Alloy: Hi guys, and welcome to the show where life's a bitch and so are
these sketches!
Rei: Life's a bitch and so are we!
Alloy: So true, so true! Now today, we're gonna be tormenting... Rei, tell the folks in the audience and at home who our victims... i mean ::ehem:: guests...are gonna be today!
Rei: ::Cough:: Today, we welcome Yusuke Urmeshi and company to the show! Let's give a big round of applause for, Kurama, Hiei, Yusuke, and Kuwabara!
::Applause::
Alloy: Today, as always, we're going to be starting the show off with our usual 1.5 minute improvs. Rei, you wanna pair our contestants up for this round?
Rei: Yeah, sure. ::Snickers:: Alright, Kuwabara, I believe the fire demon is waiting for you, Yusuke, you get the fox.
Hiei: -_- I? With him?
Alloy: Yeah, sure! Don't worry it'll all be over with soon enough!
Hiei: But...but... i can't!
Alloy: Aahh, shut your hole short man, we're setting the clock right now.
Rei: Ok, people. Let's get things started! Kuwabara and Hiei, you're first!
Kuwabara:*-_- Uh, uuuhhhh.... Hiei, you start it of and I'll work off of what you do!
Hiei: No way! You start, imbecile!
Kuwabara: oO..Uh, ::Thinks about something Hiei doesn't like:: ::Snaps fingers:: Hey Hiei, has your sister said anything about me lately?
Hiei: HEY BUDDY! ::clutches Kuwabara's shirt:: DONT MAKE ME HURT YOU IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE, YOU KNUCKLE-HEADED SHIT HEAD!
Kuwabara: Well which is it?
Hiei: Oo ::blank stare:: Huh?
Kuwabara: Shit head or Knuckle Head?!
Yusuke: ::To Kurama:: ...is Hiei always like this on television?
Kurama: No, actually. This is his first time. He wouldn't come on the Teletubbies with me as Po.
Yusuke: ::Face fault::
Alloy: And....time! Yusuke and Kurama, you two are up!
Kurama: ::face fault::
Yusuke: ^_^ ::starts hitting Kurama excitedly:: We get to go! C'mon Kurama, it's our turn, let's go! ::after Kurama doesnt move:: Umm... OK!^_^ ::starts dancing like an idiot in the middle of the stage::
Petey Pablo: Take your shirt of, twist it around your head, spin it like a helicopter...
Yusuke: :Takes shirt off and spins it around his head twice before throwing it to the audiance::
Kurama: What the hell?! ::Grabs Yusuke and drags him to the floor:: Your insane! Stripping on live TV?! What has gotten into you?!
Yusuke: Ø_Ø It was only my shirt!
Rei: Erm...*!_! Times up! Even though Yusuke only took his shirt off ::whispers:: dammit ::normal voice:: Let's have the audiance decide!
Alloy: Great idea, Rei! ::mumbles:: even though that's what we always do anyway...::normal voice:: Ok folks! You know what to do! Your voting pads are in the back of the seat in front of you, so go ahead and let us know who you think was funnier! And for you viewers at home, get your lazy asses off the goddamn couch and in the computer chair! the URL is on the screen! Either that, or just reach for the phone and call our hotline, also on the screen! Now let's go to a commercial break before Donnie yells at us again for not cutting in time!
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::Alloy and Rei, conversing:: Alloy: So then he says "I'm expecting more from you!" and... ::Rei elbows Alloy in ribs:: ::Alloy notices red light on camera is on:: Oh, hi! Well now that we're back, let's go on to the next segment of our show, which is... um...uh... Rei? What the hell is the next part of our show?
Rei: ::rolls eyes:: o_O Erm, ::looks from script to cue cards:: Ah! We're doing a thing call, the bachelor. The game where the funny shit matters and the, no that's not right, this game has no points! Steve, stop copying Drew Carey's show! Anyway, Kurama, your the bachelor.
Hiei: ::Snickers:: Your right there...
Alloy: Hey no harrassing the hott contestants! I mean... the sought contestants!
Rei: Ok, the remaining three, please pick a card. ::Holds out three cards::
Kuwabara: SAMARA FROM THE RING
Yusuke: TOMMY FROM THE RUGRATS
Hiei: PREPPY CHEERLEADER
Kurama: REALLY HOTT GUY...
Alloy: Alright! Are we ready?!
::silence from contestants::
Alloy: I'll take that as a "no" but since we've only got 30 fuckin minutes ::mumbles:: damn talent search competition, not like we need any more fuckin teeny boy bands that consume even more of our time by doing TV concert specials and cant even sing... ::normal voice:: we're gonna have to continue anyway!
