THINGS TO DO IN VOLTERRA WHICH WILL ANNOY THE VOLTURI!

This was thought up by my friend an I one afternoon ages ago. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER- I own none of the characters, series or catchphrases mentioned here.

1) Nick one of their standards and run through Volterra, screaming loudly "There are vampires in the city!" and "Ci sono vampiri in città!"

2) Set up a stall at Volterra's gates……….

3) …..Sell all the tourists garlic wreaths and garlic-shaped fridge magnets, badges and mats saying "I've been to Volterra!"

4) Convince the tourists to reenact a siege against Volterra from the Middle Ages as part of your Christmas present to the Volturi.

5) Buy them all personalized coffins for day use when the sunlight is too bright for them to manage.

6) Scream loudly whenever Jane looks at you.

7) Pretend to punch Renata. Make your hand bounce away about 5cm away from her as if it's hit her shield. Express wonder and general amazement very loudly.

8) Do it again and again every time you meet her.

9) Beg Demetri for a game of Hide 'N' Seek. If he finds you using his tracker skills claim he is cheating. If he finds you using his vampire skills say it isn't fair and throw a tantrum.

10) Convince Alec that Jane is in love with Aro. Bombard him with notes of all their "encounters" you've witnessed and say you have photos too…..

11)…….Wait until he offers to pay a sum of money of your choice and then show him a bad photo of your best friend and their boyfriend/girlfriend in wigs.

12) Have an open-air ABBA concert outside their windows while Edward, Bella and Alice are inside.

13) Stare at Caius constantly. When he asks you what is wrong say in an awed voice, "Is your hair really that colour or did you use L'Oreal?"

14) Give Marcus an immortal child called Didyme.

15) Offer them steak and garlic for dinner in terrible French accent…….

16)……..If they say no offer them "a waffer theen meent*" instead.

17) Buy them all pink fluffy pens

18) Draw Marks and tattoos on their heads and insist real vampires have them.

19) Strut around the castle humming the Addams Family Theme tune……

20)……Or the Brady Bunch theme tune. You decide.

21) Do a "60 minute make-over" on the castle and decorate everything in retro.

22) Insist everyone wears hippy outfits.

23) Buy a really cheap and nasty vampire outfit and wear it around them all the time while talking in a Transylvanian accent.

24) Whenever they do something, drag either the House of Night Books, Dracula or any other vampire book out from somewhere, leaf through it frantically and then wail at the top of your voice "That's not what vampires do!" even if it is.

25) Flick holy water at them and scream "Die creature of Sin!" while whacking them around the head with a silver cross if they refuse to like anything you do or say.

I hope you liked them! We recommend you don't try them out but they have been 100% tested. We wished we hadn't tested them after though........ ;P

*The "waffer theen meent" is from Monty Python's Mr Creosote sketch from The Meaning Of Life. If you have a strong stomach, go check it out on Youtube! If you don't have a strong stomach but you decide to see it anyway and end up throwing up over your keyboard all I can say is "I told you so!"