When I was a Teenage Wolf

by TYZO300

Just something I wanted to write while watching tv. What would happen if rock became a were wolf. Rated M for language and sexual themes.

Greetings to those reading this glad to be back in the new and I will other stories soon. This is going to be my first attempt at a parody fic which will be based around an early episode of the SpongeBob cartoon with the characters of Black lagoon. Whether you've seen it or not it should be a good read so take your time reading it please. You may comment as you want if you review it, just be polite about it please. Also feel free to point out any errors of spelling or grammar that you've noticed and I'll correct them. I'll be checking in on it to make small edits of correction anyways so your help would be appreciated. Enjoy the fic.

"I Was a Teenage wolf"

"Arf, arf, arf..." The small black wolf named fang made his usual sound as he was running on a large hamster wheel that was big enough for him, getting some exercise. Soon enough his owner, a Japanese businessman named rokuro okjiama AKA rock, comes over and picks him up from the wheel. "Alright fang, that's enough exercise for now. We don't want you getting too thin." he then pulls out a red ball from his pocket and throws it. "Go on fang! Go get it!"

"Arf!" fang starts to run after the ball through rather slowly. After a few seconds pass without any sign of fang's immediate return rock decides to seat himself in a comfy chair while browsing through a book as he waits for fang to come back.

0o0o0o0o0

The next morning the sun rises as the familiar sound of a rooster crowing can be heard outside. rock, having been in the chair all night long, was fast asleep and snoring while drooling at the same time. Fang returns with the red ball in between his paws and puts it by rock's feet, looking up at his sleeping owner. "arf." rock wakes up to the sound of fang's voice and wipes off his mouth, mumbling a 'huh?' while looking down to his pet. he immediately wakes up and gets up from the chair, smiling. "Good boy, fang!"

he crouches down to fang's level and starts scratching him all over. "I love you fang. fang, fang, fang, fang..." he continued scratching his pet while saying his name repeatedly in an affectionate matter with fang enjoying the attention. "arf!" He jumps up and starts crawling over rock's back while he was still crouched, leaving him laughing cause he was tickling him. "Hahaha! Down boy! Hahaha!" Yes, those two were perfect for each other. It was hard to imagine what could happen to them if they were to separate for even a moment.

"rock!" The front door burst open as a silver-haired man named Rotton the wizard, who was one of rock's friends, barged into the house without warning and seemed really excited about something as he danced around while holding onto a giant key shaped object that could be held like a sword. "Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready?" he chanted while dancing around in the room with rock after finding him. Rock stands up with fang on top of his head as he bears a confused look on his face. "Ready? Ready for what?"

"Don't kid around. I'm talking about the annual E3 of 2013 Convention being held in Miami this weekend! It'll be the best one yet!" he then makes a serious face and starts swinging his prop around like a sword, making a bunch of sounds before stopping abruptly as he hits something that shatters. He blushes while whispering "OH SHIT" and holds the prop behind his back while giving a sheepish smile to rock. "So are you ready or what?"

Rock groans, unable to believe he had forgotten such a big event. "That was this weekend? Oh, I can't go now. I don't have anyone to watch fang while I'm gone." he points to fang on his head. "And I certainly can't take him along. What should I do?"

There's a knock on the door which rock opens to answer and finds a dark-haired girl name revy, another associate of his, standing there with an irritated look. She looks at fang on rock's head for a moment before focusing on rock for the matter at hand. "rock, we are partners, but could you please keep your fucking undergarments and damn ties off my floor?" She asks while holding up said undergarments in one hand and a plaid blue tie in the other. "Before People get the wrong fucking idea!"

Rock blushes and promptly takes the said items and throws them back into his house. "Yeah... Sorry about that..." he then perks up and grins at revy. "Hey revy, can you please take care of fang this weekend?"

Revy raises a brow at the question. "fang? What the fucks a fang?" rock laughs at this and points to fang on his head. "Not 'a fang.' fang! It's the name of my pet wolf." he plucks fang from her head and holds it out for revy to see. "Say hello fang." fang responds with his usual 'drooling tongue with sharp teeth' and holds out his paws.

