A/N: Hello friends! So this is the first chaptered anything I've written, fanfiction wise. I'm really excited about it, it's based off both the movie and book. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you all enjoy! I'll be updating as often as I can, but bear with me as college can be pretty crazy.

Against all odds, Bodhi Rook had saved Rogue One. He sent the message and got them to listen. He prepared for take off only after he knew they had heard. He screamed to the survivors outside the ship, went out to try and help them, and retrieve Tonc's body. Tonc had been the one to insist on staying behind to protect him and the ship. He had died for them, had told Bodhi his shot wasn't that good so he would stay behind. He had died for him. Bodhi couldn't give him his life back, but maybe a funeral would be enough to repay him.

Before he could get himself and Tonc back to the ship, a grenade went off in front of him. He got thrown back, and the only reason he lived was because Tonc's body took the worst of it. Saved by Tonc again, even when he was dead. Saved but not unharmed, his face burned from the shrapnel. He ignored the searing pain to finish pulling Tonc into the ship and then screamed to the other soldiers outside. Only two of them out of the five that had stayed survived. It was better than none. They shot at the rest of the troopers on the landing pad as Bodhi closed the back and took off.

The death star had shown up, and the enemy ships had all left. Bodhi kept looking for the rest of Rogue One. They found some of them by the master switch. Or at least the ones that were living. He landed them, almost crashed because his hands wouldn't stop shaking, but they landed. The two soldiers shot at the remaining troopers and held them off. This gave Bodhi and a few other survivors a chance to drag the others into the back. Chirrut and Baze were both unconscious. Baze had lost an arm, blown off by a grenade. Chirrut's legs looked more like shredded flesh than limbs. He tried not to vomit after getting them in the ship, the smell of burnt flesh overwhelmed him. The few remaining tried to tend to each other as he took off to find Jyn and Cassian.

He found them by the Citadel, exiting the tower. It looked barren and reminded him of the skeletons he saw in Saw's hideout. He landed nearby and ran out to get their attention. They had got in, accepting Bodhi's guidance and seeming to be in awe at an actual rescue. Jyn looked ready to collapse. Cassian had hung on her side like a rag doll.

Someone asked about K2, but all Cassian managed was a soft no. Cassian had whispered something to Jyn as he wrapped his arms around her. She didn't respond, but she did start to cry. Bodhi couldn't ask what he had said, he had to get them out.

They got off Scarif as the Death Star struck. It felt too much like Jedha. Bodhi had cried then, watching another planet just, disappear. Lives just blinking out of existence. A nameless survivor held his shoulders as he flew. They got through the shield, avoided the star destroyers, and got back to Yavin 4. This had to be the force's doing, Bodhi couldn't explain it any other way.

At least, that's how he remembers it, he could be wrong. It was all so much at the time, too much. So much death and burning flesh. But they did it, they got the plans. After getting bandaged and cared for, Mon Mothma had ordered Rogue One to stay grounded. This was for them to recover, but he's not sure they can.

He leans against the ship for a moment, remembering the chaos from last week. He lets his head rest against the cool metal as his loose ponytail falls on his shoulders. It's the middle of the night, and the silence weighs on his shoulders. He takes a deep breath and lifts his head, refocusing on the ship's repairs. He wasn't allowed to go on actual missions yet, so the least he could do was fix the ships when they came back. This ship took a beating during the last mission, but it's manageable. Not anywhere near as bad as Scarif, nothing is as bad as that was.

The bomb still rings in his ears as he works. His skin feels likes its burning still, his neck and hands covered in nasty scars from the shrapnel. It keeps him up at night. He hasn't been able to sleep at all since they got back. If he does sleep, it's passed out on a ship because he's overworked himself. He doesn't use the room they provided for him. He hasn't gone to see the others either.

Jyn comes and visits him often, though, when she's not with the others. She's the only other one allowed to leave the medbay. Baze can as well, but he won't leave Chirrut. Jyn has nightmares, too, so she find him when she can't sleep. She joins him in the middle of the night on the landing bay. The first night she found him she was sobbing. All he could do then was hug her until she stopped. They fell asleep on each other that night, and he hopes they've gotten closer because of it. They don't really talk about what they dream, but he wants to. Wants to connect with her.

Bodhi breathes again, but it's shaky this time. He grips the wrench in his hand and finds his way to the floor. Nightmares, memories, the screaming; it pummels him. He couldn't save them all, he couldn't fly fast enough. Cassian was burned because he wasn't fast enough. Chirrut and Baze had lost their limbs. He wants to go and see them, but he can't bring himself to. They're in the medbay and it's all his fault.

Bodhi coughs, curling in on himself and against the ship. He can't sleep, not well anyway, so he tries to level his breathing. He has a family now, a real one. At least he hopes so, hopes they can forgive him for what he couldn't do. After Galen he wasn't sure, but Jyn is like his sister now. At least he has her.

