Hey okay, so I know I haven't been on here in ages, but this new story just popped into my head. I had to write it and will keep on writing until this one is finished I promise. This is just kind of a little started chapter to see what you guys think. So please let me know whether I should continue!
I'm scared. Too scared to do what I want. To live the life I see all my friends living. I know sometimes that I can be selfish but so can everyone in the world. I just want to be able to do my own thing. I do wrong, I know I do, and sometimes I do things I'm not supposed to do. However the world I live in is not somewhere I want to stay. I want to escape from here and live my life the way I want to. I can't wait until I'm old enough to leave this place and enter the world for myself, I understand it will be hard at first because everyday I here about the problems my mother faces, I understand. I really do. The things I sometimes wish are not the nicest and sometimes I will tell myself off for having such terrible thoughts, but in the end I can't help myself and do it again and again. Dreaming about the possibilities of a new life.
These thoughts all came to me on the 21st of September after my mother threatened me. I understand why she did it, I shouldn't have spoke to her the way I did, but everytime she shouts at me I get butterflies in my stomach and not the good kind. I'm scared of her, I'm scared that everytime she threatens me it won't just be a threat. I know I should think myself lucky to even have a family at all, with love and such things but sometimes the hardship I feel in the family; it outways the good. Sometimes I just want for my parents to see me for who I am, not hout at me for being someone I'm not. I compose myself, change and hide parts of myself so I can make them proud of me, make everyone in my family proud of me. I try my best in school, I want to be able to make a better life for myself and I know that to do that I will need to get my grades I want.
I love my family so much, but sometimes all I can think is that I live in the background and sometimes when I strike out I think it's just cause I want to get noticed more. I feel like my grandparents are always there for me, they've never stopped there support and sometimes when my nanna asks me about my grades at school and about my homework I'm not very enthusiastic in my response because I keep hoping that one day that will be my parents response instead. The response I feel they give my brothers more often than me.
All these emotions inside me, I've found it's not good to keep them locked up inside myself. This is why I Isabella Marie Swan am writing all this down for you. Hoping somewhere out there you'll hear me and understand my pain. The writing has helped me.
Forever, Bella. x
That was the first time I had to write down my feelings. Not the first time I wanted to but the first time I ever did. Overtime something happens like this again, I told myself I will now write it down. To let all of my emotions out and so I won't have to keep them locked up inside me anymore. I'm 15 years old. My name is Isabella Marie Swan; and this is my story.
So that's it please leave a review and tell me what you think!