Revy simply looks confused. "That's a pet? And you take care of it... whatever it is?"

Rock reacts by hugging fang affectionately if not a bit tightly. "I love fang!" fang seems quite happy as well, though revy couldn't really tell.

"Yeah, sorry but I'm not much of a pet person and I've got stuff to do this weekend. You'll have to get someone else who gives a shit." She begins walking away, leaving a saddened rock who gives a sigh. "Well rotton, I'm sorry but it looks like I won't be able to leave for the Convention this weekend..." revy pauses and returns back to the front door, looking at rock quizzically. "Wait, you're planning to leave for the weekend?"

"Actually a four-day weekend." rock replies holding up four fingers. "There's this video game Convention I was going to go to with rotton, sawyer, and rico but I forgot about it so now I can't go if there's no one to take care of fang." rotton nods while standing beside rock.

"And that's why you asked me if I could watch fang?" revy asked, feeling a bit of stupid about refusing now that she knows what is going on.

"Yeah but you already said you can't do it, we understand." rock puts down fang who wanders back into the house.

"Don't feel bad about it revy!" rotton wraps his arms around both rock and revy while smiling. "We can still have our own E3 of 13 Convention at your place!"

Revy removes rotton's arm painfully and pushes the man back violently. "You know what, you two should get to spend the weekend to yourselves and if all you need is someone to watch your pet then god damnit I can do it. I can make time to check in on him." She replied, meaning what she said and also wanting to keep them out of her living space. She's okay with them but a weekend with them gone sounded pleasing to her. She could use a short break from them anyways.

"Really? Oh thanks revy!" he gave revy a strong hug before taking her by the wrist and dragging her into the place. "I'll run over all the stuff you need to know about wolf care. First of all..." rock is explaining everything to revy but revy's mind was elsewhere, mainly on all the stuff she had planned for a weekend that was free of any annoyances. "Ah, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday with benny seeing whiney nerd, Dutch heading to a family reunion and now rock gone for a convention. A four day weekend all just for me." She was happily humming in her head.

"Now as for the food I already have it prepared. You simply have to feed fang two cans a day. A can in the morning and a can at night." Rock opens up a cupboard showing giant cans of food that were easily twice or more the size of fang labeled 'Morning' or 'Night'. Revy looks at the cans and looks at the small wolf pet. "You sure that's enough?" She asks sarcastically, finding it odd that such a little thing could eat so much.

Outside of the house a large bus is pulling up, all the windows having hands coming out of them holding giant gaming props like rotton's as the people were chanting and eager to go to the E3 Convention. "The bus is here! The bus is here!" Rotton howls in excitement as he runs through the wall next to the front door, leaving his body-shaped hole in the wall and also leaves one in the side of the bus instead of using the bus door. "rock, come on!" he exclaims as she sticks her own prop out of the hole he made and joins the other passengers in the chant.

"Looks like it's time to get going then. Take care and have fun dipshit!" revy smiles while pushing rock out of his place and onto the bus. rock however sticks his head out of the window to get some last words in with revy. "So you got everything down right? You'll remember everything I said?" he asked. revy waves her and nodding. "Yeah Yeah, I have the memory of a friggin fraggit. You can trust me to take good care of angus."

"its fang..." rock corrected, having a slight feeling this wasn't a good idea but it was too late to change it now. "OH right, fang." Revy replies with a blush. The bus drives off and revy waves them off till they're out of sight. "So long bitches alright then, with them gone it's time to start my own weekend." She walks off and hums as she makes her way to a new bar that just opened which was where she made plans for her weekend. As she disappeared fang comes up into one of the front windows of rock's place, looking outside of it. "arf?" he says as he wonders where his owner went or where he owner's friend was that was supposed to watch him.

Three Days Later...

