Disclaimer: Princess Diaries is the property of Disney, Buena Vista and Meg Cabot.

Thank you to my beta-reader for correcting my mistakes and for somehow making the time!!! Big hug! :-)

Christmas wishes (PD)

The palace gardens were his mother's pride, and his eyes softened as he looked at the picturesque landscape. Even in winter, the gardens were spectacular. Tall snow covered trees sparkled in the early morning sunlight and underneath, the sun's rays caused a rosy hue on the ice. Pierre took a deep breath of the clean wintry air before turning to climb the steps. One of the guards came down to take his luggage. He had a small courteous conversation with the security men at the entrance before entering.

The entrance hall was quiet and enveloped in half-darkness. A huge Christmas tree shimmered in the early light as he walked towards the big staircase. Rings of mistletoe decorated with thin red and green bows hung strategically above the various entrances. Pierre grinned at the sight and wondered if Charlotte was responsible for the choice of decorations. He didn't want to waste too much time before greeting his mother. He thanked the guard carrying his luggage upon reaching his own chambers and took off his coat.

Fifteen minutes later, Pierre entered the room of the queen's guard. Recognizing the prince, the guards on duty immediately opened the double doors into the queen's private chambers. As he entered the drawing room, he could hear his mother's voice. "Pierre?" She was still clad in her dressing gown when she entered. "You are here, finally!" She walked into her son's waiting arms and he pressed her to him. She turned her head and kissed him on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Mother," he said and returned the kiss.

"Merry Christmas," she said smiling before moving from his embrace. She looked into her son's eyes for a moment, and brought her hand up to touch his cheek. "It is good to have you home." She walked towards her small bureau to make them some tea. "I haven't had my morning tea yet. Can I pour you some?"

"Oh please, I haven't had a decent cup of tea for ages! Where I live, people don't know how to make tea." He realized suddenly that Joseph hadn't come to greet him and found it a little puzzling. "I haven't seen Joseph since I arrived."

"Oh! Joseph is visiting his niece in Spain. She had some problems with her fiancé and I think needed a shoulder to cry on. He hasn't seen her for years so I encouraged him to go. He'll be back on the 31st."

"Does that mean you were alone yesterday?"

"No. There are still a few staff members in the palace and I went to a special carol service in the late afternoon where I spoke to Sebastian among others."

"That is not what I mean, mother! I'm so sorry I wasn't here."

"It's all right, I always cope, Pierre, I'm fine." There was a glint of amusement in her eyes when she continued, "… besides, I know all the tricks in the book to keep myself busy… read a book, listen to music, start a new hobby, write a letter… "

"Not to forget, run the country!" Pierre said dryly. "Did you do any of that yesterday?"

Clarisse chuckled as she handed Pierre his tea. "I did some of it, and no, I didn't work. There is no need to look so concerned. Spending the day before Christmas on my own is definitely not the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It was just coincidence." Clarisse noticed signs of tiredness in her son's face. "Let me see if I can find anyone in the kitchen to bring us something to eat. You must be hungry and exhausted."

When Clarisse turned around to make the call, Pierre looked around, taking in the surroundings that he knew so well. He put down his cup and walked towards the familiar paintings, staring at them for a few moments. He always had a sense of being home when he was in his mother's chambers. It felt peaceful and welcoming. Clarisse's roll-top writing desk was open and Pierre's eyes fell on her diary. Although he had never had the guts to ask, he had always been of the opinion that it would be a fascinating read. Pierre noticed a piece of paper protruding slightly from the dairy. He leaned over the desk and turned his head sideways to try and see what it was. When he read the greeting at the top of what had to be a letter, he lost his balance and almost stumbled over the desk. Then he did something that he had never dreamed he would ever do. With his mother's back still turned towards him, he quickly slid the letter from the diary and placed it in his jacket pocket. Hopefully he would be able to slip it back before she noticed it was missing.

"What are you doing, Pierre? Did you hurt yourself?"