Rei: Ok everybody, get into the ::ahem:: respected state of mind and you may begin!
Kurama: Bachelor number one, (Yusuke) if you had one day left to live, how would you spend it?
Yusuke: ::Talks in Tommy-ish voice:: I'd wanna go 'splorin' with my diapie and lucky stew driver!
Kurama: *O_O Bachelor number two (Kuwbara) how would you spend your last day of life?
Kuwabara: ::in girly, childish voice:: I'd kill everyone who watched my tape. Unless, of course, they make copies of it and show it to the whole damn world.
Kurama: Gah! Anyway, bachelor number three, how would you spend your last day on Earth?
Hiei: ::Grumbles:: That's alright, that's ok, I won't die anyway! Today, or tomorrow, I will kill Kuwabara!
Kuwabara: Hey!
Hiei: ::Snickers::
Kurama: OK, now bachelor number one. Where would you take me on our first date?
Yusuke: ::Scratches at an invisable diaper rash:: I'd take you 'splorin'! We might ascover buried treasure!
Kurama: Heh heh, yes I see. Number two, on our first date, where would you take me?
Kuwabara: I'd take you to the barn where I sleep. I don't like the barn. The horses keep me up.
Kurama: *-_- Bachelor number three. Same question applies.
Hiei: ::Twirls what bangs he has around a finger, grudgingly of course:: I'd like, take you to like, the hippest nightclub around of course! Everybody's doing it!
Rei: oO...answer me this folks, WHY does Hiei do such a good job at impersonating a preppy cheerleader? ::Snickers::
Hiei: Why you sonuvabitch! ::Lunges at Rei who hides behind Alloy::
Alloy:: Dude! It's our job to humiliate our guests on the show! Chill man!
Hiei: ::backs up:: ::freezes, suddenly thinking of something:: Hey, how come you defended Kurama but made me shuddup?!
Rei: oO
Alloy: That's my damn business, now sit your ass down! My momma didnt name me "Alloy" for nothin you crazy fire demon of a bastard!
Audience: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!! ::random shouts:: BURNED! SHE GOT YOU BAD, MAN! YOU JUST GONNA LET HER TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT?!
Hiei: ::Takes of bandana so Jagan Eye shows:: No I won't! I'll send her to the Shadow Realm!
Kuwabara: ::Whispers in Hiei's ear:: ...wrong show dude.
Hiei: Oh yeah. I'll put you under my control and turn you into a demon!
Yusuke: ::Whispers again:: ...I took the Shadow Sword away, remember?
Hiei: Oh yeah. Damn it! Fine! I'll place you under my control and take over this studio!!
Alloy: You know what? Let's cut to a commercial break to reduce the number of innocent eyes watching what's about to get ugly! Well I know it can't get much uglier than Kuwabara, but you guys know what I mean! We'll be right back!...maybe...
::Random sounds of things blowing up, items crashing against walls, screams, whistles, bangs, booms, other onomonpias, random animalistic noises, teeny bopper destruction, and sword clashes, along with flashes of Spirit Energy and other things::
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::Hiei subdued in a corner::
Rei: And welcome back folks! Sorry we got a bit sidetracked and didn't get to finish the last round, but let's see if Kurama can't figure out what the contenders were with only two clues!
Alloy: Well, gee, Rei! It's not like you asked the audience why Hiei was so good at imulating what his role described! But, in case Kurama didnt hear or has forgotten, i won't say it again. Anyway, let's continue with this round, shall we?
::hoots, hollers, whistels and cheers immerse from audience::
Rei: Ready Kurama? ::Kurama nods:: OK!
Kurama: Bachelor number one, if I was in trouble, what measures would you go to to save me?
Yusuke: ::Still scratching a imaginary diaper rash:: With Reptar by my side, I espects no one to get in my way!
Kurama: ::Raises eyebrow:: Bachelor number two...
Kuwabara: I wouldn't save you. I'd throw a bag over your head and drop you in a well still alive myself.
Kurama: !_! Ø_Ø Someone help me! Bachelor number...oh dear. ::See's Hiei still tied up
Hiei: SDFKJ SDFJHS YSS USDKJF IOWYAQB SDKF SADIFO SHNAS!!
Translation: ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE DAMAGE TO MY NAILS!!
Alloy: Only one more clue, Kurama!
Rei: I know you've got something to say about his answer...
Alloy: Well Donnie's yelled at me for everything I've said so far so I'll leave the rude comments to you.
Rei: ::Snickers:: Oooh, lucky me! GOD DAMN YOU HIEI! DO YOU NOT THINK OF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF?! WHAT THE FUCK POSESSED YOU TO ANSWER, 'ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE DAMAGE TO MY NAILS!!'?!