Revy was walking to rock's house, drinking from a bottle of alcohol that she had left over from her weekend at the new bar. She ended up spending her entire weekend at the place, drinking to her heart's content and enjoying every second of it without rock being there but now was time for that boy to come home so she decided to meet him at her house. "Heh, I bet that asswipe had a great weekend as well at that Convention." She smiles then rubs her chin. "Hm, come to think of it, I think he asked me to do something over the weekend... What was it again?" She scratched her head, murmuring as she tried to remember. Looking down the street she saw the same bus coming this way, meaning rock would be here any minute now. "Ah, there he is. I could just ask her what it was. I'm sure it wasn't important."

The lagoon gunner looks over to the building and sees fang in one of the front windows, having been there the last three days and was looking very sickly and weak. His skin was wrinkly and his fur was sagging. "arf..." he says weakly before falling out of the window. Revy immediately goes pale as she sees this and looks back toward the bus coming closer to rock's place. "Holy SHIT! His pet! I forgot about his fucking pet!" she freaks out as she dashes through the front door of rock's place, her panic growing as she sees fang laying on the floor with cobwebs stuck to him. She immediately picks him up and feels him go limp in her hold, not at all lively like he was three days ago. He looked like he was dying!

"Oh no! I have to do something fast! If rock finds out he probably won't stop bitchin about it till the cows come home!" Revy begins running around the house frantically as she searches for something to help her situation or at least buy her some time. She soon finds herself in front of the cabinet rock showed her and opens it to find all the cans of food unopened, making her cringe as she remembers she was supposed to feed fang at the very least. Setting fang aside she begins to open all the cans and pouring all the food into fang's food bowl which piles up to be as tall as her. "Okay, here you go! Here's your food now eat it! You have to be done soon!" Revy picks up fang and starts throwing scoops of food at his face but he doesn't respond nor attempt to eat it.

Meanwhile outside rock was getting off the bus and bidding farewell to the others as they heads off home before heading to his own home, approaching the front door. "God Dammnit fang! I'm begging you to eat! Eat! Eat!" She knew she only had seconds to go as she hears the bus parked outside. Revy tenses up as she hears Rock fiddling with the front lock, looking at the food and sighing as she realizes what she has to do. "fang? fang, I'm back." rock calls out as he enters the home.

"Oh hey rocky boy!" revy pops into a doorway, blocking off the room fang was in while holding a hand over it mouth. It also sounded like she had her mouth full of something. "Hi revy, what are you doing here?" rock replied as he started unpacking his stuff. revy gives a hard swallow, grimacing a bit as she swallows the last of fang's food and feeling a bit queasy and almost barfing while wiping off her mouth. She figured removing the evidence of her mistake would keep rock from finding out what happened. "I was just checking up on ol' fang. You did ask me too for the weekend didn't you?" She managed to smile, looking nervous and was hoping rock wouldn't notice.

"Yeah, that was true. Looks like you did a good job. Thanks revy!" rock smiled back, making revy feels guiltier about her mistake. "No problem dipshit. I've got to run now but we can talk later so bye-bye!" She starts heading for the door, hoping to get out before rock found fang. rock waves her off, smiling as he remains oblivious.

"What a good friend, I knew I could count on her no matter what people say." he says. "arrrff..." fang says weakly as he crawls over to rock, plopping onto his face while rock looks over to him. he takes one look and screams in horror as he kneels next to the wolf and picks him up. "fang! fang, what's wrong?" fang just goes limp in his hold, leaving rock to break into tears as worry and fear overcomes him. "revy! Something is wrong with fang! Please help! revy!" Having just gotten to the front door, revy freezes up upon hearing rock's plea and sighs. She couldn't leave it like this... all she had to say was "OHHH FFUUUCCKKK"

0o0o0o0o0

A few hours pass before a car is parked out in front of the businessman's home belonging to a pet doctor that was a dark-haired woman named Roberta. Rock and revy stood there in the room with Roberta as the doctor held the wolf, examining him all over for any cause of his condition. "Hm... It's just as I thought." he finally said. "What?" rock replies worriedly while revy tenses a bit. "This is definitely a wolf." Roberta answers.

