A/N: Okay, my friend (alligator24) was trying to find a particular Fullmetal Alchemist/Harry Potter Crossover to show me, and a typo ensued (Alli has sucky typing skills), thus creating the idea for this fic, that I absolutely had to do immediately, before I forgot the idea and couldn't do it. Here you go!

I don't own Harry Potter (or Fullmetal Alchemist). No, I won't try and write some "witty" remark about how it's so sad. GAY!

"I found it!" Hermione slammed a book down on the table, disturbing Harry and Ron as they perused various autobiographies. "I can't believe I never thought of it before; look!"

The ancient study of the culinary arts is concerned with making the Philosopher's Scone, a legendary pastry with astonishing powers. the scone will transform any substitute jelly into the purest of fruit preserves. It also produces the Pulp-Free Orange Juice of Life, which will make the drinker immortal.

There have been many reports of the Philosopher's Scone over the centuries, but the only Scone currently in existence belongs to Mr. Nicolas Flamel, the noted pastry chef and opera lover. Mr. Flamel, who celebrated his six hundred and sixty-fifth birthday last year, enjoys a quite life in Devon with his wife. Perenelle (six hundred and fifty-eight).

"So that's what Snape must be after! The Philosopher's Scone!"

(Jumps to Harry/Quirrel/Voldemort Scene)

Harry didn't know what to do. He knew that if he could only get to the mirror then he would see himself finding the Philosopher's Scone, thus showing him where it was. Harry tried to inch toward the mirror, but only managed to fall over.

"Use the boy, use the boy. . ." a strange voice emanated from Quirrel's turban.

Quirrel whipped around, and glared at Harry. "Boy, what do you see!?!?"

Harry looked, and the Harry in the mirror over dramatically winked and plucked a few crumbs from his pocket. Harry then felt something soft and lumpy drop into his own. Knowing that he couldn't let Quirrel get the Scone, he lied..

"I'm holding the house cup; I'm surrounded by my teammates."

"He lies. . ."

"What is in your pocket, boy!?!?!?"

"N-nothing!" Harry took a step backward, and once again tripped.

Quirrel ran over to Harry, but Harry thought quickly and threw a chunk of pastry at the ridiculously turbaned man.

"Ah, my legs!" Harry couldn't believe it, the lower half of Quirrel's body had disappeared, and his torso was lying amidst a pool of jam.

"Harry!"

"Dumbledore! I've got the Scone! Quirrel's trying to get it!"

And so Quirrel died a painful death, and after much consideration, Dumbledore decided to eat the Scone, so that no one could attempt to misuse it again.

Meanwhile, an alchemist by the name of Ed Elric was in another world, scratching his nose.

A/N: okay, kinda rushed, but I wanted to get this done. I don't normally do oneshots (I don't usually like to read them either) but this sounded too good to pass up. I know better than to ignore sudden inspiration (AKA my beautiful mentor Alli) (sorry, Alli got a hold of the keyboard and put that nonesense about her being "beautiful") (I dislike you...). Please review!!!!