Alloy: ::grins::
Hiei: ::evil glare:: ::tries to lunge at hosts from corner but Kuwabara holds him back::
Yusuke: ::Smirk:: Wow Kuwabara! You must like your fire demon alot! ::Peace sign:: ::Sparkly eyes:: Ah! True love must be amazing!
Hiei: ASDFLKAJ ASDHAN IASENTB!
Translation: FUCK YOU PRICK!
Rei: ::Snickers:: Yusuke, you went too far. ::Unties Hiei:: ::Studio seems to go up in flames::
Hiei: Smart choice, Hosty!
Kurama: Can i just ask the last two...::ehem:: "dates" the last question and go on to the next round?
Rei: No, let's watch Hiei maim Yusuke, then we go onto the next round! Wadaya say, Alloy?
Alloy: ::looks at Donnie:: If i say "sounds good to me!" are you gonna jump on my ass?
::inaudible-to-most response from Donnie behind camera::
Alloy: Sounds go to me!
Hiei: ::Lunges at Yusuke:: Die you evil ass wipe!
Yusuke: ~_~...I DON'T WIPE ASSES! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT WAS A DARE?!?
All except Yusuke: !!! @_@
Rei: o_O So whose ass was it?!
Yusuke: ::Mumbles something::
Alloy: I'm sorry, what's that Yusuke?!
Kuwabara: ::Snickers:: C'mon Yusuke, whose was it?!?
Yusuke: ...Koenma's...
All: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Rei: ;_;...Yusuke, just when I thought you could sink no lower!!!
Kurama: ::rolls eyes:: can we go on with what's left of this round? I payed good moolah to get on the show!
Alloy: ::under breath:: and I'd pay good money to see you get naked...
Rei: ::Face fault:: ...you do realize...you have a microphone on your...::ahem:: shirt?
Alloy: oO...-_-... Oh well! Yes, Kurama, i think you're hott and want to ask you out tonight after the show!
Kurama: oO...ØØ...sorry, but Hiei's the only man in my life...
Hiei: ::Flushes::
Alloy: YOU'RE G... ::faints::
Rei: ...in the anime world, I believe the correct term is, 'Yaoi'...not gay...unless your using german, in that case it would be...damn I forget but in any case...::looks over at Alloy, and seeing she is still unconscious, flags over on-set Med team::
Kuwabara: Why don't you just leave her where she is? It'd probably save us a whole lot of grief...
Rei: -_-...YOU THINK SHE IS MORE EVIL THAN ME?! ::Voice gets dangerously soft:: ...well than we'll just see...
::Gives Kuwabara booties and a straight jacket. Takes of his pants::
Rei: Now go outside and sing the Barney 'I love you' song fifty times and moon any oncoming cars. Then you can come back in.
Kuwabara: Damn, you are eviler...
Rei: ::evil grin and maniacle laughter::
Kurama: ::irritated:: CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THE DAMN GAME?!
Alloy: ::Bats away smelling salt:: Oooh, Kurama wanna pick Hiei to 'marry'?
Kurama: -_-...I hate you
Alloy: ::high on what smelling salt escaped her batting:: WELL I HATE YOU TOO, YOU CRAZY LITTLE FUCK!
Rei: ::Gets high off of sharpies:: ::To self:: Yeah, that's the stuff! Sharpies! ::To people:: Yeah, you crazy fox bastard...oO...hey look at the random item that is arbatrarley spinning around in the sky acting like it's going to kill...me...EEP!!
Kurama: I am not a crazy fox bastard! BOTH my mother and father are dead
Alloy: ::waving fist from lying on the stretcher as she is carried out of the studio:: WELL YOUR A CRAZY LITTLE FUCK EITHER WAY!
Rei: ...and you would know he's a crazy fuck...how?
Alloy: WELL YOU KNOW I COULDNT HAVE HAD SEX WITH HIM CUZ HE'S GAY!....OR YAOI... OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANNA CALL IT!
Rei and Kurama: oO...
Rei: Um, I didn't want to know that but for insanity's sake, LET'S GET ON WITH THE FUCKING SHOW!
Alloy: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE FUCKING COMMERCIAL BREAK YOU FUCKING FUCK!
Rei: ;_; WAHHHHH! I HAVE A WEDGIE SO LET'S GO TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK!
All: ::Anime fall:: oO
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Alloy: ::Camera on Alloy in studio medical room:: OK well I refused to let them make me shuddup (ya know, no wonder i got detention every other day back in middle and high school...) so here i am, helping Rei host from the studio's medical room. But since i've said all it says for me to say on the teleprompter, i'm gonna pass it over to Rei!
