*Heidi Klums voiceover over a shot of the fourteen designers gathering outside Parsons School of Design- South Park* We searched every corner of South Park looking for designers who thought they have what it takes: to become the next big Coloradan fashion designer.
Wendy sits on a stool with some random bolts of fabric sitting in a basket behind her. "I'm Wendy Testaburger, I'm 10 years old. The casting people asked me "Do you think you are smart?" and I was like "Of course I do!" I know fashion, I know how to dress a woman, and I'm definitely the most innovative person in this town."
Towelie spins on the stool "Wee! I hope no one thinks I'm fabric and tries to sew me onto one of their dresses!" He falls off the stool ending the confessional.
Pete flips his hair "I've always known that I have unique taste so I wasn't at all surprised when they asked me to be on the show."
Liane and Eric sit in two chairs next to each other. "I'm Liane Cartman and this is my son Eric, and we are both competing! My little poopsikins was never interested in fashion until a week ago when I told him about the prize money at stake. But since then he's shown real talent and I don't think anybody can stop us!"
Bebe perks up her tits, "I'm gonna win!"
"The designers are in for a whirlwind of competition, they'll have to design their asses off." Heidi cackles like the nazi she is.
Heidi and Tim emerge out of Parsons South Park to meet the fourteen designers. "Ello designers!" Heidi yells at them.
"When I saw Heidi Klum I just about shat my vagina," Mr. Garrison getting excited.
"I'm Heidi Klum and I am the host and head judge of Project Runway! Beside me is Tim Gunn, who will serve as your mentor."
"Tim Gunn is sooo hot, Jesus Christ!" Mr. Slave holds in his cummies.
"I look forward to meeting all of you," Tim said crisply like an old plum that was all shriveled up.
Tweek shrieked "Tim Gunn is like my idol! Ugh! I can't believe I'm meeting him oh god!" The producers worry that Tweek may have had a seizure during this confessional.
"So listen up, I know you're ready for the usual rooftop party poppin bottles and shit but YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT," Heidi announced evilly.
Low drum beat sound effect to simulate shock over a pan shot of the contestants.
"You will be starting your first challenge RIGHT NOW!"
"Oh hamburgers!" Butters gasps.
"Your first challenge is to make a look that represents who you are as a designer. You have randomly been assigned models and… you only have ONE HOUR to complete your looks."
"It takes more than an hour to sew!" Wendy defiant.
"Tim will take you inside to give you details on the challenge."
"Yeah Tim, take me inside your butthole." Mr. Garrison shouts out.
Tim addressed the designers in the workroom, "so gather 'round everyone," the designers gathered at the desk he stood at. "Here's how this hour is going to be broken down. You have 3 minutes to sketch. Then we're going to MOOD. After that you'll have about eight minutes to put your looks together before I send in your models for a fitting. At that point you'll have ten minutes to dress them and send them to the Tom's Rhinoplasty Makeup Room and the Jimbo's Guns Hair Salon."
"I'm royalty so I know exactly what I will be making for my first look." Princess Kenny muffles.
The designers each claimed a workspace and started sketching their designs.
"Mooooom, I'm hungry," Cartman complained to Liane who was right next to him.
"All I could think about was food which was what inspired me to design a dress around Cheesy Poofs." Cartman thoughtfully crossing his legs
Craig flips off the camera refusing to give a confessional.
Bebe giving some nipple view as she gives sad eyes at the camera. "I was just so nervous about the time constraint it was hard to sketch!"
Shot of Towelie getting high at his workspace.
"At first I didn't know what to make so I got a little high, and then it hit me: I'm gonna make a dress out of weed!" Towelie slurring in the confessional. "This was a good idea."
Tim popped back in the room, "Designers, we're going to MOOD, where you will have a budget of 100 dollars to buy materials for your look."
The designers run around Mood frantically because they only have two minutes to shop.
Mr. Garrison negotiating the price of a colorful print chiffon with one of the salespeople.
"This one fabric just really stood out to me, I felt it and it made me feel really butch," Mr. Garrison contemplating in the confessional.
