Disclaimer: I do not own TT!
Warnings/Notes: Robin's POV, may be very confusing, and give you cause to go back and reread it a few times, I apologize in advance for this.
Right and wrong, what exactly is the difference, where to draw the line? For someone like me that decision is not easily made, I am constantly struggling to find myself, as I am easily lost in what could have been and what never happened. Does this make me naïve, is this why I can never compare to Slade, because my emotions get the better of me? I don't know, I just don't know…. My identity as a hero seems to make amends for my has been identity as a villain, but which one was I better as, which side of the law is best for me?
Must others always come first in this life, can I not live only for myself, after all if I am to catch a mastermind to protect the city and its inhabitants which I have grown to love I must first get my mind to work as that of my mastermind's. Is honor something I want, or something I need? Is my serenity merely something I search for, or is it what keeps me alive? What truly drives me to live, to better myself? If only I knew the answer, if only I knew myself then maybe I wouldn't have this obsession with someone I have no control over. Maybe if I were confident in my own abilities I wouldn't be bent on trying to learn from him so that I can surpass him.
That is all I care about at the moment, surpassing Slade, he cannot be better than me, no one can be better than me, for they will only hold me back. I must get my hands on anything I need to make myself stronger, no matter what is necessary when going about doing so. If I must surrender myself to apathy in order to rise above this world and all of those that are blinded and internally struggling as I once was then so be it. After all, once I learn to get away from it all I can surely show others, teach them to do the same. My only concern, will this newfound knowledge be a burden, will I long to live a simple life as I am now with a simple girl as I do now when at last I have found all I am searching for.
The human mind is a marvel, it can never be content, or at least, that is what I believe. If I strive to do everything at once where will that put me later? Is it best that one person possess so much knowledge of the world around him, surely at one point it would drive him insane? Is it worth it, does my pride really outmatch the weight this knowledge will rest on my shoulders. It seems I can never figure that out, and so I stay blissfully ignorant until this longing of mind, body, and soul is powerful enough to consume me.
Is it wise to give into temptation, past mistakes have told me no, but there is a part of me that can't let this go, there is a part of me that is excited to the point of irrationality when I think about all that the newfound wisdom would hold. It is then I realize that there is a time and place for everything, and right now, neither the time nor place I am waiting for is upon me.
It is now, and only now that I am able to fall asleep, knowing that when morning comes the thought that forever lingers in the back of my mind will come along for the ride. The fact that is burned into my mind will come back to haunt me, and I will ask myself these questions over again until I am able to break the cycle.
The only thing that I can be sure of resounds off my ears as irony, the bird with the bleeding wings is not free, but instead bound to the part of itself that is holding it back.
What is holding me back, what emotion muddles my vision, I know the answer but cannot accept it.
Love, my love for Starfire is what binds my to this simple life, because there are some ties no human being is ever willing to break…. Some things are two sacred, like that which goes on between two hearts, the connection that makes us whole.