AN: Gotta have a little bit of angst now and then, you know? You just gotta. So I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena.
She wasn't sure when Ephiny's arms wrapped around her, when they pulled her close and let her lay her head on her shoulder, but Gabrielle didn't care. She couldn't care, not in the state she was in- it was hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to come to any kind of conclusion when it hurt.
Everything hurt, everything had been hurting ever since Xena had gone still, back in those mountains, and even though it'd been days since she had set out to return to Greece, to Amphipolis, it had continued to hurt. Hurt in ways she hadn't thought possible; she had grieved after Perdicas had died, had mourned his passing with everything she had, but this was more.
It felt like her heart had stopped beating with Xena's, back in those mountains, and she was just living with the pain of it being still.
She'd been holding it together, when she'd been on the road- she couldn't cry when she had to keep her eyes clear for anyone who tried to steal her, couldn't let herself be distracted when, finally, she had to be the protector. But the moment she had reached the Amazons? The moment she- they- were safe, and she no longer had to play guardian to Xena's body?
Gabrielle was almost surprised she'd lasted until her hut, had lasted until she was out of sight of the rest of the Amazons, but the moment she was hidden away, she broke. Broke in every way she didn't realize she could, and had fallen to her knees the moment the door had closed behind her.
She had to. She had to or she would have shattered; instead she fell and held herself together as best as she could, pressed her arms tight around her center to keep the little pieces that were her from flying apart and scattering across the room and world, swept away by the winds until there was no putting her back together again. Until she was as lost as Xena was, which might finally end the pain.
"Shhh," Ephiny quietly said, rocking side to side as she tried, ineffectively, to take some of the pain from her princess. "Shhh." She didn't offer reassurances- there was no way this could or ever would be ok, but she would survive. So all Ephiny could do was offer the same any mother would to her wounded child: the slightest bit of comfort she could. "Shhh."
"It hurts," Gabrielle eventually sobbed, when she could draw in a deep enough breathe to speak actual words. "Everything- my chest- it hurts."
"Of course it hurts," Ephiny said, in no way attempting to curve her words. It was painful, and to try and deny that it was so would only deepen the wound, while acknowledging it, tending to it, might help it heal that much quicker. But first the blade had to be removed, for if she didn't even know why it hurt, she would never heal. "Love always hurts, especially when it's lost."
And Gabrielle just sobbed all that harder, let herself be rocked and soothed by her regent, because what else could she do? Xena was gone, there was no way to stop the pain, no way to push it aside like she could a bruise or a turned ankle, nothing she could do to end the hurt.
Because Xena was gone, and everything hurt, especially her heart where it refused to beat in her chest.