"I knew it! revy, did you hear it?" rock breaks down as he sobs in revy's boobs, apparently thinking the doctor just told her that fang was either very sick or not going to make it. Revy couldn't really do much but push rock violently on the floor while she turns back around to face the doctor again.

"Therefore, an injection of wolf DNA must be carefully administered." Roberta takes out a syringe and gives it a quite squeeze to shoot out some bubbling green neon liquid to make sure it's working. "Here you go." She suddenly hands over fang and the syringe to rock who just looks confused at the doctor. "Wait, aren't you going to do it?"

"Oh no, I can't do it." Roberta holds up her hands as she looks nervous then heads for the door to leave. "I'm... have no medical experience whatsoever." revy watches the doctor leave and looks over to rock. "Well, it looks like all fang needs is a shot so I'll be going now." she starts making her way to the door but is stopped when rock calls out to her.

"revy, wait! I can't give fang his DNA! I'm inexperienced too." revy sighs, looking back to rock who was looking at her with a pleading look. "rock, I don't want to..." She gets cut off by fang suddenly coughing heavily and loudly, making rock call out his name in worry. "fang! No!"

"Okay Okay! Give it to me!" revy breaks as she comes over, taking the syringe as rock holds out fang. "Okay, just don't hurt him revy..." she seemed nervous as revy takes aim and swings the syringe to stab fang only to miss as rock moves him out of the way. "revy, that's too hard!" he exclaims. (A/N:that's what she said LOL) "Sorry, just hold him still." revy apologizes as they resume their original positions. revy swings again only for rock to move fang again. "Wait!" rock cries out. Revy groans as they repeat their original poses again. "Wait!" rock cries out again as he moves fang again.

Revy however attempts to stab fang with the syringe again but keeps missing as rock keeps moving him, afraid of him getting hurt.

"Wait, Wait."

"rock, hold him still."

"Wait, wait, wait."

"ROCK; JUST HOLD HIM THE FUCK STILL!"

"Ouch!" revy winces as rock cries out, the syringe stabbing him in the shoulder. "Um, revy... you've injected me with wolf DNA." he winces as revy pulls out the syringe and rubs his nose. "You made me do it dumbass; cause you wouldn't hold fang still!" Revy replied.

"Oh, what's going to happen to me? I don't think wolf DNA is meant for humans!" rock started panicking while revy just rolled her eyes. "rock, you're going to be fine, nothing is going to happen just because of a little DNA." Rock however was convinced something was wrong as he started rubbing her forehead, looking a bit sweaty. "I don't know revy, I'm starting to feel weird... not the good weird either..."

"Rock, it's in your head. You'll be fine!" While the two start discussing rock's sudden ailment fang wanders over to his water bowl. "arf..." He looks into it and starts drinking from it and gargles before swallowing. Clearing his throat, he regains his normal look as he speaks. "arf!" Both criminals looked over to fang, revy raising a brow and having a slight twitch in her eye. "You mean to tell me he just needed fucking water?" "are you shitting me?"

"Fang! You're alright now!" rock cries out as he happily embraces his pet. Revy gives a sigh, relieved that the wolf was going to be fine and that rock likely would never find out that she forgot to take care of it. Now all she wanted was to go home, get a shower, get a drink and finally go to bed. "Oh how fucking sexy why don't you two go whack each other off, goodnight Rock." Revy makes for the front door but rock interrupts her again.

"Revy wait! What about the DNA?" he asks while holding her nose. Revy sighs, looking back to rock. "For the last fuckin time you'll be alright. Trust me. Now Goodnight!" She leaves, giving the door a bit of a slam. "arf?" fang seemed to ask as he looks up to rock. rock just waves his hand as he sets fang down. "Don't worry boy, she said I'll be fine. She can be trusted to be right. So are you hungry?" Upon hearing those words fang jumps up in excitement. "arf!" After all his owner's friend never came by to feed him and she ate all of his food earlier.