Bodhi can't stop his hands from shaking anymore, it got worse after Scarif. Jyn told him that they lost the plans, and it's been a week and they still haven't found them. Not that they know of, anyway. He feels like vomiting and thinks of all the soldiers that died. All the rebels that didn't get a funeral, but instead blew with a planet. All for plans that they lost.

He whispers a prayer he remembers Chirrut repeating. He hopes the force is listening, and he hopes they find the plans. No one on Scarif deserved to die in vain, neither does Galen.

xxx

Jyn wakes up to sweat on her brow and a scream caught in her throat. She tries to swallow it, but she chokes instead. She feels plagued by nightmares, a disease she can't shake.

It's been a week since Scarif, but it feels like it never really ended. She barely remembers getting saved, a rebel pulling her into the cargo ship after they sent the plans. Pulling Cassian with her, holding onto him for dear life as he slipped into unconsciousness. He had told her Galen would've been proud, and it left her breathless. They laid her down with him by Baze and Chirrut, neither were moving at the time. She was told afterwards that Bodhi had flown them off the planet just as the Death Star struck it, just like Jedha.

Now, she can't stop dreaming. Can't stop seeing, remembering, reliving. She watches as Cassian fell, as soldiers were blown all to hell on the beaches. She watches the girl on Jedha she had saved die, over and over.

Instead of going back to sleep, she pulls herself up and waits for her legs to stop shaking and her lungs to fill. Where to go, was the question. She already knows the answer though. It's her routine: check on Bodhi, check on Chirrut and Baze, stay with Cassian, repeat.

She takes a deep breath and stands, slipping on shoes and leaving her room. She goes in search of Bodhi. He recovered rather well after the fight just like she did, physically anyway. He won't talk about what happened while he was with Saw, or what happened to him on Scarif, or what it was like serving for the Empire.

She finds him curled under the broken wing of a ship in the landing bay. He looks like a ghost with shallow eyes and wisps of hair like a halo around his face. She sits down on the ground beside him, and gives him a soft smile. "Couldn't sleep?"

He sets down the tools he was clenching and rubs his knees. "No I- I couldn't... The nightmares, you know?" He responds.

"Yeah, I know." She says with a breath. It's hard to talk to Bodhi, to Baze, to Chirrut. They don't really know each other, other than the flaws they have and burdens they carry. She can't really call any of them friends, but they are family. Baze calls her little sister, and he's starting to call Bodhi little brother. Bodhi is the only one she's been able to talk to after Scarif. Ever since the first night back it's been a ritual to sit with him in the landing bay.

"Can I ask... Can I ask a question?" He stumbles, toying with the hem of his shirt. He's finally out of his imperial flight suit, they've all finally been given the chance to clean, to rest. Mon Mothma has asked for a meeting after they all wake, but they're still waiting for Cassian. Jyn tries to pray to the force like Chirrut does for him to wake.

"Of course." She responds, pulling her legs closer to herself as they lean against the ship together.

"I know you said that you- that you have nightmares. What are yours about?" He asks, looking at her with eyes spilling with, what? Desperation, confusion, loss? Maybe all of it. For a moment Jyn curses her father for throwing this boy into a war that broke him. But then she takes it back, because Bodhi wanted this, wanted to do right. Her father had given him the chance and he took it. They had found the plans, only for them to get lost again. But they weren't allowed to worry about this, not until they've healed. Mothma's orders.

"Jedha." She responds, hearing the bombs around her and the crying girl. Her skin burns from shrapnel and sizzling air. She sees the Holy City as it comes crashing down like a wave, a wave filled with people and the earth that held them only moments ago. "And Scarif. Of my past, and of my father and mother. I can see-" She takes a deep breath and Bodhi offers her a hand. She takes it and squeezes. "My mother was murdered when I was eight. And then Saw saved me, or he trained me. But then he's gone and then watching my father... That's what haunts me."

"I see your father too, and I'm sorry we couldn't- couldn't save him." Jyn squeezes his hand again for thanks and reassurance. "I see Scarif where I... I used to pick up shipments. Saw is there, too..." He takes and shaky breath and adjusts his goggles with his free hand.

"We- we did the right thing, didn't we?" He asks with a soft whisper.

"I'd like to think so. We got the plans, didn't we? They'll find them, they'll destroy it," she says with confidence she's not sure either of them has. "Do you want to go see the others? Have you visited them?"

"No I..." He looks down and tries to pull his hand away, like he was retreating inside himself, but she holds on. "It's my fault, you know? That I didn't- didn't save them fast enough. I waited too long to get the cable to the ship and- and Tonc died. I waited too long to take off and Chirrut lost his legs and... Cassian lost K2 and you-"

"I'm alive, Bodhi." She gives him a hard look. "You saved us. We're alive because of you. This is the imperials fault, not yours." He doesn't respond, but when Jyn hugs him he hugs back. She hopes it's enough, at least for now.