Token confidently strolled down the aisles blowing all of his money on a fuckton of yards of this sparkly black number.
"I know my style, I have swag. Ugh did I really have to say that?" Token complained.
Tweek ran around MOOD knocking shit all over the place causing a scene. The camera cuts to Wendy making a shit face.
Mr. Slave was done in 30 seconds, he had gathered all of the materials he needed.
Shot of Wendy angrily rambling to a MOOD employee.
Wendy making hand gestures "I needed help to find EXACTLY what I needed for this challenge. It was a time crunch!"
Meanwhile Towelie snuck out and bought some weed in an alleyway.
Suddenly Tim called to the designers from the chair where Swatch was sitting. "TIME'S UP designers. Let's go back to the workroom."
"I'm really pleased at what I got from MOOD and I didn't even have to spend my daddy's money!" Bebe chortled.
In the workroom everyone ran around frantically trying to finish their looks.
Tim Gunn popped into the workroom. "Designers I'm about to send in your models, but first I'm going to make my rounds and take a look at your designs."
Tim approached Tweek first. "How's it going Tweek?"
Tweek gasped loudly. On his work table there was a bunch of clashing fabrics joined sloppily. "Tim I don't have time to talk I need to finish!"
Tim looked concerned. "I'm concerned, Tweek."
Tweek shaking on a stool. "Jesus Christ I'm going home first!"
Tim walked over to Wendy. "Looks like you're busy, Wendy!"
Wendy was pressing the sleeves of a sleek gray business vest. "I decided I would make 5 pieces to show how quickly I can work."
Tim put a hand to his mouth. "That sounds like a tall glass of water, but I have to say, so far the construction looks impeccable."
Wendy beamed. "Thanks!"
Tim approached Craig who was working slowly. "How's it going Craig?"
"Get away from me homo."
"Carry on!" Tim kept walking.
Next he walked over to the Cartmans' stations. Liane was knitting a thick sweater while Cartman was eating a bag of Cheesy Poofs.
"Eric, what are you getting done?" Tim asked with an air of concern.
"I'm preparing my materials. Don't worry about me Timothy." Cartman said while shoving Cheesy Poofs into his mouth.
Tim finished making his rounds, then on his way out called "I'm sending in your models!"
The fourteen models streamed into the room.
Token looked happy with Nichole, his model.
"I got a bangin model but really? They have to pair the only black folks together?" Token incredulous in the confessional.
"You're fucking amazing!" Mr. Slave exclaimed very proud as placed the tape over Henrietta's nipples.
"What the fuck is this?" Henrietta scoffed.
Towelie hot glues an ounce of the good good onto Heidi's tit.
Quick shot of Wendy pontificating to Tom in the Tom's Rhinoplasty Makeup room. "Give her a nice red glow, as if she was ovulating." Lexus making a dazed smile as Tom applies makeup.
Mr. Garrison pouted in Jimbo's Gun Hair Salon. "I'm not too sure what I want her hair to look like."
Jimbo smiles and cocks his shotgun, "Why not a beehive?"
"Perfect!" Mr. Garrison throws his arms into the air like a faggot.
Tweek screams as Tim claps his hands "Alright all models to the runway! Hurry! RUN!"
The designers quickly finish up their last adjustments to their outfits
The show fades away to all the designers sitting next to the runway.
Heidi walks out and is all like "Hello!" The designers make some sounds in response but you can't really hear.
"Your first challenge was to construct a look that represents who you are as a designer. You had one hour to complete your looks. Now I'll introduce the judges." Heidi smiled and motioned to the judges sitting behind her. "First is Michael Kors, world-renowned faggot." Michael smiled at Heidi pompously. "Next is Nina Garcia, who was confident enough to quit her job at ELLE magazine and got one at Marie Claire in exchange, let's see how far that gets her," Nina gave her bitch smile. "And our guest judge, my good friend, the Alpha and Omega, Jesus Christ."
Jesus beamed at the designers. "Hello, my children."
