VEGETA AND GOKU VS. THE POLITICIANS (RE-MASTERED!!!)

"Helloooo Congress!" Goku greeted Congress at Capitol Hill.

Embarrassed to be in association with his presence, Vegeta jibed, "Quiet, you."

The interruption hadn't gone unnoticed, and Janet Reno addressed them both, "Out of here, you young ruffians!" As if they had forgotten the existence of the door they'd just passed through, she pointed in emphasis.

"Hey!" the prince said, sounding mildly offended, "That's hoodlums or delinquents to you!" He was just mad because people with names of cities or states were supposed to be cool and go on treasure hunts, but instead she dealt with law suits.

"Do not tell me how to insult you!" she replied.

Sighing, Vegeta explained, "Well, you could at least do it properly!"

Abruptly, George W. Bush made a visit to the Senate and House of Representatives, "HOOOOOOOOWDY!"

Instantly, Goku shouted, "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWDY!"

Uncovering his ears, the brunette gritted out, "Oh, for the love of-!" He was shocked when Goku grabbed his wrist and slung him around so they were both within range of physical contact with the leader of the executive branch.

"George W.," Goku addressed him in his 'polite' voice, "I want you to meet my special friend, Vegeta!" He tugged on the trapped wrist, therefore making Vegeta offer a handshake.

"Special friend..?" the elder blushed slightly, too taken aback to refuse the handshake.

With a placid smile and an aura of benignity, George Bush Jr. hailed them, "Hello there, fine, young, upstanding citizens. I'm the president who wages war on intangible ideas."

"I myself am a leader of a.." Vegeta began, managed to finagle his way out of Goku's grip, then finished, "..strong.. country, and I myself wage war on intangible ideas."

George's eyebrows shot up in interest, "Do you?"

"Stupidity," the prince clarified, "Therefore, here is my formal declaration of war." He promptly took off his glove and slapped the President of the United States with it.

Shocked and appalled, the good-ole-boy said, "How dare you!"

In triumph, Vegeta shook his fist towards the sky and yelled thunderously, "VIVA LA VEGETA-SEI!"

"Hi yi aye!" Goku said, apparently oblivious to what was really going on. He put on a sombrero that Vegeta didn't want to know where he got it from and proclaimed, "C'EST LA VI, MY LITTLE VEGGIE!"

Deflating, the prince chided, "I told you not to call me that in the presence of others. I'm 'your majesty' or 'Lord Vegeta' or 'your lord' or 'your king' or--hey! Stop chewing that!"

Goku spoke with little strips of fabric dangling from the corners of his full mouth, "Why not?"

"You don't eat the enemies tie!!" the brunette growled.

"Don't you mean enemy's, Vegeta?" Goku turned his correction into a question.

Seriously peeved now, his friend retaliated, "I'M YOUR LORD, I'LL DECIDE THE GRAMMATICAL RULES!"

Like a kid with ADD on crack, Goku's focus held for about a syllable, and he showed it by saying, "Look! Alan Greenspan! He makes the stock market."

"What?" Vegeta was flabbergasted, and by this point had also forgotten about Janet Reno and George W. Bush who were both watching the exchange along with Congress, "What is 'he makes the stock market' supposed to mean?"

Switching the subject yet again, Goku twirled around, "Hey, Vegeta? Does my gi make my butt look big?"

"What?" the prince repeated again, completely taken aback, "Uh, no. NOW what's this about 'making' the stock market?"

The Earth-raised Saiyan would not let it go, "Are you SURE it doesn't make my butt look big?"

"Yes, I'm sure!!"

"Well, if you say so," Goku finally relented, "I trust your judgment."

Trying to will away an impending headache, Vegeta said, "Well, that's great. Why would you even ask me that!?"

"Because you have a nice butt," Goku stated bluntly.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?" the words flew out of Vegeta's mouth before he even realized he said them.

With the lost interest in the president's tie, Goku opted to nibble on the dry wall.

"DON'T YOU START THAT WITH ME, MISTER!" the prince warned. Goku merely chewed on. "I'LL GIVE YOU TO THE COUNT OF THREE! ONE! TWO! THR--" He stopped when a figure parted the crowd and approached them.

