Okay this is my first fan fic, so don't be too harsh.:
We all know Bella was not herself in those months that Edward left, but lets say Bella never got so close to Jacob therefore never jumped off the cliff, Instead, Bella's sorrow turns to anger, and Bella takes the anger out on herself, hurting herself...permanently . Two years later,Alice never finds a vision out of the ordinary, Edward and the rest of the Cullen's comes back from missing Bella , comes back expecting Bella is okay & happy, but what if he comes back two years later and...well.. i guess you'll have to see what poor desperate Bella did...character death.: (can you guess who?)(yeah, unlikely Bella would ever be angry at the Cullen's, but that why it's fan fiction,right?;, and come on, if she hadn't of met Jacob, she would have lost her mind, so this could of been possible.:)
Bella's reasoning;
Bella point of view;
As i sit here in my room, hugging my knees to my chest, sobbing, i think of him. My lover, my savior, my reason of my being. I feel the black hole deepen as his face enters my mind. Oh God how i miss him. He left me, though. About 13 months ago. I was merely a human distraction. He told me he didn't want me. But, i knew, deep deep down, that that day would come.He was so beautiful, flawless. And i was so boring and far from perfect. How could i ever think he could love me? His family, knowing what he was doing just acted so sweetly... Then,as i thought of this, i felt something in the pit of my stomach... the sorrow that has numbed my body for months, turns to rage. How could the Cullen's have tricked me? How could they have told me they loved me, told me they wanted me to one of them, then just get up and leave one day? Do they go from town to town hurting girls? Ideas of betrayal and hate swerve in and out of my mind. I feel myself hyperventilating. They hated me...They probably laughed at behind my back, thinking how stupid i was for actually thinking they could love me.I feel my sobs shake my body when i hear a knock on the door.
"Bella? You okay sweetheart?"
Charlie.
I suck back my sobs and put on a reasonably sane sounding voice. I look around the room for an excuse for the loud sobbing with out him knowing the truth, i glance at the bathroom coming up with the old water excuse. Of course he would see past it. I guess it no longer mattered.
"Yeah, dad. I'm fine.I just er- had some water go down the wrong way."
"Oh, alright. Me and billy are going fishing, and I'll probably eat at his place. I'm sure you're welcome to come, Jacob's been asking 'bout ya."
I roll my eyes.
Why would i put a poor boy through the misery of walking around with a shell?
"No thanks dad."
"Alright,Bells. See ya around ten-ish. Love you"
"Love you, too dad."
Ever since the Cullens left Charlie's been pushing me to get out and move on. Is he crazy? Everyone pretty much ignores me. Even he's began to ignore me lately. But i can't blame them, I'm no longer Bella. Just her shell. Bella was taken the day Edward left. And as for moving on, how? Edward was my everything. Past tense, of course. Now i realize i was nothing to him, the hole he left aches even worse. I was so stupid. Stupid, stupid Bella. Now, i was permanently damaged. I could never love again, for two reasons. One; no one could ever even come close to comparing to Edward. Two; i was too afraid of being hurt, again. I was broken beyond repair. What was the point of even being alive? I felt a sob crawl from the back of my throat, and i felt my body shake again.What was the point?, i think between sobs. No one loved me,obviously. And just when i thought i had love, it leaves me, turning out to be a joke..
I rub my temples. I feel the hyperventilating start again. I was a worthless human, a waste of space, a burden to my friends and family. My hands fall to my face, soaking them with my tears. I don't deserve to put everyone else through my pain. And i won't... I move my hands from my face and stand up, my hands straight down by my sides, my fist balled up beside me. I knew what i had to do. I made my way to the down stair's closet...in search of charlie's police gun belt..
CLIFFHANGER!!
i know this chapter's kinda boring,
but the next will be better,
promise.
review for me?
purty please.