The runway shows starts and Lisa's fat silhouette covers the Project Runway logo.
Lisa struts her blood spattered backless black pant suit.
Pete smiles, "I think this shows how hella hot and hella goth I am."
Ruby Tucker arrives on the runway wielding Pom-Poms and she dances down the runway in Bebe's skimpy cheer outfit.
Heidi grins from ear to ear.
"Ruby was glowing on that runway, I was just like GO COWS!" Bebe's tits jiggling.
Ms. Crabtree scowls as it's her turn to walk her old ass down the catwalk. Liane smiley.
"Liane made me a nice Christmas sweater, it made me feel gay." Ms. Crabtree's bird in her hair takes a shit on her shoulder.
Nichole strutted down the runway in Token's short, sparkly asymmetrical black number. Nina wrote something on her note card making a bitch face.
"Nichole's coming down the runway and I'm just like DAMN, SHE LOOKS HOT." Token being hood in the confessional.
Next was Butters, his model Rebecca Cotswolds attempted a sad pirouette in the unflattering tutu he made her before botching the tap moves he instructed her.
Butters twiddling his thumbs. "I thought my outfit was awful pretty, but I'm a little nervous on account of Rebecca wearing it like a dead bird."
Annie came out next wearing an impeccably constructed flowy silk gown made by Princess Kenny, accessorized with a tiara.
Kenny mumbling incoherently.
Next out was Red, who was wearing a striking babydoll dress that Mr. Garrison had created out of his colorful print.
"Red looked like a goddamn princess, if I don't win the challenge this show is rigged," Garrison smoking a cigarette in the confessional.
Shelly walks out in a black jumper dress that was sewn together by Craig. The camera pans to him and he's not even looking. Jesus raises an eyebrow.
Tweek was shaking as Millie came down the runway in the halter dress he had put together combining many different fabrics. Jesus scribbled profusely on his card.
"Oh God, Jesus hated my dress! I'm fucked!" Tweek biting his fingernails.
"I'm so fucking ready to see my design walk the runway, this was such a good idea to get on Project Runway." Towelie rubs his hands together in the confessional.
Heidi Turner enters the runway and immediately twirls down the runway. Nina frowns and menstruates on the spot. Some of the bud falls off the dress as Heidi strikes a pose.
Lexus walks out as professionally as she can wearing Wendy's business pantsuit look. Heidi squints to look at the construction.
"Nobody can beat my tailoring, I worked faster and produced more than the rest of them COMBINED." Wendy cracking her knuckles.
Annie strutted down the runway smiling radiantly in her tight-fitting dress made out of Cheesy Poofs bags. Michael nods incredulously as he writes something on his card.
"My dress looked fucking sweet, I just wanted to tear Annie open and eat her," Cartman sitting back confidently.
Henrietta walks out and Jesus frowns. Henrietta only has tape on her nipples, a fox tail butt plug in her butt and a gag in her mouth. Tom's Rhinoplasty gave her cute pigtails and A LOT of blue eyeshadow.
"I'm just really proud." Mr. Slave wipes a tear from his eye.
A wheelchair gets lifted on to the runway by some unpaid interns. Karen is sporting a bizarre teal dress as she clumsily wheels herself off the runway. Heidi gasps, "Call an ambulance!"
"Timmy, timmy, timmy." Timmy nods.
The designers are all standing on the runway.
"Well that WAS a runway." Heidi scoffed. "After tonight only thirteen designers will be in meaning one of you will be OUT." Heidi scratches her gooch. "If I call your name, please step forward."
"Wendy."
"Eric."
"Mr. Slave."
"Timmy."
"Butters."
"Mr. Garrison."
"You have the highest and the lowest scores for this challenge. If I have not called your name you are in and you can leave the runway."
"The six of you represent the best and the worst. One of you will be named the winner, and one of you," dramatic cuts between the six designers' faces, "will be out. Now let's bring out your models."
After the models returned and stood next to their respective designers, Heidi turned to Wendy. "Wendy, tell us a little bit about your look."
