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Prompt:
Anonymous: Judys thoughts The first night she brought Quinn home from the hospitol after she was born,after Beth was born,after her accident
Devastation consumes her upon the realisation of her circumstances. It's like a light bulb moment, she's been living in a self-deluded fantasy up 'til now and the force of the cold, February air smacks her in the face like a well overdue wake-up call.
She feels sick to her stomach, the taste of copper tinging her mouth as she grits her teeth. Sat at the doors of the hospital, she contemplates how far she'd get if she simply upped and walked away. It's the briefest of thoughts; knowing she has a four year old at home and not a dime to her name but her desperation has reached new levels as she falls back into the age old habit of forever seeking a source of freedom.
Looking down at the angelic baby in her arms; she can't help but be in awe at the perfect, pale skin, almost in disbelief at how tiny her little fingers are as they reach out blindly for a source of comfort. Her eyes are filled with tears as she takes in her new born, a distinct sense of guilt at knowing this child will probably never know true happiness, not in their house, not with her father.
At the sound of a car horn, her head snaps up, heart suddenly racing at the sight of the strong, blonde man exiting the car.
He looks like the epitome of a proud father; smile wide on his face, the smell of liquor absent as he helps her up from the wheelchair. People look at them with a misguided sense of satisfaction, an echo of jealousy evident in the depths of their eyes as they take in what appears to be the perfect little family.
How little they know.
As her husband settles their child into the car seat, she stares blankly out the window screen. Her fingernails dig into her palms as she tries, helplessly, to be hopeful.
But she knows this man, and she's seen this side of him before. After all, this isn't their first child. It never lasts long. Just like a new car smell, the effects wear off far quicker than expected and she knows it'll be even quicker this time.
The slam of the car door brings her back to the present, a hand squeezing her thigh in what should be a comforting manner. She looks down at it, eventually bringing her eyes to meet its' owner, forcing a smile that she knows looks more of a grimace as the same question whirls repetitively through her mind.
What the hell have I done?