A/N: ZareEraz here! I know its been a while but I kinda burned myself out on writing so I'm trying to get back into the swing of things again! Bear with my guys, I promise I'll update my other stories soon! But for now...here's come crack! I hope you like it! ;3
Shipping
Nobody quite knew how the argument started – whether it was a sly glance or a cutting remark – but Zoro and Law were in a tiff and they were going at each other's throats over who liked Luffy more.
Zoro's argument was mostly on how he'd known Luffy longer, they'd had a relationship for most of their adventures and that Law was the interloper.
Law's argument was that it didn't matter how long people had known each other as long as they had chemistry, which he and Luffy did, however crazy it was. As long as they got along and liked each other that way, it didn't matter how long they'd known each other or been together.
Luffy heard their argument from on top of the crow's nest where he'd been taking a nap and poked his head down, listening intently as the two men fought over him on the lawn of the Sunny. The captain smiled, glad that they both liked him so much, but he was upset that they were arguing over him at the same time. Couldn't they all just get along together? On a mission to set things right, the rubber man climbed down the mast and went to solve all the problems that his two friends were having. He hit the deck and walked towards the pair, trying to act natural, unexpectedly picking up Robin on the way to her lounge chair by Nami's tangerine trees.
"You guys should just fuck already so we can all be together." Luffy said, walking past the pair with his arms behind his head. Zoro and Law's argument stopped dead in its tracks, their faces flaming red in embarrassment about what the rubber man had just said.
"I ship it." Robin added as she walked past, adding insult to injury and the two men blushed even redder.
"Can you not?!" Nami sighed, poking her head over the railing with a glare. "We have enough trouble dealing with Luffy and Zoro together already!" And then the woman thought about the situation for a minute and came to a decision. "You know…that might not be a bad thing after all."
"Really?" Robin asked, looking up from her book, her friend's comment catching the majority of her interest.
"What do you mean?" Luffy asked, doing the same (he didn't have a book in his hands but he still looked up at Nami).
"Tora-o would probably be a good stabilizer for your relationship – a calmer, serious and smarter addition to you and Zoro."
"Who are you calling not smart?!" Zoro growled his embarrassment boiling into anger.
"At least she's got an intelligent head on her shoulders." Law smirked, glaring at Zoro.
"You shut up!" The swordsman started to draw his blade on his fellow, ready to hack Law into the pieces for inadvertently calling him stupid. Law did the same, ready to fight if the other swordsman lunged but they never got the chance to start.
"Since we're all being perverted," Franky interrupted, walking into the conversation, "Who do you think would top between the two of them?"
"Of course, you'd think of that." Nami sighed, face palming. "But it is a legit question." She said, holding her index finger up.
"Why are we talking about this?!" The two swordsmen shouted, completely embarrassed again, blushing furiously.
"Zoro!~" Luffy shouted, a huge smile on his face.
"You just say that because the swordsman tops you." Robin argued calmly, flipping the next page in her book. "Personally, I think Tora-o would top in that particular relationship."
"Zoro always tops! He told me so!" Luffy argued back. "So why would that stop with Tora-o?"
"Because Tora-o isn't you." Sanji interjected, stepping out of the kitchen and pointing a teasing finger at his captain. Suddenly, the whole rest of the crew was gathered around the lawn, every single one of them putting their two cents in on the ridiculous argument. Most of the crew agreed with Luffy (dealing Law's manly pride several vicious blows), but a few did agree with Robin, and since the archeologist was into trouble making today, she opened up another can of worms, just for fun.
"Do you know who else I ship?" Robin asked, a demure smile on her face. The crew shut up to listen to her. Robin's smile got bigger. "Our swordsman with the cook."
"NO!" Three people yelled at the same time. It was the monster trio. Zoro and Sanji's jaws had hit the floor in horror and Luffy was pissed that Robin would even think such a thing when he and Zoro were obviously together.
"Robin! That's mean!" The rubber man whined angrily.
"You wouldn't think that would be appealing because they fight all the time, but I could get into it." Nami said with a smile, poking at the fire. "But I have to say now that we've gone there…I wouldn't mind seeing you and Zoro together." Nami pointed at the archeologist and the swordsman, her own smile getting bigger. Robin glanced at the green-haired man and winked seductively at him. Zoro was blushing again awkwardly and Luffy took it completely wrong, thinking that Zoro was embarrassed because it might be nice and railed on his lover for even thinking such a thing. Zoro shouted back, arguing that he hadn't thought that at all and the two got in each other's faces, ready to go at it.