"No, I was just falling over my own feet. I wanted to open the curtains. The garden is so beautiful." He felt like a guilty teenager and he could feel the heat moving towards his cheeks as he walked towards the windows. If she found out what he had just done, she would surely strangle him!

"Isn't it?" Clarisse said proudly as she came to stand beside him. "After you've rested, I want to show you my roses in the greenhouse. They are so beautiful!"

***

Pierre skimmed over the letter his mother had written the previous evening for a second time. He felt stunned. As queen, his mother always showed tremendous strength of character. She was charming and gracious, but at the same time had an iron will that made the fiercest general cringe. Reading the letter gave him a glimpse into her soul, showing a part of her that he had rarely seen during his life. Most of all, she seemed vulnerable. Pierre read the last paragraph again slowly and closed his eyes. He realized how difficult this must be for her, the full consequences of what had been revealed. The letter was not intended to be read by anyone, least of all by the person to whom it was addressed. Pierre wondered what he should do. Should he place the letter back into the diary and pretend he didn't know, or should he intervene and try to play a hand in destiny? After some consideration Pierre made up his mind and reached for the telephone to call the security room. He needed to speak to the queen's Head of Security urgently. After he got the required number from one of the security men, he dialed the area code for Spain.

***

Two hours later, Joseph stepped into the palace, hastening towards the prince's chambers. He had left his luggage in his car, deciding that it could wait. He felt breathless from anticipation. When Pierre had called him earlier, he had been frightened out of his mind. He had thought something had happened to Clarisse. Pierre had put him at ease quickly but asked if it would be possible to come back to Genovia sometime during the day because his mother needed him. Joseph had tried to get more information from him but Pierre didn't want to reveal much. He had also requested Joseph to grant him an audience before going to Clarisse.

Joseph didn't even think twice. If she needed him, he would move mountains to be at her side. His niece seemed to be doing alright and she had a house full of friends visiting. When he told her that he was needed back at the palace, she seemed a little sad but understanding.

Pierre greeted Joseph with a firm handshake and a broad smile. He invited Joseph to sit and make himself comfortable. There were obvious signs of concern in the older man's face and Pierre decided not to keep him in suspense any longer. He explained about the letter in his possession. He admitted that he shouldn't have taken it but that curiosity had gotten the better of him when he had seen the letter in his mother's diary. He also acknowledged that it was addressed to Joseph but that he hadn't expected that the letter would be quite so personal.

"You are walking on dangerous ground, Pierre!", the older man reprimanded lightly. "You do realize that she is going to hang both of us by our toes in the courtyard when she finds out we read her letter!" There was a glint of amusement in his eyes when he took the letter from Pierre.

"Oh, I know, we'll just have to suffer the consequences. I was hoping that you would put in a good word for me." Pierre laughed out loud. "I think, though, that it is important for both of you that you are aware of the contents of the letter. After reading it, you will understand the urgency and why I wanted you to come back to her today. I won't keep you any longer from reading. The palace staff's Christmas lunch will be served in half an hour. Would you please come?"

Joseph nodded. "Yes, thank you." After Pierre had left the room, Joseph opened the piece of paper. He recognized the handwriting immediately and his hand shook as his eyes moved towards the top.

Dearest Joseph

At a time when it is customary for family and friends to come together, there are so many unfortunate Genovians who are spending Christmas without their loved ones. How sad it is that people can experience loneliness in the midst of a crowd, or even within a family circle. What a dreaded word, "loneliness". There is something about Christmas that heightens the senses and being alone must be very hard to bear. My heart really goes out to every single person who has to experience some form of emotional isolation or sadness during this time.

It was a new experience, spending Christmas Eve alone. Well, not quite, Maurice has been at my side the whole day, and his presence is a great comfort. Normally I cherish time on my own, a luxury I can seldom afford. Certainly not at Christmas! Amongst all the Christmas cheer in the palace, in the proximity of so many people that envelop me with their love, I have little cause or right to feel miserable. It is pure selfishness on my part. Charlotte is the prime example of this love. She wanted to stay at the palace at all costs for my sake. I had to use all my persuasive abilities to convince her to spend the time with her family.

