It's the fifth of May. I'm in a dimly lit room, a lone figure reflecting on the past in the form of a single scrap of paper and a standard, dull pencil of lead that has seen better days, much like its wielder.
Ne, Sai, do you still remember? Do you remember how I refused to believe your words when you told me that you were slowly fading away? It must have been so painful. I was selfish. I kept thinking that after I let you play Touya Meijin, you would be satisfied for a good while and peacefully allow me to strive ahead and focus on chasing after my own rival. Not once did I really take the time to understand you and your motives. Truthfully speaking, you were lonely the entire time we were together, weren't you? Tell me the truth, Sai.. Please tell me...
I pause my hand as a single salty droplet lands on the paper and blurs out the next words. Rubbing my glassy eyes, I regard the stain only for a brief moment, before sliding my hand down to the bottom in order to put my innermost regret into words.
When I feel that I've gotten the message across, I let out a shaky breath, fingers trembling as I put the pencil down and fold the note into a simple, rough origami crane. The best my clumsy, go-oriented hands can do.
To be honest, there were times when I wanted to know more, but I just didn't know how to ask...
Walking over to the rusty window, I crack it open and allow a gust of wind to sweep the paper figure in my palm away.
...and you know what pains me the most? All these little things left unsaid between us. I know there were a ton of things you were trying to tell me before you left, but I wouldn't listen. Likewise, I didn't tell you how important you were. It's my own fault that I am now drowning in regret. But if.. If we were to ever meet again, I promise I will tell you everything I wanted you to know, in person.. and I hope you'll do the same.
As I calmly watch the heartfelt words slip out of my reach, I lean onto the window pane, a solemn smile gracing my features.
A meaningless ritual, some would probably say, but it's my way of coping, my way of dealing with the sudden hollowness that strikes this time of the year, every year. Without it, I'm afraid I would start to convince myself that it was all a dream. That Sai never existed. My current life wouldn't have had the same significance if I hadn't met him. I wouldn't have found my purpose. And this is only one of the reasons why I'll come back to reflect on my past actions next year just as well as the one before and the one after.
I may be undeserving, but.. but please wait for me, Sai. I will dedicate the rest of my life to attaining what you never had the chance to. Only then can I genuinely face you again.