"Will you go with me to see them?" She asks after a moment of silence. One that's not silent at all, overflowing with thoughts and regrets they both bear. He takes a moment and then nods against her shoulder. He stands with her when she does, but wobbles. She catches him and resolves to watch him closer.

They walk in silence to the med bay, and all Jyn can think about is Cassian's cries and the smell of Chirrut's burnt flesh. When they arrive it's quiet except for the buzzing of droids and machines. Cassian and Chirrut have been moved to the back for privacy. She and Bodhi duck behind the curtains to find them all asleep. Chirrut and Cassian are both still in bed and hooked up, Baze is asleep in a chair by Chirrut's bed.

Bodhi lets out a sigh of relief, or that's what it sounds like. "See, they're alive." She whispers, "That's because of you."

He nods slowly and wanders over to the seat by Baze, sitting down and watching Chirrut's chest rise and fall. Jyn feels a slight smile pull at her lips, and then takes the chair by Cassian. When she looks at him her heart feels like it's breaking. Maybe it is, she's too scared to find out right now. Instead, she takes his hand like she did Bodhi's and leans on bed. She closes her eyes and drifts.

xxx

"How are the love birds?" Chirrut asks, grinning at Cassian and Jyn in the next bed. She must've wandered in late last night.

"She's here all the time," Baze replies. "He has yet to wake."

"He will, in time." He confirms, looking over at Baze with a softer smile. "How are you, love?"

Baze doesn't respond right away, and Chirrut can feel his presence. It's heavy and dragging. His left arm is still in a sling. "I am glad that you are awake." He finally says. "It had been a long few days waiting for you to wake."

He frowns, more so at himself than Baze. "I will get to come back to our room soon, yes?"

"In a day or two, yes. They brought you a wheelchair for when they release you, to give your legs time to heal." Baze responds, reaching for his hand. Chirrut takes it and holds tight. Baze sags then, resting his head on the bed with a sigh. "Where do you want to go, after we both heal?"

"Where else would we go?" He asks in return.

"I don't- I don't know." Baze responds bitterly. He too must be plagued with the memory of Jedha. They have nowhere else to go, their home is long gone.

"I believe that we should stay here. The force brought us here, with the others. We should protect them. I feel they need it now more than ever." He responds, thinking of Jyn, the girl with a heart of kyber. "She still needs us."

Baze huffs, "I agree." He runs his thumb over the back of Chirrut's hand. "The pilot was here too, he finally came and saw us. He blames himself."

"Well, I suppose we'll have to help with that too." Chirrut thinks aloud, and Baze grunts an agreement. It seems that Baze has finally changed his mind about the pilot. Slowly his love is accepting the little family that they got dragged into. Chirrut smiles at that and squeezes his hand tighter. He prays to the force and gives his thanks for their family.

xxx

When Cassian wakes, Jyn Erso is asleep on the edge of his bed in a med bay. He aches, but not nearly as much as he had on Scarif. The plans. Had they gotten them?

He shoots up, waking Jyn and disturbing Chirrut in the bed beside him. "Cassian?" Jyn asks in a slurred voice. "You're awake, you- are you okay?"

He tries to pull himself out of bed but finds that he's bound to it by wires and tubes. "Where are we? Where are the plans?"

"You don't remember?" Jyn asks as she pulls herself up.

"He is only just waking, give him time little sister." Baze says, even though his eyes are still closed.

"The plans were recovered, Captain. Our jobs are done." Chirrut adds, shifting in his bed.

"It's been a week and two days since Scarif," Jyn expands. "The plans were lost after we got them, but they are looking for them as we speak." She finishes and she moves to sit cross legged in a chair by his bed.

"Who survived?" He asks, trying to process the information.

"Bodhi flew us and a few other surviving rebels out. About 15 all together." Jyn responds. "Now that you're awake, Mothma will want to talk with us."

"For now, let us sleep." Baze grumbles.

"Will you be alright, Jyn?" Chirrut asks, and she nods slowly.

"Yes, I think so. I'll go and find Bodhi." She stands up and exits through the curtains. All Cassian wants to do is follow, to hold her. He shakes the thought.

"What was that about?" he asks instead. "Is she okay?"

"Nightmares." Baze huffs.

He thinks for a moment, and then dread washes over him. "Did we get K2?"

"He did not make it, but he is at peace with the force, Captain." Is Chirrut's answer. He hears Baze grumbles something, but he can't tell what it was.

Cassian gets no other response, and is left to swim in all the new information as he stares at the ceiling. He feels like he's drowning.