"Well, I'm all about women in the workforce, and I think that the fact that I made pants, an undershirt, an over shirt, a blazer, a scarf AND constructed my own handbag proves that I am part of that workforce," Wendy gestured at her different pieces as she talked about herself.
Michael Kors clears his throat. "You're a feminazi, Wendy, however, I thought this look revolutionized the pant!"
Nina talked slowly as if she might start being bitchy any second. "If I heard you were going business my first thought would be, it's gonna be boring, but not only is this look chic, you made it impeccably."
Jesus nodded in agreement, "You did a great job Wendy, if you were a man, you would be one of my disciples."
Wendy grits her teeth. "Thanks."
Heidi smiled because she was bored of being left out. "I would like to continue with Mr. Slave."
Nina opened her mouth to talk but Heidi just kept talking. "I personally loved this look, I thought it was hot, and I would wear it in a second."
Nina scowled. "Not all of us grew up doing intense psychological porn in Germany."
"Heidi, I'm worried for your eternal soul. Mr. Slave, why did you make this look?" Jesus sounded very affected.
"Well, this is me! I'm a big whore and I followed the challenge." Mr. Slave placed his hands on his hips.
"I get that you want to be an individual but," Michael retorted cattily. "It's no clothes. You made very little. Who cares if everyone can see her pussy, where's the design?"
Mr. Slave was speechless.
Heidi straightened her cards in her lap. "I would next like to talk to Butters, Butters how does this look represent you?"
"Well golly, I'm a dancer or at least I was before I accidentally killed thirteen people, and I wanted
this look to embody the dream I left behind."
"I forgive you for accidently killing thirteen people," Jesus started, "However I can not forgive you for this outfit. It does not look good."
"Oh hamburgers! Don't send me to hell Jesus!" Butters pleaded.
"We'll see." Jesus flipped his long, greasy hair.
"I understand you're worried about eternal damnation," Nina pouted, "but maybe first you should have thought about the woman's body. Clearly you have no eye for proportion."
Michael nodded in agreement. "She looks like an obese sausage that's about to explode out of its casing like one of the Twin Towers."
Rebecca frowned self-consciously.
"Alright, next up is Cartman," Heidi chirped.
"I don't even need to ask you about the inspiration because it's obvious, you're very fat," Nina said precisely. "The dress fits her like a glove, it stands out, we could shoot it right now straight to the pages of Marie Claire, please we need people to put in our magazine it sucks."
Heidi beamed. "I agree. Can I ask you to turn around?"
Annie did a quick 180 to reveal that the dress just barely covered her ass.
"I think the length is perfect," Heidi asserted.
"You're making me reconsider my sainthood, I just want to jump up on that stage and fuck her in the booty!" Jesus exclaimed.
Michael had left the set to find himself some cheesy poofs to gorge on.
"Even though Michael left, let's continue with Mr. Garrison." Heidi picked her nose extremely bored with having to do this show.
"I was going for glamour, I wanted it to look like Lady Bird Johnson jumped in the TARDIS and had a baby with Judy Garland," Mr. Garrison indulged.
"I love the inspiration even though, Doctor Who promotes witchcraft." Jesus commented.
"You're so gay that I'm not surprised that you made this, that doesn't change that you can design very well." Nina threw her cards on the floor.
Heidi pointed with her finger. "It's obviously very over the top, but you managed to make it very cute, in a way I think that look is timeless."
"Well gosh, you're gonna make me blush Heidi," Mr. Garrison smiled forcedly.
"So that leaves us with…" Heidi trailed off. "Timmy."
"TIMMY!" Timmy screamed excitedly.
Michael warped back to his judging chair. "I don't understand what you did here at all, it's like the girl from Psycho rose from the dead and tried to escape wrapped in the shower curtain."
"I don't care if you're retarded or whatever, fashion hates the handicapped." Nina arrogantly scoffed at the two people in wheelchairs. "It looks like you just wrapped in her a blue cloth and sat her ass down."
"Tim, Tim, Timmy!" Timmy yelped defensively.
"I'm sorry but you're going to hell and there's nothing you can do about it," Jesus rubbed it in Timmy's face.
