Disclaimer: We don't own Stargate: Atlantis, but it is fun to borrow the characters once in a while
A/N Tinuviel Undomiel: You guys on Gateworld have been waiting for this fic, so here it is. The first of three. I hope all of you Shweir fans enjoy, as well as you Teyla/Dex fans.
A/N Nerwen Aldarion: Ladi Bozi this chapter is dedicated to you, you have been beggin and waiting patiently so here it is. This was made due to watching waaaaaay too much Lethal Weapon, and so you know we know very little about Police Departments besides what we see in movies.
The Squad
Chapter 1: Of Bunny Suits and Bad Assignments
It was a boiling hot day in Los Angeles, California, but that was a normal day. People bustled in and out of stores loading there arms with more shopping bags. The cream of the city was filthy rich, and they loved to exploit it.
A man in a pink bunny suit stood on one side of the street passing out fliers for some kid's entertainment junction. Some accepted the fliers, most ignored the man.
"Yeah, yeah here take it," The man in the suit muttered as he handed a woman a flier.
"I don't see why you couldn't be in the suit?" He asked after the woman left.
From the radio in the bunny head he heard a chuckle, "Because it's your turn."
"Yeah well it looks better on you," John Sheppard replied, while trying to coax a man into accepting a flier. Sometimes you just didn't get paid enough being a police sergeant.
John cowered inside his stupid suit, but kept an eye on the man he had tried to hand the flier to. He wore a snappy looking suit, and had a briefcase in one hand. It was the man they had been waiting for.
"James Bond, 10 o'clock," John said through his radio.
"James Bond?" Ronon Dex, his partner, asked.
"Dodson, alright he's here," John rolled his yes.
"Why'd you say James Bond?"
"It's code."
"Who cares about code!"
"Both of you shut up!" Sergeant Laura Cadman hissed at them through her radio, "They can probably hear your dumb questions."
Two men came up to Dodson, both of them hideously covered with tattoos and wearing leather pants. Dodson opened the briefcase and pulled out a bag with what appeared to be white powder.
"He's got the drugs," John said, "It's time to take them out."
"Yes!" Sergeant Marcus Lorne cheered, "I love this job."
Ronon and Laura's undercover cars pulled up to the three men. One of the tattoo wonders spotted them, and guessed who they were. All three men pulled out their guns, as did Ronon, Cadman and Lorne.
John attempted to run to them, but is big bunny feet ruined that. I'm going to kill the Easter Bunny, he thought, I'm never going to live this down. He stopped trying to run, and began to hop his way towards them men.
"Put your hands up," Ronon barked at the criminals. Dodson chose not to listen and fired at the big man instead.
Ronon ducked in time, and fired back, but Dodson dodged that as well. He was about to fore again but both him and Ronon turned to look as a strange bunny man bounced towards them.
John halted a few feet away, and took of his ridiculous head, "What, you never seen a man in a bunny suit before?"
While Dodson was staring at John in disbelief, Ronon was able to knock him to the ground using a swift kick.
Laura and Lorne had already taken out the other guy, and John hopped towards them. "How is he doing?"
"Unlike Dodson, he was a good boy," Laura said with a smile.
They had the two of them lined up by the cars when John began to read their rights.
"You are being charged with intent to sell and holding illegal narcotics, you have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to have an attorney, if you can not afford one, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights?"
John noticed that one of the men, the one with tattoos, was trying hard not to laugh, "Was something I said funny?"
The man stared him down, "I don't take orders from rabbits."
"I'm sure the Easter Bunny will be very disappointed," John replied.
A shot rang out, and John heard someone behind him cry out in pain. He looked and saw the second tattoo man clutching a wounded shoulder. Ronon came up beside John and holstered his weapon, "Saved your life."
"Yeah thanks," John replied, he leaned down to the druggist, "Is there a bathroom nearby?"
The man looked at him like he was nuts.
"I'm barbequing in this suit," John replied.
The man groaned and pointed to the left.
"Thanks," John said and hopped in that direction. Behind him he could hear Cadman, Lorne and Ronon laughing their heads off.
