Confidence
Pairing: Leslie/Ben
Rating: PG
Summary: How Ben is confident when it comes to Leslie
Disclaimer: Parks and Rec does not belong to me :( still love the show anyways.
A/N: So I started writing this fic while listening to Confidence (for you I will) by Teddy Geiger, and it made me think about Leslie and Ben and how Ben seems to take more risks because of Leslie, So this is kind of a string of drabbles about that. Anyways this is my first fan fic ever so any comments or feedback would be appreciated. hope you like it :)
Ben is normally a rational guy, who tries hard to stay low and almost never takes risk. Somehow, though, Leslie makes him more confident then he has ever been and it makes him feel great.
** Revealing the Past**
After years of hiding from past mistakes and building a responsible reputation, he has seen many corrupt and selfish people in government. He soon forgets about the people and sticks to the numbers; he lost his respect for the people but the numbers they never lie. It feels like he lost himself too, he is not really sure why he wants to run for office anymore, well until he meets Leslie.
He actually tells her about his past as boy mayor, which is not something he does…like ever. Even when people find out on their own (through Google, none of this AltaVista nonsense) he will rarely talk about it. With Leslie it's different. He has this constant urge to let her know everything about him, around her he doesn't want to hide behind the cold and harsh state auditor exterior that has taken him many years to build, as a means of protection really. But with Leslie the pain of his past isn't that bad. He wants Leslie to understand who he used to be, who he is and who he wants to be.
** Missed Opportunity**
And though he can feel Leslie breaking him out of his shell his growth is not immediate, he takes his time and test the waters, trying new things but still playing it safe. Sometimes he wishes he could have gained his confidence sooner.
He should have kissed her right after her mind blowing Chamber of Commerce speech, but she was sick and delusional and it would have been wrong and unprofessional. He makes soup instead and buys her waffles, it's not much but it seems more appropriate… (And he did make the soup from scratch so there's that, baby steps)
He should have kissed her on top of the Ferris wheel. The day after the festival ends he seriously contemplates rebuilding the whole thing so he could take her on the Ferris wheel and kiss her. He hasn't completely lost it...yet.
** Thinking about the Unthinkable**
When she asks him out, he almost runs down the hall and gives Chris his letter of resignation (but that is a little over-dramatic, he might even be misinterpreting this whole situation). What he really wanted to do was scream out "Oh my God yes I would love to go out with you Leslie!" but in a way that was much manlier and didn't sound like a high school girl being asked to prom. But he kept his mouth shut, because first of all it probably would have come out sounding like a high school girl anyways and oh yeah there is that stupid rule.
Seriously though maybe he should just grab her hand and take her far far away from city hall. But Leslie would never leave Pawnee, and the farthest place from city hall in Pawnee is in the raccoon part of town so that won't work (yes he is aware there are other flaws in this plan but he can't think straight at all right now and this currently seems as the most logical reason)
** Grey Area**
The first time Ben suggests eating at the wildflower mural it's truly because it is one of his favorite spots at city hall, and he wanted to get away from all the people in the courtyard. But after that look she gave him, her bright blue eyes staring into his … wow. Now he suggests eating there all the time (he just wants her to look at him like that all day long)
**Obtaining the Unobtainable**
It's torture really. At first Ben brings it upon himself, stays back and doesn't make his move because honestly Leslie probably wouldn't even notice. She was so preoccupied with the harvest festival that even the grandest gestures would have gone unnoticed (not that he made a list of grand gestures or anything). He respected the fact that her work is very important to her; actually one of the things he loves about her is her passion (he may even be in love with her but that's neither here nor there).
Then the pain is no longer self inflicted, he gathers all his courage and prepares to asks her out (because these things can't be spontaneous it needs to be carefully planned). He wishes he wasn't so rational sometimes. Now his pain is brought upon by "the rule", the worst part? Both he and Leslie are sticklers for the rules.
The last bit of torture comes from her, unintentionally of course but it still pains him. She asks him out. Why now? He is not sure, probably just the universe's way of playing a cruel trick, because this was the worst torture of all. Now he knew she was interested, now he knew about the rule banning their potential relationship from even starting, and so now he had to turn her down. Luckily following the rules doesn't last long…
In the end it's really just because he can't take it anymore, these half truths, only being somewhat aware of each others feelings. He wants her to know how much he cares for her and Pawnee, he would do anything to make her happy. With Leslie most of his fears go away.
Which is why the second Chris suggests the road trip, Ben is almost certain he will take this opportunity to tell Leslie how he feels. When Chris suggests a nice restaurant to eat at, Ben is already preparing what he will say. When Chris shows up at the restaurant, Ben has already decided that he will not give up.
**Stuttering**
Ben is normally is a well put together guy; he only falls apart in three situations. Talking to the media about his past, talking to the police about anything, and talking to Leslie Knope about government documents…apparently.
Strangely enough though, he overcame all his fears for Leslie. He faces the chief of police and is called a pervert. He confronts his past failures before all of Pawnee and is completely ripped apart. He tells Leslie how he feels only to be interrupted by Chris. In the end, however, his confidence pays off: 'Mean Ben' saves the children's concert, 'Calzone Boy' got the police security, the 'Human Disaster' could not destroy the Harvest Festival (in fact he helped make it possible), the 'Numbers Robot' takes comfort in his new home that is Pawnee, and Ben Wyatt kisses the girl of his dreams (the last being his favorite outcome)
**Entering the Battle Zone**
Ben always liked Ann, mainly because Leslie loves her so much. Ben does not like when Ann and Leslie fight. That's why he goes over to the house of woman—whom he knows primarily from what Leslie has said- and he tries to fix a fight that isn't even his.
**Canon Balling Into the Water**
He fights for Pawnee, because it is a special town. He tells her how he feels at dinner. He almost kisses her on the couch, but Chris is there so that is not a good idea. It's OK though because Ben Wyatt has a plan.
And, as the biggest risk he has taken since Ice Town, he kisses her right there in the middle of city hall. He is not thinking about the rule right now though; all he can think about is holding her close, kissing her-in one of her favorite places in her favorite town-and how now he knows that he will never stop.
He will do anything to make her happy. He will even stand back and let her run her campaign. He will absolutely not destroy her career, but he will win her back (there's really no other option, Leslie Knope never gives up and now neither does Ben Wyatt).