For Ronwheezyrox. A sort of rebuttal to my fic Piece Of.

Herein Was the Problem

Well, see, she was only looking for answers. And see, he was only trying to read. Herein was the problem, because he could see clearly what she was looking for, but she fell short of understanding his brilliant perception.

Bellatrix lay on the floor, yes, the floor, her curly locks flocked around her like admirers. She played with them. Toyed.

Severus sat in the hardest chair that no one ever claimed. He preferred it. Being a fifteen year old teenage boy was normally difficult, particularly when Bellatrix Black was in the picture, because Bellatrix tore out hearts and made puberty rather difficult with her constant stimulation.

However, Severus was a bookish type and therefore had his mind far more focused on incantations and essays, not breasts and skirts, though he wouldn't have said no to either. Snape was different, though. He wasn't thinking about sex all of the time, he was more enthralled by the dark arts. He thought it was slightly disgusting when people like Miles Flint necked in the hallway with various girls, but then again, Flint had the appearance and personality of a less than friendly ogre. Snape was no imaginative sort. If a girl was necking an ogre, he couldn't think of the girl sans the ogre. It was much too illogical. So re-playing the event with himself in the action was right out. Snape wasn't creative enough for that, and creativity made him snort derisively.

However, though Snape hated to admit it, when it came to Bellatrix Black, it was all to simple to imagine her alone and be just as hyped up as you would be when you were with her. In Slytherin, wanking off and Bella Black went hand in hand. (Sometimes literally.)

"Sevy wevy wevy," Bellatrix warbled, arching her back. Any other boy would have crumbled, caved, succumbed to the Devil Woman. Severus, however, only glanced up for a second, wondered why Bellatrix was wearing such scant pants under her skirt, and looked back down to his studies.

Bellatrix was not accustomed to being ignored by boys. The very sight of her usually provoked adolescent awkwardness to the max amount possible, but this Severus Snape was a hard one to crack. "SNAPE!" she cried out in an annoying, high-pitched tone.

"What?" Severus snapped bitterly, placing his textbook on his lap.

"Lord Tom, are you deaf?"

"Are you incapable of speaking quietly?" snapped the greasy-haired boy. "Now what what what?"

Bellatrix pouted. If she wasn't in such a great mood, she probably would have bitten his ankles. "I need homework help!" she warbled.

Snape sighed, but he bristled almost arrogantly. If there was one thing he loved, it was helping people with their homework. He loved to show off. He loved making people feel stupid, and he adored chastising people for not getting their work down earlier. (He figured that in later life, he would attempt to be a teacher. It somehow seemed fitting.) "Well," he said slowly," what is it?"

"We've got that report in Charms due," Bella said sweetly.

"Ah, yes," sneered Snape," because you had to re-take it."

Snape gloated about this fact at every possible chance. Bellatrix glowered.

"Gimme your answers," she barked, none too pleased with this game any longer. It should have been over; she should have all ready gotten what she wanted.

"Not so easy," Snape said quietly, sensing a golden opportunity. "Unless… you wanted to trade me for something."

Bellatrix wasn't all that surprised. "What? A kiss, something more, sure, whatever, just don't make me touch your hair."

Unaffected, Snape set down his book and crossed his arms. This had to be really good. "You must stand up and recite to me the five fundamental rules of Potion-brewing."

"I—what?" Bella was clearly dumbfounded. 'I hate brainy boys,' she decided. "What if I can't remember?"

"Then I'll feed them to you, but you must promise to say them in a sensual manner," Snape said jerkily.

Bellatrix eyed him warily. "Okay," she said, as though he were psychotic, and stood up, her skirt bouncing above her knees.

"'Rule Number One,'" Snape began,"' you must never leave an unattended cauldron.'"

Staring, Bellatrix put her hands on her hips. "Rule Number One," she said deeply," You must never, ever leave an unattended cauldron." She massaged her thighs slowly.

"That was good," said Snape, swallowing. "Next… 'Rule Number Two, you must always remember that safety is the most important answer.'"

Bellatrix went to town on this one, rolling her hips in and out and repeating it lustfully. She followed Snape's request until just after number four: "This is damned ridiculous," she snapped. "You get off on this? You're pathetic, Snivellus. Forget the homework."

Snape coolly raised an eyebrow. He sneered at the older girl and sighed. "You're lovely, I'll give you that, Black, but you're an awful girl and… You seem to think I find you amusing. Is that right?"

Bellatrix looked at him in confusion. "Amusing?"

"Yes. Amusing."

Bellatrix kept staring.

"Oh dear," Snape said cruelly. "Then we do have a problem. I'm only using you."

"What?"

"That's right, Black!" Severus shouted. "THAT'S RIGHT! I'M using YOU! Surprised? Going to hex me, call me a failure, mock my greasy hair? Well, you might be sexy but you're a stupid cow—Charms again, that's pathetic, and you make fun of me? Pretty people like you, Potter and Malfoy deserve each other. My Salazaar, in your skimpy little skirt and everything, you just made a fool out of yourself for me. So who's pathetic, now?"

Bellatrix was in shock. She looked rigid. "Me, pathetic?"

"Yes, you! Selling yourself for homework answers."

"I'm not selling myself--"

"Then my god, girl, quit it! You're better than that!" With this statement, Severus grabbed his book, then gave a haughty snort and heaved it at Bellatrix, who was still standing spread-legged, watching him with wide brown eyes. "Charms homework's in there," he snarled. "Goodnight." He shuffled off, worked up, irate.

He should have known that his escape tactic wasn't going to work.

Bellatrix Black raced after Snape and grabbed him around the waist tightly, her nails digging into his stomach.

"Get off! You're pathetic!" Severus yowled.

"Say that again!" Bellatrix screamed, not certain if the anger she was feeling was good or bad. Boys never spoke to her like that! Boys worshipped her!

"PATHETIC! PATHETIC!" Severus cried out, she was mauling him like a tiger. "YOU'RE NOTHING SPECIAL! NO ONE'S ANYTHING SPECIAL! YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU'RE OBNOXIOUS, AND YOU COULD DO WITH A LONGER SKIRT!"

In this moment, Bellatrix turned the young boy around, her heart pounding wildly. She let out a pained shriek and then kissed him. And kissed him. And kept kissing him! She held his thin jaw in her lioness paws and snogged him gloriously, running her middle up his and shoving him into the wall. Severus didn't have to do much of anything and that suited him. He wasn't as stunned as he should have been.

She pulled her lips off of his after a good minute or so and slammed him back onto the wall. "Don't ever speak like that to me again," she snarled. "Snivellus."

Snape watched in amazement as Bellatrix swished out of the hallway, and into the commons where she seized his book, then disappeared down the girls' stairway.

"Bloody psycho," he said angrily, but it took a good five days to wipe the grin off his face.