Rei: Hey guys! Wow, we've come through this erm, exciting game with hardly a scratch! With the exception of Alloy of course! (Alloy: -_-*) Anyway, let's get onto our next game!
Kurama: But we didn't finish the last one!
Rei: Hey look, buddy! Call me when you get your own TV show and run on someone else's schedule!
Alloy: YOU DONT RUN THIS DAMN SHOW REI! IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME ::camera goes back to Rei:: HEY I'M NOT DONE YET!
Rei: ::Gives Yusuke some sleeping drugs and he puts them in Alloy's I.V. bag:: ...That might shut her up for a bit...our next game involves only Yusuke and Hiei.
Alloy: ::as sleeping drugs go through I.V.:: NO DRUG'S GONNA PUT ME TO ::snore snore::
Rei: ::Sweatdrop:: Riight, anywho, Yusuke, Hiei, you two are going to ::ahem:: sing a song about something the audiance chooses...::To self:: Kami help us all...
Alloy: ::cameramen moving Alloy's lips, holding open her eyelids and speaking for her:: OK audience, now it's... ::squinting to read telepromptor:: time.. to... shoose? oh choose! a song for our guests to sing!
Audience: THE LOSER ANTHEM!!
Hiei: ...isn't that an American song?
Rei: -_-...and what's wrong with the American band Good Charlotte?
Hiei: ...Americans are weird...
Rei: I'M AMERICAN!
Hiei: Point proved...
Alloy: ::Still sleeping:: GET ON WITH THE DAMN SONG!
::Music plays::
Yusuke: It's a new day but it all feels old it's a good life that's what i'm told but everything, it all just feels the same
Hiei: At my high school it felt more to me like a jail cell a penitentiary My time spent there, it only made me sick
Both: And i dont ever wanna bve like you i dont wanna do the things you do And i dont wanna say the words you say And i dont ever wanna I dont ever wanna be
You don't wanna be just like you Cuz what i'm hearin is
Alloy: DAMMIT! IT'S ONE THING IF YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR FUCKIN MUSIC BUT IT'S ANOTHER TO INSULT IT THE WAY YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN FOR THE PASSED FOUR VERSES! NOW READ THE GODDAMN TELEPROMPTER AND STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING DISGRACE! ::goes back to sleep::
Rei: *~_~...well that was certainly different.Erm, due to the lack of enthusiasm and support we have from the audiance and our contestents, I think we're just going to stop it here. Besides, Kuwabara should be getting back any moment now...
::Kuwabara runs in still wearing the straight jacket and booties with no pants with two guys in white jackets, pants, and hats run after him with nets::
Hiei: He's finally getting what he deserves...
Kurama: Don't be so hard on the boy. After all, we all know he has no one at home upstairs...
Kuwabara: ^_^
Alloy: ::wakes up temporarily:: alert the media, i think we've finally found someone more dense than our lil "preppy cheerleader"... ::goes back to sleep::
Rei: Niice...Uh oh...AIIEEEE!!! HIEI IM SORRY! DONT KILL ME RIGHT--::looks around. Hiei's still standing by Kurama:: YET...ah never mind....
Kuwabara: ::raises eyebrow:: -_- THAT WASN'T NICE!
Rei: a lil late there, arent we?
Yusuke: Just a bit...hey! Chicken!!
Everyone on stage: ::look at refreshment table:: ::busy murmuring:: OoOo, look at all that food! Looks good...you know... ::everything said blends in with everything else said::
Rei: OK well while our FUCKIN SLOW SECURITY GUARDS get their fat asses over here, let's cut to a commercial break, shall we? Meanwhile, i'll try to get these damn people OFF MY FOOD!
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Rei: ::Wipes forhead:: Whew! End of ... first chapter I guess. How you like?
Alloy: Why did i have to get sent to the med room? And about my close-ups? There need to be more of them! And I DO NOT want ANY more GAY people on my show, anime, human, animal, divine, devil from hell, NO ONE IN MY STORIES OR ON MY SHOWS CAN BE GAY OR BI OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN STRAIGHT!
Rei: First of all, have a nice rant? Second of all, what about that time in second grade when you kissed Ashley-
Alloy: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Rei: ...oO when did it become YOUR show??
Alloy: Um, about 79 words ago...Rei?
Rei: ::Spaced out:: ::Looking afraid::
Alloy: What? What is it?
Rei: ITS THE ATTACK OF THE GOD DAMN COMMERCIAL BREAKS FROM HELL!