"Now, look what you did." Nami mockingly chided. Robin just giggled in response.
"It's unthinkable!" Sanji shouted, "My sweet Robin would never like a Moss Head like him!"
"What did you say!?" Zoro's douche bag sense tingled and he grabbed Luffy by the collar and held him at arm's length in the air to put their argument on hold why he got ready to kick the pervy cook's ass, his hand going to his swords.
"You heard me, Moss Head." Sanji growled, puffing his cigarette. "You're not worth stepping on when it comes to my dear Robin." He dropped his smoke and put it out with his foot, ready to pound Zoro's face in with his heel.
"But personally," Robin interrupted again, addressing Nami. "I wouldn't mind you and the cook getting together." That statement completely derailed Sanji, the blond going into adoring mode and flailing around like an idiot, completely agreeing.
"Yes! Nami-swan would be a lovely bride!~ Love me!~" The cook's eyes turned into hearts as he reached to embrace his lovely swan.
"Hands off!" Nami's hand flew out, punching the cook in the face and sending him flying through the kitchen door and onto the dining room table with a crash. "Even your fist is lovely!~" drifted in from the broken door. Franky's hammer came out and had the door fixed in a flash.
"SUPER repairs complete!" He cheered, striking his signature pose. "Good luck handling her, Sanji. I don't envy you." He said off handedly. "Spit fires like that just aren't my style. I prefer someone a little more…cool."
"What's that you said!?" Nami's fangs came out, an angry fist shaking at the pervert.
"You'd like Robin then, I guess." Chopper commented. "I could see that happening." The crew plus Law stared at the shipwright and the archeologist, and they stared at each other. Robin winked at Franky seductively, playing along and Franky wiggled his eyebrows with a smile.
"Super."
"GAH!" Everyone fell over when they realized that that might actually happen. Robin giggled and Franky laughed boisterously at their crewmates.
"Just kidding!" They teased.
"Yohohoho!" Brook laughed heartily. "Robin-san and Nami-san would be excellent matches with many people on our crew, since they are both lovely ladies."
"No one's shipping them with you, Brook." Ussop said, finally getting an in into the conversation. "You're a skeleton."
"I know." The musician sank onto his hands and knees, a cloud of depression falling over him. "But you don't have to point it out so blatantly. You cut me to the bone…yohoho."
"Uh, sorry." The sniper apologize, regretting that he'd said anything.
"Do you have someone you like, Ussop-san?" Brook asked, standing up and returning to his normal self.
"Uh…well…" Ussop sweat dropped, wondering if the skeleton was asking who he liked personally or if he was wondering who he liked to pair together on the crew.
"You like that girl on your island don't you?" Luffy asked, trying to get Zoro to let him go.
"Oh, you have someone waiting for you? I didn't know that!" Brook said excitedly, wondering who this mystery girl could be.
"W-we're just friends!" Ussop stuttered, blushing. "I told her a bunch of stories to cheer her up and we've been close ever since, but I-I'd never think of h-her like that!"
"You're lying!~" The whole crew sang, knowing that Ussop had just told a bad fib.
"She was cute!" Nami nodded.
"And nice! She gave us the Merry!" Luffy shouted happily.
"And you saved her like a gallant knight when she'd been kidnapped." Sanji added, walking out of the kitchen with a nose bleed from where Nami had smacked him. "Kaya would be a good match for you…unless you prefer something else like our captain does." Everyone's head flipped to Luffy (who was still dangling from Zoro's fist. Ussop and Luffy made eye contact and Luffy took the opportunity to wink at him playfully, just like Robin had with Zoro and Franky. Ussop's jaw hit the floor and then he face palmed.
"Would you quit playing around!? That's not funny!"
"Shi shi shi! That was funny!" Luffy laughed mischievously at his joke. He'd been hanging in the air for a few minutes and wanted to get down, but Zoro had an iron grip just then so Luffy just slipped out of his shirt and landed on the ground lightly and waited until Zoro noticed so he could get his shirt back.
"Somehow…" Chopper mused. "That one just seems gross."
