Castiel follows her one day, finding the spot he remembers where he first watched her, and he sees how forlorn she is because she doesn't feel anything. He slips his hand into hers and tugs, trying to get her attention but Meg just stares "I remember this place. I remember you." "It was a long time ago. I swore to protect you." Meg slipping her hand free from Cas. "Like you said, it was a long time ago"
Meg getting frustrated because before Castiel figured it out, she had a great thing going with him. Rough sex, sort of friends… but once Cas figures it out he constantly tries to be gentle with her, tries to make love to her and it almost makes tears of frustration show in her eyes as she tries to get it back to how it was
Cas doing it though because he chose God over her, basically betrayed her. Then forgot her when he was mind-wiped, forgot that he loved her. Because after so long he has her again, and even though she's now so different he still wants her and still loves her.
Meg deciding that she needs distance again because she is starting to remember what it was to have Grace, and she starts pushing at Castiel again, telling him with all sorts of glee of the things she did and how and to whom, how she feels better without that Grace weighing her down, and it gets to a fight where she continues to scream and shout at him about good it felt to be an angel
And Cas just takes it, watching her as she strikes at him and tries to get him to see.
He lets her let out her anger at him; there's really nothing he can do besides let her scream and curse at him, though he tries to understand. And maybe he can, a little bit, having lost himself a few times. But he can't understand what happened to her, what she truly went through and maybe he aches a bit for her. And because of it castiel gives her what she wants; distance. So he stops trying to reconnect, stops letting himself love her again.
They separate for weeks again, Meg finding some joy in being a demon again, ignoring the calls she sometimes gets. There's no tie to hold her down and she puts her necklace in a safety deposit box so it can stop reminding her of what she was before she fell. She slaughters her way through Crowley's demons, nearly getting killed herself, and ignores the odd thought or two that wonders what Castiel is getting up to. Reminds herself that she was alone for a long time. she's fine.
Cas maintains the distance, ignores thoughts of her and manages to convince his own kind that there are no more fallen angels around. Dean's comment about finally killing Meg, since she isn't trustworthy, is one he pretends to agree with. But Sam sees something is wrong. Castiel begins to interrogate demons and angels alike, on what they know about Meg, because for once he wants to understand what it was to be a fallen angel like her.
He starts to understand, maybe just a little bit. Sees why she takes pride in what she is, learns to respect it. She isn't his angel anymore, his secret mate and lover. She's the demon meg, a proud warrior and he learns to respect that. maybe even admires how far she's come from when she was a fledgling under his protection.
But with Castiel's accidental jogging of her memory, Meg starts to remember Heaven, starts to remember what it was like before her fall and for the first time starts to acknowledge the hole in her left from the grace being ripped out. It sends her into a strange depression. She still kills and creates havoc, but something is missing. She breaks necks and feels nothing. When her destruction gets attention, Cas goes to see what has happened before the Winchesters destroy her and he finds Meg sitting alone in a bar. She's oddly despondent and ignores him even when he sits across from her, but when her eyes lift he thinks he sees, for just a second, a shadow of Zo there and he simply sits with her now instead of talking
He doesn't say another word, just stays there for company, maybe tells her he'll leave if she wants him to. he can't help but feel guilty because it's his fault she feels this way, his fault she remembers and his fault they can't reconnect. When she doesn't tell him to leave he feels oddly content but still doesn't say anything; he's not willing to hurt her anymore that he has with the wrong words. He frowns, thinking of ways he could maybe comfort her but he doesn't want to risk the closeness she's allowed. He's torn between saying something, apologizing maybe, and flying off
Meg opens up with an odd question about Heaven. If he remembers how the angels used to tease Joshua by stealing his flowers and replanting them in other Heavens. Castiel stares, surprised she remembers, and Meg gives an odd smile, saying it is just a glimmer of something she used to be and then something in her gaze hardens. She glares at him and says he'd probably love to get sweet little Zophiel back but Cas only smiles and says he wants her, not a memory. It startles Meg so much that she doesn't pull away when his hand brushes hers
He's come to realize that he can't have Zophiel back. And he's finally come to terms that it's this beautiful creature he's fallen for. He likes that she's so strong and independant, that at times she doesn't need his protection because she can fend for herself. Hre admired her for that. He loves her for what she is now, not for what she was. He's happy with her. What she was doesn't matter
Meg starts to let Cas hang around her as they tentatively get used to each other once again. they've not slept together in weeks, not done more than talk, and he keeps his visits short because this confession cost him some pride that he told her first how he felt. he notices she's not wearing her necklace anymore and Meg finally admits that that is where her Grace was kept.
He realizes that's why he was drawn to those charms and finds it hard to let the idea of their addicting touch go but he finds that he's even more drawn to the demon under her skin, and that frankly her company is more comforting than sex could be. Or maybe he was just happy to have her with him again that he was able to ignore his want to touch her and love her.