Alloy: o_O
::Scary music:: DUN DUN DUN!!!
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Rei: Life's a bitch and so are we!
Alloy: So true, so true! Now today, we're gonna be tormenting... Rei, tell the folks in the audience and at home who our victims... i mean ::ehem:: guests...are gonna be today!
Rei: ::Cough:: Today, we welcome Yusuke Urmeshi and company to the show! Let's give a big round of applause for, Kurama, Hiei, Yusuke, and Kuwabara!
::Applause::
Alloy: Today, as always, we're going to be starting the show off with our usual 1.5 minute improvs. Rei, you wanna pair our contestants up for this round?
Rei: Yeah, sure. ::Snickers:: Alright, Kuwabara, I believe the fire demon is waiting for you, Yusuke, you get the fox.
Hiei: -_- I? With him?
Alloy: Yeah, sure! Don't worry it'll all be over with soon enough!
Hiei: But...but... i can't!
Alloy: Aahh, shut your hole short man, we're setting the clock right now.
Rei: Ok, people. Let's get things started! Kuwabara and Hiei, you're first!
Kuwabara:*-_- Uh, uuuhhhh.... Hiei, you start it of and I'll work off of what you do!
Hiei: No way! You start, imbecile!
Kuwabara: oO..Uh, ::Thinks about something Hiei doesn't like:: ::Snaps fingers:: Hey Hiei, has your sister said anything about me lately?
Hiei: HEY BUDDY! ::clutches Kuwabara's shirt:: DONT MAKE ME HURT YOU IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE, YOU KNUCKLE-HEADED SHIT HEAD!
Kuwabara: Well which is it?
Hiei: Oo ::blank stare:: Huh?
Kuwabara: Shit head or Knuckle Head?!
Yusuke: ::To Kurama:: ...is Hiei always like this on television?
Kurama: No, actually. This is his first time. He wouldn't come on the Teletubbies with me as Po.
Yusuke: ::Face fault::
Alloy: And....time! Yusuke and Kurama, you two are up!
Kurama: ::face fault::
Yusuke: ^_^ ::starts hitting Kurama excitedly:: We get to go! C'mon Kurama, it's our turn, let's go! ::after Kurama doesnt move:: Umm... OK!^_^ ::starts dancing like an idiot in the middle of the stage::
Petey Pablo: Take your shirt of, twist it around your head, spin it like a helicopter...
Yusuke: :Takes shirt off and spins it around his head twice before throwing it to the audiance::
Kurama: What the hell?! ::Grabs Yusuke and drags him to the floor:: Your insane! Stripping on live TV?! What has gotten into you?!
Yusuke: Ø_Ø It was only my shirt!
Rei: Erm...*!_! Times up! Even though Yusuke only took his shirt off ::whispers:: dammit ::normal voice:: Let's have the audiance decide!
Alloy: Great idea, Rei! ::mumbles:: even though that's what we always do anyway...::normal voice:: Ok folks! You know what to do! Your voting pads are in the back of the seat in front of you, so go ahead and let us know who you think was funnier! And for you viewers at home, get your lazy asses off the goddamn couch and in the computer chair! the URL is on the screen! Either that, or just reach for the phone and call our hotline, also on the screen! Now let's go to a commercial break before Donnie yells at us again for not cutting in time!
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::Alloy and Rei, conversing:: Alloy: So then he says "I'm expecting more from you!" and... ::Rei elbows Alloy in ribs:: ::Alloy notices red light on camera is on:: Oh, hi! Well now that we're back, let's go on to the next segment of our show, which is... um...uh... Rei? What the hell is the next part of our show?
Rei: ::rolls eyes:: o_O Erm, ::looks from script to cue cards:: Ah! We're doing a thing call, the bachelor. The game where the funny shit matters and the, no that's not right, this game has no points! Steve, stop copying Drew Carey's show! Anyway, Kurama, your the bachelor.
Hiei: ::Snickers:: Your right there...
Alloy: Hey no harrassing the hott contestants! I mean... the sought contestants!
Rei: Ok, the remaining three, please pick a card. ::Holds out three cards::
Kuwabara: SAMARA FROM THE RING
Yusuke: TOMMY FROM THE RUGRATS
Hiei: PREPPY CHEERLEADER
Kurama: REALLY HOTT GUY...
Alloy: Alright! Are we ready?!
::silence from contestants::
Alloy: I'll take that as a "no" but since we've only got 30 fuckin minutes ::mumbles:: damn talent search competition, not like we need any more fuckin teeny boy bands that consume even more of our time by doing TV concert specials and cant even sing... ::normal voice:: we're gonna have to continue anyway!