Heidi gave an obviously fake smile for the camera. "Well I think we're done here, we're gonna have a little chat and then we'll call you back out."
As soon as the designers left, Michael shouted "These people fucking suck!"
"I think I know which one is my favorite." Jesus said while rubbing his boner.
"And I know who should get the hell out." Nina cackled.
"Yeah I'm already done with this for today let's bring them back out so we can go down to the club and pop our pussies," Heidi said decisively.
The six designers walked back out even though they'd only been gone about twenty seconds.
"One of you will be named the winner," Heidi said rather redundantly, "and one of you will be OUT."
The camera tilted back and showed them all from a jarring angle.
"Mr. Garrison," Heidi said suddenly. "You're in. You can leave the runway."
Mr. Garrison scowled bitterly as he walked off the stage.
As he joined the rest of the safe designers in the white room he immediately popped off and tore one of the couches apart. "THIS SHIT IS NOT FUCKING FAIR."
Tweek cried still shaken by Mr. Garrison's outburst, "I'm just happy I made it to the next round."
Meanwhile back on the runway, "and now for the winner of this challenge," Heidi continued.
The camera cut alternatingly between Wendy and Cartman.
"Congratulations…. Cartman. You are the winner of this challenge."
Wendy frowned professionally as Cartman jumped up and down. "YES. YES. FUCK YOU WENDY, FUCK YOU STAN AND KYLE!"
"At first I was surprised when I won but then I realized, I fucking owned these gaylords." Cartman eating a Pop-Tart that he stole from Kenny.
Heidi ignored him. "This means you will have immunity for the next challenge. You can leave the runway."
Cartman shoved Wendy in the tits as he left the runway.
"Wendy, you're in." Heidi said stating the obvious.
"Thank you," Wendy said dryly as she walked backstage.
The camera shot showed the bottom three: Timmy, Mr. Slave, and Butters. After a dramatic pause, Heidi called out "Mr. Slave…" Mr. Slave gulped. "You're in. You can leave the runway." Mr. Slave made a little bowing gesture with his hands and left.
The more dramatic music for the bottom 2 played. "Timmy, Butters, one of you will be out."
The camera cut to a close-up of Timmy. "Timmy, the only way your look represented you as a designer was that it looked like a mental disability."
Timmy screamed "TIMMY!" even though they're supposed to stay quiet during this segment.
The camera cut to Butters. "Butters, you could have gone so far with your inspiration, but the only three words I can think of looking at your look are, she looks FAT."
Butters started crying.
Heidi turned her head suddenly. "Timmy…."
Dramatic percussion music played as the camera zoomed in on Timmy.
"You're out." Heidi turned to Butters. "Butters, that means you're in, you can leave the runway."
Butters sniffled as he ran away, embarrassed.
Timmy spun his wheelchair around on the runway unpredictably, clearly upset.
"I'm sorry Timmy, it's always hard to send someone home first. Auf Wiedersehen." Heidi blew him two kisses in the air because she didn't want to get near him. "Mua, that's a kiss."
After some interns escorted Timmy back to the white room, he started sobbing, but nobody comforted him because they didn't really care.
Tim Gunn emerged out of nowhere. "Timmy, I'm gonna have to ask you to go up to the workroom and clean up your space."
Voiceover of Timmy as the camera shows him picking up his various design tools and then dropping them on the floor as the somber elimination music played. "Timmy, tim tim tim TIMMY. Timmy." An intern runs over and shuts off his desk light.
Voiceover of Heidi. "THIS SEASON ON PROJECT RUNWAY."
Shot of shocked faces in the designers' chairs behind the runway as Heidi says "A world famous pop icon."
Butters in the confessional saying, "Well I just can't let my team down!"
An obvious cutaway that it's the final nine episode.
Wendy walks into the women's bathroom to see Bebe sucking Token's dick.
Heidi telling the designers "This will be the most disgusting unconventional material challenge EVER."
Kenny asking Butters "You want to go to T.G.I Friday's?"