"Hello kind sir, gentlemen and ladies alike," Alan Greenspan said as he came to a stop, "I make the stock market."

"What?" Vegeta found himself repeating the word too often for his taste.

"I TOLF YOU," Goku said as white, pasty crumbs spewed out of his mouth.

"Good day!" Mr. Greenspan tipped his hat and went along his way.

Vegeta was unable to mentally grasp the last several minutes of his life and he told everyone this by exclaiming, "...WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?"

Goku answered incorrectly, "George Stephanopoulos!" Then, correctly, "No, no.. Alan Greenspan."

"I'm tired of your antics!" Vegeta, Master of the Obvious, announced, "We're going home." He took his turn at man-handling which unfortunately, for the brunette, ended quickly.

"We can't!" the younger seemed to protest.

Tightening his grip, the monarch inquired, "Why!"

"We're being held in contempt!" Goku pointed to the ground. The Saiyans were encircled in a chalk lettering which read: CONTEMPT. "Our war against George W. has imprisoned us in these walls forever!" he began to wail, "Nooooooo!"

This turned on Vegeta's frantic mode. "No! Don't cry! It'll be ok! We'll just retract our declaration and everything will be okay!" Seeing as this did not placate his Kakarot, he compensated by adding, "And I'll buy you ice cream!"

Goku sniffled and perked up while somehow still appearing droopy, "Will I get a special treat?"

Vegeta blushed, "Sure." The air was knocked out of him as his accomplice hugged him painfully.

"Yay!" Goku cheered, "Diplomatic immunity, here we come!"

Much later, but not too much later, a trial was held somewhere in or around the vicinity of a place in which a jury, plaintiff, etc., etc. Super Mario Brothers 2 was an awesome game, and then we finish some exposition and here comes the end of the sentence!

For some reason, George W. Bush was playing as a prosecutor, and he asked one of the defendants in particular, "Do you admit to slapping me on the face and saying 'Here is my formal declaration of war'?"

Not understanding the concept of being under oath, as it would damage any chance for Vegeta to escape this unscathed, he responded with, "Oh no, no, no.. you misunderstood!" (Though he was tempted to say 'misunderestimate' for the Hell of it.) "I said, um.. 'Here is my floral decoration of four.' I didn't get to finish my sentence because my-"

"SPECIAL FRIEND," Goku interjected helpfully from across the room.

Vegeta blushed slightly, "..my special friend began to eat your tie." He tried not to think about how awkward his life was.

The president gestured to Vegeta on the stand for the judge. Then he walked a few paces and gestured to Vegeta on the stand for the jury. Lastly, he turned, walked a few paces, and gestured to Vegeta on the stand for the audience. "In that case," he ruled, ignoring the legal processes completely, "All is forgiven."

"YATTA! WE GOT OFF SCOT FREE!" Vegeta leapt from his chair, not realizing that he was capable of thinking out loud.

About-facing, George Bush Junior made his condition known, "SO LONG AS you deliver me the head of Osama bin Laden!"

"Bogus!" Goku proclaimed.

Later still, but maybe not that much later, our dastardly, alien heroes were mulling over their situation. Vegeta leaned back in his chair, balancing it on two legs, "So, what do we know about Osama bin Laden?"

Goku answered while playing with some Tonka trucks on the floor, "Wears diapers on his head. Has a beard. The 'bin' is not German."

Choosing to ignore the stupidity of the first characteristic, Vegeta added to the conversation, "Hides out in caves. Loves to drive Fords." He leapt off the chair and then threw the chair out the window for good measure before ripping Goku's toys out of his hands, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Goku stared into his soul just like puppies do, "I get double the special treat if I'm doubly good?"

Vegeta dropped the trucks to cover his cough, "..sure." Snapping out it if, he revealed his masterstroke of a plan, "We lure him out to the ocean with Ford Mustang GTs."

"Then?" Goku asked, not following in the slightest.

"Then we let Aquaman finish him off and we take the credit," Vegeta folded his arms and looked smug, which was easy, because Vegeta made so few expressions due to muscle memory that attempting anything new, like smiling sweetly and sincerely, hurt.

"Hooray! Dolphins!" the younger shot up in excitement, "I'll go get my snorkel!"

Knowing the other man didn't own one, the prince merely said, "You do that."

