CHAPTER 1
Annoying smart peepuls
A young girly-boy stared out the window into the rain, bored, not that the rain changed much; he doesn't like to go outside. He had short black messy hair, with grayish blue eyes, a pair of 'emo' glasses resting on his nose. Ears pierced, twice on each lobe, jagged bangs covering his forehead. A mindless self indulgence band tee and black 'bondage' pants adorned his thin figure. Thank god, he usually wore some form of frilly skirt. If he ignored the boundaries of gender and sex, why did he even make the switch? He recently made a big decision in his life, he was born a she. Making this transition after his, uh, her at the time, parents were killed in a tourist bombing and taken to Wammys.
Her name was Elizabeth Platfield. She was an artist; she painted flowers and drew manga and doujinshi. Her mother and stepfather worked at the internal revenue service in America. But that didn't mater anymore. All that matters is the bored boy, who finally came up with an idea of how to have fun. The computer lab was full so on to the second most fun thing in the world to do. Annoy the smart peepuls! (People for those of you who don't speak idiot)
He snuck into a bedroom in a cheesy spy film fashion before spotting his target, a red haired boy playing video games on a ds. "Like a tiger…" he whispered, "I POUNCE!" shouted the transvestite as he glomped the red head. Landing on him with a large crack. He was shoved off as the gamer looked at his game, which the top screen had snapped off of. "What are you doing here, pixie freak?" asked the gamer, the other rolled his eyes "no Matt, Pixie Freak is one of my characters from the awesome and totally not lame comic series, the adventures of Pixie Freak and Fairy boy. … My name's Salem." Said the tranie. The gamer stared. "You mean like off of Sabrina? Or from the Salem Massachusetts witch trials?" said the boy now identified as Matt "obviously the Salem witch trials, I'm not so cliché as to name myself after a talking cat on a television series!" replied Salem. A bored silence fell over the room.
"Sooo, you got a video camera?" asked Salem. The other nodded before fishing through a box of gadgets and tech stuff before pulling out a digital camera and handing it to Salem. The boy started pushing random buttons, before handing the camera back to the owner. "You, be my camera monkey!" barked the suddenly scary transvestite. Matt glanced at the broken game on the bed before letting out a sigh and mumbling a response a dog couldn't understand with a microphone. "Whatever" was the only word understood.
Salem skipped down the hallway in some random direction, Matt dragging his feet behind. They soon stopped outside a closed door. Matt held up his hand in a professional three two one, action gesture. Salem cleared his throat before speaking in a Steve Irwin voice "ello an welcome to anotha animal advencha, today we are searching fo' the blond chocoholic bitch, more commonly known as Mello" Matt spoke from behind the camera, "wait, we're going to sneak up on a crazy homicidal freak? That happens to be my best friend?" "Yes my faithful camera monkey! An we're gonna put it on YouTube!" Salem cracked open the door just enough to slip inside, Matt still following. The blond boy was asleep on his bed, chocolate bar in hand. Salem took a pair of handcuffs out from his heart shaped shoulder bag, giggling as he strung them around the headboard before snapping them shut. "He seems to be sleepin' we'll just have to wake him up den" said Salem to the camera clearing his throat before proceeding to shake the bed shouting "EARTHQUAKE!" The blond's eyes snapped open "Fucking Shit" yelled Mello before flailing his legs around, trying to get up. Only stopping when he saw the grinning transvestite in his room along with his best friend holding a, "is that a fucking video camera?" Asked Mello. "No, it's a normal, non-sexual video camera," answered Salem.
To say Mello was mad was an understatement. He was fucking pissed. Mello struggled against his restraints, only pausing when a large crack echoed through the room. "Oh shit," muttered Salem, "FUCKING RUN!" shouted Matt over his shoulder dropping the camera. "Don't leave the camera! If we're gonna die, at least save the camera!" shouted Salem as he grabbed the camera rushing out the door.
After a while Salem and Matt found themselves outside the playroom, Salem smiled at seeing where they were. "Wanna play with anti social people and bring up awkward subjects?" asked Salem. Matt walked off. "Fine! No toys for you!" yelled Salem as he walked into the playroom, empty except for one small albino child in a corner filled with leggos. Salem sat merely a few inches in front of the albino. "Sooooo, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" asked Salem with an evil grin on his face. The albino stared. "Ten cords…" answered the albino. "DAMN! CURSE YOU NEAR!" shouted Salem pointing an accusing finger at the boy. An awkward silence fell across the room. "Can I play?" asked Salem. "Can you play with meaning?" asked Near "all the meaning in the WORLD!" responded Salem before digging through the leggos, sticking some black spiky hair onto a smiley head, onto a black and white body, making it walk down the space station to Near's white haired leggo person, next to a leggo with blond hair and a redhead leggo with goggles.
"Hi, I'm Salem. Who are you?" said Salem in his 'tiny' voice. "We're super detectives who fight crime and travel through space, I'm Near." Said the albino, holding his character slightly raised to show which one was talking. He changed his voice to a slightly deeper one "I'm Matt and this is Mello," said Near, changing his voice again to an annoyingly high pitched one "keep your hands off my Matty bitch!" Salem smirked moving his leggo closer to the Mello leggo "hey, don't be like that baby, how bout you, me, and your bitch go have some fun? And lets see if Near will come play along too" said Salem "don't invite that albino freak! He's a major turn off!" but Salem's character was already walking over to the Near character "hey cutie, wanna come play with us?" asked Salem "no thank you I'm perfectly content as I am" responded Near. "Ah, so you're a virgin?" asked the creepy transvestite. The albino felt a light blush spread across his cheeks before standing up. "This isn't playing with meaning, if you just want to make fun of someone, go find someone else" said Near pushing Salem out the door.
Now Salem was bored again, he went back to his window. He leant his head against the cool glass, looking down into the empty wet yard. Soon he noticed a black car pulling into the circle driveway before running to the main entrance. The front door opened to show a tall pale man with black hair. Salem jumped onto the man shouting "L! I LOVE YOU! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUCKING FAN" as he lay on top of the man sprawled on the floor, still soaked from rain.
"Aw, you're all wet. I'll fix dat!" said Salem. Salem practically dragged the detective up to his room, setting him on the bed. Salem went to his small bathroom, digging around for a while before finding a hairdryer and a towel. Salem had L go into the bathroom to dry off and change before beckoning him to the swirly computer chair. Salem then dried and brushed the detective's hair, putting it in cute little pigtails. "Is this necessary, Salem-chan?" asked L. Salem was taken aback, making some weird coughing and chocking noises "YES! Now go back to being my oversized Barbie doll" L sighed and did as told. In the end L had curly pigtails that bounced when he walked… (a.n. XD)