Rei: Ok everybody, get into the ::ahem:: respected state of mind and you may begin!
Kurama: Bachelor number one, (Yusuke) if you had one day left to live, how would you spend it?
Yusuke: ::Talks in Tommy-ish voice:: I'd wanna go 'splorin' with my diapie and lucky stew driver!
Kurama: *O_O Bachelor number two (Kuwbara) how would you spend your last day of life?
Kuwabara: ::in girly, childish voice:: I'd kill everyone who watched my tape. Unless, of course, they make copies of it and show it to the whole damn world.
Kurama: Gah! Anyway, bachelor number three, how would you spend your last day on Earth?
Hiei: ::Grumbles:: That's alright, that's ok, I won't die anyway! Today, or tomorrow, I will kill Kuwabara!
Kuwabara: Hey!
Hiei: ::Snickers::
Kurama: OK, now bachelor number one. Where would you take me on our first date?
Yusuke: ::Scratches at an invisable diaper rash:: I'd take you 'splorin'! We might ascover buried treasure!
Kurama: Heh heh, yes I see. Number two, on our first date, where would you take me?
Kuwabara: I'd take you to the barn where I sleep. I don't like the barn. The horses keep me up.
Kurama: *-_- Bachelor number three. Same question applies.
Hiei: ::Twirls what bangs he has around a finger, grudgingly of course:: I'd like, take you to like, the hippest nightclub around of course! Everybody's doing it!
Rei: oO...answer me this folks, WHY does Hiei do such a good job at impersonating a preppy cheerleader? ::Snickers::
Hiei: Why you sonuvabitch! ::Lunges at Rei who hides behind Alloy::
Alloy:: Dude! It's our job to humiliate our guests on the show! Chill man!
Hiei: ::backs up:: ::freezes, suddenly thinking of something:: Hey, how come you defended Kurama but made me shuddup?!
Rei: oO
Alloy: That's my damn business, now sit your ass down! My momma didnt name me "Alloy" for nothin you crazy fire demon of a bastard!
Audience: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!! ::random shouts:: BURNED! SHE GOT YOU BAD, MAN! YOU JUST GONNA LET HER TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT?!
Hiei: ::Takes of bandana so Jagan Eye shows:: No I won't! I'll send her to the Shadow Realm!
Kuwabara: ::Whispers in Hiei's ear:: ...wrong show dude.
Hiei: Oh yeah. I'll put you under my control and turn you into a demon!
Yusuke: ::Whispers again:: ...I took the Shadow Sword away, remember?
Hiei: Oh yeah. Damn it! Fine! I'll place you under my control and take over this studio!!
Alloy: You know what? Let's cut to a commercial break to reduce the number of innocent eyes watching what's about to get ugly! Well I know it can't get much uglier than Kuwabara, but you guys know what I mean! We'll be right back!...maybe...
::Random sounds of things blowing up, items crashing against walls, screams, whistles, bangs, booms, other onomonpias, random animalistic noises, teeny bopper destruction, and sword clashes, along with flashes of Spirit Energy and other things::
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::Hiei subdued in a corner::
Rei: And welcome back folks! Sorry we got a bit sidetracked and didn't get to finish the last round, but let's see if Kurama can't figure out what the contenders were with only two clues!
Alloy: Well, gee, Rei! It's not like you asked the audience why Hiei was so good at imulating what his role described! But, in case Kurama didnt hear or has forgotten, i won't say it again. Anyway, let's continue with this round, shall we?
::hoots, hollers, whistels and cheers immerse from audience::
Rei: Ready Kurama? ::Kurama nods:: OK!
Kurama: Bachelor number one, if I was in trouble, what measures would you go to to save me?
Yusuke: ::Still scratching a imaginary diaper rash:: With Reptar by my side, I espects no one to get in my way!
Kurama: ::Raises eyebrow:: Bachelor number two...
Kuwabara: I wouldn't save you. I'd throw a bag over your head and drop you in a well still alive myself.
Kurama: !_! Ø_Ø Someone help me! Bachelor number...oh dear. ::See's Hiei still tied up
Hiei: SDFKJ SDFJHS YSS USDKJF IOWYAQB SDKF SADIFO SHNAS!!
Translation: ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE DAMAGE TO MY NAILS!!
Alloy: Only one more clue, Kurama!
Rei: I know you've got something to say about his answer...
Alloy: Well Donnie's yelled at me for everything I've said so far so I'll leave the rude comments to you.
Rei: ::Snickers:: Oooh, lucky me! GOD DAMN YOU HIEI! DO YOU NOT THINK OF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF?! WHAT THE FUCK POSESSED YOU TO ANSWER, 'ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE DAMAGE TO MY NAILS!!'?!