There was much heckling and other bothersome verbs, but eventually we came to the next part of the plot.

"Okay," the brunette said as he leapt over a boulder where Goku was crouched on the other side. The shade felt like it was a point of degree cooler, but they were using it for other purposes. Vegeta kept his underling, and the readers, up to speed, "We laced the entire country with these cars, this has to work. It's like motherfucking Hansel and Gretel, except instead of bread crumbs we're substituting with twenty thousand dollar vehicles. And instead of a gingerbread house, we're going to use an ocean. And there's no way in Hell we're going to get burnt alive." He looked at Goku, who looked back at him with those puppy eyes, "Well, there's no way in Hell I'm going to get burnt alive."

Inside a local cave - local in the sense to the position of the Saiyans - a peon addressed his higher-upper, "Sir, all these Ford Mustang GTs just showed up."

"Excellent!" Osama crowed, "I must test drive."

"Sir, they appeared out of nowhere," the peon gave more details, though he didn't want to appear insubordinate, "It may be a trap."

Bin Laden did not take it well, "I will do the thinking, thank you! Who ran airplanes into America's towers and got away with it? That's right! ME! So hush up and go back to your wheel."

"Uh.." the peon was honestly befuddled by what he just heard, and instead of making it worse, he opted to agree, "Aye."

On the outside world, it was only a few minutes before Goku peeked over the boulder and gasped, "There's bin Laden!"

"It looks like he's.. yes.. yes.. he's going for the red one!" Vegeta said with satisfaction.

Goku then gave an example of when his brain cells came into contact with one another, "I'll sneak into the caves. You get Osama, Vegeta!"

Thus ensued a very exciting action sequence that would have enough pointless explosions and stupid dialogue to please Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Uwe Boll. Victorious, Goku exited the caves in search for his partner in governmental dirty work. "Vegeta!" he shouted while slaloming between cars, "Vegeta! He's got them running around like hamsters! They're living off of hamster power! Good GOD!" He stumbled upon his prince, "What happened, Veggie? Where's Osama?"

The proud leader of a warrior race stood soaking wet with seaweed clinging to his hair. "There was a discrepancy regarding the credit of Osama's capture," he told the younger man.

With a sympathetic frown, Goku gingerly asked, "Did he get away?"

Rolling his eyes, Vegeta retorted, "No, you're looking at him." He handed Goku a teddy bear.

"For me?" Goku's face lit up in rosy delight, "You shouldn't have."

"Idiot! That's Osama!" the prince picked pieces of sea weed off of himself, "Tragically, it's Aquaman too..."

Goku, Supreme Artisan of the Obvious, noted, "Doesn't look like him."

Thinking out loud yet again, Vegeta mumbled, "Now to dispose of the bodies..." But Goku wasn't paying attention.

They were suddenly interrupted by a mass of peons who came out of mirage or some shit, "AMERICANS!"

Grabbing Goku by the scruff of his neck, Vegeta shouted, "NO! THESE ARE GIFTS FROM ALLAH! SEE YOU LATER, BYE!"

A rather dull flight back to the States ensued, and eventually our boys met up with George W. in the Oval Office.

"I am quite impressed in which the way you handled Osama bin Laden," he admitted after reading the in-depth report, "Therefore, I award you both a Purple Heart."

"Er, don't you get those from combat when-" Vegeta began. He was immediately cut off by Goku's gem of:

"YAY! SHINY!"

Vegeta let it go.

In conclusion, the president concluded, "Special thanks to you, Goku, for finding the terrorists hiding place and finding their major weakness: food pellets. I honor you both, and you're welcome to visit Congress anytime. Also, you have diplomatic immunity. Walk more freely than the people in my country, and God bless."

On their way out, Vegeta, Master of the Obvious, revealed his thoughts, "It's not like they could hold us in jail anyways, you know, with the power to destroy worlds and all."

Goku, who wasn't paying attention like usual, asked, "Veggie, can I have my special treat now?"

"Sure," his friend said, "but we need to find a hotel first..."

THE END.

A/N: I hope you liked this special version of "VEGETA AND GOKU VS. THE POLITICIANS." I originally started this series for Nashi, but I continue it because it makes me laugh. I hope it made you laugh too.