"You're telling me." Nami agreed. "Even though they get along well together, I can't think of Luffy and Ussop as anything other than friends."
"I am so glad that I'm a reindeer right now. I don't want to be paired up like this." Chopper sighed, relieved to be left out of this weird conversation by virtue of him being an animal.
"Some people are into that though." Nami remarked. Chopper's face fell, hoping that she didn't mean what he thought she meant.
"What?! That's crazy!" The doctor shrieked.
"It's called 'bestiality.'" The woman explained. "And yeah, I think it's weird too."
"There's even a name for it!?" Humans are gross!" Chopper made a disgusted face, but then another question popped into his head. "Hey, Nami?"
"Hm?"
"Everyone we've talked about is either a guy and girl pairing or two guys, like Luffy and Zoro." The doctor started. "But are girl pairings real too?" The crew stopped jabbering and caught onto the private conversation, deeply interested. Luffy took that opportunity to snag his shirt back from a distracted Zoro and slip back into it.
"It's a thing, but it's not my thing. Right, Robin?" Nami smiled at her fellow woman crewmate demurely and Robin smiled back. The whole crew's minds went down into the gutter (especially Sanji's) and imagined what scandalous things the two women could do together, like…this…and that…in bikinis….with their breasts…naked in the bath…or bed…at that moment, Sanji's nose exploded in an red geyser, the cook collapsing on the floor as his two favorite women danced through his head, effectively interrupting the fantasies.
"YOU'RE ALL PERVERTS!" Nami howled, ready to beat anyone who thought of her friend and herself like that to a bloody pulp.
"Thanks." Franky nodded, accepting the praise.
"That's wasn't a compliment!" Nami shrieked.
"I think Sanji-san is dead." Brook said, poking the unconscious cook's face with one boney finger.
"Just leave him there to die!" Nami growled.
"I can't believe this." Law said, mortified by the Straw Hats behavior. "Why did I ever join you guys?"
"I ask myself the same question sometimes," Zoro replied, just as mortified. "But with Luffy, it's hard to resist anything he does."
"Yo!" And speaking of Luffy, the rubber man leapt up and hooked his elbows around Law's and Zoro's necks, yanking them down as his feet hit the ground again. His short stature had both men bent over, their heads trapped underneath his arm pits. "Let's go!"
"What are you doing?!" Law asked as Luffy started to drag them away into the bowels of the Sunny.
"We're going to have some fun!~ Shi shi shi!"
"What?!"
"Just deal with it, Tora-o." Zoro sighed. "Luffy's not letting us go now." The three men disappeared inside the ship, Luffy's laugher fading away quickly behind closed doors.
"And there they go." Nami sighed, leaning against the railing. "And we all know what they're up to."
"I ship it." Robin said once again, that same smile on her face.
"I guess I can too." A small grin spread across the navigator's face. "It is kind of cute how two tough guys come so undone by our silly captain. It's fun to watch."
"I couldn't agree more." Robin nodded. The rest of the crew dispersed after that, going back to their previous activities before Zoro's and Law's argument had interrupted them and started that whole mess. Nami went back to her lounge chair on the upper deck to read the day's newspaper and Robin joined her along with her book, the two women sitting in companionable silence for a while before Robin spoke up.
"Want to bet on who ends up on top?" She proposed. "Since you know Luffy's going to make them do it before they touch him."
"Sure. You're on." Nami smiled, ready for the challenge. Both women held up a one hundred Beri coin and placed their bets.
"Zoro tops." Nami stated.
"Tora-o tops." Robin countered. They slipped their coins back into their pockets and opened up their respective reading materials again, patiently waiting until the trio emerged to decide the winner.
"But you know that Luffy's the one who wins either way." Robin commented.
"Our captain always wins and in this case it doesn't matter who tops, he always bottoms anyway."
"But what if he didn't?" The two women took a moment to imagine that scenario – Luffy's huge grin looming over Law and Zoro as they –
"Nope! I'm done thinking about that!" Nami snapped, burying her head in her newspaper, a light blush flushing her cheeks. Robin giggled at her and turned back to her book. No matter how it turned out, as long as everyone was happy, it didn't matter to her. But she did have to admit that it was a bit fun just to imagine the possibilities.
End
A/N: And there you go! I hope you liked it (I thought it was funny) and don't worry, I'm working on my other stories as we speak! See you all later! :3