Alloy: ::grins::
Hiei: ::evil glare:: ::tries to lunge at hosts from corner but Kuwabara holds him back::
Yusuke: ::Smirk:: Wow Kuwabara! You must like your fire demon alot! ::Peace sign:: ::Sparkly eyes:: Ah! True love must be amazing!
Hiei: ASDFLKAJ ASDHAN IASENTB!
Translation: FUCK YOU PRICK!
Rei: ::Snickers:: Yusuke, you went too far. ::Unties Hiei:: ::Studio seems to go up in flames::
Hiei: Smart choice, Hosty!
Kurama: Can i just ask the last two...::ehem:: "dates" the last question and go on to the next round?
Rei: No, let's watch Hiei maim Yusuke, then we go onto the next round! Wadaya say, Alloy?
Alloy: ::looks at Donnie:: If i say "sounds good to me!" are you gonna jump on my ass?
::inaudible-to-most response from Donnie behind camera::
Alloy: Sounds go to me!
Hiei: ::Lunges at Yusuke:: Die you evil ass wipe!
Yusuke: ~_~...I DON'T WIPE ASSES! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT WAS A DARE?!?
All except Yusuke: !!! @_@
Rei: o_O So whose ass was it?!
Yusuke: ::Mumbles something::
Alloy: I'm sorry, what's that Yusuke?!
Kuwabara: ::Snickers:: C'mon Yusuke, whose was it?!?
Yusuke: ...Koenma's...
All: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Rei: ;_;...Yusuke, just when I thought you could sink no lower!!!
Kurama: ::rolls eyes:: can we go on with what's left of this round? I payed good moolah to get on the show!
Alloy: ::under breath:: and I'd pay good money to see you get naked...
Rei: ::Face fault:: ...you do realize...you have a microphone on your...::ahem:: shirt?
Alloy: oO...-_-... Oh well! Yes, Kurama, i think you're hott and want to ask you out tonight after the show!
Kurama: oO...ØØ...sorry, but Hiei's the only man in my life...
Hiei: ::Flushes::
Alloy: YOU'RE G... ::faints::
Rei: ...in the anime world, I believe the correct term is, 'Yaoi'...not gay...unless your using german, in that case it would be...damn I forget but in any case...::looks over at Alloy, and seeing she is still unconscious, flags over on-set Med team::
Kuwabara: Why don't you just leave her where she is? It'd probably save us a whole lot of grief...
Rei: -_-...YOU THINK SHE IS MORE EVIL THAN ME?! ::Voice gets dangerously soft:: ...well than we'll just see...
::Gives Kuwabara booties and a straight jacket. Takes of his pants::
Rei: Now go outside and sing the Barney 'I love you' song fifty times and moon any oncoming cars. Then you can come back in.
Kuwabara: Damn, you are eviler...
Rei: ::evil grin and maniacle laughter::
Kurama: ::irritated:: CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THE DAMN GAME?!
Alloy: ::Bats away smelling salt:: Oooh, Kurama wanna pick Hiei to 'marry'?
Kurama: -_-...I hate you
Alloy: ::high on what smelling salt escaped her batting:: WELL I HATE YOU TOO, YOU CRAZY LITTLE FUCK!
Rei: ::Gets high off of sharpies:: ::To self:: Yeah, that's the stuff! Sharpies! ::To people:: Yeah, you crazy fox bastard...oO...hey look at the random item that is arbatrarley spinning around in the sky acting like it's going to kill...me...EEP!!
Kurama: I am not a crazy fox bastard! BOTH my mother and father are dead
Alloy: ::waving fist from lying on the stretcher as she is carried out of the studio:: WELL YOUR A CRAZY LITTLE FUCK EITHER WAY!
Rei: ...and you would know he's a crazy fuck...how?
Alloy: WELL YOU KNOW I COULDNT HAVE HAD SEX WITH HIM CUZ HE'S GAY!....OR YAOI... OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANNA CALL IT!
Rei and Kurama: oO...
Rei: Um, I didn't want to know that but for insanity's sake, LET'S GET ON WITH THE FUCKING SHOW!
Alloy: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE FUCKING COMMERCIAL BREAK YOU FUCKING FUCK!
Rei: ;_; WAHHHHH! I HAVE A WEDGIE SO LET'S GO TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK!
All: ::Anime fall:: oO
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Alloy: ::Camera on Alloy in studio medical room:: OK well I refused to let them make me shuddup (ya know, no wonder i got detention every other day back in middle and high school...) so here i am, helping Rei host from the studio's medical room. But since i've said all it says for me to say on the teleprompter, i'm gonna pass it over to Rei!
