A boat with my name on it - by Cunien

Especially for Sara who suggested I write this one.

Disclaimer: Jack Sparrow belongs to no man but himself! Anamaria belongs to no man either - not even Jack. And the Jolly Mon belongs to Anamaria. Not Jack.

Mild cock-erney swearing as befits a rapscallion like Jack.

Adult themes, but only suggested and in no way graphic.

Chapters may not come as thick and fast as Ah, the memories!', but I'll do me best!

Chapter 1 - A lonely life at sea.

The first thing I did when I saw it was say to myself - now that's a boat with my name on it, that is.

'Cept it didn't really have my name on. That would be daft. Who in their right mind would name their boat 'Jack Sparrow'!?!?

But I'm getting ahead of myself. And lying a bit too, because the first thing I did when I saw the boat was laugh.

It really was a very silly little boat.

So I'm sailing into Tortuga, right, happy to be home, and I'm on the look-out, sharp as ever, you know me. And I sees this little boat right, tied up to the jetty in the dock. Tiny little thing it was, with an oversized, self important mast. The boat, by all rights should have been too small to support such a great whopping mast, cos it was just a row boat really - a modified row boat. No room for more than one person.

But it drew my eye, and that's the most important thing, as I shall elaborate later. In great length don't you worry.

Now I pride myself on knowing just about everything there is to know about boats. Big boats or small boats, Men O War or row boats, I know them inside and out.
Cept on a row boat there isn't really an inside.

But there were ropes and pulleys and all sorts on this boat that even I couldn't place a purpose to.
In short, it looked rather ridiculous.

There was a young woman sitting cross legged on the dock beside it, busily mending a rip in the sail and humming contentedly to herself. The reason I mention this woman will become evident in time. Remember her right, cos she's important to the tale later on.

When I passed her I chuckled a little, and her head shot up, quick as lighting and glared something evil at me. It only made me laugh harder. Her and her boat, they did make a pretty sight.

Which set me to laughing again.

I'm laughing just to think on it see - trust me, you would too if you could have been there

Such a silly little boat. But I liked it.

Now I'd come in on the Adventure right, sailing under old Calico Jack. It wasn't so bad, though I wasn't used to taking orders like that, and it took a while for my pride to settle down enough to follow them I can tell you.

The hearsay was that Calico had a cross dresser sailing under him - you know, a woman. Of course I didn't believe it. I thought even Calico Jack wasn't that stupid.

Evidently he was.

There's a reason the Pirate's code says no women on board, take it from me.

Now don't go thinking I'm as thick as two short planks not to notice a woman there swabbing the decks and waying the anchor alongside me. She was clean shaven, obviously, but so are a lot of the young lads who sail on these ships.

And there must have been some serious bondage going on there to get her, well her....assets...out of the way, so to speak.

She was first mate, but after a while this particular first mate begins to get a bit too matey' if you catch my drift.

It began with just a hand lingering there and a brush against me there.

But the morning in question this Andrew' the first mate has got me cornered in one of the holds. Now normally I'm not alone with him, because Calico followed Andrew around like a bleeding puppy dog, and now I know why.

But this time there was no getting away, because he's blocking my way up out. What was I to do? I started to panic because I was getting the
heebie-jeebies off this one. I could tell there was something not quite right about Andrew, and if my dear old strumpet of a mother ever taught me anything it was that I should trust my intuition.

But in my panic I did the worst thing I could've done - I tried to push past.
Now this was a Dutch Flute, and they're big hulks of things, but like any ship there isn't room to swing a cat inside is there?
So me pushing past Andrew only got us stuck for a moment there, me trying to push past and meanwhile in a perfect position to be taken advantage of, savvy?

Before I know it Andrew's mouth is where it shouldn't be, jammed against mine. And his hands are most definitely where they shouldn't be.. somewhere that I don't care to mention thankyou very much.

Of course I'm thrown a bit by this, so I jerked back and slammed my head against a beam, which sent me reeling, and the next thing I know I've fallen flat on my back on the floor. Which, again, puts me in a very vulnerable position, and before I can get my head together Andrew's blimming straddled me and there isn't much I can do.

Bloody hell! I said, when Andrew's removed his mouth long enough for me to get any words out.

I think you've got the wrong end of the stick mate!..... I mean if it floats your boat..but..but it doesn't float mine eh? Savvy?

Shut up. says Andrew, and he's fiddling with something under his shirt which is worrying me a little. Then he grabs my hand and puts it under his shirt, and of course then I realise that he is actually a she.

I said, Well that changes everything, doesn't it?

Now you may be thinking I put myself about a bit, right?
But I'm a pirate, and this sort of thing is expected of me really. And when I realised that Andrew was actually Anne, and with her hair down and things set loose that should never be restrained, if you catch my meaning, she was a pretty thing indeed.

Besides, it's a lonely life at sea.

I admit it was a bit of a risk to take. If Calico had caught us it wouldn't go too nicely, and after all that Calico had done for me, I did feel bad about it.

Honest.
For a little while, at least.
And I really didn't have much choice in the matter.

Of course, Calico Jack being the stupid man that he is took rather a long time to notice. And of course, being the nice man that he is he didn't pitch me overboard, shoot me, hang me from the bowsprit by my own bootstraps or maroon me on some godforsaken island. Nice chap.

Instead he ordered the ship turned around and we headed straight for Tortuga where I was to get off and never see him, or Anne, again.

I didn't complain. I fancied a change of scenery anyway, and I'm quite happy with most of the things that fortune throws my way.

I was a bit miffed all the blame seemed to be heaped on my poor shoulders though. Calico didn't seem the least bit angry with Anne, just me.

I mean, it takes two to dance that particular jig, right?

TBC.....

A short one this time fraid. More will come as Jack makes it known to me! Shouldn't be too long though, so keep checking! That's if there are any of you still out there, reading this..........ahoy?