "It's exhilarating."
"You do know this isn't a date, don't you?" She pushes him away.
"It can be."
"Oh my God you are so drunk." She laughs.
"You've drunk just as much as I have."
She holds up her half-full bottle. "Apparently you've done a lot more then I have."
"Never have I ever been such a smart ass."
"Bull shit," she says, taking another drink.
It hasn't even been an hour and a half, and already he needs more then both hands and feet to list off everything he knows about her. He's not quite sure why that makes him so happy, but it does. It really does.
She seems genuinely surprised when she says she's never had kids and he takes a drink.
"What? Don't tell me that wasn't in my file."
"Oh I'm sure it was. But you do know I wasn't the only Other, right? I only got a couple of pages into yours before Ben told me Jack was more important and you were handed off to someone else."
"So how far into my life did you get?" he asks, taking a drink even though no questions were asked.
She shrugs, clearly uncomfortable. "A couple of years."
"You get passed eight?"
She doesn't say anything. "Well?" he asks aggressively. But in his eyes you can see the pain.
She just nods. "I'm so sorry James." Almost without realizing it, she moves closer to him and rests her hand on his. He stares down at their hands and she has no idea what is going through his head. She's just about to pull her hand away when he turns his palm over and wraps his fingers around hers. "Never have I ever held hands with an Other," he says quietly.
Juliet smiles. "Never have I ever held hands with a conman."
There is complete silence as they explore these strange new feelings that have been building up since her first sip and she thinks the game is over when Sawyer suddenly says "never have I ever enjoyed living in the seventies even when I promised that it was the worst mistake of my life and I would regret it forever."
She raises her eyebrows at him and he nudges her bottle towards her. Stubborn as ever, she reluctantly takes a sip and makes a face as it burns her throat.
"I bet that tastes good," James smirks.
"Never have I ever liked someone I was sure I'd hate forever," she shoots back.
He takes a steady drink giving her an I'm-not-nearly-as-stubborn-as-you look and lets out a nice, satisfied sigh when he's done.
"What, you still hate me?" he asks when she doesn't drink.
"I don't think I ever did. Even though you were a total ass that tried to ruin my life on multiple occasions."
He shrugs. "Sorry?"
She rolls her eyes. "You're up."
He's staring at her intensely as if he's thinking hard about what to say next and she gives him her best hit me, I can take it look when he says "never have I ever wanted to kiss the good lookin' blonde playing never have I ever at one o'clock in the morning."
Is he serious?
She eyes him wearily as she takes a sip. He downs his last couple of drops and throws the bottle to the side. It shatters on top of her book but neither seems to notice. He moves toward her slowly.
Not even a minute later and they're tearing off their clothes.
She wakes up with a pounding headache and a sore back.
What the hell...?
She's on the couch. And James is squished in beside her.
"Morning Sweetheart," he smirks.
"Hey..." It's almost a question.
"Interesting night, eh?"
She rubs her eyes. "I am so not going to work today."
He laughs. "Already talked to Horace. We're off the hook."
She stares at him for a solid minute and then closes her eyes. "I guess I have to change my never-had-sex-on-the-first-date thing."
He chuckles. "Guess so."
"Ugh..." the light is killing her. "I'm going back to bed."
"Suit yourself. But hey, I was thinking that maybe after we could go about fixing you're never had-sex-on-the-beach dilemma."
"Why not?" she says with closed eyes, her head on his bare chest. "And hell, I'm a damn mechanic. Why not go for broke and put an end to this never-done-it-in-a-car madness too?"
She's asleep before he can get out an answer.
He shakes his head and laughs.
"You got it, Blondie."
Never have I ever.
Best.
Game.
Ever.