How I've missed Pierre and Amelia's presence today! I am still hoping that the weather will improve and that Pierre will be able to arrive sometime tomorrow. His flight has been delayed as a result of heavy snowfalls. Mia and I had a long telephone conversation earlier in the day. She is waiting with much excitement for the arrival of her new baby brother. She reminded me that she has always been an only child and it is about time that she gets a chance to order somebody about. That bodes nothing good for the poor child! She also expressed her disgust that I couldn't jump on a plane immediately and come over for Christmas. I tried in vain to explain that I have commitments and that it is not possible to "jump" on a plane at a moment's whim.

Family is precious, a gift that we tend to take for granted and that can slip away so easily. My mind has been filled with images of Rupert, Pierre, Philippe and Amelia since this morning. Although the choices that we make direct our lives to an extent, life's journey is very often unpredictable and out of our hands. It is hard to believe how much both our lives have changed during the last six years. I want to thank you, dear Joseph, for protecting me, for being my anchor during this time, for giving me hope, and for making me believe in the future.

My deepest emotions have been hidden so effectively that I feel at a loss when trying to verbalize any of it. Pouring my heart out seems unwise, certainly idiotic at my age. But, keeping my feelings inside has become too hard. Many, many times I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me… but I simply don't know how. The truth is, I am in love with you. Not only in love, but desperately so. I had no idea how difficult it would be for me to endure the times when you are away from me, even if only for a few days. I miss you, Joseph, so much! More than anything, I want to spend Christmas with you. I can only pray for strength until you are at my side again.

Until then,

All my love,

Clarisse

***********

The buzzing of excitement could be heard from inside the huge dining room. It was customary for the palace staff working during the Christmas period to be treated to a special informal lunch. If any members of the royal family were available, they would join the festivities. Joseph and two guards waited at the entrance. When Clarisse and Pierre came into view, the three men stood at attention. Pierre had his hand on his mother's back, and he could feel the momentary stiffening in her body when she noticed Joseph. She stopped before him and held out her hand. "Joseph!" was all she said, and smiled up at him.

"Your Majesty!" he countered before stepping forward. He bent and took her hand and kissed it, lingering a little longer than he normally did.

Clarisse eyes widened at the sensation that shot through her from the soft and warm pressure on her bare hand. When he lifted his head, she laid her hand against his cheek, her thumb moving a tiny fraction in an unnoticeable caress. Joseph was so attuned to everything she did that the movement didn't escape him. What he wouldn't have given to turn his head and kiss the palm of her hand. Instead, he stood back, waiting for Clarisse and Pierre to pass, before stepping in behind them. Joseph held her chair for her to sit down, and then the two men in her life took their places beside her.

When everybody had settled down, Pierre stood up to deliver a small Christmas message to the staff and as customary, thanked everyone who was willing to stay behind during the festive season. While listening, Clarisse felt Joseph's hand on top of hers. She looked at him and he pressed her hand. She returned the pressure and turned her hand in her lap so that his fingers could lace with hers. "May I speak with you after lunch?" Joseph requested. Clarisse nodded and smiled. She wanted to say something to him but had to respond to a remark Pierre made and instead looked towards the table guests. Joseph breathed deeply in an effort to calm down. His nerves had been raw since reading the letter. It was indescribable just how much he loved this woman, her intelligence, her bravery, her compassion, her beauty…

As Pierre's voice droned on, Joseph remembered one of the most heavenly moments he had shared with Clarisse. Mia had just stormed out of the consulate, relieved to get away from her daily 'princess lessons' after he had tried to teach her to dance. Clarisse had stood up from the table where she had been working. He simply hadn't been able to resist her. She had understood what he wanted when he had reached out and she had accepted his silent invitation to dance. From the moment he had taken her hand, her body had been in total harmony with his…

She spun slowly in towards him and pressed her back lightly against him. The rhythm of the music fused with the warmth of her body and he breathed in her delicate scent. He slid his hands over her hip, across her belly, and she moved her hips sensually and gently against his in time with the music. He could feel the blood pounding through his veins, overwhelming his mind. There was anticipation in the air. For one glorious moment, everything was still. Their mouths almost touched as she looked back and up into his eyes. Her eyes were soft, passionate, wanting. He bent towards her to touch her lips…

Clarisse cleared her throat and disentangled her hand from Joseph's. He became aware of his surroundings and noticed that the first dish was to be served.