Meg casually remarking on his wings one night when he teleports in to save her from hunters is what unfurls a little bit of sexual tension between them. They've been together in the past but under that guise of being angel and demon only. Cas lets her spy his wings and he sees the faintest signs of a hunger there and when he looks, really looks, he thinks he can see wings attached to her true form under the body. crippled dark things, shadows of what his wings are. it makes him back off even further, knowing the pain caused to her, and Meg gets caught in a devils trap when he leaves her again.
He forces himself to leave her alone, knowing that she wouldn't call him back anyway and if she did that he couldn't make up for what time and choice had done to her. Even when he thinks he hears her he ignores it, because deep down he's still guilty. He still feels her pain. It makes it to where he thinks he'll burn if he touches her. He not only feels but now he's seen her hurt before his very eyes
Meg's escape is a narrow one when the Winchesters show up at the rumours she's been caught. Dean calls on Cas, wanting to know what to do with her, and Castiel appears. The realization that if it wasn't for Dean and Sam she'd be dead or exorcised forces him to realize that he can't just let things go back to how they were
He looks her in the eye and still convinces them to leave her alone, citing her previous loyalty as a pass. Meg stares back as she is set free and leaves only to return to the house much later, trying to figure out how she was caught when she is normally so careful. The only answer she has is that she was distracted and she knows it is kind of hopeless to deny that.
She feels Castiel reappear and when she turns he crushes her against the wall and kisses her, almost sobbing against her because it hurts to be close to her again, after centuries, but it hurts more to let go when he realized who she was and who he knows she is now
He asks her to let him have her, almost begs her because of how much he needs her, gently kissing her and roughly handling her at the same time. He stutters out his breath when she whispers yes, Castiel wanting to weep into her her and love her and keep her safe in his arms.
It reminds him of a time long ago when they were both so different and he kisses her and touches her in both new and old ways
There's a desperation in his touch but for once Meg's touch is gentler than his, her nails bringing him back to reality when she drags them against his scalp. He's not sure whose name he calls out, because this is different. Before it had been just two angels sharing comfort, shading each other with wings. But this is an angel and a demon once again. But they can still feel each other's old selves there and sometimes the name zophiel gets moaned when she touches him, sometimes clarence is called out at the same time a deeper growl of 'meg', and he hears her groan castiel in his ear. That barely matters this time.
He feels this intense need for her, replacing what used to be a simple want and he finds comfort in her demonic touch. meg kisses him softer than she ever has before, somehow caresses him and Castiel is reminded of the touch of Zophiel, the soft brush of feathers against skin and it's as if they never left what they started before. She feels his grace crack against her power and they tangle in a strange sort of mixture of angel and demon and human sweat. He inhales her sulphur and she breathes his scent of cleanliness and for once nothing stops them as they make love for the first time in what feels like eons.
Underneath her face he sees her true self, and from her eyes he can see she's looking under his skin too. and he finds comfort in those black eyes. Comfort he's always wanted.
Cas stops and brushes her hair out of her eyes and stares before he then buries his face in her neck. They rest on his coat and say nothing, Meg's thorny power wrapped up in his. He feels her stretch out against him and he traps her hands with his, keeping her close and feels the shift of power in her. Thinks it strange how much stronger she seems now. Meg simply stares and feels his breath on the back of her neck, and wonders why she can't quite move yet. Cas notices her black eyes still remain and he closes his own to rest
He's so content to just hold her that he starts to relax, keeping her pinned down and keeping his face pressed against her, lifting to only occasionally kiss her shoulder or neck. He completely surrounds her in his warmth, Castiel sighing and resting his weight on her. Meg complains a little but she can't help but feel his comfort, especially when he lets out soft whispers in enochian and starts to mumble to her in his sleep. She's amazed at how happy he is for no reason at all except for her
She slips free from his arms eventually, and goes to sit outside. She wants to leave but decides to stay. Waking to find her gone, Cas eventually discovers her outside, staring at the abandoned parkland across the way, and he watches her from the doorway. Her true form warps around her and he thinks he sees her smoky self transform a little. When she reaches into her pocket and pulls out her necklace, having taken it weeks ago, he sees the glow of Grace. Meg sprawls it in her fingers and he hears her mutter something. Enochian slips past her tongue, so unused to te words that it sounds hoarse and unclear from her lips.
He's amused but he doesn't want to unsettle her so he watches, wondering what could happened if she destroyed the charms. Wondering if it would convert her back or destroy her. Both thoughts are a discomfort, He's worried that if she did either he would still lose what he built with this demon. He's curious but unsure if he should join her and just quietly calls out her name, waits to see her reaction and if she wants him before joining her
Cas sees her head tilt and she wiggles her fingers, letting him join her. He sits close, smells demon, angel and sex sweat still strong on her skin, and he watches her run the charms through her fingers still. Castiel lets himself smile as the sun comes up and turns to see the way the light seems to make her skin glow, while her true face shadows her as well. Neither of them speak and Meg finally puts the necklace back on, so they settle against her breasts again. As if accepting what she was and what she is.