The sun rose on another sunny Los Angeles day. John left his warm bed, and walked bleary eyed into the kitchen. Ronon was already in what appeared to be the kitchen. To say their shared apartment was a disaster area was an understatement. Chinese takeout, and pizza boxes were everywhere. Beer bottles decorated the tables and window sills. Clothes and shoes covered the floor to where you couldn't tell if it was hardwood or carpeting.
John walked over to the refrigerator and peered inside, "We've got nothing but a half a beer, an egg, and…hey I was looking for this sandwich 2 months ago!"
"Guess we're gonna have to go out," Ronon said, "Like we do every day."
"Barney's?" John offered.
"No, that place sucks."
John thought for a second, "How about Danny's?"
"Sounds good," Ronon said, leaving the filthy couch. They only went to Danny's nearly every morning.
Danny's was a popular hangout for the officers of the LAPD, the fact that it was owned by a friend of the captain was only part of the reason. It also served the best coffee in town.
"Hey guys," Daniel Jackson called from behind the counter.
"Hey Daniel," John replied.
"Have a seat, I'll send someone right to you."
The two of them took the booth they usually sat at, by the window overlooking the street. They each took a look at the menu even though it was hardly necessary; they knew that menu inside and out.
The white coffee mugs were set aright a message to a waiter or waitress that coffee was a must for these two.
John noticed a pretty waitress with a coffee pot heading towards them; he hadn't seen her before so he figured she was new. The name on her name tag read Teyla.
"Could I get you some coffee?" She asked.
"Sure," John said, "And you could get me the number 5 with bacon. Ronon?"
Teyla poured John's mug and was about to pour Ronon's when Ronon looked up at her. He smiled a wide grin that showed perfect white teeth and his eyes, a deep emerald green stared straight into her soft brown ones. She was completely transfixed by him that she didn't even notice that the spout of the coffee pot had missed the mug and was now quickly pouring coffee into Ronon's lap.
Ronon shot out of the booth while John watched the entire scene not even trying to hide his laughter.
Teyla grabbed a wet rag and proceeded to wipe Ronon's lap and John noticed that she was blushing, and not just from embarrassment.
"I'm so sorry," She apologized, "If there's anything I can do…"
Ronon smiled at her, "It's fine, I have a change in the car."
"Still…" She began again but he interrupted.
"It's alright." He told and then proceeded to get up to change. Teyla watched him go, looking at him from top to bottom and smiled before walking away. John noticed this as well.
Ronon showed up again a few minutes later and sat back down, John was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
"What?" Ronon asked.
"She was checking you out." John stated simply.
"Who?"
John rolled his eyes, "The waitress, she was totally in to you."
"I think you're crazy."
"Oh please the coffee thing is the oldest trick in the book."
"What book have you been reading?"
"Believe me," John explained, "I know women, and she totally has the hots for you."
"I don't think so." Was all Ronon said, not that he was paying that much attention. Teyla was back and was giving another table their order, John saw where Ronon was looking and grinned. This is going to be fun he thought.
The LAPD was actually quite a rowdy place, not just among the criminals, but the police would have their fun too. But it did have its quiet places, one of them being the crime lab. Rodney McKay was hard at work comparing DNA samples.
"Hey, McKay!" John called out in a loud voice, making him jump.
"Don't…don't do that!" He stuttered a bit in anger, "I have important work here, and you two could mess it up with all your racket."
"Oh well, we are truly sorry," John said, dryly.
"You got our results?" Ronon asked him.
"Yes, I did," Rodney swiveled towards his desk and picked up a paper, "The stuff Dodson was carrying was, what a surprise, cocaine, with some ecstasy thrown in. Slam dunk case."
John took the report, "Thanks Rodney."
"No problem. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got DNA from a homicide I have to compare."
"Alright, catch you later then," John said as he and Ronon left the lab.
The officer's cubicles was were the party was. Today the walls were decorated with pictures of a man in a pink bunny suit with the name Sergeant Sheppard written below.
"Oh ha ha ha, very funny," John muttered as he tore a picture from the wall.
"Hey look, it's the Easter Bunny!" Someone called out. That sent the whole department into uproar.
John cast them a few looks but sidled over to his desk. Cadman was talking with the medical examiner, Dr. Carson Beckett. It was well known that those two were dating, and it was common policy to tease them mercilessly. Today was no exception.
