AN: Ok, so, just a few days ago I got back from the Xenite Retreat! :D It was legit the best weekend I've ever had, and I loved every single second of it. I can't wait to go back next year! It's been a while since I've done any writing, but now I'm trying to fully get back into the swing of my normal schedule, so we'll see how it goes! Here's a little bit of humor to start us off right! I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.
Xena should have known that leaving Gabrielle alone with Lyceus was a bad idea. She honestly should have known, but despite the fact that she should have, she didn't, and so had. Had left her girlfriend with her younger brother so the two of them could bond while she went to get groceries, and now she was going to pay for it.
Because Lyceus hadn't told Gabrielle exactly what was in the brownies he had offered her, and she had eaten one without asking. And another, and another, and quite possibly more, because what had been a full pan before Xena left was now almost gone, and Lyceus was the one who could stand. Stand and laugh and look a little bit guilty as Gabrielle stared at the ceiling above, all while babbling away to a potted plant she was sure was Xena.
"Really Lyceus," Xena growled, dropping the groceries onto the counter of their little apartment before sliding off her shoes, dropping her wallet onto the table besides her. Stalking over to Gabrielle's side, she knelt down beside her, gently patting her face until she finally turned her head to look at her. "You just had to give her helbane, didn't you?"
"Not my fault she's a lightweight," Lyceus grumbled, rolling his eyes. He was slightly unsteady as he walked over to join her, picking up the pan and pulling a few crumbs from the metal to snack on, but overall he seemed decently sober. "There's only enough in a single brownie to give you a buzz, not knock you on your ass. She was supposed to be done after one, but ate the rest when I'd gone to get a soda. So not my fault." He gently kicked Gabrielle's foot, and when it did nothing but twitch, he shrugged and walked back into the kitchen, grabbing the empty cans that littered the floor as he went. "She drank my soda too," he said with a pout. "Now you deal with her."
"I wouldn't have to deal with her if you hadn't fed her things she shouldn't eat," Xena muttered to herself as she settled on the ground, feeling for all the world that she was tending to her dog, not her reasonably intelligent girlfriend who should have known better after all the stories she'd heard about Lyceus. Gabrielle had looked at her when she had tapped her face, but it looked as if she was still trying to figure out how her tongue worked to respond, and it was clear that it would be a long time before she was capable of moving. "Though I guess this does count as bonding," she added with a sigh.
Not the kind she wanted, but it was bonding nonetheless, and she could accept that. Kind of. So long as it never happened again.
"Hey beautiful," Gabrielle finally slurred a few minutes later, her hand somehow finding its way upwards, the tips of her fingers brushing against Xena's cheek before falling back to rest on her own stomach. "You came back."
"I told you I was," Xena said, chuckling as she took the hand that had just been wandering in her own, lacing together their fingers. "I was only gone for what, two hours?"
"It seemed like forever." Gabrielle sniffed, her eyes blinking quickly as she tried to clear them of the sudden tears. "I didn't know if you were going to come back, and if you didn't I was going to have to marry your brother, and I don't want to." A hiccupping sob left her as Gabrielle shifted, her face coming to rest upon Xena's thigh as she sobbed. "He's not even cute."
"I resent that," Lyceus yelled from the kitchen, though he quickly disappeared once again when he caught sight of Xena's glare.
"You won't have to marry Lyceus," Xena said, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as she rubbed Gabrielle's back. "You don't have to marry anyone you don't want to."
"Promise?" As if the waterworks had all been an act, when Gabrielle lifted her face upwards it was clear and clean- though Xena winced a moment later when she noticed the large wet patch that covered her jeans. The warmth from Gabrielle's skin still lingered, but when her leg eventually cooled, that was going to be uncomfortable.
"Of course," Xena replied, running her fingers through her hair. Taking a moment to consider it, she leaned down and captured Gabrielle's lips with her own, smiling when Gabrielle moaned into the kiss, pressing herself it an almost sitting position to follow after Xena as she pulled away. Shifting so she was leaning back against the wall, Xena pulled Gabrielle with her, resting her head on her shoulder so they could snuggle. "If I had it my way," Xena continued quietly, rubbing her hand up and down Gabrielle's arm as she curled into her, "you're only marrying me."
"Thought you didn't want to get married?" Her voice was muffled, the tone of someone barely awake; good. Xena had seen Lyceus like this before, before he had gotten used to the herb, and if Gabrielle was anything like him, she would fall asleep soon enough. Wake up with a horrible headache, but by then it would be out of her system, and some water and a massage would fix that soon enough.
If she let herself go to sleep, because when Xena didn't respond, Gabrielle pushed herself upwards, her head tilted in confusion even as she struggled to keep her eyes open.
"Maybe I just want to get married to the right person," Xena eventually said, giving a little shrug. This wasn't a conversation she wanted to have with her girlfriend while said girlfriend was high off her ass, and if she could turn it off to something else, that would be great.
"And that right person is me," Gabrielle quickly asked as she raised her hand and booped her own nose, not giving her any chance to bring up some other topic that might distract her. When Xena, unwilling to say anything more that Gabrielle might remember when she sobered up, just nodded, Gabrielle's confusion turned into a smile that split across her face, her eyes becoming wide as she dug through her pockets. "Give me your hand."
Xena, just shaking her head, held out her hand towards Gabrielle, smiling softly as Gabrielle finally found what she had been looking for- a piece of pink string from who knows where that she held up triumphantly, waving it in front of Xena's face before taking her hand in her own.
"Gabrielle," Xena finally said a few minutes later, giving in as she watched her girlfriend struggle to wrap the string around her finger, "what are you doing?"
"I don't have a ring," Gabrielle said, letting out a pleased sound as she finally got both sides of the string tied together, the knot almost falling apart but holding for the moment. "So I made one. Now you're mine."
Her voice was childlike as she spoke, but the kiss she gave the surprised Xena was anything but, her eyes half lidded as she pulled away.
Though, whether they were so because of desire, Xena would never know, because a moment later Gabrielle had face-planted back into her lap, snoring softly as she finally gave in and slept.
"So," Lyceus said from the doorway, a smirk on his lips as he watched them, "should I call the florist now, or should I leave that to the happy couple?"
He just laughed and ducked as Xena chucked the nearest pillow at him, careful not to disturb Gabrielle's sleep, leaving them to themselves as he fled from his murderous sibling.
It took a few hours for Gabrielle to awaken, with a pounding headache and enough swearing to make even Xena flush for a moment, but luckily she didn't remember a thing. Only that Lyceus had offered her food, and she had fallen asleep shortly after. She especially didn't remember her proposal, much to Xena's relief.
She couldn't have Gabrielle beating her out with a piece of string when she was just waiting until the new year to give her the ring hidden under the couch.
(She kept the string, though, slid it into her pocket and, later, her jewelry box. Because, technically, Gabrielle did do it first. And she couldn't rightly get rid of the manner she had done it, now could she?)