"Where have you been?" Clarisse teased.

"Much closer than you think." Joseph's voice sounded more husky than normal as he leaned towards her.

"Oh! I see." Clarisse blushed slightly as she accepted the first serving of the meal with thanks.

After lunch, Pierre announced that he was tired and asked if he could be excused. He promised to join them a little later. In order to talk uninterrupted, Joseph led Clarisse up to one of the towers. At the top was a room with windows giving a panoramic view of the palace gardens. The room was furnished with a settee and a few chairs, as well as a small table. A stone fireplace adorned the only solid wall in the room. In front of the fireplace was an antique screen giving a romantic atmosphere to the room. When they were inside, Joseph turned the lock, making sure they would not be disturbed.

Clarisse went to the windows to watch the snowy landscape outside while Joseph proceeded to build a fire. He took a few small pieces of wood, tree bark and wood shavings from the supply basket and placed them in the middle before packing the firewood on top. After a while, Clarisse sat down on the settee to watch Joseph working. She expressed her surprise that he had returned so early from visiting his niece, but when she started to question his niece's welfare, he decided the best would be to be as honest and as candid with her as possible. After the fire was lit, the room soon felt warm and cozy. Clarisse patted next to her for Joseph to join her.

"Clarisse, I have something to confess." She looked at him questioningly as he took the letter from his pocket and folded it open.

Clarisse stared at it in disbelief. "Where did you get it?"

"Your son gave it to me. He said that he saw the letter in your room and that he was curious, so he took it. He also said that he hadn't expected that the letter would be quite so personal."

Clarisse closed her eyes at the thought that both men had read her letter. She wrung her hands and looked down. "It was private," she stated firmly. She was hurt and furious with both men. Her eyes traveled towards the windows and he saw the tears glistening.

He placed his hand on top of hers to still them. "I know and I'm sorry. Clarisse, please, look at me." When she didn't comply, he cupped her face with his hand and forced her to look at him. A tear made its way down her cheek and he brushed it gently away with his thumb. "I'm sorry," he repeated. He put the letter down next to him and took her face in both hands. He moved his thumb over her mouth and murmured softly, "The letter was addressed to me… I couldn't resist. I love you." She nodded slightly and turned her face into his hand, kissing his palm. He moved his arms around her shoulders, holding her in a light embrace, giving her time to regain her self-control.

Clarisse thought about Joseph's words. She had written the letter because she couldn't tell him in person that she loved him. She could never fathom why she found it so difficult to express herself when it came to personal matters. After reading the letter, he was aware of her feelings, he was here, at Christmas, exactly what she yearned for and yet, she was crying. When it came to matters of the heart, the lines between right and wrong can sometimes be extremely blurry and confusing. Clarisse sat upright and Joseph offered her his handkerchief. "Thank you," she said as she dabbed her eyes and wiped her nose.

'Feeling better?"

"Yes, I'm being foolish." She put the handkerchief in her pocket and took Joseph's hands in hers. "I wished and hoped that you would be with me, and now I am behaving like this. Joseph, I meant what I wrote in the letter. I… I'm in love with you."

"Thank you. I wanted you to say that to me for such a long time." He brought her hands to his lips and kissed them, one by one. "As I recall, you said you love me desperately?" Joseph eyes laughed at her, teasing her to lighten the mood.