"What are you doing hanging out with a guy who looks at people's insides all day," John joked.
Laura shot him a look, "And who should I hang out with…you?"
"Why not? You know I've been madly in love with you for sometime," John smiled, not meaning a word he said.
Carson stiffened, until Laura said, "He's kidding."
"You only wish you were with someone like her," Carson retaliated.
"Good one, Doctor," Ronon said.
"Yeah well you are well on your way there, aren't you Ronon?" John said, turning his taunts toward him.
"Really?" Laura questioned, "Who…"
"Sheppard, Dex," Captain O'Neill called, interrupting Laura's question, "My office, now."
"What'd you do?" Lorne asked them.
"Nothing…lately," John said as he and Ronon headed to O'Neill's office.
Captain Jack O'Neill was a well liked captain. He often joined the department in their jibes, and was even married to Sergeant Samantha Carter.
John and Ronon walked in and took a seat in front of O'Neill's desk.
"Gave you quite a scare there didn't I," Jack said, his frown melting into a smile, "Relax you two, you're not in any trouble."
"That's a relief," Ronon said, "But why are we here, sir?"
"You two are good officers," O'Neill said, "Too good. The Chief says that you've been working yourselves too hard. But he hates idleness, so I can't give you the day off. Instead you two have a low assignment."
"How low?" John asked.
"Witness protection," Jack said, making both men groan in complaint, "This is not a bad assignment."
"Sure smells like it."
Jack shook his head, "The witness's name is Elizabeth Weir. She's the niece and personal assistant to Governor Hayes. Apparently she witnessed the Governor's competition, Henry Cleaton, doing some naughty things."
"Like what?" Ronon asked.
"Smuggling drugs for campaign funds, but she also witnessed Cleaton's right hand man, Charles Dalton, murder one of his dealers."
"Oh my heart's breaking," John replied with sarcasm.
"Cleaton and Dalton are in hiding, but Ms. Weir has been threatened by them," O'Neill continued, "You are to stay with her at her hotel."
"Great, what I always wanted to do, baby-sit a personal ass-istant." John put emphasis on the first three letters.
"I'm sorry, but it's what the Chief ordered," Jack said.
"We know," Ronon took the slip of paper with the hotel address on it.
"You two behave yourselves," Jack grinned as they left the office.
The Belemar Hotel was one of the nicer hotels in the city, but to John and Ronon it was a prison. Room 12-B was there cell, and the woman inside was their Warden.
John knocked on the door, but it didn't open. Instead a voice called out, "Who's there?"
"Room service," John replied, testing her.
"I didn't order room service," She replied.
John looked at Ronon in surprise, "Don't they always order room service?"
Ronon ignored the question, "LAPD, ma'am."
The door cracked a bit, "Let me see your badges."
John had to admit, this woman was smart. Both Ronon and John pulled out their police badges and flashed them to her. She looked satisfied and opened the door to the two bedroom suite. The sight of her caught John off guard. She was beautiful, with curly dark brown hair and emerald green eyes. For a few seconds he lost himself in those magnificent eyes. He hadn't felt this way about a woman since….
"You must be the officers sent to protect me," She said, giving them a small smile. That smile unnerved John even more.
"I guess so," Ronon replied.
"You don't look much like officers," She said, giving John a curious look due to the fact that he kept staring at her.
That snapped John back into reality, "Hey, don't insult us. We didn't want this job."
"Oh well I didn't mean…excuse me, what is wrong with protecting me?"
"Um let's see, it's boring."
"Boring! My life is on the line!"
"You're the one that got yourself into this mess," John shot back, "And now you've dragged us into it!"
"Now that is just rude!" Elizabeth cried, "You don't know me, I don't go looking for trouble!"
"Could have fooled me."
"This is entertaining," Ronon grinned. That shut them up.
"You needn't worry about me," Elizabeth said, anger still in her words, "I can take care of myself. There is a room over there you two can share," She pointed to a door on the other side of the living room, "Now if you'll excuse me," She walked to the opposite room as fast as she could and slammed the door shut.
"You think I made her mad?" John asked Ronon. All the big man could do was shake his head; at this rate this assignment wasn't going to be the least bit dull.
TBC
A/N: This was a fun chapter, tell us what you think about this story please as long as it's good.