Rei: Hey guys! Wow, we've come through this erm, exciting game with hardly a scratch! With the exception of Alloy of course! (Alloy: -_-*) Anyway, let's get onto our next game!
Kurama: But we didn't finish the last one!
Rei: Hey look, buddy! Call me when you get your own TV show and run on someone else's schedule!
Alloy: YOU DONT RUN THIS DAMN SHOW REI! IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME ::camera goes back to Rei:: HEY I'M NOT DONE YET!
Rei: ::Gives Yusuke some sleeping drugs and he puts them in Alloy's I.V. bag:: ...That might shut her up for a bit...our next game involves only Yusuke and Hiei.
Alloy: ::as sleeping drugs go through I.V.:: NO DRUG'S GONNA PUT ME TO ::snore snore::
Rei: ::Sweatdrop:: Riight, anywho, Yusuke, Hiei, you two are going to ::ahem:: sing a song about something the audiance chooses...::To self:: Kami help us all...
Alloy: ::cameramen moving Alloy's lips, holding open her eyelids and speaking for her:: OK audience, now it's... ::squinting to read telepromptor:: time.. to... shoose? oh choose! a song for our guests to sing!
Audience: THE LOSER ANTHEM!!
Hiei: ...isn't that an American song?
Rei: -_-...and what's wrong with the American band Good Charlotte?
Hiei: ...Americans are weird...
Rei: I'M AMERICAN!
Hiei: Point proved...
Alloy: ::Still sleeping:: GET ON WITH THE DAMN SONG!
::Music plays::
Yusuke: It's a new day but it all feels old it's a good life that's what i'm told but everything, it all just feels the same
Hiei: At my high school it felt more to me like a jail cell a penitentiary My time spent there, it only made me sick
Both: And i dont ever wanna bve like you i dont wanna do the things you do And i dont wanna say the words you say And i dont ever wanna I dont ever wanna be
You don't wanna be just like you Cuz what i'm hearin is
Alloy: DAMMIT! IT'S ONE THING IF YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR FUCKIN MUSIC BUT IT'S ANOTHER TO INSULT IT THE WAY YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN FOR THE PASSED FOUR VERSES! NOW READ THE GODDAMN TELEPROMPTER AND STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING DISGRACE! ::goes back to sleep::
Rei: *~_~...well that was certainly different.Erm, due to the lack of enthusiasm and support we have from the audiance and our contestents, I think we're just going to stop it here. Besides, Kuwabara should be getting back any moment now...
::Kuwabara runs in still wearing the straight jacket and booties with no pants with two guys in white jackets, pants, and hats run after him with nets::
Hiei: He's finally getting what he deserves...
Kurama: Don't be so hard on the boy. After all, we all know he has no one at home upstairs...
Kuwabara: ^_^
Alloy: ::wakes up temporarily:: alert the media, i think we've finally found someone more dense than our lil "preppy cheerleader"... ::goes back to sleep::
Rei: Niice...Uh oh...AIIEEEE!!! HIEI IM SORRY! DONT KILL ME RIGHT--::looks around. Hiei's still standing by Kurama:: YET...ah never mind....
Kuwabara: ::raises eyebrow:: -_- THAT WASN'T NICE!
Rei: a lil late there, arent we?
Yusuke: Just a bit...hey! Chicken!!
Everyone on stage: ::look at refreshment table:: ::busy murmuring:: OoOo, look at all that food! Looks good...you know... ::everything said blends in with everything else said::
Rei: OK well while our FUCKIN SLOW SECURITY GUARDS get their fat asses over here, let's cut to a commercial break, shall we? Meanwhile, i'll try to get these damn people OFF MY FOOD!
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Rei: ::Wipes forhead:: Whew! End of ... first chapter I guess. How you like?
Alloy: Why did i have to get sent to the med room? And about my close-ups? There need to be more of them! And I DO NOT want ANY more GAY people on my show, anime, human, animal, divine, devil from hell, NO ONE IN MY STORIES OR ON MY SHOWS CAN BE GAY OR BI OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN STRAIGHT!
Rei: First of all, have a nice rant? Second of all, what about that time in second grade when you kissed Ashley-
Alloy: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Rei: ...oO when did it become YOUR show??
Alloy: Um, about 79 words ago...Rei?
Rei: ::Spaced out:: ::Looking afraid::
Alloy: What? What is it?
Rei: ITS THE ATTACK OF THE GOD DAMN COMMERCIAL BREAKS FROM HELL!
Alloy: o_O
::Scary music:: DUN DUN DUN!!!
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