0o0o0o0o0

With everything seemingly back to normal rock was now dumping a giant bag of dog food into fang's food bowl, throwing the can aside to dispose of later. he pauses for a few moments as he stares at the food, the aroma pleasing which was odd since he never noticed it before. Slowly he sticks his hand into the dry food and scoops some of the food into her mouth, sucking his finger clean as she chews on it. After a few moments he smiles as he swallows it and repeats the action several times before finally giving the food bowl to fang.

"Okay fang, time to eat." he sets the bowl down on the floor so fang could reach it. "arf?" fang looks confused as he looks into his bowl and sees not one bit of food in it. Rock stares at the bowl, seeming confused as well. "Um, Sorry fang. I couldn't control myself." She then belches. "arf!" She claps a hand over her mouth, looking started at what she just said for it wasn't fang that time but him. "Why did I just say that?" Am I starting to lose it?"

"arf?" fang looked up at his owner with a confused look. "No boy, I'm fine. Revy said there was nothing to worry about. I'm just imagining things and it's all in my head cause I'm nervous is all. I'm in perfect health." he then starts to feel slightly queasy so he starts heading toward the bathroom.

he makes to the bathroom and looks in the mirror. "See... I'm perfectly fine..." he says somewhat weakly, noticing that her skin seemed to be turning whiter. he was also sweating a good bit as he feels an uncomfortable feeling that settles through her body. "Gah!" he suddenly cries out as she leans on the sink for support as sudden pain shoots through her. "I-I'm fine... revy said so and I-I..." he cries out as Suddenly he jerked upright, the heat swelling within him seeming to increase to a painful burning sensation. His legs felt like they were lengthening and bending, while a pressure built behind his skin and began to force its way out. he cried in pain, but the voice was not his own, sounding guttural and inhuman, while the last thing he heard was the easy tearing of his robes as his body forced itself into a new and unfamiliar shape

"Oh god... I take it back fang! There is something wron-aaaaaaaahhhhhhhoooooooooooo!"

0o0o0o0o0

Back at revy's home, revy was getting ready for bed after having a much needed bath and drink. "I hope rock never asks me to watch his pet again. If he does I'll shoot him in the ass this time. "Goodnight girls" she said to her twin cutlasses lying on a pillow next to her; She smiles as she closes her eyes to go to sleep. Before she could sleep though she's interrupted by a knock on her door. Groaning, she gets up. "Gee, I wonder who that could be..." she grumbled, already knowing who it is.

Revy's voice could be heard through the door as she approaches it. "Dammit rock, if it's about that plasma shit then for the last time you is going to be fucking fine!" She opens the door, looking irritated. "You're going to be fi-i-i-I WHAT THE FUCK..." She freezes up as she stares in horror at the sight before her. Standing before her and looking up to her was what looked like a wolf man but it had big familiar eyes and black hair of certain Japanese man. "YOU FUCKER." said the ROCK-WOLF deeply which made revy scream out of fear. She stops for a moment and crouches down; tapping rock-wolf's doggy ears which make her lean back a bit. "YOU FUCKING BITCH!"

Revy screams again and slams the front door shut, trembling as she leans against it and trying to comprehend what was going on. "Was that really rock? Oh Jesus, Mary, and joseph, what have I done!" She then looks over to the syringe which she took home with her from some reason and grabs it, shaking it. "It's all your fault!" She yells at it before throwing it aside and hugging herself. "O-Okay Rebecca, just keep calm. Everything will be fine..."

"YOU COCKSUCKER!" revy screams again as she runs from the front door, returning with a couple boards that she hammers across the door frame to barricade it. "I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU!" revy turns to the side and sees rock-wolf looking at her through the window. revy screams again and gets some more boards which she hammers over that window and takes a moment to breathe, feeling a little safer. However, she gasps in horror as she sees a doggy ear poke its way through a hole in one of the boards, soon followed by rock-wolf's head. "HAIL THE DEVIL!" he calls out to Cana who flees while screaming and hides in a nearby closet.

