Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea.
Note: Italicized is Enjolras' rules, plain is Éponine's. Modern AUish. I own the names of their children.
Enjolras Family Rules
#1
Mom is no longer in love with Uncle Marius.
Would you honestly want him to be your father?
#2
Do not question your father's sexual orientation.
Though Uncle Grantaire makes some very good points, and we've been questioning it for years.
#3
If you're going to build a barricade in the living room, clean up afterwards.
#4
"But mom did it!" is not a valid excuse for sneaking out of the house in boy's clothing.
#5
Red is a wonderful color.
Stop questioning it.
#6
Don't let Uncle Courf teach you how to flirt!
#7
No going near Uncle Grantaire's "special drink".
#8
Even though your Uncle Joly is a doctor, if he tells you your common cold is actually pneumonia, please ignore him.
#9
Staying within three feet of Uncle Bossuet is not going to get his bad luck to rub off on you.
#10
On that note, never believe anything Uncle 'Taire says when he's drunk.
#11
No standing on your desk at school and shouting "Vive le republique!"
#12
If you're going to ask a girl out by writing her poems and sonnets, you are not allowed to get Uncle Jehan to do it for you.
#13
Uncle 'Ferre is in no way confusing. Don't avoid him just because he uses big words and talks to you about philosophy.
Ignore your father. I do it sometimes too.
#14
Singing and/or reciting "Little People" when we send you to your room is not allowed. Why did Gavroche teach you that song in the first place?
#15
You're not allowed to get Uncle Feuilly to do all of your art projects!
#16
No making fun of your little sister just because they can't pronounce Enjolras correctly!
#17
Don't follow Mom's example. If you're in the friend zone, get over it.
#18
"But dad did it!" is not a valid excuse for getting arrested.
#19
Neither is it for starting a rebel group.
#20
Actually, it's not a good excuse for anything stupid that you're planning to do.
#21
No dirtying the "red vest of doom".
#22
Singing Next to Normal songs ("Superboy and the Invisible Girl") to describe my relationship with your father is unappreciated.
#23
Your grandparents are not evil, and yes we're talking about both sides. You are allowed to ignore them anyway.
#24
"French revolution!" is not an appropriate response for any knock knock joke.
#25
Getting expelled because you started a student rebellion is not acceptable.
#26
You are not allowed to ask your father to tell the story of "who he had to become in order to me". Everytime you do, you are given a three week ban from How I Met Your Mother.
#27
Whenever we mention the past, you are not allowed to stand on a table and proclaim "Anarchy! Revolution! Justice screaming for solution!"
#28
Uncle 'Taire isn't gay, he just really admires your father.
#29
No making a Friends of the ABC club with your 'cousins'.
#30
Okay maybe you can.
But no getting killed!
#31
Don't bother me when it's June 4.
#32
Uncle Combeferre isn't the reason why mom and dad are together. Don't believe him.
#33
No coming up with more random definitions for the colors Red and Black.
#34
No making fun of Aunt Cosette. She is not a dumb blonde.
#35
Asking Uncle Marius for "stalker-tips" is not allowed.
#36
No shouting "No one cares about your lonely soul!" to your brother whenever he starts talking about his girlfriend. That line is reserved for your Uncle Marius and him only.
#37
Faye, just because Uncle Courf's your namesake, you are still not supposed to sleep with anything that moves.
#38
You are not allowed to have intelligence competitions between your brother and your uncle just to see which Ferre is smarter.
#39
Trying to set up Uncle 'Taire and Aunt 'Zelma is unappreciated.
Your father is an idiot when it comes to love. Please disregard the above rule.
#40
No making gagging noises around Aunt Cosette and Uncle Marius.
Don't mind your mom with that rule. I'm fine with it.
#41
"I'm building a barricade!" is not an excuse for throwing unwanted furniture out the window.
#42
If you want to sing Broadway songs with Uncle Jehan, you must memorize the lyrics first or else he will murder you.
#43
No scaring your little sister with stories of the evil Javert!
#44
Whenever your mother and I do show public displays of affection, you are not allowed to run around screaming "It's the apocalypse!"
#45
You are not supposed to give Uncle Bossuet four leaf clovers on his birthday.
#46
We'll explain to you who Bahorel was and what happened to him one day. Promise. Now stop bugging us about it.
#47
Don't look at me weirdly when it starts to rain!
#48
Stop asking your brother when he and Pontmercy's daughter are getting married.
Her name is Fantine, Gabriel. Get used to it.
#49
Attempting to get the other kids at school to play "Revolution" with you is not allowed anymore ever since your teacher called home.
#50
This list is to be followed at all costs. No, we're not being dictators and this does not count as a reason to start a home-rebellion with your little sister waving a red flag.
Love,
Mom and Dad
Author's Note: Just to clear up any confusion, I imagine the Enjolras and Éponine to have three kids, the eldest named after Combeferre. I thought it would be cute for him to be dating Cosette and Marius' kid, a girl named Fantine. They have a daughter named Faye and another daughter who's still really young and toddler-ish.
What's your favorite rule? Tell me in the reviews!
If any of you are kind enough, or want to read more of my stories, I currently have a multi-chap RENT AU going on called 525 600. Please read it and review!
Review this story too!
Yours truly,
thrillifying