Sisters

Marianne was hiding. She stood quivering, her back turned to the cracked mirror behind her. Her tongue touched the edge of her lips and was met with the salty edge of teardrops that had fallen, carrying the black pigment of her mascara down the side of her face. She quietly let out a whimper as the harsh ringing of the tardy bell declared that she was officially missing. However, her history class was the least of her problems. Marianne practically knew the entire French Revolution by heart, so she didn't need to hear it again. But this meant that she was delinquent, that she was cutting class, a black stain on her perfect record. The thought of it was enough to send another tear dripping down her already wet cheeks.

Slowly undoing her braided hair to let her blonde locks hang freely, Marianne tried processing everything that had happened. But she couldn't do it; it was too painful. Refusing to let the thoughts back into her mind, she let go of her hair and grabbed her cell phone from her purse. And there it was again, the picture of her and Lisa. The two were standing together, smiling, from the time they had gone ice skating together with friends. Marianne wished that she had never taken that picture. It had caused her too much trouble.

She looked through her unread texts. It seemed like everyone was asking the same thing. "Are you and Lisa a thing now?" "How cute! Your girlfriend is so nice." "I didn't know you were gay. Why didn't you tell me?" The words were like little knives, cutting away at her resolve. Then she finally saw the text she was hoping to find. It was from Madeline, her little cousin. Maddy was the only one who seemed to care about Marianne's absence, seeing that she was the only one bothering to ask where she was. Marianne almost relented and told her, but that would mean her return to the embarrassment that was her life now, and that was not an option.

So many thoughts were racing around in her head right now. What had she done wrong? What did she do to deserve this pain? Why couldn't she be friends with normal people? Why wasn't she normal herself? Marianne was supposed to be great, but why couldn't she feel that way now. Her reputation was one of success and happiness, but this misunderstanding was taking all that away. People couldn't see past the simple fact that she was friends with Lisa, and Lisa was in love with her.

Why couldn't she be more like Isabel and Maria? They were her two best friends and the greatest people ever. Nothing could diminish Isabel's enthusiasm, and Maria was the queen of awesomeness. The two lived and breathed confidence, and Marianne had once also done the same. They were the unstoppable Bad Friends Trio, and they were the envy of all. Except maybe Maria's sister, but that was another problem. And Marianne was supposed to fit in with her beautiful, fun, successful friends. She was the group's beauty and style, a notorious flirt, but a loving friend nonetheless. But something still wasn't quite right.

It started when she found out that Isabel had a crush on Katarina. And then again with Maria, when she broke up with Daniel and started crushing on Sophia. Now Marianne figured that it was her turn, but she just didn't feel that way. She couldn't bring herself to love a girl. Now, Marianne knew what society told her about right and wrong and what was natural, but all she cared about was being like her friends. And if Isabel and Katarina liked girls, and she didn't, maybe there was something wrong with her. But that was back in middle school, when literally everything made her upset. Now this was high school, and nothing could shake Marianne's love for herself. Except this.

Marianne met Lisa when they were in middle school, and the two became friends instantly. Sure, they play fought and called each other names and acted like they hated each other, but there were truly good friends. And when Lisa finally admitted that she liked girls, Marianne thought nothing of it. She was just like Isabel and Maria, and it just didn't matter. Everything was fine, until the summer brought something different.

It was one random time, one random day, but Lisa texted Marianne out of the blue and asked if she wanted to see a movie or something. Now, Marianne had already agreed to hang with her trio, so she declined Lisa's offer, but it marked the beginning of something new, a new pattern of behavior. Choosing to ignore it, Marianne tried not to think anything of it. Then Amelia started texting her. Marianne and Amelia had been friends since she moved to town, and she was Lisa's cousin, so she hoped that this would just be good news from her friend. Instead it was a question. "Are you gay? Just wondering."

It was here when Marianne had a fatal lapse in judgement. She should have picked the simple answer. She should have chosen the right answer, the easy answer, the one she knew was correct. She didn't want to not give the full truth, but this would end up hurting her later. It was too much to think about, so she never did, leaving space for uncertainty. So instead of speaking the truth that she knew, she returned to her unconfident state of insecurity.

"Can I say that I'm not sure? It's complicated and I don't think I've got it figured out."

Marianne couldn't help but remember the time she thought she might have had a crush on a girl. It was just once, but she thought she could have loved her in that moment. The tiniest glimmer of attraction, that was what Sophia Edelstein had given her one moment long ago. But that was never an option. Maria loved her, and she was straight. Cursing herself, Marianne stopped answering her phone. She didn't want people to question her. This was her problem, and she could figure it out on her own. But this would just build up to her problem, she simply didn't anticipate it.

The reason why Marianne was crying in the bathroom, alone, missing class, was that a girl finally told her she loved her. It was Lisa, the same girl who she called her sister and she looked after and she fought with and she fought for and she wanted to protect. Lisa was family, and Marianne couldn't stand the thought of hurting her. So when the "encouragement" of their friends and courage aligned that morning, Lisa had asked Marianne out on a date, for real this time. There was no way to see this as an act of friendship, this was an act of love in all sights. Marianne didn't know what to say. She couldn't think of anything to say. So she ran.

It was all she could do. She ran. Through the halls, against the shouts of passerby and angered teachers, until she reached the women's room at the end of the hall. Locking herself in, she waited silently as the rest of the girls left and went to class. And she kept waiting, until everyone had left. But she couldn't go to class. She sat right next to Lisa in history, and after what she had just done, Marianne couldn't bear the thought of seeing her face. So she just stood there. She heard the tardy bell ring and didn't care. She just needed to be alone, to process everything.