"Oh GOD, none of this would be happening if I only remembered to feed that fucking wolf!" Revy is fully freaking out now, with rock-wolf in the house with her. She leans against the door, listening for any signs off it. However she was caught off guard when rock-wolf stuck his head under the door itself and looked up to her. "YOUR PUSSY IS SHOWING!" revy screams again as she breaks right through the door, running away as rock-wolf chases after her with a smile on his face as if wanting to play with revy and not realizing revy was terrified of him. "FUCKING COCKAITUS!"

While running revy runs straight up a wall, across the ceiling and down the opposite wall only to stop when she comes to rock-wolf who's standing in the center of the room. "ARF!" he would say as revy runs away, repeating the previous action again and ending up on the other side of rock-wolf only to turn around and do it again and again with rock-wolf saying "arf!" each time; during the fiasco she knocked down the TV turning on to an adult channel. Outside Benny and Dutch came back to ronapaur from their respective trips passing by revy's place to check on her. They were about to enter when the heard some very sounds along from rock and revy followed by a female saying "oui oui oh oui plus fort plus vite profonde oh oui ahhhhh" and then a male saying "wait I'm gonna spurt- gyahhh-oha-nhggg- oh never mind. Both men were sweat dropping and quickly went back in the taxi to the yellow flag. Other people stared at building in confusion as her screams can be heard from it while the house itself was shaking left and right from her wild running.

Finally and without warning, the entire place leaps off the ground and does a full spin before landing on its side. Inside of the lot everything was wrecked from the toss and revy's groans could be heard as she pulls herself out of some debris. Rubbing her head, she looks at her nose and her eyes widen as she sees the syringe sticking from it. "Oh SHIT..." she whimpers, realizing what was going to happen...

0o0o0o0o0

Later it was the middle of the night with the full moon high up. Most were sleeping at this hour save for a few wolves that decided to do some fence howling. Sitting on a fence were three wolves howling.

"aaaaaaahhhhhhhooooooooooo!" fang started of the verse.

"aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhooooooooo!" rock-wolf continued that next bit as he sat next to fang, seeming to enjoy the song.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOO..." Sitting next to rock and ending the verse with a gloomy tone was a third wolf that had big yellow eyes and wavy dark purple hair hanging freely. revy was now revy-wolf and having nothing else to do she was stuck fence howling with her 'fellows' of sorts. She wasn't excited about howling but what could she do?

"aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhoooooooooo!" fang sang again. (hey that rhymed)

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!" rock-wolf again continued the middle of the verse.

"aAaAaAaHhHhHhHhHoOoOoOoOoOoOo..." revy-wolf ended again, still gloomy like before.

While the howling was going on in a luxurious suite our freelance trios were resting from should I say some explicit activities when they can't due to the howling. A nearby window opens up as an annoyed Shenhua sticks her head out of it and an arm carrying an expensive sharp high heel shoe. She looks around and quickly spots the disturbances sitting on the fence. "shut up!...Need sleep…Aiya" She yells while throwing the deadly heel with all her strength.

"aaaaahhhhhooooo Oof!" revy-wolf, who was starting to get a little more into the howl, gets cut off as the heel nails her in the face and knocks her off the fence into some trashcans that cause a loud racket. Her two fellows look at their fallen fellow for a couple moments before returning to their song.

"aaaaaaahhhhhhhhoooooooooo!" fang sang again.

"aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhoooooooo!" rock-wolf again continued the middle of the verse.

"AAAAAHHHHHHOOOOO..." revy-wolf finished while sounding in pain and crying at the same time. "If I only remembered to feed that wolf..." she thought as she lay next to the garbage cans. Only to be hit with another one of shenhua's heels

The End

That ends my first parody fic. To clear up some stuff the title of the SpongeBob episode was 'I was a Teenage Gary' so you can look it up on Bing and find it if you want to watch it. The edited version that inspired to do this is on YouTube here's the link: watch?v=IlrMkbc_htg