"Yes, I do, with all my heart." She moved her hands over his chest, behind his neck to draw him closer. "Kiss me." Joseph moved his lips over hers with infinite tenderness, softly and slowly. Her mouth opened to receive his kisses and her arms wound around him. Their tongues touched, first gently, and then full of passion, thrusting, exploring. "I love you," Joseph whispered and laid his chin on top of her head. Clarisse snuggled into his embrace and she rested her head against his shoulder. His arms tightened around her on hearing a sigh of contentment escaping her lips. For a long time they sat wrapped in each other's arms, finding comfort in each other's closeness, enjoying the simple pleasure of just being together.

Clarisse turned Joseph's hand in hers and explored his palm, tracing the lines.
A tingling feeling shot through his veins. "Clarisse!" He kissed her on the nose and folded her hands in both of his in an attempt to control his body. She had unknowingly ignited a fire within him that he was having difficulty to control. The crow's feet at the corners of his eyes crinkled and a smile played around his mouth.

"Hmmhmm?"

"You can drive a man crazy." For a while, he rested his hand lightly above her breast, where he could feel her breathing becoming heavier. He moved his mouth to her ear and he whispered huskily, "I want to make love to you." Clarisse whimpered softly as he touched a sensitive spot below her ear. He moved the fabric of her jacket slightly off her shoulder and opened the top buttons of her blouse. He pressed his lips against her throat while gliding his hand over the lacy fabric of her blouse. "Clarisse, my love…" he murmured and pushed her against the back of the settee.

His leather jacket caught behind her back and the cracking sound of something breaking sounded through the room. Clarisse braced herself against Joseph and moved away, but there was nothing to be seen. Joseph reached inside his jacket pocket and took two candy canes out. One was broken in half. He placed the red and white striped sweets on the table and gave a sheepish grin. "I forgot. My niece gave this to me this morning. I was supposed to give one to you." A quiver of laughter went through her body.

"Shall we try again?" he asked, placing a quick kiss on her lips. Joseph shifted onto the settee beside her, pulling her down with him. Fitting her into the cradle of his arms, he took her face between his hands and looked into the deep blue eyes as if to give her a last chance to stop the inevitable. In answer, she closed the distance and kissed him full on the mouth.

******

After quite some time, they were nestled in each other's arms, waiting for normality to return. Joseph leaned towards Clarisse and kissed her gently. "Thank you," he whispered. In answer, she kissed him back, and pressed her cheek against his shoulder.

"Clarisse?"

"Hmmhmm?"

"May I keep the letter?"

Clarisse smiled as she propped herself on one elbow. "Yes, you may! We should probably be getting back, we might be missed!"

"Think so?"

"Yes, I don't want your enthusiastic security men to come and break down the door."

*****

It was quite a while later before the queen and her head of security finally left the room. Joseph stopped Clarisse as she started to descend the stairs. He looked up and she followed his eyes. Above the door hung one of the mistletoe decorations that hung in most of the doorways of the palace.

"I think just maybe your son was less tired than he made out to be."

"Hmmm, one would think a priest would have better things to do at Christmas than trying to play cupid, to his mother, no less."

"Oh I don't know. He succeeded quite well, it seems. I think he understands the message of Christmas perfectly."

"A variation of the message of love, at least."

"You won't be too hard on him, will you? I am just as guilty as he is."

"Are you defending him?"

"After what I just got, I will defend him with my last breath."

"Well, in that case I won't be too harsh." Clarisse said with obvious mirth in her voice. "I realize I don't always include the people closest to me in my personal life, so I guess I understand why he took the letter. That said, he won't get off scot-free."

Joseph once again looked up and took Clarisse in his arms. "Well, milady. The legend goes that, at Christmas time, a young lady standing under mistletoe may not refuse a kiss."

"What, may I ask, Sir Knight, does the 'young' lady receive in return for allowing the kiss?"

"I believe happiness and a long life, and a promise of marriage."

"Is that a fact?

"Absolutely. There is something else that I neglected to do and that is to wish you a wonderful and a blessed Christmas."

Clarisse smiled. "Thank you and merry Christmas, dear!" she managed before Joseph claimed her mouth once again. As she felt his mouth moving against hers, she realized how privileged she was. With a little help from her son and the man she loved, all her personal wishes for this Christmas had been fulfilled.

THE END