But now she was trapped. Class had been going on for thirty minutes now; much too late to make up an excuse for not being here. And all of her friends had seen her. She couldn't go to the nurse, since there was nothing physically wrong with her, and seeing the guidance counselor didn't seem like it would fix anything. So Marianne simply waited some more. She sat down on the floor, her hair mopping up the fresh tears dancing along her face, and hoped that today would end. She stayed that way for another half hour, until someone found her.

"Marianne?! Oh, thank goodness I found you."

It was Madeline. Then it occured to Marianne that she never bothered to return her text, giving any indication of how she was, but that was water under the bridge now. Now she had to deal with explaining this whole mess to her cousin. Madeline had seen how Lisa had asked her out, as did her other friends and seemingly everyone else, but Marianne didn't think she could understand how she felt, seeing as she barely could handle her own emotions. She was left speechless and just sat there, quivering and starting to whimper and cry. She couldn't keep herself under control and had completely lost it.

However, Madeline seemed to have a calming presence on everyone, and Marianne was no exception. She was simply pleasant to be around, when she was noticeable. Though she normally seemed to blend into the background and take a passive stance, she was also incredibly compassionate and helpful. That and she always smelled like maple and made the best pancakes known to man. With a calm voice, Madeline approached Marianne, showing not anger but sadness for the pain her cousin seemed to be in.

"Shhh, Mari, it's me, you don't need to worry. I'm not going to do anything unless you want me to. I just wanted to find you and make sure you were okay."

"Well, does it look like I'm okay?!"

"No. Mari, you look awful."

"I know! Everything is messed up now and I don't know what to do and I don't understand how I'm supposed to fix this and everything is falling apart and I hate myself and I hate everyone and this day couldn't get any worse and I just want to be left alone!"

As anger seeped into Marianne's words, she lost all composure and started screaming at Madeline, the one person who had sought her out to help her. She had really messed things up even more. The tears flooded forth as she shook with passion and regret.

"Do you feel better now?"

"Not really."

"That's fine. You don't need to feel better now. What you do need to do is quit hiding in this bathroom. It's gross and you deserve better."

At least Madeline had gotten one thing exactly right; Marianne really needed to get back to class, or leave the school for the day. But neither her or Madeline had a car, so it wasn't like she could drive herself back home. And she certainly couldn't go back to class with her current emotional state.

"Where am I supposed to go?"

"I'm glad you asked. Isabel is currently covering for you. She said that you have a bad stomach virus and are currently throwing up. I was sent to get you and help you clean up. The nurse sent a call home, so Maria can take you after the end of this block. You're free to go in 15 minutes."

Tears welled up in Marianne's eyes once again. Her friends really didn't forget her. They had all understood and done all this for her. She would be able to get out of this school and forget about her problems until tomorrow. A brief moment of happiness had managed to wedge its way into her day, and it was doing wonders for Marianne's condition. But there was something still bothering her.

"Make sure to thank Maria and Isabel for me. Thank you so much for this Madeline. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Anything for you, Mari. We're family. This is what we do. You would have helped me or the others just as much."

"But, what about Lisa. I… what I did to her… I can't forgive myself."

"No. You'll figure this out. Amelia and I were going to talk to her next. She's a mess too, but not nearly as bad. Amelia feels really bad about this one, since she was involved in "encouraging" her to do this. We are going to explain the situation, but you're eventually going to have to go talk to her. Because even with this, she's still your sister. We took her into our family, and we can't simply reject her."

"What am I supposed to say? I can't, or not like this."

"I don't know what you're supposed to say, Mari. You'll have time to figure that out later. Just trust that she'll forgive you and that you'll move beyond this."

"I… Okay. I'll trust you on this one, Maddie."

"Come on, let's go get your coat. Then you can meet Maria outside."

Marianne and Madeline walked quickly through the quiet halls, the calm before the bell. Madeline had packed up Marianne's things and she was quickly ready to go. The bell rang as the two were walking to the door. Madeline guided Marianne through the crowds as she hung her head, weighed down by shame and whatever other emotions she was feeling. She got as far as the door, when Madeline had to leave her to head to her next class. This was good. It would only be a minute before Maria was here to take her home. Marianne's phone buzzed with texts from Isabel, telling her to feel better and that her ride was on her way. It was just seconds more before her escape.

Then she saw her. Marianne saw Lisa. Puffy pink eyes glazed with melted makeup looked up to see a hurried glance of lost hope and pain. Just a fragment of a second, enough to distract Lisa from her way of walking, causing her to trip and fall flat on her face. A red rush of embarrassment covered her face as she picked herself up. And Marianne just stood there. She didn't know what to do, or what she would say. Before she could pull herself together enough to give a greeting to her sister, she was gone. A guilty sinking feeling filled her stomach as she turned away. Then she saw Maria hurrying down the hallway to meet her. Her freedom had arrived. But something was still wrong.

Marianne quickly turned away from her friend, to the direction where Lisa was walking. She was going so quickly that she was almost out of sight, but Marianne knew she had to do something. Wiping the black smudges from her face and shaking her hair out of her eyes, Marianne made a choice. It was an action she would regret for days, but remember for years. Lifting her head up, she shouted down the hallway, then quickly turned away and ran away for the second time that morning. But this time she wasn't afraid anymore. Her bold declaration didn't make anything better. It didn't ease her pain or Lisa's pain or solve any of the problems that haunted them. But it was true, and she wouldn't deny it. Marianne only prayed that Lisa heard it.

"I will always love my sister, no matter what."

Thanks for reading! I know this story is pretty depressing and evokes a feeling of hopelessness, but writing it acted as a way for me to express some of my own emotions, of which were not quite pleasant. I try not to take on such challenging topics regularly, so hopefully some of my other works will be more uplifting. Please review if you liked this, or provide suggestions if you didn't. I'm looking to improve as a writer and feedback is very helpful.